What Does A Women Look For In A Guy

[MickeyLee]

Dork was the first crowd I ever ran with. Long before I am allowed to mention here I started collecting comic books, XMen/horror/indie tittles, and playing RPG. Girls/womangs were rare at my tiny local shop. I stood out for heaps of reasons. Being an ungainly tall critter seemed to make more impact than my gender. That could have been because I didn't really look too much like a girl.

I never ran into stinky boys. Maybe my leaning toward horror put me in a different circle of nerd? Maybe my obvious queerness made me invisible to neckbeards?

I work artist alkey and recreationally attend conventions every year. I meet hundreds of folks. At big cons I might meet thousands. I've been overwhelmed by the mass of people and overloaded by the combined smell of hygiene products. Nothing smells quite like an over crowded room when everyone is wearing at least two different scented products.

I know when I went straight up road trip a la Winchester years back you could smell a city from miles away. Humanity has a funk. I was a happy forest bound hermit, coming back to civilization was a shocker. From the pollution of traffic to bio mass congestion, it ain't pleasant

Anyway. Back to nerds. Very few unwashed scruffians. If someone appeared on the shop social scene with a hygiene issue they were quick to pick up on the fact that they needed more time with Mr Clean in their life. Just by merit of around "normal" people the dirty boys picked up new habits. Maybe 2 or 3 funky dudes? And I think half the funk issue was uncheck puberty.

I read stories here and I am ever so grateful for my odd lil sheltered life. I really don't have the personality to put up with attention from randos who smell like a litter box and expect you to treat them like Michelle Rodrigez or Jason Mamoa

 

[AlteredEgo]

Dork was the first crowd I ever ran with. Long before I am allowed to mention here I started collecting comic books, XMen/horror/indie tittles, and playing RPG. Girls/womangs were rare at my tiny local shop. I stood out for heaps of reasons. Being an ungainly tall critter seemed to make more impact than my gender. That could have been because I didn't really look too much like a girl.

I never ran into stinky boys. Maybe my leaning toward horror put me in a different circle of nerd? Maybe my obvious queerness made me invisible to neckbeards?

I work artist alkey and recreationally attend conventions every year. I meet hundreds of folks. At big cons I might meet thousands. I've been overwhelmed by the mass of people and overloaded by the combined smell of hygiene products. Nothing smells quite like an over crowded room when everyone is wearing at least two different scented products.

I know when I went straight up road trip a la Winchester years back you could smell a city from miles away. Humanity has a funk. I was a happy forest bound hermit, coming back to civilization was a shocker. From the pollution of traffic to bio mass congestion, it ain't pleasant

Anyway. Back to nerds. Very few unwashed scruffians. If someone appeared on the shop social scene with a hygiene issue they were quick to pick up on the fact that they needed more time with Mr Clean in their life. Just by merit of around "normal" people the dirty boys picked up new habits. Maybe 2 or 3 funky dudes? And I think half the funk issue was uncheck puberty.

I read stories here and I am ever so grateful for my odd lil sheltered life. I really don't have the personality to put up with attention from randos who smell like a litter box and expect you to treat them like Michelle Rodrigez or Jason Mamoa

I found the unwashed subset to be a large minority in the late 90's when I first ventured beyond my own nerdy circle. I also found that the stinkier the dude, the less likely he was to recognize basic social cues, such as subtle attempts to define my personal space, polite indication that I was interested in leaving a conversation, or that I felt overloaded by too much information.

When my crew tried to take over the convention, and I sat in those meetings, I would get violent headaches, and some of my friends vomited. If I wore dark clothes (as New Yorkers are known to do) I would notice that I was covered in dust I assume was pet dander, cat hair, and human skin flakes. Big ole chunks of scalp. Bleach!

This is not a normal level of unwashed. Like, right now? It has been about 36 hours since I last bathed, and with the exception of my underpants, im wearing what I wore in the house yesterday. I smell like sweat, soap, fabric softener, coconut oil, and very faintly of garlic. I will bathe and put on clean clothes within the hour. I do not smell wonderful. But I would not give anyone a headache. You could sit next to me for a while without smelling like me. You would not leave my presence covered in my skin flakes or dandruff.

When I go to conventions now, it is mostly normal. I have typical, enthusiastic conversations with the very best kinds of weirdos and misfits. I happily chat up the other folks waiting to get into panels or milling about the dealer's room. It smells normal, for the most part. But at least once at every con I will attend a panel that smells like it is happening in a belly button, and walk through a hallway that smells like armpit. Otakon, SuperCon (Miami or Raleigh), LunaCon, DragonCon, Comic-Con, whatever the con, it's all the same. It is MUCH better than it was in my late teens and early 20's, but these peeps are still out there. I can smell them.

Also... I have befriended a few. My husband has a tabletop RPG. The original host bailed. He was always clean, but had fairly obvious social anxiety. The group reconvened without him. Two of the players are brothers. From all reports, their house has sticky floors and an interesting aroma. They played there exactly once. Another guy, the game master, lives way the fuck out in the remotest possible suburb. He has normal hygiene. I just don't like visiting him because his dogs hump my boots, and his daughter has tried to get me to nurse her when her mother wasn't home. I do not lactate, and I think it is a weird request to make of a complete stranger. So now they all come to my house. The two brothers LOOK like they need a bath, and one of them is missing a significant number of teeth, but nobody is smelly. Everybody is quirky. They are a nice group. I do not mind having them here. A few times they got there as I was drying my floors. They told me I do not have to clean the house to host them. Um... I have 5 animals. I have to clean my floors every day. I have to vacuum my furniture a few times a week. I can't live in a house with sticky floors and interesting aromas. And yes, those brothers do IT work at my favorite local convention. They are really sweet, but they are unwashed neckbeards.

Like I said, I feel like those folks are an extreme minority NOW, but they are still out there.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I met one of my first boyfriends at LunaCon. We began dating a few months later, and stayed together for 6 years. He was friendly, polite, chivalrous. He was gentle. Very affectionate. He was silly. He was intelligent. He was so curious about our world. He was romantic. I used to find little bundles of wildflowers or greeting cards on my porch. He mailed me letters. He serenaded me all the time. He could massage my back, whole body, or feet for hours. We could talk for hours. My friends adored him, and he liked them too. He set my preferences. It has been pointed out to me that I always choose dudes who are similar to him in appearance and personality.

 

[693987]

My first tabletop RPG group was... I think in 1998. I definitely have run into -some- nerds that had bad hygiene, but they are a minority from my experience. No shade, but I know I'm on the younger side ish compared to some of the ladies on here. So it may well be in large part due to era. More telling people to wash their ass, do some laundry, and use some deodorant has probably happened. I definitely get varying degrees of "deer in headlights" at comic stores, local game stores, etc. Even that has gotten better, especially in the last, eh, 15 years. But. Tis a lame, shitty stereotype to say nerds are smelly. Or introverts are smelly. Etc.

 

[AlteredEgo]

My first tabletop RPG group was... I think in 1998. I definitely have run into -some- nerds that had bad hygiene, but they are a minority from my experience. No shade, but I know I'm on the younger side ish compared to some of the ladies on here. So it may well be in large part due to era. More telling people to wash their ass, do some laundry, and use some deodorant has probably happened. I definitely get varying degrees of "deer in headlights" at comic stores, local game stores, etc. Even that has gotten better, especially in the last, eh, 15 years. But. Tis a lame, shitty stereotype to say nerds are smelly. Or introverts are smelly. Etc.

I agree. I do all the same shit other nerds do. Most of the people I know are nerds. I only personally know two unwashed neckbeards who live in a dirty house. I know lots of people.

 

[693987]

I agree. I do all the same shit other nerds do. Most of the people I know are nerds. I only personally know to unwashed neckbeards who live in a dirty house. I know lots of people.

A fair few of us regulars of AaW are nerds, and I always imagine you smelling like coconut and vanilla. Like some wonderful dessert dream

 

[AlteredEgo]

A fair few of us regulars of AaW are nerds, and I always imagine you smelling like coconut and vanilla. Like some wonderful dessert dream

These days it is coconut, orange peel and cinnamon. Sometimes coconut and green apple. Sometimes roses. As soon as the mosquitos quit for the year, I go back to rose oil.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

My experience in forays to comic book shops (where I lived they had interesting non character table top games, too) was a strong scent I found nowhere else.

Maybe it’s the protective bags off gassing? And stale body odor. But there were a few who thought body spray and deodorant worked in lieu of washing.
Given that teenagers tend to smell of goats, and that scent lingers deeply into the 20s and even 30s for some, the scent was pervasive, and yeah, if I took more than a few minutes, my clothing and hair picked it up.

But, my partner has a distinctive personal scent, because his sense of smell is weak so he uses the same soap, shampoo and scented oils constantly, and a long hug transfers it.

A used bookstore, new agey shop or spice shop also leave their olfactory marks upon me.

As the resident crunchy hippy, I will say to Ms @MickeyLee that essential oils are to replace antiperspirants, not washing. Their guide was out of date.
That tidbit was brought to you by the Rocky Mountain West Crystal Clutching Tree and Bunny Hugging Patchouli Scented Earth Mama Tribe.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I have used oil to clean myself when soap and water was not an option. I applied cooking oil liberally, then wiped it off with a towel. This I followed up with isopropyl alcohol in any external folds (armpits, fatty rolls, underboob, anywhere that is not a mucous membrane, but where skin overlaps). In this manner, I removed dirt, and killed bacteria. But this is an emergency measure, and not meant as a permanent solution for bathing.

I can also relate to not wanting to bathe. I often don't really feel like doing it. Then I just do it anyway because... home training. Once I start, I always feel better. Once I start it is not a loathesome chore.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I use olive oil on my face and décolleté, with hot spa towels, as a way to clean up after work.
Loosely based on the Crunchy Betty oil cleansing method.


I tend to resist hair washing. It’s not simple, and the drying takes forever.
But, like AE, home training. While I was trained for daily hair washing, by a short haired mother, my long hair needs a couple days between washes.

A man who gets that a shower without hairwashing is still cleansing is a plus.

 

[MickeyLee]

Yeah, if I wash my hair everytime I shower shit gets bad real quick.

First, this shit is long and thick. It's not as bad as before the undercut, but still, drying naturally takes all damn day. And heavens forbid I have shit to do and throw it back in a wet pony tail. This mop will never dry.

I have been guilty of a chinchilla treatment when I really don't feel like washing my hair. And dry shampoo.

ETA: why I love the boy #165 he knows my hairwashing schedule. He won't get cute in the shower on dry hair days.

 

[LaFemme]

Yeah, my hair is baby fine. Every other day for a wash at most. Otherwise I end up with the driest most flyaway hair. It dries in about 5 minutes after I wash it, and it’s only about shoulder length.

My hair drives me bananas. I use Moroccan oil or coconut oil on it at night. It slurps it up like a sponge. The climate here is super dry, especially in winter.

 

[693987]

I've tried stints of not shampooing my hair every day and my scalp never seems to adjust. I just end up with a head of oily sadness. I have to shampoo every day or my hair is a hot mess. Boar bristle brush to redistribute oils helps, but not enough. My hair is about... Eh, shoulder length right now. Dries in 30-45 minutes generally, but I live somewhere that is pretty humid.

 

[LaFemme]

I've tried stints of not shampooing my hair every day and my scalp never seems to adjust. I just end up with a head of oily sadness. I have to shampoo every day or my hair is a hot mess. Boar bristle brush to redistribute oils helps, but not enough. My hair is about... Eh, shoulder length right now. Dries in 30-45 minutes generally, but I live somewhere that is pretty humid.

We have periods of high humidity during the summer months, but my hair stays dry. I mean, it takes a little longer to dry, but the overall condition is still quite dry. It really is like baby hair. It’s like I have no natural oils. Takes days to build up. I know this from camping - the true rough it in the woods, bathe in a stream camping.

 

[693987]

We have periods of high humidity during the summer months, but my hair stays dry. I mean, it takes a little longer to dry, but the overall condition is still quite dry. It really is like baby hair. It’s like I have no natural oils. Takes days to build up. I know this from camping - the true rough it in the woods, bathe in a stream camping.

Wow. Pity our scalps can't trade traits to find a middle ground. My hair produces so much friggin oil, it's a surprise Bush didn't try to declare war on it..

 

[MickeyLee]

Wow. Pity our scalps can't trade traits to find a middle ground. My hair produces so much friggin oil, it's a surprise Bush didn't try to declare war on it..

Watch out, Trump will declare your head a national land mark then open it up to oil drilling.

 

[693987]

Watch out, Trump will declare your head a national land mark then open it up to oil drilling.

I would shave myself completely bald first, rather than deal with him. Ick.

 

[MickeyLee]

Powder Fade?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Yeah, if I wash my hair everytime I shower shit gets bad real quick.

First, this shit is long and thick. It's not as bad as before the undercut, but still, drying naturally takes all damn day. And heavens forbid I have shit to do and throw it back in a wet pony tail. This mop will never dry.

I have been guilty of a chinchilla treatment when I really don't feel like washing my hair. And dry shampoo.

ETA: why I love the boy #165 he knows my hairwashing schedule. He won't get cute in the shower on dry hair days.

I foster/rescued a chinchilla. I approve of dust baths for hair.