What does she want???

[D_mingba079]

To start off I'm only 20 almost 21, so I'm sure most of you will say that I shouldn't really care since I'm so young, but here's the story (Its pretty long, but please read the entire thing )

I met this girl my junior year of high school, I am a year older than her. It took us about a month for us to begin talking and we eventually became really close friends, I was never really a big talker and she would call me non-stop and want to talk for hours and hours and I was not used to this at all. To say she was obsessed with me would be a understatement, she would even come over to my house unexpected and just be like hey wuts up. Well this really creeped me out so I ignored her for about three months. Well I finally apologized for ignoring her and we became close again. She called me her best friend and all that. Well that summer between my jr and sr year I asked her out and of course she said yes. We did all the normal high school boyfriend girlfriend things like going to dances and so on. I am the type that is really mellow and have a good head on my shoulders. She is wilder. We both never drank or did anything you would call inmoral. Well about 8 months in we broke up. She said we were going too fast and that she wanted to know what other guys are like (I was her first boyfriend). Going too fast? Eight months and we never had sex, we were both virgins, and I didn’t really care because she was such a great girl and I really loved her. Well even though we weren't together I still asked her to my sr prom and we went and that was about it. Summer came and almost to the day I asked her out, she got asked out by some other guy.

The fact is she changed so much since I went out with her. She now drank, partied and all that. At the beginning when her boyfriend would leave town she would call me to hangout, pretty much hangout with the ex behind his back. I stayed friends with all of her friends so I knew how she was doing and so on. Well three months into the relationship I found out that she and her new boyfriend had sex. And im guessing like most guys would at that age, I flipped out because I spent 8 months with her and nothing, but this guy gets 3 months. For a period of time I didn't talk to her at all, but then suddenly we started to hangout, I was even with her when midnight rolled around on her birthday.

We started to do things that we did when we were a couple like go snowboarding and hockey games, we even went to a school dance together (behind her current boyfriends back, but he eventually found out). We even went on two 3-day weekend trips alone to two other states and slept in a hotel, but separate beds, but she told her boyfriend she was with a girl friend of hers. The girl eventually ended up cheating on her boyfriend and even told me about it. Her boyfriend eventually dumped her because he said she's still in love with me, which led her to stop talking to me.

Then it came to last summer and once again she was back with the guy. However now we hung out and talked all the time, whenever she was working and I was free she would ask me to come down and visit her and we would talk for hours and go to dinner and so on. The summer came to an end and she had to go away for her first year of college. We texted each other every couple of weeks, and then that became about every month or so. Throughout this time she continued to have a off and on relationship with the guy. Well this march rolled around and she broke it off with the guy and it was a pretty bad ending with a lot of fighting between the two.

And like clockwork she started talking to me again. She would come home every couple weekends and when she would be home we would hangout, she wouldn’t even tell her “bestfriend” that she was home. She was seeing a guy from her school and I knew this, however one day she texted me and was saying she wasn’t too happy and so on, however she didn’t want to talk about it, so it was obviously about a guy. Well I later learned that earlier that day she found out that the guy she was seeing had been talking and hanging out with his ex and was lien about it. Well since then about every week or so we talked briefly and she came home several times and we hungout. She even brought her friend home with her from school one weekend and we all hungout. I visited her at school for a couple hours one day and when I left we did something that we hadn’t done since we were together, we hugged. Most of you will probably just laugh and say a hug is just a hug however once we broke up she didn’t even want me to touch her hand let alone give her a hug. She is on the east coast working at a camp for the summer and a couple days before she left we went to dinner and hungout when I dropped her off she got out of the car and basically just waited for a hug from me, and of course I did. Since she has been at camp we have talked about once a week so it is really nice. She is a big LA Dodger fan and I have the ability to get playoff tickets if they make the playoffs, I asked her if she wanted to go and of course she said yes.

So here I am now. Trying to determine what she wants from me. When she was with the guy I was single and she would almost brag to me that she was with somebody, always asking if I was with a girl and so on. However ever since last summer she never ever brings up my dating life or asks questions about girls I might be seeing at the time. However I will almost always ask how her current fling is or what her guy situation is and she basically vents the problems to me. She even gets mad when we are with people and a friend of mine brings up a girls name that I might be seeing at that time. She also has all of these plans for when she comes back such as going to baseball and football games together and hanging out. She even wants me to come see her at school when she goes back in the fall. She has really changed how she acts around me as well, when she was with the guy she was basically a b**ch to me, however ever since she has been a sweetheart to me and is basically treating me the same as when we were together.

Obviously I still love the girl a lot, but I am trying to figure out what she wants from me. Does she just want to be friends, or does she possibly seeing us getting back together. I’ve been asked by friends if I would ever get back together with her and I’ve always said yes but that I want to wait till were out of college basically because she’s so far away. However I would really like to get close with her, as we seem to be doing again and basically hangout when she’s home.

I just don't want to end up that guy who never gets over her and 5 years from now is at her wedding watch her marry another guy. I ride with a lot of law enforcement officers (since I want to be in LE) and considered this one to be a mentor, he told me the story of how he asked his high school sweetheart to marry him right out of high school, well she said no because she wanted to get out of the small town and experience life, it was the last day he saw her. Well some 35 years later he still loved her the same and told me one time as we drove by her parents house that if he saw her, I would have to take the steering wheel because he would start balling his eyes out. Unfortunately he died of a heart attack several months later. That was kind of a eye-opener for me because it was right after she started dating the guy, I just don't want to end up like that, but I feel like I am.

What does it seem like to you? She wants to get closer with me again? Stay friends? Or what?

 

[Wish-4-8]

Dude, stop living in a fantasy. You are the ultimate plan "B". You are a cat on a string. You are letting life slip away on something that is only worth it in your mind. In real life, she probably isnt all that. I mean, she lies to boyfriends and goes on trips with guys, does things behind his back, hangs around with girls that cheat on boyfriends, and birds of a feather do flock together. (most of the time, anyway)

You want to know when you will get her? When she is a single mother that has gain too much weight. She will dig at the bottom of the barrel and say, "Oh, I still turn on this loser. What do I have to loose now?"

Yes I am being harsh, but someone needs to kick you in the nuts so they start growing. Then you can go into the world and conquer it. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Find someone who will make you plan "A".

In fact, NEVER go out with this chick again. Get your own life. I bet 5 bucks she is going to come crawling wondering why she lost her power over you. Then she will tease you and try to interfear with your relationship as most users like her do.

The only good thing is that you are young and have not wasted your life on this yet.
Good luck buddy,
grow a pair,
and conquer the world.
Make us proud!!!

 

[B_spotted_duck]

I wouldn't be as harsh as wish-4-8 but... move along, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I have a female friend who used to treat me like plan B... she used to say that when we hit 35, if we had not married off to someone else, we should get together then. We're still close in our way (lots in common, not for nothing were we close before) but frankly I'm over all the head games, long since moved on, better things to do at this point. If she tried to make me an offer I wouldn't refuse, I'd refuse. She's now about a decade into a "dry spell" where boyfriends are concerned... I have a certain empathy for her, but to some degree, we reap what we sow.

I do wonder whether she's figured out that I only take her calls when I'm in the mood... which may not be often.

 

[sexplease]

Let's talk about you. ok.
relationships take and give many things on many levels.
When you get involved with someone you get involved with 3 people.
The person you Think they are.
The person they Really are
and
The person they become as a result of knowing You.
(this goes for the other person too)

Early relationships are often trial relationships. We try different things and accept things that feel comfortable for us. We learn through our challenges in life to feel secure in our beliefs and judgments then become secure enough in our emotional state to accept that which we need and want, and reject that which is not to our benefit.
Also, reread your letter and take note of the "we, us and our" you used. Sometimes in relationships the individuals forget about themselves, or the other person and start focusing on that imaginary entity. The "we" person or the "our"or "us" person. When the focus is directed towards that, instead of the individual, often "your" or your partners needs and wants are forgotten.
Try not to loose your autonomy before you find it.
Give YOUR self time to grow and meet YOUR challenges in life. You will find someone, or some ones (ie friends) who will walk beside you, while taking turns leading through lifes adventures.

Michael★

 

[Symphonic]

"If you have to ask..."

Seriously; don't play games if you don't know the rules. Leave it all behind.

 

[likesnewthings]

easy way to get rid of her... go get a g/f and then ask this friend of yours if she'll do a 3some. if she says no and runs away, you win. of she says yes, you win. of course the g/f would have to go for it, but you can cross that bridge when you come to it. alright, back to some serious adivce (perhaps)

-j

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Sorry to hear man, being in love is though when you don't get back what you give. But being honest, try to let her go. She didn't figured out what she wants, but keeps messing with your head and thinks that she can always depend on you no matter what, but you can't depend on her no matter what. so try meeting new people and don't let her mess your mind anymore, because it really hurts. Good luck.

 

[Not_Punny]

Sad story.

But this is the truth: What you see is what you get. This girl behaves BADLY. Do you REALLY want to be treated like this for the rest of your life? (It's not just how she treats YOU, it's how she treats the men she IS fucking. She isn't going to magically change just because she starts having a for-real relationship with you.)

 

[D_mingba079]

I often bring up to my friends that sometimes that I feel like I'm her secret because she has to hangout with me behind the guys back. I guess I just feel like I have some type of special importance (or whatever you want to call it) to her when she does stuff with me and not her boyfriend. Such as going to her school dance with me, and not her current boyfriend, or going on the roadtrips with me and not him. Last summer when she would ask me to come visit her at work, she would ask me to come see her and not him, he would even ask to come down and visit but she would say no, and then ask me to come. I guess I just feel like that those actions must mean something....

 

[MrToolhung]

Dude...you are wasting you time. Find a girl who appreciates you and is in love with you. This girl does not care about your feelings.

 

[Ed69]

Those actions do mean something.You are being used as plan B when she pisses every one else off.I had a girl do this with me 20 years back,I walked away.Today she has 4 kids bye 4 different men and lives on gov. checks!Guess what?I walked and I'm the one married and happy 20 years later!

 

[sexplease]

I often bring up to my friends that sometimes that I feel like I'm her secret because she has to hangout with me behind the guys back. I guess I just feel like I have some type of special importance (or whatever you want to call it) to her when she does stuff with me and not her boyfriend. Such as going to her school dance with me, and not her current boyfriend, or going on the roadtrips with me and not him. Last summer when she would ask me to come visit her at work, she would ask me to come see her and not him, he would even ask to come down and visit but she would say no, and then ask me to come. I guess I just feel like that those actions must mean something....

This is NOT about the other guy. It's about YOU and allowing yourself to be a doormat. You are not really wasting your time. You are learning how much shit with which you will put up. If and when you tire of being treated less than you are worth, you'll realize that it is not someone else that makes you happy, but YOU make yourself happy. or miserable.
and remember: No matter what you think of someone, someone else somewhere is sick of their shit.
You're gonna grow from this stepping-stone on your path of life. just don't stand there too long, the parade is passing by.

 

[B_New End]

She want you to push her onto the bed, stick your tongue in her mouth, and tear her panties down her legs. Get a clue dude. She wants you to fuck her. She wants to party and do "immoral things"

Girls just a wanna have fun.

Oh wait... you wanna be a cop. Pfft. Fuck cops. Your whole post reeks of judgemental bullshit. You need to let loose and be human. Smoke a bowl, drink a beer, piss in your bible, then fuck the shit out of her!

 

[D_mingba079]

Something else that is really weird I found out a couple months ago when I went to her house. It was the first time I had actually been in her house since the end of my senior year (2007). While I was walking thru her house I found random pictures of me and her together all over the place. Most of the pics were wallet size high school dance pictures all over. Then I went in her room and she still had all of our large 8x10 high school dance photos (4 all together) in her room. While we were dating she kept all of the flowers I gave her, she tipped them upside down and tied them together and put them on her wall, sounds weird to me but whatever. All of the flowers were still hanging on her wall. Then I went downstairs and on the fridge where there are pictures of her sisters and her since they were born are pictures of me and her once again at our high school dances.
After walking through the whole house I only saw two pics of the other guy. She had one pic of them together in her room, and one on the fridge....rite next to a pic of me.
I think this is really weird for a couple reasons, 1- It had been over 1.5 year since we were together. 2-She had been with that guy longer then we were together and 3- Why would you continue to have pictures of your ex all over your house, especially when youve had a boyfriend for several months? Even I dont have any pictures of us still out in plain view, they are all in boxes.
It is things like this that makes me so confused..

 

[grower_60]

Hey bigman. Ponder what NEW END wrote. You seem like a very sensitive male. I can tell by all the writing and thinking you've been doing. I'm a bit that way too. But, I've learned to do a little of what NEW END talks about and he's correct, that is what most women want.