What exactly is gay, straight, and bi?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by DV8, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. DV8

    DV8
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    I ask this question, because personally, I'm sexually bisexual, but I identify myself as a gay male because I don't date women. And if I sleep with a woman, I prefer for their to be a cock involved in the mix of things, not just my own. That and it's easier to keep my mom quiet when she asks for grand kids.

    Also, on this site, you find a lot of straight men who jerk off with other guys, or to other guys, or fuck other guys, or suck guys, and it all gets confusing. People scream that they hate labels, and yet we still label ourselves. Labels sorta have to exist, otherwise, we'd all be hitting on one another, having awkward situations "No, sir, I'm into chicks" or "Back up, sweetheart, I like dick!"

    And when it comes to the labels, and straight men asking if messing with other guys make them gay or bi, you typically have other straight men who do these things going "No dude, it doesn't make it gay!" But you also have gay and bi men saying "Nah! Man, you're not gay- want me to blow you?"

    There are a lot of straight men on this site who get more dick than most women, and quite a few gay men who are getting just as much pussy as most straight men. Is there a fear of being identified as being gay? or bi?

    So I ask you- "what is exactly is gay, straight, and bi?"
     
  2. maxcok

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  3. Snakebyte

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    it's pretty simple:

    you only have sexual contact with men -> gay
    you have sexual contact with men and women -> bi
    you only have sexual contact with women -> straight

    I really don't get the problem.
     
  4. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    Straights fuck the opposite gender.
    Gays fuck the same gender.
    Bisexuals fuck both genders.

    And another choice bit of insight:

    Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

    I hope that clears up a few things.
     
  5. LuciferChild

    LuciferChild New Member

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    well not that simple because if is a she and:

    you only have sexual contact with men -> straight
    you have sexual contact with men and women -> bi
    you only have sexual contact with women -> lesbian

    :biggrin1:
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I would also change the wording to 'if you enjoy having sex with . . .' because if you have sexual contact with someone without enjoying it you probably aren't of that orientation.
     
  7. dc46064

    dc46064 New Member

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    The lines are always blurred..........................
     
  8. jamiedmc

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    I find the labels to be somewhat reductionist... I tend to agree that if you have any sexual attraction/activity, in any capacity, for/with both sexes, then you are bisexual. My feeling is that most people would be considered bisexual by this definition. However, I do see a large bias against identifying as such, a good amount of pressure to identify as "one of the other". Even seemingly enlightened people (like Dan Savage) have some pretty conservative ideas about labelling.
     
  9. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    I would just like to have fun with 100% of DrDante's 90% gay cock.
     
  10. JaimeB

    JaimeB Active Member

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    these terms are the result of deviance labeling. they are left-overs from the days when people assumed everybody was str8, and being gay or bi was "deviant."

    i'm glad we seem to be better grounded in reality now.

    for me personally: i grew up knowing i liked boys, then went through a three-year relationship where i was exclusive with a woman, but still had fantasies about other men. then i went back to (almost) exclusively dating men and got into ltr's with men only.

    i still see women in the street that look good to me. i still watch str8 porn and jerk off to it. (although it helps that there are guys in it, it's still hot because they're fucking women.) my husband bitches at me if say anything about a pretty girl's tits or ass, but then he's insanely jealous of other guys, too.

    life is too real or complicated to make absolute labels, but we all have some kind of self-image around what we like sexually. i would say i'm pretty far over on the gay side of the kinsey scale, but i'm not toally immune to feminine charms, even if circumstances keep me away from them...
     
  11. DV8

    DV8
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    Well hello there! How YOU doin'? :cool:
     
  12. avg_joe

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    Federally funded research?
     
  13. sometimestoohung

    sometimestoohung New Member

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    As The Doors said: The West is the Best
    We need to stop using the labels gay and straight to define sexuality.

    Why not the older and more correct terms of homosexual and heterosexual.

    Gay and straight are CULTURES now. Activities, actions, philosophies, etc.

    Gay men tend to do X, Y, and Z things more than straight men... when it comes to

    music, food, entertainment, hygiene, etc. Sure, there are exceptions and there's a

    range, but gay and straight are really cultures in our modern world. That's why there

    are self-defining straight men who are more into guys than into women, sexually, and

    why there are gay men who are more into women than guys sexually.

    Man 1 could be 90% heterosexual / 10% homosexual, and 60% straight / 40% gay.

    Sounds reductionist, but it's an easy way to look at things. The numbers are the

    relative amount of time/energy he has spent / is spending / will spend finding or doing

    each thing. 90% of the time he fantasizes about women, and 10% of the time he

    fantasizes about men, say. And 100% of the time, maybe, he messes around with

    women, but still finds men attractive on one level. Man B could be 50% hetero / 50%

    homo and 90% straight / 10% gay. He is equally attracted--sexually here, not just

    physical/affectionate... there's a difference---to both men and women. He loves dick

    and pussy. But, his culture--the way he lives--is much more straight than gay. He's

    never watched Will and Grace and has never sewed curtains and doesn't own a candle,

    etc. Ok, lame stereotypes, but you get where I'm going. ***The confusion in all of this is

    that people are on MORE than just ONE one-dimensional spectrum here.*** People

    are more complex than that; if you make a spectrum of desires and abilities, there are

    more than one. Humans are 2D, 3D, 4D in that way. We need to

    start using 'gay' and 'straight' like anthropologists and sociologists do... they are

    cultures, not sexualities. Heterosexual and homosexual, by definition, are sexualities.

    I'm 90/10 or 80/20 hetero/homo and prob. 80/20 or 70/30 straight/gay. Those are my

    sexuality and culture ratios... how much time/energy I spend on the wanting, doing,

    finding, being. Now, I am on a 2D square of space, instead of just trying to fit on one line... which doesn't work

    and is why this debate/discussion exists in the first place.
     
    #13 sometimestoohung, Sep 3, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2010
  14. Ben_c

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    Straight men are attracted to women, Gay men are attracted to men, Bi men are attracted to both men and women. If a guy sucks or gets sucked off by another male they are either gay or bi. Its as simple as that and anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves. Anyone who is comfortable with their sexuality can easily 'label' themselves as homosexual, hetrosexual or Bisexual.
     
    #14 Ben_c, Sep 3, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2010
  15. bigbull29

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    It's very black and white when it comes to preference; however, with orientation, it's a whole different story because it's as unique as your fingerprints.
     
  16. Ben_c

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    Subgirl already got to the bottom of that 'story' in a earlier post. Oreintation is practically preference. Your sexual oreintation is governed by your sexual preferences towards gender. Your homosexual if you are attracted and enjoy sex with the same sex. Your hetrosexual if you are atrracted and enjoy sex with the opposite sex. Your Bisexual if you are attracted and enjoy sex with both genders. Its very straight forward indeed, the only people who wish to surround the topic in misguided mystery are those who arnt comfortable with their own sexuality and do not wish to admit what they feel they are.
     
  17. Bbucko

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    Things are always so much easier when there's a neat and specific label to apply to objects, behaviors, attitudes and people. The problem is that labels are 100% subjective in nature and that people who rely on them prefer "facts" and "truths" that are immutable and universal.

    These attributes can be applied to some objects in some circumstances (water is hard when you crash a plane into it), but I find the concept of any over-riding, entirely objective reality only really applies to Mathematics and, I suppose, Physics.

    Labels applied by others only need detain you if you acknowledge them. My sexual experiences with women both happened after I came out full-on gay while still in HS in the late 70s. Though "gay" was a self-affixed label, I didn't let it hamper my curiosity or willingness to try things over wise outside my comfort zone.

    FWIW, I've occasionally said that I'm "latent bi", though my last sexual encounter with a woman was in 1984. I enjoy the company of both men and women equally and, under some very specific circumstances, could consider a romantic/sexual relationship with one. The problem is that I have never found these specific circumstances IRL and probably never will.

    The arguments at LPSG regarding sexual orientation and gender confusion come down to cultural issues, not anatomical ones. Straight-identified men are as likely to find their anuses to be organs of pleasure as their gay-identified counterparts: there is no such thing as "gay anatomy" and "straight anatomy", only male and female (with the rare example of the intersexed, which is not the same thing as transexuality and completely OT). It is cultural conditioning that provokes fear and disgust at an otherwise straight-identified man's enjoying his anus as an organ of sexual pleasure.

    And I say this as a gay-identified man who finds no sexual pleasure in his anus whatsoever. This hardly makes me self-loathing, hung-up or any less gay: much can be said for my ambivalence regarding penises in general (aside from my own) and large ones in particular. Regardless of what what happens with which body parts between me and my sexual partners, I am oriented to having sex with males.

    Much as with endless discussions regarding what is (or is not) anatomically "gay" behavior, the same thing can be said for one's taste in porn. I have a TB external HD which contains ~421 GBs of porn (and, granted, about 6500 music files, too). Were I to remove all porn in which a woman is a present and active participant, I'd lose probably 3/5ths of my total collection. It's always been that way.

    One last thing: cultural self-identification is a neutral thing until prejudice and stereotyping causes it to be limiting. It's a name, and we've all got names with which we gladly identify. If someone hears a name like Sean O'Malley or Kim Sung-Ki or Carlos Gutierrez and decides that, based on that name someone must naturally conform to some cultural behavior without having met him, then there's a problem.
     
  18. petergroot

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    All valid, pertinent and well-banlaced comments here.
    At the end of the day. when dusk turns to night, what you do is what you do. You like pussy? you get pussy,You like cock? you get cock. Go with the flow....
    There should be no judgements, no recriminations.
    Old saying back home: Every pot has a lid
     
  19. D_MarquisDeSodOff

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    Something that was glossed over earlier is the fact that one person might like to be romantic with only one sex, but like to have sex with both. This person could be hetero-romantic, but bi-sexual. This is aided slightly by LPSG letting people choosing percents. This also supports an earlier post that says humans are more than one dimensional people. I know this just put a whole new spin on this post, but there's my two cents.
    One reason I find this interesting is because I can't imagine how someone would feel like that because I am homo-everything :) I can appreciate a girl's beauty, but I will NEVER have romantic or sexual feelings for one.
    In my case, the labels work just fine. I'm gay. I like having sex with men, shopping, fashion, musicals, etc. I get along with girls better than guys on a friend level. I realize this is a rare case, and the labels do stink.
    Then you get the people that say nobody is 100% straight. Everybody is a little bi. This confuses me because even though in reality, it has some ground. There are always the 100% either way. I know because I'm one. I guess this last paragraph is concrete at least: we can nix that statement.
     
  20. bigbull29

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    I can't agree with you. Lots of men have some attraction to other men, but they'll never act on it because of societal taboos along with the fact their attraction to women is strong enough that they can live without fulfilling any "gay" fantasy. It just all stays in the mind, which makes it impossible for anyone to know someone's true orientation.

    Yes, our preference says a lot about our orientation, but for as much as it does say, it doesn't. Plus, there are celibate folks, whose sexuality can remain a complete secret.

    Sexuality is just too complicated for categories, etc, especially if we are all to be honest, only possible in the most perfect of worlds.
     
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