What exactly is gay, straight, and bi?

[JaimeB]

these terms are the result of deviance labeling. they are left-overs from the days when people assumed everybody was str8, and being gay or bi was "deviant."

i'm glad we seem to be better grounded in reality now.

for me personally: i grew up knowing i liked boys, then went through a three-year relationship where i was exclusive with a woman, but still had fantasies about other men. then i went back to (almost) exclusively dating men and got into ltr's with men only.

i still see women in the street that look good to me. i still watch str8 porn and jerk off to it. (although it helps that there are guys in it, it's still hot because they're fucking women.) my husband bitches at me if say anything about a pretty girl's tits or ass, but then he's insanely jealous of other guys, too.

life is too real or complicated to make absolute labels, but we all have some kind of self-image around what we like sexually. i would say i'm pretty far over on the gay side of the kinsey scale, but i'm not totally immune to feminine charms, even if circumstances keep me away from them...

 

[B_Tonnie]

I would just like to have fun with 100% of DrDante's 90% gay cock.

:tongue: ''DITTO THEE ABOVE'':smile:

 

[HungThickProf]

:tongue: ''DITTO THEE ABOVE'':smile:

Well Hi Tonnie :wink:How are you, stud?

 

[Hoss]

Is there a fear of being identified as being gay? or bi?

So I ask you- "what is exactly is gay, straight, and bi?"

Yes, there's a fear felt by a great many about being identified as gay or bisexual, or haven't you read the news accounts of gay men and women being beaten up and murdered? Even bisexuals land in that arena especially when partnered with a person of the same sex.

What iis gay, straight, bi? It's whatever description you care to give it. For me, gay is only with people of the same sex at this time, (may have had sex with opposite sex before realizing their sexuality) and is only sexually stimulated by the same sex. Straight, only with the opposiite sex at this time (may have been with same sex in sexual encounters before realizing sexuality) and is only stimulated sexually by the opposite sex. Bisexual, is sexually stimulated by both those of the same sex and those of the opposite sex.

 

[deleted3782]

I agree with the folks who don't rely on labels. I think there are two interesting perspectives on sexuality...

A) I don't have a fixed sexuality, it is very fluid. I watched this video last night, and I imagine what it would be like fucking her. On the other hand, after I whack off, I don't have much sex drive at all. On the other hand, when I talk to some straight guys in the chat room, I think I'd love to have a "bro" that I could just hang out and drink a few beers and watch movies...no sex. On the other hand, when Hilaire tells me sexy stories, I think I wanna be as gay as a goose. Lots of hands. Its a moving target, and unless I'm a psycho (which I don't think I am), then I'm not alone.

So how do you label that? I don't.

B) The concept of homosexuality changes historically and culturally. Historically, for example, there were different opportunities for same-sex relationships that were different than the expectations and roles we have today. Look at the Sacred Band in Greece...were they all "gay"? What about the bacha in central Europe...were all of the most powerful men of that society gay? Culturally, the western concept of "gay-bi-straight" doesn't really translate well into most third world countries. What would be the response of you asked a !Kung bushman is he was gay, bi, or straight?

All that said, the "distinct" sexual labels we define in 2010 will grow and evolve into something different in the future as we learn new perspectives about human sexuality. Even in the recent past...think about the innuendo related to Rock Hudson's films and how annoyingly wrong those generalizations were back then. Most agree our understanding of sexuality and roles have changed a great deal since then...

We can't even clearly define in the Politics Forum what it is to be a conservative or moderate or progressive...how are we supposed to agree on gay or bi or straight? I keep saying it...labels are for soup cans, not people.

 

[Infernal]

Human sexuality isn't black and white, but endless shades of gray in between. You like what you like. What you want to call it is entirely up to you. As long as no one is getting hurt or taken advantage of; if it feels good, do it.

 

[Daisy]

It's not simple at all!

what if you are a man who gets turned on seeing a large penis during porn but only has sex with women?

what if you are straight but get drunk with a buddy and get handsy?

what if you are a straight woman and you make out with a girl in a bar?

what if you are "100% straight" and you join LPSG and find yourself questioning?

what if you join and you bond with someone and your 1% turns more like 50%?

what if you're straight and would never touch anyone of the opposite sex but fantasize about it?

what if you never had any gay thoughts and you meet someone of the same gender who you end up having a crush on?

it's not simple. Sexuality is a spectrum.

 

[B_Nick8]

The cool thing these days is to disdain labels. And preference. As if no one has one. That's sort of ridiculous.

There's the whole thing about how some people, men, particularly, may need to take time to come to understand their gayness. Cool. And there's the whole other thing about how some people are totally fluid, moving comfortably between the two sexes, sexually, just depending on how they relate emotionally. And then there's this new construct about how straight men can just want to have compartmentalized sex with other men but still be straight because they don't actually feel any emotions toward the guy involved. Really?

It occurs to me that everyone has become too involved lately in justifying their own emotions as opposed to having to understand them. It's easier to defend than to explain.

I realize that our parameters have opened up and that's great. But that still doesn't mean we don't have to look at ourselves and make decisions. Decisions that will shape us and make us happy because they're real and honest and, most often, we already know them. We're just putting them into practice

Some lessons my forefathers taught me.

 

[avdude19]

Lol Ima sound stupid for saying this but so far what I've learned is that these lables vary and are sometimes flexible. Haha so far from my lifes experiences I've concluded that straight for men means that they don't have sex with men at all. However a straight man can masturbait with another guy and still be straight so long as he doesn't touch the other guys cock. Other than that he only fucks and gets hard at the thought of chicks. For girls to be straight they oviously only are intrested in men. However a girl can go as far as having sex with another girl, so long as it's for the viewing pleasure of a guy. To be bisexual u oviously are intrested in both genders, haha that's pretty straight forward. Now gay for guys... A gay guy to my knowledge is only intrested in guys but is also aloud to have sex with a girl for a certain purpose, and there can be a history of sexual experiences with females so long as he acknowledges that he wasn't into it. For a chick to be gay, it means she only likes females and nothing more haha. Like guys she can have a history with the opposite gender so long as she nos she didn't like it.

Another think I find to be true is that a females can choose her sexuality as she pleases, but a guy can't choose. They either like whatever gender or they don't haha.

I no I sound stupid but that what I no to he true lol so yeah.

 

[erratic]

The secret is "gay", "bi" and "straight" are labels that humans use. Like all labels that humans use, they are imperfect. In nature there is much more sexual diversity than can be captured by three words.

So, pick one that more-or-less fits and stick to it

Personally, I'm queer. Pleased to meet you.

 

[Belly_Dancer]

Another think I find to be true is that a females can choose her sexuality as she pleases, but a guy can't choose. They either like whatever gender or they don't haha.

Huh? I'm sorry to disillusion you, but I'm pretty sure sexual orientation is not a choice for any gender.

If I have to use labels for myself, I prefer "bi-curious" or "heteroflexible" to "bisexual." The reason I don't believe I am truly bisexual is that although I am attracted to women and would like to have sex with one or more of them one day, I know for a fact I could never be satisfied long term in a monogamous relationship with a female, whereas I can be satisfied long term in a monogamous relationship with a male. I like pussy, but I need cock. There is a difference.

 

[m_lucas89]

I haven't read the other posts here, but in my mind, there is no definitive label according to sex. Some people like girls more than guys, and vice-versa. But just because I've been messing around with guys for a while doesn't make me gay, because I've done a lot with girls too.
In my mind, you're straight if you want to LIVE and LOVE a person of the opposite gender, and you're gay if you want to LIVE and LOVE a person of the same sex.

 

[T_the_D]

My two cents worth:

IMO anyone who thinks the whole straight/gay question is "simple" are deluded. I understand why people want to reduce sexuality to "100% straight, 70% bi, 1% gay" ...Whatever. Sexuality is not a fraction with only two variables... or even two dimensional. It's four dimensional and it varies with time, circumstance, experience, mood, stimuli, and level of intoxication to name but a few of hundreds of variables and on any given day.

Everyone has their own definition of what qualifies as "gay"/"straight" behaviour: Some people think if a guy puts on his ex-GF's underwear on cam he's "a little gay" and if he thinks he's straight, 'he must me in denial' - Bullshit. I figure a guy can put a pineapple in his ass and it has absolutely no bearing on his "straightness" (or gayness).

If you define yourself as 100% gay or straight because all of the sex you have or fantasize about is with someone of the same or opposite gender I think that is 100% valid and cool. If that means you can derive absolutely no stimuli from either gender then that is a choice, not an impossibility. No one is incapable of deriving pleasure from only one gender, just unwilling or uninterested - Which is fine IMO. Let's be honest, more than a few "100% straight" guys get off on being checked out by other guys while they spike their monkeys - That may not be "gay" but it sure as shit isn't 100% straight Sherlock!

I'm fine with labels BTW, just as long we all get to pick our own and change them whenever the mood strikes us.

Oh, and Dante = 100% poofter...I'm just sayin'. *winks*

 

[HungThickProf]

Oh, and Dante = 100% poofter...I'm just sayin'. *winks*

Your ass is mine, bitch-boy. You're lucky you're my you know what!

 

[Freddie36]

What about the difference between those who give cock and those who take cock?

Some men only use their cocks to please holes
Some men only use (some of or all of) their holes to please cocks
Some men use their holes and their cocks
Some men even use their own cock to please their own hole (seen here)
Some women offer (some of or all of of) their holes to cocks
Some women do not offer any of their holes to cocks
Some women even offer cocks (usually made of plastic) to other women or even men

 

[davidjh7]

Straight men are attracted to women, Gay men are attracted to men, Bi men are attracted to both men and women. If a guy sucks or gets sucked off by another male they are either gay or bi. Its as simple as that and anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves. Anyone who is comfortable with their sexuality can easily 'label' themselves as homosexual, hetrosexual or Bisexual.

So, by the same reasoning, if a guy gets sucked off or eats a woman, he is straight, right?
There are homosexual and heterosexual sexual acts, and there are homosexual and heterosexual preferences. an act doesn't make you anything. Neither does a preference. A man or a woman may have a preference for a certain sex their whole life, yet may never act on that preference. A man or woman may have sex with a certain sex, and yet not have that preference. Sexuality is complicated, because people are complicated, and vary who they are and what they believe their whole lives. How about this? We all define ourselves as who we are, until we ourselves change that definition. We respect the boundaries of others, while being considerate if someone who is attracted to us approaches us, yet we aren't interested in them? Frankly, I am far more concerned about the incredible lack of basic human respect and consideration that is so prevalent in the world today, than I am about who is or is not some label which does NOT define the person as a whole. Maybe I expect too much of humanity, and that i why I am constantly disappointed. Maybe I believe in the capacity for people to be smarter, more reasonable, have an ability to think with an open mind, and be better with each generation. Maybe I am sad that we are so busy labeling and hating and abusing each other in the name of one ideology or another covering up ignorance and hate and just plain a bad person. If you require a label, other than for yourself,it basically means you have your own personal issues that you are trying to foist off on some other poor schmuck who has the bad luck to be in your sites. One day, I truly hope we can grow up as a species, before we destroy ourselves.

 

[deleted3782]

My two cents worth:

...I figure a guy can put a pineapple in his ass and it has absolutely no bearing on his "straightness" (or gayness)...

For the record, I was happy with a cucumber. The pineapple was your idea. :biggrin1:

 

[D_Ezdras Dingledonger]

Well, there are no fixed definitions for gay, straight and bi, at least not on this site, since people don't seem to take much notice of other people's orientation percentages on here. I guess it's assumed that folks aren't being honest about it.

Don't get me wrong, I love getting feedback from both genders, and I don't mind getting a sexual question/flirtation from a guy as that's part of being here, but what I hate is being accused of being in denial in the vein of "how do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it?"

I really enjoy sex with women and I fantasize about them all the time. To accuse me of perhaps being bi without knowing it is just absurd to me.

I guess I wish people would have at least a certain degree of faith in what others tell them regarding their sexuality, and that the people in denial would just come clean about their true orientation. Not every seemingly straight dude is a bisexual in disguise, desperately trying to escape his wife by hopping on the computer in order to score a blowjob from another guy on the side. And if you are that dude, fair enough, but don't claim that you're straight.

 

[jjsjr]

Me = gay.

 

[unknown_rican]

We need to stop using the labels gay and straight to define sexuality.

Why not the older and more correct terms of homosexual and heterosexual.

Gay and straight are CULTURES now. Activities, actions, philosophies, etc.

Gay men tend to do X, Y, and Z things more than straight men... when it comes to

music, food, entertainment, hygiene, etc. Sure, there are exceptions and there's a

range, but gay and straight are really cultures in our modern world. That's why there

are self-defining straight men who are more into guys than into women, sexually, and

why there are gay men who are more into women than guys sexually.

Man 1 could be 90% heterosexual / 10% homosexual, and 60% straight / 40% gay.

Sounds reductionist, but it's an easy way to look at things. The numbers are the

relative amount of time/energy he has spent / is spending / will spend finding or doing

each thing. 90% of the time he fantasizes about women, and 10% of the time he

fantasizes about men, say. And 100% of the time, maybe, he messes around with

women, but still finds men attractive on one level. Man B could be 50% hetero / 50%

homo and 90% straight / 10% gay. He is equally attracted--sexually here, not just

physical/affectionate... there's a difference---to both men and women. He loves dick

and pussy. But, his culture--the way he lives--is much more straight than gay. He's

never watched Will and Grace and has never sewed curtains and doesn't own a candle,

etc. Ok, lame stereotypes, but you get where I'm going. ***The confusion in all of this is

that people are on MORE than just ONE one-dimensional spectrum here.*** People

are more complex than that; if you make a spectrum of desires and abilities, there are

more than one. Humans are 2D, 3D, 4D in that way. We need to

start using 'gay' and 'straight' like anthropologists and sociologists do... they are

cultures, not sexualities. Heterosexual and homosexual, by definition, are sexualities.

I'm 90/10 or 80/20 hetero/homo and prob. 80/20 or 70/30 straight/gay. Those are my

sexuality and culture ratios... how much time/energy I spend on the wanting, doing,

finding, being. Now, I am on a 2D square of space, instead of just trying to fit on one line... which doesn't work

and is why this debate/discussion exists in the first place.

Very interesting!!!!