what exactly is sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_thickjohnny, May 1, 2010.

  1. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I found out my BF was cheating. He created a gayromeo profile and was meeting guys on line and in person. With one guy it became a regular thing including a weekend away while I thought he was at his parents in another town. I found out and asked him to move out.

    Anyway, he claims he never had sex but he eventually admitted that there were blow jobs involved but since there was no penetration, there was no sex! Is a BJ sex or am I over reacting?

    Now he's being nice like he wants back in. He wants to "start over" again, as when we first met but live apart. But he's not showed any of the characteristics he showed 4 years ago. I mean, he's acting more like a friend and less like someone interested in something more. He came over for dinner and wound up staying the night. No kiss goodnight, no hug, nothing. So it makes me wonder if he's just saying "all the right things" but his body language is giving away his true feelings. know what I mean? Moreover, when I broach the subject of living apart but being monogamous/exclusive he changes the subject.

    Should I be running like my hair is on fire?
     
  2. Gillette

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    Yes!

    He wants the security and ease you can provide him, not you for yourself.

    Dude. Come on.

    Look, even if he had never had any contact with another man it seems pretty obvious that his interest in you isn't romantic so whether or not a BJ counts as sex is immaterial. He doesn't love you, hun. Stop letting him yank your chain. No more dinners.
     
    #2 Gillette, May 1, 2010
    Last edited: May 1, 2010
  3. Kotchanski

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    What you consider sex or cheating is up to you, some will tell you kissing is fine, oral is fine, hell in the straight world I've even known guys to suggest that anal is fine as there is no chance of getting her pregnant :rolleyes:

    If you consider what he's done (and I would personally) to be cheating, given the other things you mention I'd kick him out and never look back. If however you think there could have been some misunderstanding and you're only seeing these other things now because of what you've discovered, give him another chance, make it clear where the lines are for you and if crossed a second time he's gone.
     
  4. ZOS23xy

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    He's trying to deny involvement by distancing the topic down to "definitions". And as noted above, there is an element of insecurity . He wants to roam, but wants the roost.
     
  5. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    Yep! Everyone seems to be saying the same thing but there's something that's out there - maybe it's in my head - that's telling me he is being sincere. He's opened up and told me everything that's gone on (although I'm sure there are some things he's left out for one reason or another). He says he really wants to start over. He said he wants to come to the States with me in June but then admitted that one of the guys he met offered him a "buddy pass" if he comes to Miami on his way to New Orleans. With that announcement I just said I don't care. Go visit the guy! I'm slowing, maybe too slowly become immune and desensitized. One friend says he's doing this as his way to soften the blow of leaving me forever.
     
  6. HiddenLacey

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    Personal opinion.... he cheated on you PERIOD... don't listen to excuses. Don't fall for the guilt trips or anymore lies. Drop him like a hot rock.

    I tried to give someone that cheated on me a chance.... I ended up disliking the stupidest things about him... the way he raked his fork against his teeth, the way he breathed loudly while eating, the consant texting where are you's.... I realised one day I would NEVER ever trust him so I was picking out traits and things about him that disgusted me so I'd push him away. Finally out of the blue about 6 mths later... I just said this isn't working, I don't forgive you, I can't and it's over. So I wasted 6 mths on a loser....
     
  7. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    Wow! I just recognized myself in this! I've been doing this as well - seeing things that he's always done and not liking it. I think I'm on the same path. At some point I'll REALLY kick him to the curb. Maybe I'm softening the blow only for myself.
     
  8. HiddenLacey

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    Kick him the the curb... there is another more luscious cock out there for you to love:biggrin1: attached to the appropriate guy ummm er person :) I don't understand people that forgive cheater's I just found myself on edge and wondering if he was telling me the truth... I was suspious of things and then one day I was like STOP THIS who am I... this person is not me... STUPID LOSER MAN caused this:rolleyes: Pack up all his stuff that's at your place... make sure you look smoking hot when you hand it to him and wish him a happy life...

    If he's trying to tell you goodbye your making it better on both of you. He doesn't deserve you.
     
  9. Gillette

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    Johnny, it doesn't matter how it's done, the impact of the blow only softens after it's over with. Prolonging this isn't going to help you.
     
  10. dolfette

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    oh ffs, johnny!
    you kicked this tool to the kerb weeks ago. wtf are you doing still debating the details with him and letting him sleep over??
    give yourself a slap!
     
  11. SpeedoMike

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    anytime I cum...
     
  12. dolfette

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    hooray! i'm a virgin!
     
  13. exwhyzee

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    You could make an argument that your relationship with him ended when he replaced you with another guy (the one he was seeing on a regular basis). As a few have already said, trust will be an issue here...you will always have a seed of doubt. I have been in your shoes many times...men and women end up cheating on me behind my back, trying to redefine what sex is, trying to use me to enhance their comfort or staying with me to assuage their guilt. I'm really sensitive to it now...you should be too.

    The fact that you question the situation is a good sign. You recognize whats going on. Don't let him try to redefine what sex is. You can do a lot better. Move on.
     
  14. molotovmuffin

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    How about you go back and re read your other thread about this.... read the advice you were given and then use it.

    Again, I mean no disrespect, but you only want to read or hear what you want...and that is the guy is being sincere and honest and up front because he "told" you everything. So instead of telling you what I told you last time...this time I'm going to say...go for it. The guy has obviously changed, wants you back, is totally in love and will never, ever cheat on you again. Get back together and live happily ever after.

    Get a clue old man... the kid does NOT love you, you are money to him and that's it. I'm out.:mad:
     
  15. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    how does this sound? Is it ok to end it with an email?

    I can't go on any longer. We will never be back to the way it was and you know that. I don't feel in my heart that you really want us to be together as we were - not even if we work on it over the next months or years. You have your freedom and independence now. You have your on line profile and your new friends. I cannot compete with that nor do I want to. I feel that you are just being nice to me and trying to make the break up as easy for me as possible. Let's just make it easier for both of us and stop the games and move on.

    Thank you for 3.5 wonderful years together. You can't imagine how much I love you and want the best for you in your life and in love. I must go now and let you grow. If we are meant to be together, the universe will somehow make it work out for us. If I'm totally wrong with what I see and hear and feel, you need to tell me. So far you've said nice things but you haven't even touched my hand or put your hand on my shoulder when I am near you. I've rubbed your back and your feet and laid in bed holding you but was not held back. These simple things are big signals that you might not realize your sending. So for the sake of my sanity, I would like for us to stop seeing and talking to each other. This is the only way it will help me to heal and move on.
     
  16. molotovmuffin

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    Don't send the email Johnny. Just tell him that you want out. Period. Don't go into detail. Plain and simple. I'm done. Don't call, don't write, don't show up at my door step.

    All you're doing is trying to make it easy on you by putting your feelings into words and it only makes it harder. He really doesn't care, all he wants is his security. Cut him off, now while you still can respect yourself.
     
  17. HiddenLacey

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    Seriously don't send an email. Be strong. Just tell him it's over. You know what you do it however you need to do it to get him out of your life. However you can handle saying goodbye...

    Just remember if you feel sad that... he made you feel that way (aka the loser)...
     
  18. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    Thanks ladies. The only problem I know will be that I'm a crier and it will be a sign of weakness. I don't know how to hold that back and be strong.
     
  19. molotovmuffin

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    Truth be told Johnny, you don't have to say anything. You've already done that. Just don't answer or reply back. He'll get the message loud and clear.
     
  20. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    yeah. A friend told me he did that and eventually the text messages faded and the calls stopped.
     
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