what exactly is sex?

[dolfette]

dignity, doll. don't tell him your heart is breaking.
just stop answering the phone, be busy when he calls, make plans to do stuff so that you're not alone and pining.
he'll give up soon enough.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

I just did something that I probably shouldn't have done. I figured out his password to his online (gay) profile and saw messages back and forth that are 200% convincing that I'm nowhere near where he wants to be. I'd just as soon end it now by SMS since he's out of town and thinks I'll pick him up at the train station tomorrow morning. I just want to write that the games are over - I won't be at the station tomorrow and please don't call or write anymore.

 

[D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov]

Thanks ladies. The only problem I know will be that I'm a crier and it will be a sign of weakness. I don't know how to hold that back and be strong.

I know what you mean. I'm a crier, too. It is not necessarily a sign of weakness, maybe of sensibility. Shed all the tears you need to shed, in a way it has been a loss, and you need a relief. You are not exactly crying for him, but for your loss. Now, stick to your guns and let him go. Don't fall in that trap again.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Someone said that we create our own reality. There's something that should be taken into consideration I think.

He tried calling me a few times today and I didn't take his calls or answer his text messages. When we did call, I cut the conversation short by telling him that I had dinner plans. That was a lie actually but I thought he should feel I'm out and about. I looked at his profile and realized that he sent out about 6 "how are you, I'd like to meet you" message exactly after the phone call.

Could there be some iota of truth behind him saying that he wants to start over but slowly? I'm afraid that saying goodbye might end something that might actually work out. Sorry to all the people saying dump him but .... we can create our own reality (good AND bad) by doing or saying certain things.

 

[dolfette]

you remind me of my sister.
i love her dearly but she's a fucking mug too.

you're wasting precious years of your life on mr wrong for fear of being alone, but by being with him you're stopping yourself finding mr right.

wishful thinking won't stop him screwing you over, you foolish man.

 

[heavy weather]

"I found out my BF was cheating...Anyway, he claims he never had sex but he eventually admitted that there were blow jobs involved but since there was no penetration, there was no sex!"

By any chance, is your boyfriend's name "Bill Clinton"?

 

[Brick7]

Thanks ladies. The only problem I know will be that I'm a crier and it will be a sign of weakness. I don't know how to hold that back and be strong.

If you don't want to cry in front of someone, start taking deep breaths. You can't cry if you breathe deeply - found out about that trick when I was a kid from a teacher on my school playground after a bully taunted and teased me.

As for your boyfriend wanting to start over...to quote Dr. Phil:
"Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior."

Tell him it's over. Make it short and quick and move on so you can make room in your life for someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

 

[D_Vance Shvants]

Cant really put it much better than molotovmuffin

Move on, stay true to your values and understand that you have to leave yourself wide open to hurt in order to get what you are after - there is no other way and there will always be people that take advantage. Dont automatically expect others to have the same values as you do - often people can be so wrapped up in themselves that they barely even realise that sometimes their behaviour is unreasonable - its actually a lot easier that it sounds to stand up for yourself, without confrontation just be direct and honest whatever the situation
And dont look for love - life and love has a tendency to come at you from unexpected directions and will generally be in the most inappropriate or inconvenient way possible
Hang on in there and focus on the good stuff in your life

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Hello again. I'm venting ok! I told him I don't want to see him anymore etc. He keeps asking why - he wants me back, he wants us to be the way we were before he was found cheating etc. He's not seeing anyone and/or having sex with anyone. The guy he was with is only a friend, blah blah blah. I know what he's saying is 100% lies. I saw his emails and Skype conversations with the "friend". I saw his online messages, etc. The only way, I think, that he'll get the message is if I tell him to his face that I hacked his accounts and saw EVERYTHING. He won't be able to skirt any of it. I just don't want to get into any trouble for hacking an account. (Actually I've known his passwords for a long time, but never really had a reason to look.) Is telling him I know everything the only way to get rid of him? Ignoring him is not working!