what happens when you have feelings for your straight best friend!!!

why am I attracted to straight guys only?

  • gay straight...

    Votes: 21 38.2%
  • best friends?? is it possible?

    Votes: 34 61.8%

  • Total voters
    55

Luge

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Dude, you have my sympathy and understanding. I am straight and not attracted to most men, but I have been attracted to certain close straight friends. The reason they are still close friends is because I have never tried to take it further and will never try anything with any of them. We routinely hang out talking about sex, exercising together, hanging out nude in a locker room or tubbing after skiing. We have even done some threesomes or foursomes with gals. Even then, I mostly look and get turned on watching a straight friend having sex. We hug when we see each other, have shared good and bad times and they are like brothers. These friends are very good looking, most have large cocks and like to party. Some are now married and all will be friends twenty years from now. I am pretty sure at least one of them may have similar feelings but would never let it become reality.

There are two reasons I don't ever make a move. The first, I could ruin the friendship if turned down. The second, I could ruin the friendship if not turned down. If the guy is straight, and says no, even if he doesn't stay away from you, he may assume every look, comment or demonstration of friendship is another attempt to pick him up. It will screw up the friendship.

Even if a straight friend were to fool around with you drunk or whatever, if he is truly straight, he will regret it and avoid you either out of guilt or embarassment. In either case, you will likely lose this friend. It is not worth it.
 

ballsaplenty2156

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Is anyone ever really 100% STR8? We are all sexual human beings and that sexuality is not a clearly defined line in our totality.
I've been with many men in my life thus far, and not one of them was gay. Gay men, meaning men who would NEVER even think of sleeping with a woman, acting more like women than women; don't appeal to me at all. I am a man and if I want to sleep with another man he should act like a man. Every single man I've been with has had a g/f or a wife ( although I do not openly look to have sex with a married man).
I don't expect a relationship with a man other than a sexual one or a friendship relationship. I have romantic relationships with women. I am always open with them about my preferences. I do not lie to anyone about where my head and my heart is regarding relationships, whether it is sexual or romantic.
I am a very sexual person and according to my gay buddies, I am a " Str8 dude who loves to suck cock." ( that about sums it up) ( I do like fucking a nice tight ass as well)
I've had sex with several close friends from high school, very few were just one time sexual encounters, many were repeated a dozen or more times with several of my friends. They didn't turn queer, I didn't expect them to either.
I will say, truthfully, it has cost me several friendships. It is not an easy way to live. I have to say, I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for anyone else. But for me, at this point in my life, it works.
I enjoy sex with str8 dudes that are willing to explore their sexuality. There have been a few instances, where a guy freaks out a bit right after he gets his nut, and things could have gotten physically confrontational, however, I'm in pretty good shape, have a few years of martial arts training, and have been able to talk things down before it got too wild.
The lost friendships have taken their tolls as well, but it's the life I have chosen for now.
The sex has always been outstanding, but I have to admit, when I don't get invited to a buddies' wedding, it is understandable but it does hurt.
Having sex with a str8 friend, does not a relationship make. It might end the friendship altogether.
Good Luck, bro.
 

sam_solo26

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I find it funny that many of the male posters here have had sexual relations with purportedly "straight men" as a person that comes from the West Coast in the United States. In an area that is represented in the mass media and within its own population as "progressive" and accepting, I have found conversely that there is a latent homophobia within many male-male relationships. Guys in my experience grab their friend's asses, hug casually, touch each other on arms or legs, yet at the same time actively condemn homosexuality. In fact, it could be the general case that these adolescent men are making fun of homosexuality as something they don't understand, and don't really accept as normative lifestyle- like when they imitate the "gay lisp" while touching another guy.

I bring this up because it's tough in these situations to know how far you could go with such a friend, if you were so inclined to. I've found myself in these situations loads of times, wondering if these repeated behaviors were in jest or if they were part of some recurring and underlying impulses. How can you really know if a friend is up for any kind of sex when they are perceived as "straight", play openly with gender and sexuality behavior, and when each individual has their own system of indicating attraction? My suggestion is to always look at the eyes, which are either drawn to desirable things or purposely drawn away from desirable things to hide and mask a guilty pleasure. Also look at the interplay between the eyes, the eyebrows, and the mouth. These are generally the most expressive features, excluding various body gestures, and will clue you into what that friend wants or desires, and if they actually desire you.
 

Littlebit

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awww. im in the exact same position! ;_______; there is this guy, who is also my best friend, and i cant help but to have strong emotions for him. but he is going out with this girl who im soooo jealous of, it's crazy. i want soo badly to tell him how i really feel, and i drop hints all the time but im afraid nothing works. just thinking about him gives me an empty feeling because i want so badly to be with him even though i know it wont work out. we hang out like every weekend and i love him sooo much it's crazy. but idk if it will ever escalate (sp?) i cant tell him because i risk losing him for good, and i would prolly turn suicidal if that ever happened. so just saying i know how you must feel. ;-;
 

joantony78

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yeah, thanks for the empathy. I have had 3 best friends in my life and I have developed feelings for all of them....i's been hard and I truly feel you. What Im learning is that if things are meant to be things will happen somehow without you trying to force it.. specially when it comes to relationships. I suppose my sugesstion is to talk to him about it if its really bothering you.. you owe that to yourself, and then be cool about it. At least he knows how you feel and if he continues to be your friend then you'll know for sure you have a great friend. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop the expectations and the fantasies. give the best you have to offer to him as a friend and that will also tell you if your feelings are about love indeed or about lust.
 

pete1606

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Im in a similar situation. I am pretty much in love with my best friend who is "str8" I am not a 100% sure hes 100% of his sexuality. Maybe its just that im wishful thinking. Buit thats why im putting this out here.

We talk a lot over the phone one time we were talking about why he has no g/f. He told me that "sometimes I wish I was gay so I can date you". He also told me "hes not opposed to the idea of being gay, its just he dont have feelings for guys". He also jokes around w me at times about my sexuality and we both have fun w/ it.

He know im gay and he knows I have a crush on him. Yet it doesnt seem to bother him, even when I get drunk and hit on him. Recently I spent the night at his dorm. I almost canceled b/c I was worried that I wouldnt be able to control myself all weekend especially w/ alcohol involved. Im surprised he actually invited me to stay overnight cause he knows I have feelings for him. He even stripped down to his boxers.

Btw hes 21 and only had one g/f

My question is do you think he might be curious? I would love to give him a bJ. But im not sure if he would be up to it. Im not also sure if I can handle, keeping my emotions in check after words. Any advice?

and yes I read throug the replys, I just wanted my specific situation looked at.

Thank you in advance

Pete
 

chrisj428

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Im in a similar situation. I am pretty much in love with my best friend who is "str8" I am not a 100% sure hes 100% of his sexuality. Maybe its just that im wishful thinking. Buit thats why im putting this out here.

Oh my God, Pete...

I was in an almost identical situation about two years ago. Unfortunately, one night, I went one step too far and we haven't spoken since. In one sense, I kick myself for fucking up. However, on the flip side, I'd like to think that if he weren't so confused, he wouldn't have deleted me from his life the way he did in order to not have to face up to anything.
 

dreamer20

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All my close friends are straight and I fall for them. It keeps happening to me:confused: Dunno what to do. I don't like the gay scene or bars... and I hate the fact that it has to be 'gay' or 'straight' Can it ever be about a connection with someone that could develop freely into whatever it has potential a for rather than boxing ourselves into stupid labels???


Its not the "gay scene or bars" that you fall for, it's the men. You already have a special connection with your friends. If you know they are straight then you're only setting yourself up for rejection. You can only have a platonic love and friendship with them. If you want something sexual you will have to hook up with a like minded bi or gay person. Use the internet's gay meeting sites and converse with guys. Hopefully you can find someone who interests you in your locality.
 

alexm77

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I have the biggest problem with a straight guy at school. He is in one of the neighboring dorms and is completely straight, but at some points he seems to send off a couple of gay vibes. We have never talked, but it seems like i have known him forever. the sad part of the matter is that I basically stalk him everyday just to catch a glance of him. He is like a freakin god. This has to be the worst feeling ever. Why am I only attracted to straight guys?...Well, I wish I knew.
 

prince_will

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You act like a total cock like i did.

I got confused between having love for someone and being in love with someone, and was at the time in complete denial that i was in fact a gay.

I destroyed, without mercy, the best friendship of my life because it made sense to me, that it would hurt less to have him turn his back on me for having been a complete cunt to him, than for him to turn his back on me because i was gay.

I can never appologies for how i treated him. I was evil and im so ashamed. I destroyed our friendship beyond repair.



I miss him nearly all the time and it's been nearly 10 years. I wish i could have my friend back.

oh, that's so sad. seriously. i feel for you. i would die from the pain if things ended like that with my longest and greatest friend, the boy next door.
 

vindicator

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we hang out like every weekend and i love him sooo much it's crazy. but idk if it will ever escalate (sp?) i cant tell him because i risk losing him for good, and i would prolly turn suicidal if that ever happened. so just saying i know how you must feel. ;-;


I was in the exact same situation as you. EXACTLY.

First off, does he know you are gay? My best friend didn't. I told him and we have talked about that time in our lives and he now understands what happened. But i had to accept that he is a straight guy.

On the last note, i know it seems that loosing your best friend might be the worst thing in the world, but things will still move on. You will have new best friends and new experiences. I didn't know how free i could be to be myself and explorer relationships with people that are reciprocal with their emotions. There are SOOO many people in this world, I guarantee you you can find someone who will make you happy instead of making you unhappy. At least that was my situation.
 
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deleted3782

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My best friend in high school and I met when we were both in 9th grade. We loved architecture and photography, and had a lot of classes together, etc. He would sleep over in my dorm room with me, I would go spend weekends at their farm. Looking back on it, I fell head over heels in love with him by the end of 9th grade. Through the rest of high school, we remained friends most of the time, the exception being when my feelings were so strong for him that I couldnt deal with it...in which case I withdrew from being around him...and eventually I missed him so much that I befriended him again, and all was good in the world. We remained strong friends through college, I attended his wedding, and he named his first-born son after me.

At no time did I ever cross the line and make a move on him. Did I sneak a peek at his dick? Yup...but I think I did it discreetly. Did I ever want to make a move on him? Yup...but he was straight I that would have made things awkward. Would I do anything today if he asked? Maybe...but he is married now and very faithful...and I respect that. Over many years, we have had some sexually charged times...like when he got an erection one evening while wearing skimpy running shorts, and the time he admitted he could empathize with my bisexual feelings, and the time when he agreed to take nude pics of me (semi erect). Still, he never initiated sexual contact, and we never crossed the line.

Sometimes I think the forbidden fruit fantasy runs rampant among gay guys, but if a person is truely a friend and you respect them, then I dont see why you would want to be disrespectful to them and wreck a great friendship? Seems like you would want to invest your feeling into someone who can give back what you give...
 

dudepiston

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I see what you're saying about not wanting to wreck the relationship but why is it that it would wreck it? If the person is as good a friend to you as you claim they are, and as good as you are to them, then I would like to think my straight friend would have the tolerance & compassion to not HATE me for LOVING them. Since when did love become a four-letter word? For that matter, Lust? Since when are these things so very terrible, so very awful that they might ruin a supposedly good friendship? If I had a close friendship with another guy, and had feelings for him I would not require that those feelings be returned but I sure as hell would not expect him to disown me just because I expressed mine. A part of me thinks..why not ask him? Ask the bloke...."hey, do you wanna try this? We're young...we're supposed to experiment with relationships...." Why do we box ourselves in with gay, straight, bi, trans...why don't we focus on the love that we can give & want to receive?





My best friend in high school and I met when we were both in 9th grade. We loved architecture and photography, and had a lot of classes together, etc. He would sleep over in my dorm room with me, I would go spend weekends at their farm. Looking back on it, I fell head over heels in love with him by the end of 9th grade. Through the rest of high school, we remained friends most of the time, the exception being when my feelings were so strong for him that I couldnt deal with it...in which case I withdrew from being around him...and eventually I missed him so much that I befriended him again, and all was good in the world. We remained strong friends through college, I attended his wedding, and he named his first-born son after me.

At no time did I ever cross the line and make a move on him. Did I sneak a peek at his dick? Yup...but I think I did it discreetly. Did I ever want to make a move on him? Yup...but he was straight I that would have made things awkward. Would I do anything today if he asked? Maybe...but he is married now and very faithful...and I respect that. Over many years, we have had some sexually charged times...like when he got an erection one evening while wearing skimpy running shorts, and the time he admitted he could empathize with my bisexual feelings, and the time when he agreed to take nude pics of me (semi erect). Still, he never initiated sexual contact, and we never crossed the line.

Sometimes I think the forbidden fruit fantasy runs rampant among gay guys, but if a person is truely a friend and you respect them, then I dont see why you would want to be disrespectful to them and wreck a great friendship? Seems like you would want to invest your feeling into someone who can give back what you give...
 

invisibleman

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Hey everyone, just wanted to vent out a lil bit. I just got off the phone with one of my best friends who's a straight guy and pretty much told him I have liked him more than friends for a while (i was a lil drunk) and

he is completely straight so

I dont stand a chance. :rolleyes:

He loves girls. :eek:

It seems to me that this keeps happening to me :confused:.


THE PROBLEM: All my close friends are straight and at the end I fall for them.


Is anybody out there with some good advice.

Dunno what to do.

ANOTHER PROBLEM: I dont like the gay scene or bars... and I actually hate the fact that it has to be about 'gay' or 'straight'

Can it ever be about a connection with someone that could develop freely into whatever it has potential a for rather than boxing ourselves into stupid labels???


Im pretty sick of this crap man and would appreciate some good advice. thanx guys.

You may think that this is false but this is true: You can learn to stop falling for straight guys when you KNOW that they are not interested in you. You don't fall in love with anybody you don't want to. And somehow, you believe that straight men are the only way. You need to reprogram your thinking. Stop from doing that to yourself if you know it is causing you so much aggravation and pain. Stop falling in love with straight men!!! (Are they not entitled to love who they like? You are not in the position to consider otherwise. Fall in love with people that will catch you when you fall.)
Think of your heart as upscale real estate property. You wouldn't let anyone in unless you know that it is a sure thing. You wouldn't let any Rick James fucker come in and lounge in your white velvet sofa grinding his gritty boots into the fine upholstery, would you?
(Metaphors are truths, too.:wink:)

That is your heart...set up some rules...always seek the sure thing and reserve those hot straight buddies as fantasies ONLY.

You are isolated. (Just by you revealing that you ONLY have straight friends.) Unfortunately, you will have to go to gay bars and gay community centers to meet men who like men. It is common sense. How else are you going to know that a man actually likes you? You can definately try at your straight bar. I never heard of gay men going to a straight bar looking for gay men, though. :rolleyes:

It is nice to find people attractive. But falling in love with people who cannot reciprocate is a losing battle...and is reserved for sure things: someone who loves you back as much as you do them.