what has kept you in a bad relationship?

[wallyj84]

Fear of being alone is what does it for me.

 

[eyescream]

Multiple mind-blowing orgasms. I was in the bad relationship because the sex was addictive. I always thought I was crazy and stupid (because I wasn't in it for love) but it's been over for more than 5 years now and I must say, I miss the good sex. If I could tie him up or lock him up like a caged animal and use him for sex I would.

 

[Bbucko]

so what was the turning point?

He blew out his back by not taking safety precautions at work and became addicted to prescription pain meds. I had him involuntarily committed for 48-hour observation three times in five years, not counting his one attempt at rehab that was voluntary.

Eventually his addiction so altered his mind that there was no "there" left there. I'm also not unconvinced that he didn't wind up involved with either prostitutes or street drugs (or both).

 

[AlteredEgo]

I stayed because I didn't want to know everything wasn't okay. He was a liar, and a cheat, and deep, deep down I knew. However, when we were together, he was always kind, funny, thoughtful and romantic. He was always chivalrous. Sex was constant and amazing. He made me feel protected, and cared for. We broke up when the truth could no longer be avoided (because he confessed to ease his guilt). I'll always love the man he was supposed to be.

 

[D_Randy_Buoys]

My confidence got demolished by the last girl I was seeing. sometimes we still have sex, i think i need to stop if i ever want my confidence back.

 

[alwaysguessing]

I felt a greater responsibility to him than to myself.

That was my problem. In fact, the only reason I was able to end the relationship, was that I finally decided that it would be better for her in the long run. Even though I had been suffering for a long time, I had no desire to end the relationship for my own benefit, only for hers. So my sense of responsibility appears to be everlasting. Maybe that will fade once I see her mature in independence and self-confidence.

 

[petite]

Like eyescream, a few of mine have lasted beyond their expiration date because of sex, which sometimes continued beyond the point when I broke up with them. It wasn't just sex, I still loved them and I had affection for them and I enjoyed their company, so staying too long with them wasn't harmful to me, I was also just sure that we weren't meant to be together and it was time for me to move on.

I've stayed a few times because of hope. I loved them and I wanted to give the relationship a chance to improve because of how happy I used to be in the relationship. I believed that our relationship could become as good as it was before I was unhappy. Twice it improved. Once it didn't and I stayed in that one too many years.

I think I stayed in the relationship I was in just before TheBoyfriend for a month too long because of how badly I wanted to sleep with TheBoyfriend. Let me explain... My boyfriend and I had been dating for a few months and he hadn't had sex with me in two weeks, which is a problem I'm not used to having with a boyfriend. The only reason why I even met TheBF was because my boyfriend had stood me up that night, for the very first time but not the last. So there I was, horny and upset at my boyfriend, when a hot guy shows up out of nowhere and he's smart, funny, charming, sexy, athletic, with a great body and a bubble butt, gorgeous eyes that he knew how to use to maximum effectiveness, and he was obviously interested in me. I wanted him so badly! But I've never cheated on anyone and I've never begun a new relationship before the old one was over, so I tried to ignore him for as long as I could until I began feeling like I was starting to be mean, and then I gave in and joined in the conversation with him. That night, he asked me out to dinner, and I told him that I would love to, except I couldn't because I had a boyfriend. He tried to convince me and all my friends to go swimming in our underwear at a downtown hotel. I opted not to go because I could tell that if I went swimming in a hotel pool in my underwear at midnight and I had one alcoholic beverage, then we'd be screwing until the sun rose in one of the hotel rooms. The next day my female friends went on and on about how beautiful TheBF's body was and four of them spied on him while he was changing and told me he was hung. I thought they were exaggerating in order to be humorous. The next week I had a few erotic dreams about him where I showed up where he was living, which I knew about because he mentioned the place and I was familiar with it, and I knocked on the door and he opened it and knew why I was there and then he just grabbed me and kissed me and we had hot sex all night. The next week my boyfriend kept standing me up, started avoiding my phone calls, and still wasn't sleeping with me, and TheBF seemed to just show up at just the right time. That's when I saw him on one of his post-workout runs for the first time, the ones that I'd heard about from my female friends. I had no idea that he would look so hot all sweaty with his shirt clinging to his chest and his torso like that. His post-workout runs were worth watching over and over and over again. I've never seen a man look who looks so beautiful when he runs. If I hadn't met TheBF I would have broken up with my boyfriend a week after he stood me up, but now I was resisting temptation to jump TheBF's bones and I felt like I'd be giving up on my boyfriend because of how badly I wanted to sleep with TheBF, so instead of breaking up with my boyfriend when I should have, I tried to make it work for another whole month where we still didn't have sex. In retrospect, I realize how flawed my reasoning was, but I really wasn't able to reason at the time. My loins were on fire for a man I wasn't supposed to be lusting after and I felt full of guilt over it, so I overcompensated by trying harder with a guy who obviously really didn't want me or deserve me. I've said before that if I didn't govern my behavior by following my personal code, then I'd be an out of control slut, but sometimes I take "trying to be good" too far!

 

[dolfette]

i've only ever stayed past the point once, and that was because i'd fairly recently had a baby...it could've been a rough patch caused by hormones and stress.

 

[Wish-4-8]

Fear that she might do something harmful to herself.

 

[alwaysguessing]

The first time I tried to break up with her she threatened to kill herself. I conceded, and I believe I've been depressed ever since then. That was a year and a half ago.

 

[nipple_rubs]

we split,,, i met someone new and the x told me she was pregnant,,,it sounds an old chestnut but not being abe to contact her ever since that day played on my mind for a good 9 months,still does, never did she speak or reply to me to this day, i feel im still in it because i dont know anything for sure,but i will never shy from responsibility if she ever comes a knockin!

 

[blooeyz]

some sort of love

 

[sendera1]

I stayed in a bad relationship for many horrible reasons. First, I met the girl at church so I figured it was destiny that we should be together. Boy was I wrong. She was incredibly attractive. I mean beyond gorgeous. She was so pretty that my woman friends would comment and say things like how did you get her, lol. She was incredible in bed. I mean I've seen all these Porno movies and she had some moves that I've never seen before or since and I've been with quite a few women. She was 10 years younger, but physically she knew how to touch a man like no other woman I've been with.
The relationship should have ended after a month. I stayed with her for about a year and then broke it off. She moved back to her home state, but chased me down several months later. I relented and like a dummy went back for more. She was like a drug, highly addictive, lol. I broke it off again after I realized she was no good.
I will be the first to admit that she ran straight game on me like no woman ever has. She was very street, but wanted you to think that she wasn't. She knew all the games and how to play them.
The big issue was that she wasn't over her ex-boyfriend who she moved to be with. He was over her though. Here is the funny part. I was talking to a woman coworker about this girl I was dating and come to find out that she was dating my girlfriends exboyfriend. They ended up getting married. That relationship was so crazy that you couldn't make up the stuff I went through with that woman, lol.
This story reads like a novel. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't lived it. The story has so many twists and turns in it the year that I dated her I couldn't believe it. Fortanetly, I'm able to look back and laugh now. I told myself that I would never let a woman run game like that again. She was a pro. I read everything I could from that point on about relationships and women and haven't let it happen since. I mean that girl really messed me up because I naively thought she was marriage material.

 

[Embrace69]

Fear of being homeless, fear of being alone, fear of not being able to financially pay off our debts, fear of my life, that of my family, and thinking I was the only one in the world who would/could ever care about him, fear of telling him no, fear of being sued for financial responsibilities, etc. Those are just a few I can name. Mostly in the name of fear. *sigh*

 

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

The downhill pattern in my two previous LTRs was they got more and more critical, harder and harder to please, after the midpoint of the relationship. Looking back now, the writing was on the wall in giant letters: HE'S TIRED OF YOU. Instead of reading it, I tried harder and harder to please, walked on eggshells to avoid setting setting off tirades, blamed myself for their bad moods, and then reached a point of just letting go. My present relationship has lasted almost twice as long as the longest previous one, and we are committed partners for life. If I had known how good a good relationship could be, back when I was struggling with a notsogoodandgettingworse one, I'd have cut things off sooner.

So, in short: what kept me involved was the illusion that I could rescue something that in retrospect was clearly doomed to fail.

 

[dolfette]

The first time I tried to break up with her she threatened to kill herself. I conceded, and I believe I've been depressed ever since then. That was a year and a half ago.

the last time a guy threatened to top himself and started making half hearted scratches with a kitchen knife, i just went and fetched him a sharper knife.

he started sobbing and nothing ever happened.

that kind of emotional blackmail shit is just another form of bullying.

 

[mako shark]

To raise a child together and I THOUGHT that I could fix anything....

 

[Gillette]

Yummy

WTF?

the last time a guy threatened to top himself and started making half hearted scratches with a kitchen knife, i just went and fetched him a sharper knife.

he started sobbing and nothing ever happened.

that kind of emotional blackmail shit is just another form of bullying.

That it is and good for you.

I've stayed in relationships past their expiry date for a couple of reasons. Most cases it was the naive belief the love conquers all. Thinking that if we both loved each other and wanted things to improve that we could manage to make it work. It takes time and sometimes heartbreak to get to the understanding that the other person doesn't really want to change despite lip service to the contrary.

One I stayed in out of ennui. He lived three hours away so going to see him was like a mini vacation each time. We had fun together, the sex was good and I loved his friends but on a personal level his beliefs and attitudes did not sit well with me. It took overhearing one woman say to another, "You can't stay in Greenwood three months without getting pregnant", to snap me out of my inertia. No fucking way was I getting knocked up by him.

I think the biggest reason anyone stays in a bad relationship too long is because the most difficult step is to admit being wrong to ourselves. It's hard to admit we were wrong to miss the clues that this wasn't a good match. Hard to admit that we have been manipulated or used. Very hard to admit that despite being two good people that what you have isn't love and shouldn't continue. Painful to admit that we were wrong to think we were capable of saving another person.

So many people view the end of a relationship as a failure when they should see the recognition that it's time to end it as a personal victory.

 

[lafever]

Sex that Is out of this world, the kind that you say OMG!

 

[HiddenLacey]

I think the biggest reason anyone stays in a bad relationship too long is because the most difficult step is to admit being wrong to ourselves. It's hard to admit we were wrong to miss the clues that this wasn't a good match. Hard to admit that we have been manipulated or used. Very hard to admit that despite being two good people that what you have isn't love and shouldn't continue. Painful to admit that we were wrong to think we were capable of saving another person.

Very interesting outlook, I never thought about it this way. Thank you for sharing this.