what if your dad was bi or gay and was married to your mom

kloffus2000

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I endorse Dante's two cents-worth. The troubling thing is the long term deception I have practiced and this was mainly what upset my wife when she dicovered I was writing to gay friends on the internet. I wish I had not embarked upon that deception all those years ago but the world was a differnt, less tolerant place in those days, and I was still rather confused anbout my own sexuality.
Now we cope with the stuation by keeping it under the carpet as far as possible. I am totally discreet about my internet time and she asks no questions. This is certainly not ideal but it is a modus vivendi that enables our marriage to continue in the way it must for humane and honourable reasons. And Ido still love her too! Human's can be complicated and conrtradictory creatures .
 

Infernal

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I've wondered about my father. I found some trans porn at his place when I was in my mid 20's. Years later, I was talking to my cousin who is also gay and he found some in his fathers collection as well. Seems that he had been trading some back and forth with my father (his brother). I really don't care what he likes sexually. Don't even want to know. I just find it kind of strange that both my father and his brother both like trans porn, have had miserable, failed relationships with women, and both have gay sons.
 

D_Dick_S_Lapp

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being bi or gay does not automatically mean he's going to cheat. that's a pretty homophobic assumption.

if my mother was content (and she hates sex, so no sex would be fine) then, as long as his ehaviour towards us was proper, it would't bother me a jot.

if he was actually cheating on her then it would make no difference whether it was with a man or a woman. a cheat is a cheat is a cheat.

there are plenty of straight cheats out there.

^^^+1 :D
 

thebesthotsex

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Back when I worked retail, an older attractive guy hit on me as I was scanning his merchandise...meanwhile his wife, and 2 teenage kids were waiting for him just a few steps away. I couldn't believe the audacity of the guy and I felt so sick I wanted to vomit. Believe it or not, he came back 3 more times hoping I would change my mind. He would tell me to keep the change, say good things about me to my manager, and literally spend hundreds of dollars to either (a) impress me or (b) make me forget the whole thing since his name, phone number, and address always appeared on his receipts. The second time he came in, he blatantly told me that he was pursuing me...made me sick to my stomach yet again. He continued to come again with his kids, often buying them big ticket items (probably out of guilt, he wanted to show me that even though he hit on me, he really loved his kids), and eyeing me while he was shopping...it was so freakin creepy. Many times I pondered calling his house and outing him to his wife because he was starting to become stalker-ish. I actually ended up googling his name and found out he is very active in his district's school tennis team...I can just picture him being the total Sandusky type. Makes me wonder why men like this ever get married in the first place.
 

kloffus2000

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Thebesthotsex says of a married guy who fancied him " Makes me wonder why men like this ever get married in the first place. " And yet he himself claims to be 60% straight and 40% gay. Surely with a bit of imagination and some human understanding he can answer his own question.
 

NCbear

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My father is at least bi, I think.

Three signs:

(1) A stash of gay porn my oldest brother found in my father's desk in his "den" (home office) back in the late 1970s or early 1980s.

(2) His wandering eyes when he gets into a nude environment with other males, such as a swimming pool locker room or YMCA locker room.

(3) After I'd come out at the age of 18, I was riding in the front passenger seat while he was driving (my next oldest brother was in the back seat) and I saw a hot (in both senses), shirtless construction worker on the side of the road. I made some crude comment and a slurping sound--I was 18, and I was also immature enough to want to discombobulate my parents at any opportunity--and the steering wheel wobbled and Dad said, "I wish you wouldn't do that." He went on to say that he thought I was going through a phase. I asked him why he thought so, and he said, "Because I went through that phase too." I raised one eyebrow and asked him whether he thought that "phase" was over, in his case. He wouldn't answer. And now, he wants to deny that he ever said that--but my next oldest brother (who's straight) says every time, "No, you said it. I was there. You're gay, too, right Dad?" [He enjoys saying the truth to rattle my parents, too. It's a reaction to their trying to deny the truth and deny past history while we were growing up.]

So yeah, Dad's at least bi if not gay. And no, it's not just a phase. :rolleyes:

The interesting part: I haven't ever found evidence of his straying, sexually, but for years, when his and Mom's marriage was on the rocks, he would stay at work until late into the evening so he wouldn't have to deal with her (he was for years the classic man-who-avoids-father-type-responsibilities-except-for-bringing-home-the-bacon, and of course she resented that). So encounters with other men could have happened without my knowledge.

He's not the most masculine or the most feminine man in the world. In his mannerisms, he reminds me of those well-dressed evangelical Republicans with good hair who set off my gaydar with their protestations that "gay is not normal." :tongue:

On the plus side, he's kind of cerebral--fitting for a retired librarian--and someone who has finally learned how to commit (he and my mother have stayed together and are now each other's support as their health goes rapidly down the drain). So now I feel less resentment over his keeping his emotional barriers up during most of his time as a father.

Still, I've joked with my next oldest brother that if Mom dies, we'll have to introduce him to a nice guy. :smile:

NCbear (who is indeed irreverent and snarky but who doesn't see that as incompatible with a genuine respect for the parts of a person that are truly admirable--as we are all a mixture of various parts)
 

thebesthotsex

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Thebesthotsex says of a married guy who fancied him " Makes me wonder why men like this ever get married in the first place. " And yet he himself claims to be 60% straight and 40% gay. Surely with a bit of imagination and some human understanding he can answer his own question.

I would never hit on another guy while my wife and kids were standing 3 feet away, man, even if I was 40% gay (or whatever the hell that means, do you really take these percentages seriously?) He is clearly gay or bi and probably got married due to the social pressures and whatever other extenuating circumstances of that time. That doesn't give him an excuse to actively pursue his homosexuality in front of his family and stalk me. Surely with a bit of imagination and some understanding, you can understand that statement.
 

kloffus2000

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Of course, thebesthotsex, I totally agree that this particular man's behaviour was disgusting. I was taking your remark more generally to mean - "why would any bi sexual man marry?". Now I see you were referring specifiaclly to this particular man I understand the point of your question. I can at least claim to have kept my own homosexual encounters ( really very,very few) and homosexual "reading matter" ( not only porno mags!) strictly secret from my wife and son and would never ever think of inflicting my attentions where they were unwelcome.
To coin a phrase " Being bisexual doen't make you a bad person"
 

thebesthotsex

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Not to mention I was only 17 at the time, which opens another can of worms. Even after he asked me how old I was, he continued to pursue me. When I think of twisted guys like that, it surely makes me wonder why his kind would ever consider getting married...it just opens the door to even worse things: he probably satisfies his homosexual tendencies through younger (maybe even underage) guys that are naive and gullible and would never out him. My sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. I am bisexual, and never said being bi makes you a bad person.
 

D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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How would you feel if your dad was bi or gay on the down low but never said a word to you or family. How would you feel? But you later on got suspicious about him.

I've heard worse stories from my parents early years together... still together 50 plus years later.... a history of love/hate/jealousy/passion.... but hey, it works for them.

how would I feel? seriously, it wouldn't change how I feel about him. His life is not my life .... I'd still love him.... and I know he loves me. Isn't that all that really matters?
 

ManchesterTom

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Coveryerteeth, that is or was my situation.
I am a married bi with a grown up son. I love my wife though now she is old and disabled and I must and will take care of her. For most of my married life I have suppressed my gay side except for secretly buying gay mags. However for the past 7 years or so I have been able to express, and perhaps indulge, my gay side on the internet, virtually. I have made many friends and even , last year met one for sex. It was marvellous.
I have kept all this activity secret from my wife as far as possible. She knows that I do write to some friends on the internet who are gay but nothing of what I say. This is how it must stay because to be open would destroy her and our rmarriage. She is too old and needy to stand that. My son has no notion and I often wonder what his reaction would be if he found out. He is a well educated and liberal minded man with a ( female ) partner but I do not know what effect it would have on him (or indeed on her) if he learnt about his dad's homosexual activites. Any one here experienced that first hand? It is a worry to me.

Children are very forgiving of their parents, and most times, I don't think it would be a huge problem for children.
 

kloffus2000

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Thebesthotsex : Of course I fully agree about the revolting behaviour of the man who propositioned you perstistantly when you were 17. I was a teacher in secondary school for most of mycareer and was always scrupulous never to betray any sexual interest of any of my students ( what ever I may have ocassionally felt privately)
Maybe this chap was more highly sexed than I but I still say iot is for an older man to master himself and not to try to seduce a younger person when such a relationship is inappropriate and unwanted but the obhjest of his passion. One may play the flirtation and suduction gamne with adults of equal standing but it is dishonourable to do so with vulnerable and inexperienced youth.
My comment about being bisexula not making you a bad person was a joke - a adjusted quote from a line in a film referring originally to being gay, said ( I think) Rod Stieger in The Painted Man?? [ Maybe another memeber will correct me as to who said and in which film.
I trust thebesthottsex , that your unpleasant experience with this man has not coloured or distorted the rest of your life.
And thanks Durbantom for your encouraging comment. I tend to think that too.