My father is at least bi, I think.
Three signs:
(1) A stash of gay porn my oldest brother found in my father's desk in his "den" (home office) back in the late 1970s or early 1980s.
(2) His wandering eyes when he gets into a nude environment with other males, such as a swimming pool locker room or YMCA locker room.
(3) After I'd come out at the age of 18, I was riding in the front passenger seat while he was driving (my next oldest brother was in the back seat) and I saw a hot (in both senses), shirtless construction worker on the side of the road. I made some crude comment and a slurping sound--I was 18, and I was also immature enough to want to discombobulate my parents at
any opportunity--and the steering wheel wobbled and Dad said, "I wish you wouldn't do that." He went on to say that he thought I was going through a phase. I asked him why he thought so, and he said, "Because I went through that phase too." I raised one eyebrow and asked him whether he thought that "phase" was over, in his case. He wouldn't answer. And now, he wants to deny that he ever said that--but my next oldest brother (who's straight) says every time, "No, you said it. I was there. You're gay, too, right Dad?" [He enjoys saying the truth to rattle my parents, too. It's a reaction to their trying to deny the truth and deny past history while we were growing up.]
So yeah, Dad's at least bi if not gay. And no, it's not just a phase.
The interesting part: I haven't ever found evidence of his straying, sexually, but for years, when his and Mom's marriage was on the rocks, he would stay at work until late into the evening so he wouldn't have to deal with her (he was for years the classic man-who-avoids-father-type-responsibilities-except-for-bringing-home-the-bacon, and of course she resented that). So encounters with other men could have happened without my knowledge.
He's not the most masculine or the most feminine man in the world. In his mannerisms, he reminds me of those well-dressed evangelical Republicans with good hair who set off my gaydar with their protestations that "gay is not normal." :tongue:
On the plus side, he's kind of cerebral--fitting for a retired librarian--and someone who has finally learned how to commit (he and my mother have stayed together and are now each other's support as their health goes rapidly down the drain). So now I feel less resentment over his keeping his emotional barriers up during most of his time as a father.
Still, I've joked with my next oldest brother that if Mom dies, we'll have to introduce him to a nice guy. :smile:
NCbear (who is indeed irreverent and snarky but who doesn't see that as incompatible with a genuine respect for the parts of a person that are truly admirable--as we are all a mixture of various parts)