What is communication?

Phil Ayesho

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When I was younger I paid close attention to what people said and little attention to what they did. Now I do exactly the opposite because I learn much more about people when I examine their actions. Some say one thing but do another and in those cases their actions tell you what they're thinking despite what they say.

I disagree.

One of the hardest things for people to do is to truly comprehend that other people do not always see nor react to the world in the same way they do.

You interpret the 'actions' of others based upon some theory you form of why someone would do the action you observe... but all you are going to come up with is what motivation would make YOU do the same thing.

For example, You see someone do something that you would only do if you were trying to manipulate someone... and so you judge the person's actions to be manipulative.
You dismiss their explanation of their actions because you really believe they could only act that way for the reasons you might act that way...

So you have in one stroke determined that this person is manipulative , AND a liar.


But what if they are telling the truth? What if they truly are not being manipulative? what if they have an entirely different world view that you do and act out of entirely different motives?

Then all your 'theories' of them are wrong.

I lost a marriage to the fact that my exwife imagined me a villian...
But she only imagines me a villian because she did not believe what I told her about my perspective and the reasons for my actions.

I find people most often accuse you of the very things they are, themselves, most guilty of.
 

Ethyl

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You interpret the 'actions' of others based upon some theory you form of why someone would do the action you observe... but all you are going to come up with is what motivation would make YOU do the same thing.
.

You're talking about something entirely different than what I was referring to (and I didn't offer an in-depth explanation so that's my fault). I'm not talking about subjective observation but rather the obvious. If a man or a woman tells their partner they'll do something over and over without actually doing it, eventually their partner will come to the conclusion that they'll never do it. That's obvious. What you speak of is the subjective view we have of others' actions due to our experiences/fears/biases/etc. We are all human so it comes to us naturally. It's also natural for humans to become confused by the difference between words and actions whatever the reason behind those discrepancies. Every situation is different between two people and we all have our limits.

Hopefully I haven't gone from one extreme to another. I like to give others' the benefit of the doubt until I feel I no longer can. As they say, your mileage may vary.
 

Phil Ayesho

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not meaning the word "you" as in accusing you personally of it...

Just pointing out that we are all prone to interpret others' actions thru the lens of our own understanding of our own motive...

It is incredibly hard to imagine a different way of thinking or reacting to the world...