What is considered normal sex etiquette

curious_george1

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Hi guys,

I’m a fellow gay member who finally embraced my sexuality and accepted myself. I also happen to got in my first relationship and now sex is a thing. I’m predominantly a bottom and my bf, top.

Almost always, whenever one of us cums, our sex session would end since he or I just don’t have the sex drive to continue.

I’m just finally starting to wonder and wanted to hear from you guys since I’m still new to this. Is this s normal thing? Does only one person cum during gay sex? Or is it normal to continue on until the other party finishes too? Being the bottom, am I supposed to just finish myself off in the bathroom after he’s done?

My apologies in advance if this sounds silly. :sweat:

- Curious George
 
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deleted847535

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not a silly question but no easy answers.
Since you are talking a relationship here the expectations are different. You get a say in how you want things to be.
Y,up sometimes sex ends when one person finishes, but if you are the guy always left hanging, that is not equal and you need to address it. This can be a temporary back and forth between the two of you until you get on the same cycle or figure out your timing. He may have to work a little harder to keep you stimulated while he is having fun. Different positions can change outcomes.
like cuddling after (some do some don't) you have to communicate with each other on what you like and expect.
 

Tbprivate

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In a non-relationship I’ve had guys who’ve gone to clean up in the bathroom soon after cumming and left me unsatisfied, thoughtful guys have made sure I’ve cum too by sucking me or kissing me or playing with my nipples while I jerk off.

Love making in a relationship or random sex should be a partnership and not just for the Top to fuck until climax.
 
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Whatever works for you. With my bf if one of us cums first we normally carry on till the other has too, even if it's only a helping hand or kissing. Sometimes if one of us misses the wave or runs out of steam, we might stop - no big deal. I do like him to cum though, cos he makes a noise like a wolf and that makes us laugh.
 

SpeedThePlow

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I agree with those who say there is not "etiquette" in the sense of any real rules.

To me, personally, something is missing in sex if (usually) at least both people don't cum. But that's just me.

So ... ask and tell. If you are uncomfortable about being left stranded tell him. Ask him to do whatever will get you off. If you are uncomfortable about you cumming and him not, ask him if he's ok with that -- or tell him you are not. So many unnecessary sexual frustrations and concerns are caused by the fact that although we will do these incredibly private, intimate things with each other, we don't find it easy to talk about them. But often you don't get to find out what the other guy needs unless you ask, and you don't get what you need unless you tell.
 

Andrue

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Agree with the above. Most important here: talk. Discuss what you see happening and how you feel about it. If he leaves you on your own because he's cum and is done without asking if you are still expecting to cum, then he's missing the mark. And that goes the other way too, obviously.

In a relationship, it's kind of expected you'll be a bit more thoughtful about the partner you're supposedly in love with and care about. Since it's a concern to you enough to be asking, I suspect this is an issue to some degree, at least.

So start using your words, share how you're feeling, ask him how he's feeling too. If you're both keeping stuff bottled up, that's not a good thing in a relationship. He should be THE person you are most likely to be open about pretty much everything with. That includes how you both feel about stopping sex the moment one or the other blows.

Now if you do discuss this honestly and openly and it really does turn out you're both completely fine stopping when the other one has the first orgasm, then you're golden. But if one or the other feels, sometimes, like you'd have liked to finish too but you're holding back on standing up for your own needs or ignoring his, then that does need to be addressed.

And yes, I think the general consensus will be that as partners in a relationship, you BOTH make the effort to see that the other one has his needs satisfied, even if you blew your load 5 minutes ago. That might not apply to hook-ups. Although I'd still think the dude walking out without caring if the other guy is done or not, is something of a douchebag. Unless it's been established ahead of time that that's what the 2nd cummer prefers. And some guys DO prefer to get the other guy off without getting off themselves.

The only way you have to know what will work best is to talk about this with each other.
 
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hvdude

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I am a "last cum" er. Once I cum I'm done, always have been this way. I don't know why. I always ask my partner to finish before me. Up to the moment I cum I will do anything. After not so much.
 
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ohiorod

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Wow! I had no idea that this was happening. I would never leave a partner hanging with nothing unless he was particularly tired or requested it. Maybe the reciprocation has been what has caused several to say I was a considerate partner.
 

Brodie888

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If it was a hookup then it's assumed both parties want to cum unless requested otherwise.

In a monogamous relationship it's a bit more complex. With my partner, we try to edge so we are both near orgasm for a while so if one wants to cum the other is close enough to be finished off easily. I wouldn't make my partner struggle to get me off after cumming if I was nowhere close. It's a turn off really and defeats the purpose. I know there's a next time so I know I can square up.

Unless you both have matching sex drives, the timing can be a bit out of sync. So you are horny enough to play but not 100% in to it. In those times you meet your partners needs when you don't need to cum yourself or vice versa as well.
 

hairybubblebum

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Me it depends on my mood. 99% of the time that top better open his mouth up and take my load and love it lol.

however, I did have a blast fucking this guy who said he was straight, he busted got dressed and walked out. I had to bust sooooo bad, and I knew there was a guy on grindr begging to suck me off but i wanted to get fucked. So I was ignoring him.

I hit up the grindr guy and he came over and sucked my cock until I blew the biggest load ever.