What is going on with her?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ydarb1235, May 4, 2007.

  1. ydarb1235

    ydarb1235 New Member

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    Hi all,

    I'm having some girlfriend problems and thought I'd come here for advice. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 3.5 years, and broke up earlier this year. For a couple weeks after we broke up we still hooked up and saw each other frequently. Then all of a sudden she became very very distant. It turns out she was dating someone else (and actually living with him) but didn't tell me. About 1.5 weeks ago she calls me crying saying she loves me and is leaving him for me. She comes over and we have sex for the first time in months and I thought we were more or less back together. I was willing to overlook the other guy temporarily to try and get our relationship back on track. We spent Friday and Saturday nights together and had a good time. Now all of a sudden she tells me "she needs to get over me" and that "she doesn't want to work on things right now." She's been struggling with her identity and I think she does need sometime to learn about herself and what makes her happy but she is so inconsistent with me it is incredibly painful. Also, her tendency to immediately jump to other guys (not just for hookups but for dating and relationships) makes it very hard to simply "give her time."

    Any thoughts here would be appreciated. I also know that I probably need to just let go but we had a great and very intense relationship so it's not that easy. She was my gf and my best friend.

    As related to LPSG, the night she came over last week the first thing she did was grab my cock and say god I missed your big dick. She played with it for hours before we had sex and just help saying over and over how she loved it big. I'm not huge (7.5" by 5.5") but that sure felt good to hear. Of course, it was nice to know that I was much larger than the other guy but certainly weird.
     
  2. darkone

    darkone New Member

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    Hey ydarb

    I know she was your best friend and gf for sometime. But how long are you going to follow the breadcrumbs trailing behind her. She wants the space ... just give it too her and just cut her off entirely. You don't have to be an a-hole just talk to her and nothing else. You don't want to turn into the guy she turns too when stuff isn't going her way.

    I'm sure you can find someone else and you will do just fine and find a girl that is willing to be with you and only you. There are too many girls out there ydarb to waste this much effort on her.

    Save yourself the stress... and even know you may not have minded right now the fact that she was with those other guys would start to eat at you and make you wonder or maybe even trust issues would appear. I would just stop bro and go find another gf.

    That's my .02

    -D1-
     
  3. ganja4me

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    wow basically the same exact thing happened to me before. I was going out with a girl for a year and had been friends with her for like a year before I started dating her. Then she started doing the same thing you just described. I would definately take darkone's advice on this. She told me she wanted to start seeing me again so of course I did because I was dumb. I did have trust issues with her and in less than a month she was dating someone else. I was so depressed about it and trying to get her back. I never stopped to think that what she was doing to me was wrong and that I should just find another girl that won't make me feel so bad. It took me a while to get over her but I think if I would have just moved on sooner It wouldn't have been nearly as bad for me as it was. It is even worse IMO to get fucked over a second or third time.
     
  4. B_Kshelby67

    B_Kshelby67 New Member

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    Being of the vagina variety myself, I can verify that the majority of us are really fucked in the head. We will play games with your mind for the rest of your life. Don't fall for it. Seriously. People shouldn't treat people like that. It doesn't matter if she means to be crazy or not, it is insensitive and selfish to go back and forth and act as if she can choose whomever she wants whenever she wants.
     
  5. OmahaBeef

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    Ditch her. I know its hard and you have feelings for her etc. But you lost the initiative when you took her back after she cheated on you. Thinking that you were doing the right thing...the "forgiveness" thing...just dug your own grave and gave her a green light to give you the proverbial Cleveland Steamer. She no longer respects you. She is walking all over you, which she enjoys, but for the most part loathes. No offense...but stop being a pussy. Shit-can her ASAP.

    ...OB
     
  6. trainrman

    trainrman New Member

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    You're amazingly honest.

    I felt connected to your comments from previous relationships.
     
  7. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    I'm willing to bet that there are a LOT of women that would take exception to being characterized as "fucked in the head gameplayers", so you may not want to speak for the entire gender. I can think of about 20 LPSG women right off the top of my head that do not in any way, shape, or form play into your negative stereotype. As a matter of fact, I can't think of one that does.

    Perhaps more accurate verbage could have been "some women" and not the "majority of women". Words have power and they get taken seriously around these parts.
     
  8. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Are you sure you aren't a man? with some pretty nice blanket statements like that... fuck who knows where you're coming from. Speak for yourself when you say fucked in the head, and you just proved it by opening your mouth, and saying something. The only mind game I've played... is when I want to switch it up, and play bondage sex with my friend... and he didn't know what I wanted, or how to play that role. So, thanks but no thanks for your unhelpful post.
     
  9. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    Some girls are like that, but remember that many of us men are too.

    And we even haven't the style women have in handling those ambiguos behaviours. Many ladies let "men" treat them like rubbish, entering and exiting their lives as they please: "men" that use a lady like a safe harbour to land when tey are tired to fuck a different girl every night, sure that, differently from a one-night-stand, that lady will take care of them, cure them and support them.

    "Men" who this way slowly suck all life, dignity and hope from a woman, and when her life is dedicated to them, when they mean everything for her, because they renounced to everything for them, and therefore have few or no friends, dreams or career, just throw them away, and go with a bitch whose only merit is spreading well her legs.

    I want to die the day I become such a kind of man.
     
  10. Lake Racer

    Lake Racer New Member

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    I too have been a doormat before. There's no future in it. Move on.
     
  11. depeel

    depeel New Member

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    While I recognized your story, after a stupid adventure white my neighbour. W're now happy again together... In the beginning we did it easy and seeing from time to time. Later on I told her my wierd experiences with the neighbour. My (ex)wife affirmed that I was huge. She realised that after some intercourses with other man at the time we were divorced. I was the first man who she did it with so she couldn't compare it at that point.

    After a while we had sex again and she also at first grab my penis and say god I missed your huge dong. She just keep saying over and over how she loved it big. For me too was it weird but was nice to know that I was much larger than the other guys.
     
  12. Principessa

    Gold Member

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    I may be wrong but this thing is not going to work, you and her as a couple.

    The reason being is she is one of those women who thinks she is nothing without a man. So she has never taken the time to find herself. I don't mean she should buy a motorcycle and ride cross country. I know people who have done that and by the time they reach California all they have gained is a love of Stuckey's pecan nougat logs and a respect for the cleanliness of Super 8 motels over Motel 6.

    She does need time off not just from you but all men until she can figure out who she is, what she wants and get her shit together. She needs to be able to bring something to the table.

    Kinda like the character Julia Roberts played in the Runaway Bride. She needs to figure out what kind of eggs she likes. Every guy the Julia Roberts character dates in the movie, if he loves eggs bendict then she loves them that way, if he loves poached eggs she loves them, if he can only eat egg white omelets, with spinach and provolone cheese, suddenly that's the only way she can eat them also.

    It may sound silly but at some point in her life every girl does something that the guy does even if she hates it. We morph to please you. I am embarassed to admit, I actually smoked cigarettes, because the guy I liked did. I can't even blame it on being a stupid teenager I was like 22 or 23 at the time.

    FYI - I love scrambled eggs cooked soft, but not runny with yellow american cheese. The cheese needs to be cut or torn into little pieces in the bowl with the egg when beaten. Add a dash of pepper and serve with white or seedless rye toast and grape jelly and I am a happy girl.
     
  13. trainrman

    trainrman New Member

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    I love your insight and your abiltiy to articulate the relational meaning of this woman to her relationships. I felt very connected to the heart and soul of your words, and that's a welcome surprise.
     
  14. Ethyl

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    NJQT is right. She needs time to herself to figure out who she is and what she wants. Stand back and give her the space she needs. I know it's difficult because you've been together for some time and share a strong bond, but you'll thank yourself later. I've been in a similar situation where the other person was confused and couldn't decide what to do. I kept muddying the waters by making myself available and realised it was hurting him as well as myself. Removing oneself from a situation like this can be painful when all you want to do is be with that person.

    You're exceptional, not optional. Never allow anyone to think otherwise.
     
  15. KYJenni

    KYJenni New Member

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    I can't help but agree with njqt and mercurial, they have hit the nail on the head. I have got a little more to add though that might help give an insight to why she does keep coming back...

    When you've been with someone for years they become part of your life and who you are. When you break up with them and they are no longer there it feels like you've lost half of yourself and you suddenly there are so many gaps to fill. Even when you know the relationship wasn't 100% what you both needed and might not have had a future you'd prefer to have the 80% back then suffer the lonliness of being on your own following a break up and it's so easy to step back in to it to ease that pain. It can be a viscious cirlce of breaking up and getting back together that you might go through a few times before you feel strong enough to end it for good. I have wanted men back in my life for all the good times I've missed because I haven't wanted to be alone and single and I've managed to push the negative points of our relationship to the back of my mind.

    Do you mind me asking how old you and your girlfriend are?

    I have changed so much between 15 and 27 and I still don't really think I've found myself completely but I do have a better idea of what I want from life and from a partner. I've been single more in my late 20's than I have at any other time in my life but I've grown to love being single and now won't "settle" for any man just for the sake of being in relationship.

    I hope she can get over her fear of being alone as it does sound like that's a problem for her. I also really hope that you can find the strength to walk away from this relationship as she's not being fair on you and you clearly deserve better. Go off, be single, have new life experiences and you'll see that life and the world is amazing. You'll see people and relationships with fresh eyes and be happier in your future choices.

    I hope whatever way things work out you manage to find happiness :smile: xx

    Hope I haven't rambled and made a little sense, I haven't proof read this either so apologies for spelling and grammatical errors!
     
  16. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    I am, or was in the same situation. It's hard to know where you stand! My ex used to call me up and do the same stuff.

    You just have to move on. It might be hard but you don't deserve to be messed around. Some people need to sort their heads out. And if they don't have their shit together, you can't have a proper relationship. Maybe you can have a few hours or a weekend of being together but inbetween that will be a lot of shit.

    For your own sanity and happiness you should stay away from her. Sure you might be sad being apart from her but it must be better than being messed around, not knowing whether your coming (or cumming :tongue:) or going!

    Good luck :smile:

    It's a shame though, my ex was a beautiful girl...we could have had such beautiful babies hehe. But you live and learn. I learned that beauty and a few hours of being together do not make up for days, weeks or months of hassle, BS and psychotic episodes. You (and me!) are worth more.
     
  17. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    dont take the crazy bitch back ever again never ever take her back !!!!!

    2nd how did you NOT know she was living with another guy?
     
  18. ydarb1235

    ydarb1235 New Member

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    First, thank you all for the advice. I really do appreciate it and honestly the posts on here have really helped me. I feel so, so much better since last week it is remarkable. Granted, I still miss her and can't honestly say that I wouldn't take her back if she wanted to. But I am getting close to being able to go about my days without thinking about her.

    I think that, as everyone as said, it is simply best that I ignore her for a while. I love her but I find myself moving on more and more everyday. Fortunately, my cell phone broke and I haven't replaced it so I don't have the temptation to call her. It sucks that she isn't in my life anymore, she is an amazing, beautiful girl. Unfortunately, it just isn't going to work. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends and doing work so I haven't had time to fret over it.

    Horrible Person,

    That is the amazing thing. I am very perceptive so I felt like an idiot when she told me what was going on. She would talk to me when she was at his place but her attitude was different and I sensed something was up. I just didn't think that it was nearly that serious.


    We are young and I think that might have been a problem for me since I liked the idea of being her "only one." Granted she had other boyfriends but not like our relationship. I'm 23, she is 22. We are at strange points in our lives. I'm working for a hedge fund in NYC and she wants to live in North Carolina. Her family lives in NC and mine lives in NJ. We have a lot of HUGE differences that logically can not be worked out but emotionally it's a roller coaster. I think that some of her reasons for going back and forth on me are totally superficial: $$, I'm good looking and smart. I think she realizes that in many ways she'll never do better than me (not to sound arrogant, those are her words) but she does need time to herself and unfortunately I got caught in the crossfire of her personality crisis.

    I hope that I have the strength to give her the space she needs and ignore her for a bit. I start my job in a couple weeks so at least I'll have those lovely 60 hour weeks to keep me occupied.

    I am dead tired but I'll remember to post more tomorrow since you guys gave me so much help that I'll respond more specifically to your points.

    Thanks again,

    BJB
     
  19. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I think my questions are more about you. This sounds like a very co-dependent relationship. And it takes two co-dependents for that to happen. I mean, she obviously has issues with who she is as a person, because she feels like she has to have a man in her life to be worth anything. But the fact that she did that to you and you were just willing to sweep it under the rug makes me worry about you just as much as I worry about her. I think you BOTH need time to work on things. She needs to work on becoming an individual... I have no idea about you, because I don't know you. Maybe self esteem or something? Hrm. Well, either way, you should probably work on yourself as well. You're both still young.
     
  20. OmahaBeef

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    That is encouraging news young man!

    I wasn't trying to bust your balls, but rather just provide you some tough love. I can, at times, be lacking in the tact department, but I wouldn't steer you wrong.

    Let your new-found freedom sweep through you. Ride the wave to a better relationship at a better time.

    ...OB
     
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