What is Homophobia - A little Clarification

[Rowan Ravenseed]

Ok I wanted to make this post because a lot of people really have no idea of what homophobia is. They think that having a gay mate or knowing some-one that's gay disqualifies them from being homophobic. They also think that making statements such as "I'm not being homophobic or anything but...."
means that they can say just about anything but because they prefaced it with that statement it means its not a homophobic statement.

So here are some examples of what is and what is not homophobic behavoir

If the word gay makes you cringe ..... you are homophobic

If you believe gay people don't belong ..... you are homophobic

If you see a heterosexual couple kissing and think "oh that's sweet" but at the same time see a homosexual couple kissing and think "oh that's gross" you ARE a homophobic

Statements like "Ive got nothing against gays but why do they have to rub it in our faces" and "that song is so gay" or "don't do that that is soo gay"
are all homophobic statements

To make it short.... Anything that implies or infers that homosexuality is less desirable or less worthy as a lifestyle than heterosexuality is homophobic

It's not homophobic to know your not interested in homosexual sex..... it is however homophobic to be repulsed by the idea.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

Oops sorry wrong thread lol this was supposed to go in the relationship descrimination thread

 

[B_RedDude]

Actually these days I am finding the term "heterosexism" much more useful and appropriate in many contexts than "homophobia" --- think about how much "anti-gay" stuff is actually a reflection of presumed heterosexual superiority. I've even seen some supposedly gay-friendly women exhibit a heterosexist attitude.

I think originally the term "homophobia" was a psychiatric one meaning an irrational fear (hatred?) of homosexuality. If this still applies, I guess its accurate use depends on how one frames "irrational" then.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

Good point

 

[yaoirabbit]

I agreed with most of what you said, but not about the "That's so gay" phrase. I honestly don't find it all that offensive. In fact, I've said it a few times in the past. It depends on how it's used.

 

[B_RedDude]

I think the OP is thinking of how it is used frequently by middle schoolers

I agreed with most of what you said, but not about the "That's so gay" phrase. I honestly don't find it all that offensive. In fact, I've said it a few times in the past. It depends on how it's used.

 

[Snakebyte]

It's not homophobic to know your not interested in homosexual sex..... it is however homophobic to be repulsed by the idea.

With that one I have a little problem. So just because I never could imagine to have sex with a man I'm homophobic? Yes, I'm turned off by gay sex. Even female on female gives me nothing. But there is nothing I can do about that. Either you like it or not. But I don't think just that because of that I'm a homophobic.
Despite I totally agree with you on the rest of your post I have to say you go one step too far in my opinion. When it comes to such things that your mind doesn't control it's just unfair I think.

 

[B_Nick8]

Actually these days I am finding the term "heterosexism" much more useful and appropriate in many contexts than "homophobia"

This is a relatively new concept for me but it's an excellent one. It far better describes some of the people I know who are in no way homophobic--far from it, in fact--but who still seem to believe that in some ways heterosexuality is, if not superior, more desirable, understandable, the "norm".

 

[Drifterwood]

I have been monitoring my str8 friends' homophobia for some time. Women are just as bad as men. Homosexuality creates a fear in some, a threat to their world order. I think that this is a nurture thing predominantly, though I imagine that they think it is a natural reaction to what they see as an unnatural thing.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

With that one I have a little problem. So just because I never could imagine to have sex with a man I'm homophobic? Yes, I'm turned off by gay sex. Even female on female gives me nothing. But there is nothing I can do about that. Either you like it or not. But I don't think just that because of that I'm a homophobic.
Despite I totally agree with you on the rest of your post I have to say you go one step too far in my opinion. When it comes to such things that your mind doesn't control it's just unfair I think.

Remember what i said about it being drilled into us....

Repulsion is another word for disgust and disgust is born of fear.....

Like I said there's a difference between not being turned on by it and being repulsed or disgusted by it.

Subconscious hate is still hate and to counter it it takes awareness is it ok to say "I'm not a homophobes i was raised to hate gays its not something i have control over"

Studied into human psycology have shows that 90% of predjudice is exerted at a subconcois level.... just because you are not conscieoisly aware that you are being offensive doese not make it ok to be so.

Next time you see some-thing that repulses you... ask yourself "What validation do i have to be repulsed by this.... what purpose doese my disgust in this act serve..... doese this act deserve or warrant such a strong negative reaction from me"

You may be surprised by yourself

 

[hud01]

If you see a heterosexual couple kissing and think "oh that's sweet" but at the same time see a homosexual couple kissing and think "oh that's gross" you ARE a homophobic

Ok how about this. I do not like seeing two guys kiss, I actually will turn my head from it, but two girls is hot. That is my sexual preference, not homophobia. For the record, when I see a hetero kiss I don't say oh that is sweet, I just ignore it.

Statements like "Ive got nothing against gays but why do they have to rub it in our faces" and "that song is so gay" or "don't do that that is soo gay"
are all homophobic statements

Guess what sometimes somethings are gay. Just like oh that's a guy thing or women can't live with them and can't live without them.

To make it short.... Anything that implies or infers that homosexuality is less desirable or less worthy as a lifestyle than heterosexuality is homophobic

It's not homophobic to know your not interested in homosexual sex..... it is however homophobic to be repulsed by the idea.

Vegans are repulsed by people eating meat. Some people are repulsed by oral sex. To me homophobia is not believing that people have the right to live their lives in the same manner as heterosexuals.

 

[Snakebyte]

Remember what i said about it being drilled into us....

Repulsion is another word for disgust and disgust is born of fear.....

Like I said there's a difference between not being turned on by it and being repulsed or disgusted by it.

Subconscious hate is still hate and to counter it it takes awareness is it ok to say "I'm not a homophobes i was raised to hate gays its not something i have control over"

Studied into human psycology have shows that 90% of predjudice is exerted at a subconcois level.... just because you are not conscieoisly aware that you are being offensive doese not make it ok to be so.

Next time you see some-thing that repulses you... ask yourself "What validation do i have to be repulsed by this.... what purpose doese my disgust in this act serve..... doese this act deserve or warrant such a strong negative reaction from me"

You may be surprised by yourself

I think you misunderstood me.
Ok, I don't want to see two men having sex. And yes I'm disgusted to some extent. But guess what. A gay friend of mine almost puked when he saw a pussy. Maybe he played it to some extent but he is disgusted by female genitalia. Now tell me, is he heterophobic?
I don't think that I am homophobic just because I am disgusted by gay sex. I don't treat gay guys differently than straight guys. I don't think bad of them. I just don't want to see two men having sex. Now if you want to call me homophobic because of that go on. I know better.

edit:
Funny I can't find anything about it on english wikipedia. In our wikipedia you'll find a definition. I'll try to translate analogous.

Homophobia describes a social aversion and hostility towards lesbians and gays or the irrational fear of gays.

 

[dongalong]

I'm curious about what solution you imagine could rid the earth of homophobia.

Political correctness has limited effectiveness and if there is still a problem, then current laws have failed.

I believe that pre-Christianity, homosexuality and bisexuality was quite ordinary and socially acceptable in some civilisations, I wonder if there was a homophobia problem back then. Maybe someone who knows more about history could tell if there was a homosexual community that isolated itself from others.

Suspicion, fear and hatred has always existed amongst all tribes, groups and communities who choose to live differently. It seems to be linked with human nature which is difficult to change.

Homophobia will only disappear if homosexuality is banalised! Telling someone that they are homophobic just reinforces the divisions and in my opinion doesn't help.

 

[Countryguy63]

First off, what is banilised? (I know lookitup,,,I dont wanna :tongue

I agree with you dongalong, there is nothing that can be done to force homophobia out of society. What I think, unfortunately, is that only time and exposure will decrease it. Honestly don't think it will ever go away. Prejudices hold tight.

As much as we don't like it, homosexuals are still viewed as flambouyant, feminine, squealing men, and butched up, combat boot wearing women. The majority of society does not like that. **Note - NOT my view**

As more exposure to "normal" people who are gay is experienced, acceptance will increase.

Plus, homophobia exists even in the gay community

 

[DiscoBoy]

I, personally, think it's a tad selfish and pretentious for homosexuals to yell homophobia everytime they feel the slightest bit persecuted or victimized. Homosexuality is a foreign concept to most, and we can't possibly expect every person who is without experience or familiarity with it to be completely understanding and accepting of it all. There's a significant difference between ignorance and intolerance.

There are plenty of ignorant people who will question the mechanics of it, the existence of it, the 'need' for it and express discomfort with it at first. Which is all to be expected, as with any 'new' concept, there's a need to grasp and comprehend it before finally accepting it. Turning their heads at the sight of two men kessing is a sign of discomfort and lack of full acceptance, but not one of disrepect and absolute disgust (not always, anyway). These people just need time to come to accept it all, and don't always mean offense when they say or do something that hints at homophobia. Intolerant people are a complete other race.

Does homophobia exist? Absolutely. Is it as common as we like to make it seem? Yes and no. It does exist everywhere, but making something out of every little nothing truly trivializes the cause. No one wants to listen to incessant whining about minute things. It just causes society to take us less seriously.

Just my opinion.

I agreed with most of what you said, but not about the "That's so gay" phrase. I honestly don't find it all that offensive. In fact, I've said it a few times in the past. It depends on how it's used.

I used to use the phrase as well, some time back. I obviously didn't mean it to be homophobic, but it was just so widely used and driven into my skull, it was basically reactionary when I'd blurt it out. I've since replaced 'gay' with 'lame'. More PC and still gets my point across :wink:. Anyway, I'm not insulted by it at all. I know what is actually implied when people say it, and I just find it so unnecessary to make something of nothing.

 

[luka82]

I have nothing against someone who doesn`t like me bacause I am gay!
That`s his problem.......
Cause believe it or not, i do not find my sexuality to be the most valuable thing about me.
But i have a problem when someone wants to bash me, hurt me in any way possible just because I AM GAY!
and i find that to be homophobia.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Okay. There are them folks who cringe when discussions of homosexuality happen because they haven't come out to themselves yet. It's a subtle clue. Happened to me.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

Ok so I'm really crap at using the quote thing on here so ill just quote people myself if i misquote some people forgive me.

Snakbyte.... your gay friend disgust in pussy is what i refer to as heterophobia and as i mentioned in another post i personally think its a revolting as homophobia..... it my belief that this response is an affectation by some members of gay society that believe it is fair and equal to treat heterosexuality with the same kind of revulsion homosexuality is faced with.......

As i have said twice before.... Revulsion is a mechanism of hate..... and yes it is homophobic to be revolted by homosexual acts......

To the poster that Asked how do we counter homophobia and also to DC boy and Luka and the other members of gay society out there that believe people like myself are grandstanding....

There is only one way to counter homophobia... and that is by contantly raising awareness of what homophobia is and how insidious it really is .... and how easy it is to become complacent and think that just because its slightly more accepted these days that we no longer need to speak out on the issue.

The more we speak out against homophobia and hetero-sexism and the more people are exposed to homosexual people and our way of life the more people will realise that we are people the same as the majority and we enjoy the same things ... kissing holding hands showing affection for our loved ones.

I use those examples becuase they are overt examples of homosexuality and alot of people have a mind set that homosexuality is fine so long as they don't have to witness it

 

[dingdong]

If someone believes that the actual act of being gay is wrong and disgusting then there's nothing wrong with that because that's their opinion, and everyone is entitled to one. I don't believe being against homosexuality is a bad thing nor does it mean you are homophobic.

I believe homophobia is when you go to their house and kill them or attack them just because they are gay, or if you treat them differently such as not serving them in a queue, or disowning someone because they are gay etc.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Ok so I'm really crap at using the quote thing on here so ill just quote people myself if i misquote some people forgive me.

Snakbyte.... your gay friend disgust in pussy is what i refer to as heterophobia and as i mentioned in another post i personally think its a revolting as homophobia..... it my belief that this response is an affectation by some members of gay society that believe it is fair and equal to treat heterosexuality with the same kind of revulsion homosexuality is faced with.......

As i have said twice before.... Revulsion is a mechanism of hate..... and yes it is homophobic to be revolted by homosexual acts......

To the poster that Asked how do we counter homophobia and also to DC boy and Luka and the other members of gay society out there that believe people like myself are grandstanding....

There is only one way to counter homophobia... and that is by contantly raising awareness of what homophobia is and how insidious it really is .... and how easy it is to become complacent and think that just because its slightly more accepted these days that we no longer need to speak out on the issue.

The more we speak out against homophobia and hetero-sexism and the more people are exposed to homosexual people and our way of life the more people will realise that we are people the same as the majority and we enjoy the same things ... kissing holding hands showing affection for our loved ones.

I use those examples becuase they are overt examples of homosexuality and alot of people have a mind set that homosexuality is fine so long as they don't have to witness it

I'm not sure I agree with the idea that "revulsion is a mechanism of hate". For example I have revulsion for some acts, like murder or child abuse. That doesn't mean that hate's involved. Does that make sense? I also, at this point in my life, have a personal revulsion toward anal sex when it's directed toward me. I don't think it's about hate at all. The thought of it freaks me out. I don't have any objection to others having anal sex at all though. In addition I've never had revulsion at seeing two guys or two women making out. Actually I find it not only erotic but also beautiful. I can't see where love in any form can be a negative thing, especially considering the violent world we live in. I'm all for men learning to love each other at whatever level, whether as friends or mates or lovers.