What is it with women??????

[Lng_1]

I am not looking for a return on my investment here. I only want what we always had, even before I helped support her. If you read my OP I did talk about trying to keep the spark alive, which has nothing to do with buying her anything. She is unresponsive, as I said before.

Why is it that whenever anybody is upfront and honest about money people respond like they're trying to buy people? I have worked my ass off and being successful is something I am proud of. I spend a lot of money, and live a great lifestyle, and it affects the way people relate to me. That does not mean I am using my money to buy people or sex, believe me I could if I wanted to. But the reality is there, people do stupid things for money and security. And when you are the one who can provide it, people will deceive and mislead you, to gain access to it.

You may be the one ignoring reality if you think you are STILL doing EVERYTHING you did during the dating phase of the relationship. So, my advice is to closely examine your own actions be be critical of yourself. If she were so dead set on the fabulous lifestyle YOU have afforded her, why wouldn't she continue to have sex with you THE WAY YOU want it? Perhaps your materialistic lifestyle is not so fabulous in her eyes. Again, if you are serious about maintaining a good relationship with this woman, find out what she wants and stop thinking about all that you think she needed and you gave to her.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Brilliant, a scientific reason why women should fuck men even when they don't want to!

Yes, I get the science behind it, but for most women reaching orgasm with someone while thinking about what an asshole they are just isn't going to happen, and if it does, it isn't going to stop them being pissed at whatever it is you've done to piss them off, it's just going to give you the glorious come back of "Well you clearly don't care all that much about it, else you wouldn't have been fucking me last night"

While I may not have said it the same (it would have taken me paragraphs) I agree with you. If I do not feel emotionally connected to the person I'm not going to have an orgasm. So if I did have sex while I was unhappy with someone I'm never going to get anything out of it except futher resentment. I know everyone doesn't agree with me, but repeated sex without orgasm sucks. Why bother I know I've been there.

Life comes down to more than just material things.

 

[DeepDish]

Brilliant, a scientific reason why women should fuck men even when they don't want to!

Not what I am saying at all.

Resentment -----> no sex ---> more resentment over more and more trivial things.

The best thing to do is talk through the resentment in the first place. If you are thinking "I don't want to have sex with this asshole," then talk it out. If he won't talk it out, then right he's an asshole.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I discuss real world experiences based upon the harsh realities of life, not some idealistic notion of romance. People sometimes stay in relationships because of the material benefits received from their partner.

No, here you describe prostitution.

Many women, even after all this "social change", are completely financially dependent upon the man in their life. I know many women whose lifestyle is determined not by their choice of career (if they work), but by their choice of mate. Many choose their mate specifically because of financial and materialistic reasons. Ever see a gross old rich man with a beautiful young girl? Maybe where you live people are too enlightened to engage in such barbaric behavior. I know an absolutely beautiful young gay guy who hooked up with a rich, homely, elderly gentlemen. His lifestyle instantly improved tremendously. Privately he was pretty honest about why he was with his sugar daddy, he also kept a hot piece of ass on the side to satisfy his sexual cravings. To imply that financial factors do not distort the emotional aspect of relationships is unrealistic.

Again, you're describing various forms of sexual transaction, essentially forms of prostitution. None of what you describe extends much beyond the relationship between a customer buying services from a service provider, these are not real emotional relationships based on love and respect. Besides beyond your anecdotes I think you'd find it hard to contend that any woman was in fact "completely financially dependent" upon their male partner. Some people may choose to use one another in the way you describe, but what they are doing is not a full relationship based on love and mutual respect.

Has nothing to do with being misogynistic or sexist.

Go back and read your OP, you don't qualify your statements about women, you seem to claim that your own somewhat sordid experiences are universal and seem to be saying that all women are as you describe and that all relationships are similar to those you are familiar with. These kinds of generalisations about a particular sex are the essence of sexism, and the nature of the generalisations you are making are inherently misogynistic. You can choose to deny that if you want, it wont change much.

Get your head out of the clouds. Go tsk yourself!

Right because I live in a make-believe world, and only you have a totally authoritative grasp on reality.

 

[Kotchanski]

Not what I am saying at all.

Resentment -----> no sex ---> more resentment over more and more trivial things.

The best thing to do is talk through the resentment in the first place. If you are thinking I don't want to have sex with this asshole, then talk it out.

I should have been more clear, I wasn't specifically saying that you yourself were expressing it the way I read it, I was saying that is how men of a somewhat less enlightened nature are going to take it, and use it, time and time again!

 

[RobNYC]

Liar.



You make one general statement about some women using sex for financial gain - see [ONE]. You list your girlfriend's financial rewards - see [TWO]. You make a statement that directly equates what you have given her to your sexual needs - see [THREE]. You make another direct statement that her admission of not enjoying sex with you will end the relationship (her fucking you is not good enough, she has to enjoy fucking you) and revoke her financial privileges - see [FOUR].

As I said, liar.

Nice attempt at twisting what I said. Re-read what you quoted. I say I want what we had. We had this before I ever bought her anything. Our relationship has been deteriorating, and I want the intimacy we both used to enjoy. I never say that she owes me sex because I buy her stuff. You have gotten what you want out of my statement, clearly not it's plainly intended meaning.

Why would anybody want to be in a relationship with somebody that does not enjoy fucking them? Maybe that is good enough for you, but as I said, I do not compromise, and I want my woman to enjoy fucking me. (Is this a revolutionary concept?)

According to your interpretation I should be satisfied with my deteriorating relationship because if I insist on it being as good as it was I am only looking for payback on what I have spent. If I was a broke loser than it would be ok for me to insist that my relationship be passionate, because my motivations are pure and not based on $. I spent some money so now if I insist on a quality relationship I am buying it. Nice logic.

 

[Lng_1]

I do not compromise, and I want my woman to enjoy fucking me.

Rob-- Sadly for you, those statements may be mutually exclusive.

 

[DeepDish]

how men of a somewhat less enlightened nature are going to take it, and use it, time and time again!

Yes, I see exactly what you are saying. "Well you clearly don't care all that much about it, else you wouldn't have been fucking me last night" Throw that pig out on his ass!

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I am not looking for a return on my investment here. I only want what we always had, even before I helped support her. If you read my OP I did talk about trying to keep the spark alive, which has nothing to do with buying her anything. She is unresponsive, as I said before.

Why is it that whenever anybody is upfront and honest about money people respond like they're trying to buy people? I have worked my ass off and being successful is something I am proud of. I spend a lot of money, and live a great lifestyle, and it affects the way people relate to me. That does not mean I am using my money to buy people or sex, believe me I could if I wanted to. But the reality is there, people do stupid things for money and security. And when you are the one who can provide it, people will deceive and mislead you, to gain access to it.

It's not so much that you're upfront, it's that you seem fixated on this aspect of your life. It's as though you define yourself by your much vaunted bank balance, could it be that without that your a somewhat inchoate person with less well developed emotional and interpersonal skills, the development of which you have neglected in the seemingly all too absorbing pursuit of money and success?

Perhaps you should be upfront about your failures as a lover (I mean in the emotional sense), and then look to deal with those failures, rather than concentrating so much energy on your successes as an accumulator of wealth?

 

[RobNYC]

No, here you describe prostitution.

Again, you're describing various forms of sexual transaction, essentially forms of prostitution. None of what you describe extends much beyond the relationship between a customer buying services from a service provider, these are not real emotional relationships based on love and respect. Besides beyond your anecdotes I think you'd find it hard to contend that any woman was in fact "completely financially dependent" upon their male partner. Some people may choose to use one another in the way you describe, but what they are doing is not a full relationship based on love and mutual respect.

Go back and read your OP, you don't qualify your statements about women,

I have to admire your view of relationships, again harsh reality has taught me that it is a tough world out there and people often hide their motives. According to your definition of prostitution many of the married couples I know would qualify. Very few would meet your lofty standards.

I know many couples, wife not working, husband very successful. Woman has no income or marketable skill therfore complete financial dependance.

And in my OP I did over-generalize, admitted as much previously, and apologized. I am upset about this situation and again, if you found yourself feeling "used" you might be more understanding.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Nice attempt at twisting what I said. *snippage* Nice logic.

Please point out to me where I say she shouldn't enjoy sex. I was merely pointing out that you say 'enjoy fucking me or I dump you'. Which you did say.

And if I'm twisting your words and interpreting you so very badly how come pretty much everyone else on the thread is reading the same way as me?

Could you be... *bites lips* wrong?

 

[Pendlum]

You have literally said you have based this on your experience and COUNTLESS experiences of your friends. And you concluded that some women use sex to get financial stability or a lifestyle, except by some you say this is happening to the most of the people you know, and you suspect that your girlfriend is doing the same. And furthermore, the title of your post is "What is it with women?", again implying that the general population of women are like your conclusions. But then you get upset when the women here call you on it, and you just assume that they are all dreamers and hopeless romantics. Just wanting to be PC, because you really know the truth.

And you can't see why people are upset? Heaven forbid people get upset when you make stupid generalizations about a group, how unfair of them.

It's no wonder you can't think of any other reason why your girlfriend might not want to have sex anymore.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

In my experience... when I stopped having the desire to sleep with my boyfriend, it was because I was angry with him, had resentment towards him, or was somehow embarrassed about being with him. Doesn't mean it's true with her, but it's been true with myself every single time, and most women I know as well. And that doesn't even have to mean that you did anything "wrong". Maybe you're doing something you think is very right but she doesn't think it is and, as you said, she has a hard time expressing herself.

 

[RobNYC]

It's not so much that you're upfront, it's that you seem fixated on this aspect of your life. It's as though you define yourself by your much vaunted bank balance, could it be that without that your a somewhat inchoate person with less well developed emotional and interpersonal skills, the development of which you have neglected in the seemingly all too absorbing pursuit of money and success?

Perhaps you should be upfront about your failures as a lover (I mean in the emotional sense), and then look to deal with those failures, rather than concentrating so much energy on your successes as an accumulator of wealth?

I was a broke student for a loooong time. Had plenty of great relationships, still friends with many of my ex gfs. Been told by many of them I was a great bf, just never wanted to marry so relationships could only go so far. Never found myself in the situation I do now. Very frustrated, child involved, don't see many options. It sucks. Don't talk much about $, hide it from most, causes too many problems.

Could it be that my GF deceived me? That I fell for it, and now that she is comfortable that I will not leave her because of the child that she will no longer make the effort to keep me happy? Even though I have tried wining and dining and romance? Could be a possibility....

 

[RobNYC]

i do not compromise, and i want my woman to enjoy fucking me.

rob-- sadly for you, those statements may be mutually exclusive.

you have a point! I gotta admit that!

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

It's possible, but highly unlikely. I'm still going to presume that she resents you or is upset at you for some reason. Not that you like hearing that answer, but that's what my gut is telling me.

 

[RobNYC]

Liar.
(her fucking you is not good enough, she has to enjoy fucking you)

Exactly, she has to enjoy fucking me.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I have to admire your view of relationships, again harsh reality has taught me that it is a tough world out there and people often hide their motives. According to your definition of prostitution many of the married couples I know would qualify. Very few would meet your lofty standards.

I know many couples, wife not working, husband very successful. Woman has no income or marketable skill therfore complete financial dependance.

And in my OP I did over-generalize, admitted as much previously, and apologized. I am upset about this situation and again, if you found yourself feeling "used" you might be more understanding.

Again, please don't patronise me as though I don't live in the real world. Do you seriously think I don't understand that people can and do take advantage of one another? Do you think that no one has ever attempted to take advantage of me in the manner you describe? Do you really think I have never allowed myself to engage in a relationship which was based on little more than a transaction of some kind?

Ultimately what I am realistic about is that in none of those situations was a real loving relationship based on respect, dignity and equality on the cards.

 

[Pendlum]

How old is your child? Maybe she has more important things to do than have sex, such as raising a child.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Could it be that my GF deceived me? That I fell for it, and now that she is comfortable that I will not leave her because of the child that she will no longer make the effort to keep me happy? Even though I have tried wining and dining and romance? Could be a possibility....

Another possibility is that you are a monumental bore, or a very annoying person, or a smug git or just plain mean to her in ways you don't even perceive.

I don't know you and I'm not saying you are those things. But I accept the possibility that you could be, even if you don't.