What is male bonding?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BIGdkluver, Dec 15, 2006.

  1. BIGdkluver

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    This is a relationship question for all males--whether str8, bi, gay, married or single and regardless of penis size.

    What is your definition of "male bonding?" What IS it, exactly? What form does it take? And how does it differ from manly "love"? Could there a subconscious sexual attraction behind it? Does it ever lead to sex between men---or at least to emotional love? Are all males capable of establishing this bond? Is it more of a "gay" thing? (No offense meant to anyone who is gay!)

    I'd like to hear from you especially if you have experienced this bonding yourself first hand and would like to share your thoughts about it. Thanks! :smile:
     
  2. HotBulge

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    Uncensored thought: Do you live in a bubble or have no male friends at all? How can a man, presumably over 18, not have experienced male bonding?

    The Polite Response: Male bonding is the formation of trust relationships and friendships among men. It is often manifest in shared activities: (stereotypically) playing sports, watching the sports games, drinking beer, smoking cigars. It's a time for men to put their learned defenses down and to reveal themselves more openly to each other. It allows for camouflaged emotional exchange since men are often taught to conceal their feelings. Yes, it can be a way for men to indirectly express forms of love, specifically caring ... not so much eroticism. It's very fraternal.

    A Question in Return: What's really motivating this question about male intimacy. Of course you don't have to respond. Is there some other man that you are close to and are trying to sort out your feelings towards. Are you trying to sort between caring for another guy and having an attraction towards a guy? Pure speculation ..... If you just "care" about another guy, then you will probably feel protective of him, as one brother would for another. If you find yourself dreaming about another man and desiring more contact, then it's probably an erotic attraction. Again, I'm just speculating ...
     
  3. glenroebuck

    glenroebuck New Member

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    well in my case it's when a man doinks the living you know what out of me then we have offically bonded - the rest is all foreplay :lol
     
  4. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    My Uncensored thought: I think the original poster has asked a VERY good question and who is Hot Bulge to assume he has NOT experienced male bonding? I'm sure he has. He's asking what OUR experiences are. And by the way Hot Bulge, there is no rule book about this. Guys can bond over several different and various things - it doesn't always have to be about the beer, football, and cigars.

    My calmer response: I have experienced this but in all honesty not lately. I find it harder as I get older to forge the types of relationships that we're talking about here with other guys. I find it hard at times to think of another guy in a non-erotic way...and that's my problem and my concern and I'll just have to get past it somehow if I want to have friends. I do wonder what it'd be like to not be attracted to the guys I'd like to have friendships with. I admit I'm jealous of those who have this. I think male bonding & friendships are different from erotic attraction between guys but there are admittedly similiarities. I've found myself wondering, at times, if I had these close bonds with other males (either at some developemental point in my life, or now) if I might feel a lot more grounded now. In short, I think it's a very important and key part of life to have good friends of either gender, but particular it's good to have same-gender friendships which are strong and which are positive for us an individuals.
     
  5. baseball99

    baseball99 New Member

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    uncensored response - i think the OP wants some good stories to get off on

    censored - its friendship between males.....
     
  6. HotBulge

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    Touchy, touchy ...That's why I listed these activities as a stereotypes and gave a gradation of responses. I do many other things with my male friends that span from hosting dinner parties and singing broadway tunes to watching football and drinking beer. It varies from friend to friend and their specific interests.

    I was just stunned by the OP and am trying to understand where BIGdkluver is coming from. From experience, I could't relate to the initial question and am asking for some enlightenment.

    I agree :smile:
     
  7. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Hot bulge was right about certain activites that are stereotypically onding activites, but don't forget the burping, and farting contests during the drinking, smoking, and sports games.

    :p ;)
     
  8. HotBulge

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    Are you talking about boys or men?? :rolleyes: [Watch her say "both"]. I'ld like to think that men graduate from the birping and farting at least.

     
  9. baseball99

    baseball99 New Member

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    hmmm.....it does not seem to be slowing down between my friends and me
     
  10. Male Bonding etc

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    I guess this is a natural for me to jump in on.

    Men do seem to have more difficulty starting and maintaining meaningful relationships with other men than women do with other women. Perhaps this is a gross generalization, but it does seem to be somewhat documented. Certainly if you see people who have been friends over many years, it most often is because the women (in heterosexual couples and groups) have kept it going. Guys seem more inclined to let it go.

    Part of this is surely the men-from-Mars-women-from-Venus gender hardwiring that most of us exhibit, but too few of us acknowledge. Part of it must also be our culture that doesn't have the tribal rites of passage and the socializing activities that establish male relationships. Then there is the fear of being perceived as gay: despite many advances in knowledge and tolerance, too many men still shy away from relationships that could subject them to speculation or comments about them being anything other than fully heterosexual.

    Sure, you have the guys who settle into routines: the regular golf dates with another guy, the American standard of beer and football with the guys one or more nights a week, and even the fuck-buddy phenomenon. However, we could see more examples of men spending time with male friends (who are not their lovers) actually discussing various subjects in depth, dropping their arms across each others' shoulders, enjoying a movie or dinner together, and clearly being friends.

    As fascinated as I am by the joys, trials, and tribulations of some of my well endowed fellow males, I am most interested in a few comfortable friendships with men. Perhaps that is the main function of posting here for many of us: we can speak comfortably and freely on just about any topic AS IF we were with close friends.
     
  11. BIGdkluver

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    Well, as the "OP," I guess it's time for me to step in and clarify a few things for some people.

    First of all, yes, I think I have experienced mb in my life--but I was never sure if that was the REAL type of mb. To me, mb is far more than just friendship with another male. I have had very close relationships with both str8 and gay males as "friends" but I don't know if that was truly mb.
    I just wanted to get a concensus from other males as to what THEY considered mb to be--and hence, the posting of my question.

    Thank you to those of you (like Male Bonding etc. and Dudepiston) who responded with your serious and sensitive opinions. They were indeed helpful. I had no ulterior motive to hear "erotic stories." I simply wanted to get the input of several other males as to their definitions of, and experiences with, male bonding.
     
  12. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    *laughs* you bet both. ;)
     
  13. dannymawg

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    Male bonding is helping a buddy with bodywork on his race car in exchange for a brake job on your daily ride.

    Male bonding is being "in the pocket" with a bass player (though I've experienced this with female bassists).

    Male bonding almost never leads to sex in my world.
     
  14. invisibleman

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    Male bonding is a platonic kindredship amongst men. Nothing sexual. Just a deep affinity and respect for one another in a social sense.
     
  15. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    I don't disagree with that statement, Ian, but although I'm not certain of this personally I think there may be different kinds of male bonding. Some of those types of bonding may indeed have a sexual component. I could bond pretty strongly with a guy and that might include sexual expression. It just so happens I haven't.....

    Now, for BDluvr, myself, and others I pose another question. How is a guy supposed to create and maintain good, deep friendships with other guys? Particularly when none exist in his life? I agree with Mr. Male-Bonding....good observation....I think one big draw of this site is I do feel like I'm talking to a close friend (or a group of friends...male or female) who probably have similiar priorities & things in common with me. So, how do we find this in real life, when our nearest neighbor is a cornfield and we don't golf?:biggrin1:



     
  16. invisibleman

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    Yeah, you have to meet men to have male bonding. Well, you can meet the men anywhere. Church. Rock concerts. The john. Ball games. Social gatherings. Enthusiast groups (A gathering of people coming together to share a common interest. Hobbies! Yeah!). Bookstores. Coffeehouses.

    Only with time will you find men that you can deeply have a male bonding experience with. To have a true male bonding experience, you have to truly like and respect the guys you have around you. I think that you can have a true male bonding experience with a guy or guys without the added sexual desire, infatuation and activities. I think adding it that sort of thing to male bonding creates other things. It doesn't make for true male bonding. Yeah, some actually think that male-to-male sex is male bonding. In a sense, it is male bonding. Then it could be male "repelling" afterwards. Fucking is fucking but male bonding--you joke around. Talk about things. Deep conversations. Deep platonic friendships. (Not one night stand fucking, couple in love fucking and love-love type relationships.) You go do things together. Play cards. Go to a concert. Go to church. Go to movies. Have cookouts. Picnic. Play flag football. Double dutch jumproping. (It could happen. :rolleyes: ) Whatever.

    When you are able to talk to a guy or guys without feeling you are going to be judged or ridiculed for what you are expressing. And the guy or guys are still there for you, that is a good male bonding experience. And it isn't perfect 100 % male bonding all the time. But, you have a cool friend to be yourself around. Yeah, women are bondable. (I am not talking James Bond's bond girls either.) Rules regarding sex apply to them.
     
  17. Yknarfy

    Yknarfy Active Member

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    I hought it was when the uncut guy slides his cock inside my big foreskin and we both shoot our loads!

    F
     
  18. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Earlier this May I heard from a friend of mine from boarding school. We'd had a falling out just after school ended so I hadn't heard from him in 22 years but he emailed me and wanted to get together. He had been, in those years, one of my best friends. I remember the day we met. He was many things I wasn't. He was good-looking, athletic, and very driven. When I was with him he made me feel like a better person. He had a shining smile, a way with girls. I was usually shy, a bit strange, and introverted. I never saw what it was I did for him but didn't question things.

    When he emailed me my heart just jumped. After all these years he wanted to get together. So I called him and we talked on the phone for about an hour about our lives, marriage, kids, work, everything, and he invited me over to his house. He lived about 2 hours away and the entire time I was driving I was so nervous I couldn't think straight. 'Was it really over? Are we back to being friends?' It had bothered me a lot and thinking about him had been, for me, a painful memory. I found his house easily enough, a very nice place, suitable as he had his own business and was now doing extremely well. I felt very happy for him.

    And then there, outside, hauling the recycling barrels to the curb, was my friend. 22 years older but still fit, still sharp, still good-looking. I was fat and gray though not yet 40. I felt like crap. My car is pretty basic, he had two new SUVs. The money thing hadn't mattered back in boarding school. Poor or megarich, nobody cared about your money. So why did I feel so bad now?

    I stopped the car. Pretended to press buttons and such to delay, if for a few seconds, the meeting. This was going to be uncomfortable, this was going to be unending. This is going to suck.

    I got out of the car, sucking in my gut in a pathetic attempt to compensate for his limber frame, put on a nervous smile as best I could imagine. For a few seconds he didn't recognize me. 'Oh fuck,' I thought, ' do I look that different?'

    What I meant was, 'Do I look that bad?'

    I put out my hand, heart racing, and he took it and then.

    Then he pulled me close, put his arms around me, and we hugged and there as I closed my eyes the grey of nothingness turned to a white hot light. Time melted, years faded, doubts wrested and dissolved like morning mist. I inhaled sharply, feeling my eyes water and my heart drop. This was home. Time had passed but love hadn't. We had each gone through life and never found friends as strong, friends you'd tell your darkest secrets to, friends you'd trust with your life. For the first time in 22 years, I felt as though I didn't need anything else.

    Subsequent talk just flowed. It was like nothing much had changed. Rather than talking old times, we just picked-up where we had left off. As it should be.

    I put New Order's True Faith on repeat the entire drive home.
     
  19. Vestigial

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    Hmm... theres different levels of bonding... male bonding generally means bonding with the typical hard blokey stuff, no pansy wishwash shit, though you can bond with males on the poetic level too... anyway...

    Some examples of typical bonds formed I've formed between Males.

    The bonding of warriors
    The bonding of master and student~
    The bonding of workers
    The bonding of hunters
    The bonding of organised criminals

    Generally things i've only done with males,.. but... there have been the odd female rarities too. It just seems like these tasks (apart from the master/student one) tend to wedge genders apart.
     
  20. Ganymede

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