Brave, hard, difficult for me was seven years ago when I told the woman that I've had an obscene crush on for many years that I was bi. I used to think that woman could 'save my life' because as strong as my attraction for men was at the time and has been for my whole life, she still turned me on--sexually, mentally, the whole nine yards. She's beyond cute--fuckin' gorgeous. She's intelligent, elegant...all kinds of hot shit. When we met I was a total nerd and had no chance whatsoever at gaining her intimate attention. She was my confidante because she was such a good friend to me. My dealing with my fluid sexuality was an internal battle that was ripping me to shreds on the inside; more so when I dealt with her because I loved her so much. I couldn't stand the way that my fear was tearing away at my spirit.
So, one day I just made the decision to end the secrecy--looking for a way through the pain. I had contemplated and thought and voiced the actual conversation to myself in my head and finally braced myself to lose my friend if that's what was going to happen in search of my own happiness. I needed to be free of that hurt. I told her that I loved her and had loved her AND about my sexuality in the same breath one night. She was the first person in my life that didn't know me as well as they thought they did. I had to clue her in for my own survival. She took it well and I didn't lose my friend. She appreciated my honesty and was empathetic of what it took out of me to do that...especially in the closed-minded environment that we live in.
I made the choice to be me, FOR ME, and was willing to let go of every person that claimed that they loved me in my life--so I could be happy. I didn't dive into Gaydom or anything like that, but I was definitely me, as I had always been. If I thought a guy was attractive, I could state it and didn't care what other people thought. I had to pull myself through. That was something that I had to give myself. So the bravest thing that I have ever done was to make myself willing & strong enough
to potentially give up those closest to me to live a life that was unlike theirs I guess.
It still hard some days but it's way better than it was.
Peace