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Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by B_mrblabla, Apr 6, 2010.
Wrong hole, drunk sex, falling off bed,etc...anything funny and sex related
i was driving near the museum
there were several girls at the light, wanting my attention
I talked to one, she got in but another one wanted in too
I promised the first $10
we drove to a private place , I played with both of them
had my fun, drove them back
giving the first on the $10
the second wanted her gift,,, but all my money was hidden in the trunk
she searched and begged and the two got in a fight
it was hillarious.
I let them out and said bye
I laughed for an hour
still laugh when I think about it.
My 2nd 5sum......i fell off the bed and broke my ankle
I was having sex with a girl, we were in High School, on her parents bed and their bust/ statue of the Mother Mary, swear to god, got knocked off the head board, bounced off the bed and on to the floor. Needless to say we had to stop...for at least a few minutes
My funniest moment was my first time - she wanted the lights out so I couldn't really see what I was doing...I was not sure I was in all the time, the condom was too tight, and I totally lost my erection - a disaster!!!
Was out camping one night (in texas)...with my sons, really horny as hell, decided to take a blanket out and jack off under the stars....pitch black,boxers off, lots of stars, beautiful... lying in a field, really going at it, precumming, finger my hole, trying not to moan too load, sense a motion near me and look up to see an upside down LONG HORN steer.... (from my angle the horns looked about 20 feet wide.... I about shit and came....huge paws on those suckers
to make it worse I had taken my shoes off to be more relaxed and I knew the ground was covered with burs (I later found out that the steers were very harmless and were known to 'wander'....had visions of being found gored with a horn up my ass....stark naked.
After quite a while of going at it we decided to take a break for a few minutes. She got up to walk to the bathroom to get a drink of water, and her legs gave out the second she got out of bed because they were still wobbly from the... experience.
The trip from bed to floor wasn't a long one, and I wasn't looking her direction so I hear a thump followed by "you didn't see that." "didn't see what?" "exactly". I asked her after she got her drink and I tried not to laugh too much, but it was very funny.
had a customer stop by the house once, i had to yell down to come back later that i was tied up at the moment (literally)
I'm in college I picked up a cute blonde. I got about 80% hard and started pushing hard to get in her; tight. Finally my dick snaps sideways and 'Ouch!' I rolled over and see this blood blister forming on the side of my dick. Now I concerned. She looks over at me then my dick and says ' Am I still a virgin?' True story. Never tried her again; fortunately no lasting problem.
A funny sex story happened in Vegas. My lover and I came from different cities...we hadn't seen each other in a month and met in Vegas for a weekend fuckapalooza. He hired a limo to drive us to the hotel. We planned to fuck all the way to the hotel. Our driver knew what was gonna go down too. He led us out to the limo and we got in and started fucking right away...we fucked everywhere we could in the limo...when the limo arrived at the hotel...we weren't done and asked the driver to go around the block again. The privacy screen was up and so we just communicated thru the speaker. We getting ready to finish up and my lover was about to cum...when he looks out the window and sees a man staring in the limo...the windows were tinted but he felt the guy could see in...my man froze like a deer in the headlights and lost the moment. By that time we then checked into our hotel...there was a long line at registration. So I waited off to the side...leaning against a big column with our luggage. I kept sending him sexual texts while he was in line about what I was going to do to him when we got in our room...I wasn't wearing panties and was wearinng a skirt...so I stuck my cell phone up my skirt and took a pic...not only did the guy catch me...so it wasn't a surprise...but the teenage girl next to me saw what I had done and gasped and then moved away from me...it was frickin' hilarious.
Then we got up in our LUV TUB suite...and started fucking right away again...there was a big mirror above the bed. We used sex toys and had stuff all over our room. We had music playing on my ipod and we were just about to get in the shower when our door opens and a Chinese man walks into our room...not only did he see us naked and standing up...but the sex toys and the room was all in disaray. He got flustered...turned around and bolted out of the room...and we were like WTF?! And laughed.
My brother was painting his house. Had a ladder up next to the second story bedroom window. His pre-teen kids were outside playing. He coaxes the wife to go upstairs to the bedroom for a quickie. She protests but gives in. They lock the bedroom door - just in case. He's pumping away and she screams. Two of the kids are up on the ladder staring in the window watching Dad and Mom doing the nasty.
I went on a 2000 mile booty call to try rekindling love with my first GF for the 3rd time in Austin, Texas. As soon as we were together after a few years we just knew what had to take place.
We left the airport and got to the house she was living in off of Congress. We opened the front door and DAMN.. her roommate was home. We tried wandering around having small talk with each other and the roommate. I kept talking as my old love gave the innocuous "TOUR" of the house to me which terminated in her room, right next to the lving room where the roommate was watching some daytime court shit. We pretended to keep the convo going all while groping each other and ripping clothes off. The convo faded and we were going it it on the bed. Creaking started to happen so she got down on all fours. When she did so, she started RAMMING her ass into my cock. The harded she went, the wider her cheeks were spreading. By the time she was working up that white pussy cum lather on my cock, I started to see a SHIT NUGGET ON HER ANUS that looked like a stepped on Raisinette.
I started wilting and was convinced I could smell shit.
Luck was on our side as I suppose the roomate knew exactly what we were doing, got fed up and slammed the front door as she left.
I quickly took my bitch back to the bed and hid that turd squash as I DRILLED her missionary for the remainder of the sesh.
POO AND SEX ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME!
The first night of our honeymoon we were in the hotel and found that it had twin beds, not a double. Both being virgins, we were about to have the first penetration of our lives. As I started pushing in, the beds flew apart and we landed on the floor between them. We did not know that they were on wheels.
one of the first times i was with my ex back in college, we'd been going for a while. she'd already cum a few times and wanted to watch me cum. so i pulled out, laid back and started stroking off for her. it was so incredibly hot, watching her face as she watched my cock. finally, i could feel it building up and from the excitement on her face i think she could tell too which just increased the excitement for me and i exploded...the first shot arcing through the air and hitting me square in the eye. burned like hell and i started writhing and shouting, all the while still cumming. she asked me what happened. "i came in my eye!" she laughed so hard, she fell off the bed...but was then kind enough to go and grab me a wet washcloth.
Any more funny stories?
Staying at the inlaws (years ago)..wife's mother opens the bedroom door around 8.00am and asks what we want for breakfast..I'm pumping and cumming - bum in the air - wife's bucking and cumming - neither of us are about to stop..mother (mesmerised) has a full-blown cock-in-pussy show and says - 'I like feeling it touch the sides.'
We crack up (so to speak) and pull the sheets over ourselves.
Complete failure of previously imminent orgasm. :biggrin1:
Me and my then GF were really at it when she started cumming and losing control over her own movement. Just as I was leaning forward to hold her and kiss her neck, she accidentally gave me a headbutt.
That time having sex made me more dizzy than ever.
In a menagerie when we were both getting blown by a beauty, the 1 fellow exploded and it shot to my stomach at my navel. I blushed and said I didn't know he wanted me to have his baby, then squished my thumb in his goo brought it to my mouth and sucked it in, returned my thumb to the stuff and placed some of it on my shaft and then had it all cleaned by the woman giving me head until I came.
I"ll be back later with the 1 about the choir loft:redface:.
my funniest was my first blowjob.....as i had never done that and i had seen just 3 porn movies i though i had to swallow.....so i did and afterwards i cleaned the boys cock dry with my tongue..i didnt realize why he was looking at me so shocked ahhaaha,,,,,,,,,,,,now i do,,,,,,,,,,