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What Is The Point?

Discussion in 'Ask a Woman' started by Sagittarius84, Sep 13, 2020.

  1. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Well-Known Member

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    Having seen a few threads made by primarily straight men looking to make their partner's fantasy a reality, I have to ask..why share a fantasy with a partner that would enjoy fulfilling it if you have no intention of doing so? Why dangle a carrot then be offended when the donkey goes for it?
     
  2. TinyPrincess

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    Not sure which threads you have in mind but some fantasies are meant to be fantasies.

    I might have a fantasy of being with two guys at once or being with another lady. It doesn't mean I want to experience it in real life if they're just fantasies.
     
  3. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Well-Known Member

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    So why share with a party who would want it in real life? What is there to gain by inciting anticipation that you have no intention of satiating when it could just remain in your head with no fear of an outside party trying to make it a reality?
     
  4. BacknForth

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    IME women share fantasies when they feel safe to do so

    Or

    When they are pressured to do so either overtly (e.g. constant nagging) or subtly (e.g. made to feel insecure in relationship if partner's fantasy is not accommodated)

    My partner and I share all kinds of thoughts because it is safe to do so and not stored to throw back in each others faces later. We aren't constantly waiting to pounce on something the other says. If I share my fantasies with a partner I have faith that they know me well enough to know what will always remain in the realm of fantasy as Tiny Princess said.

    However. If I say the word "walk" in front of my dog, I have to take her for a walk.

    My partner is more sophisticated than my dog and doesn't expect me to treat him like a toddler.

    I have a personal policy of never telling anyone they can tell me anything if I don't mean it.
     
  5. lurker23

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    How would I know that this person would be interested prior to sharing?

    I'm a terribly curious person by nature. There are things that I might ponder that would cross a boundary in real life. I'm an animal lover and am involved with rescue work. After seeing a social media post about the Yulin festival, I was curious about cultural differences of why dogs are a food source in China and wondered what dog meat would tase like... is it gamey, is it lean, is it marbled, is closer to lamb or beef or venison or totally different? I'm curious. Would I ever actually eat it? No way. Not for gazillions of dollars.

    Similarly- I'm strictly monogamous... but I've fantasized about being with multiple men. I'm curious what it would feel like physically to be airtight, and the wantonness of the act is hella sexy, while the actual act of being with more than one person crosses my line. If I tell my partner this fantasy, he can embrace the wanton side and help as best he can by using toys if he's game for that kind of thing, he can put his finger in my mouth while fucking me and encourage me to imagine it's another man's cock... etc. Teasing my mind while respecting my boundary of monogamy. That sounds like a win. If he sets out to make my fantasy a reality, he is focusing on the wrong thing (the mental turn on vs the actual act) and disrespecting my boundaries and I'm going to think he's selfishly trying to bogart my fantasy and use it as an opportunity to make HIS fantasy come true.

    Beyond that... #1- why the F is it his duty to make it happen???? I mean, if I really want it, _I_ can make come true... I don't NEED a man to do it for me, nor do I WANT him to. And more importantly, #2- If I tell a man my fantasy, the last thing on my mind is inciting HIS anticipation. This is not about HIM. This is MY fantasy.
     
  6. Tight_N_Juicy

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    I don't know, because if I share a fantasy with him it's because I intend to make it reality.

    He's the one who doesn't want to do the things *I* fantasize about. Your know what I don't do? Piss and moan about it. I accept it. And move on.
     
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  7. TinyPrincess

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    LMAO. This made my day. Men are just a grain more sophisticated than a dog or a toddler - well, at least if they have a bright moment on a good day ;)
     
  8. TinyPrincess

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    Honestly, sex (and life) with you must be boring as f.ck, if every word is taken as fact or a wish. Sex is supposed to be great fun with laughs, cheers and teasing comments. Can't imagine how boring it must be - being afraid to mention a word or make a motion...
     
  9. Scarletbegonia

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    Couple things, many dudes push and push about fantasies until they get to,d a bedtime story t9 make them shut up, because multiple rounds of “I don’t/don’t want to talk about that” have gone ignored.
    And maybe like “walkies the dog”, we hold hope of some training. Or at least distraction. So instead of “wheres the ball? Where’s the ball?” We puke up some thought we had randomly as fantasy. Even as it isn’t, or isn’t that important.

    Also, here’s what I wrote in an earlier thread:
    In 1973, a woman wrote about the role of fantasy in a woman’s sex life.
    In 2020, we see proof no man has ever read it to learn about the role of fantasy in her sex life.

    Basically, fantasy is to either get in the mood, or to “get to the finish line.” when that fantasy is spoken, it’s to fuel the fire for one or both.

    While some fantasy is innocuous enough to be acted upon, some fantasy is obviously meant to stay in the realm of fiction. Fantasy Is free flow, not a script for next week (or whatever.)

    Think about how hot her comments make you. They get both of you at a fever pitch, no?
    The fantasies are doing their job.


    When I try to describe a fantasy, it’s weird, because I describe through the lens of touch and sensation, more than narrating a scene.
    If I’m talking about something I want to try, I’m pretty clear.
     
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  10. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Well-Known Member

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    Just like to make note that yet again patriarchally inspired tactics such as purporting sexual attractiveness and prowess based upon some subjective and narrow view of a question are lodged against me by yet another woman for what now? And not a one of you is probably going to say squat about it until you see it lodged against a woman by a man.
    Its really not that deep nor is it necessary to translate it as what some painful literal existence life with me must be like.. I actually notice what seems to be a common disconnect in that generally women seem to be translating fantasy as novel things that are pleasant to think about while men generally translate it as novel things one would want to do but are unable to for whatever reason.
    So is the inference that there is something fundamentally wrong with a party trying to make a partners fantasy a reality, or is there something specific to sex that allows fantasy to remain within the realm of not needing to be fulfilled...or does "fantasy" needed to be added to those lists of words and concepts that couples need to define beforehand before what those fantasies are is ever questioned?
     
  11. EllieP

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    I do have to be careful what I fantasize about out loud because he either tries to make it happen or hope that I won't try!
     
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  12. lurker23

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    I really wish you’d put the thesaurus away and just speak plainly. I spend more time than I want to trying to figure out what you mean and I’m rarely convinced I’m even in the ballpark. (Note- I graduated college with honors, do the NYT crossword in ink, qualify for Mensa, etc. so I’m no dummy). I’m “this close” to clicking ignore out of frustration. It feels like this:



    Yes, there fundamentally IS something wrong with trying to convince, cajole, badger, or set up something that the other party has established as off limits. If I’ve told a partner that it’s a fantasy that I don’t want to experience IRL and het sets out to make it happen, he’s not going to be my partner because he isn’t respecting my boundaries. If I tell a partner that there is something that I would like to try but haven’t yet experienced, and that’s something I’ve given him the go ahead to make it happen, that’s entirely different... but nothing similar to that has been discussed. If I haven't stated if this fantasy is something I want to do or something that I want to remain in fantasy space, shame on me for not making it clear.
     
  13. Scarletbegonia

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    Literalism is tiring. And boring in bed.
     
  14. masqued.visage

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    I think vampires (in certain lore/mythology) are sexy as fuck. I am not about to try an make my partner undead, pale, n allergic to sunlight. Go figure. I think blood is sexy, definite kink for it. Not about to go down the rabbit hole of blood born pathogen, blood loss, permanent harm, and everything else that would be the reality if I made some fantasies real.

    Some fantasy I have lived out and the reality of it was not as fun. Exceedingly rough sex was great at the time, but spotting blood and having it hurt to go pee for a couple days after is not fun. Side effects are not worth the "reward".

    Sometimes a thing seems sexy or fun at the time, but considering my subconscious plops current age me back in high school, movie n video game worlds, n all sort of other shit what, must stifle any whimsy and imagination I have, everything I think about has to have attempt to make reality? Nah.
     
  15. Scarletbegonia

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    My exhusband wanted to clone me for a three some.
    Did I donate DNA?
     
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  16. Tight_N_Juicy

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    Bugs the fuck out of me the dude had to post this in this section as if men are the only ones who don't get everything they ask for from their partner, or that men have never shared a fantasy they never intended to actually live out in reality.

    Could have posted it as an open question to all in RJ&D, because this isn't something that only straight men have to "put up with". But he posted it here, implying that women have somehow collectively slighted him.

    How many threads are we gonna have to deal with from you, bruh? You obviously don't listen to our answers anyway, being that you keep asking these types of questions and also barge into WI to vent your frustrations with the opposite sex after everything that's been shared with you... What's the fucking point?
     
  17. Enid

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    My home is wherever reality seems elastic and the
    My favorite thing I've read this week!

    I really can't say anything else about this topic that hasn't been said. I agree with all the sentiments expressed. I would HATE to say "hey i find the IDEA of this hot" and then be pressured into doing it particularly if only the IDEA is appealing -- like @TinyPrincess said, two men is arousing but im never gonna do that. Not something I want in reality.

    And the attitude that one is locked into doing something like that is remarkably unsexy.
     
  18. BacknForth

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    There was at least one man posting in WI that thoroughly disagreed with him IIRC. He doesn't want men piping up saying they don't have the same problem if I had to guess on his reasoning for posting here.

    I'm not sure if he realises how much he is projecting resentment towards his wife and that's why women keep (independently) commenting on the type of partner they imagine he would make. I can't speak for anyone else, but to me the resentment oozes out of his posts. It's not the double standard he is implying (I think that's what he's implying - I can't pretend to understand his response to lurker). It's a visceral reaction to his posts.
     
  19. MickeyLee

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    The Goddess Ignora always welcomes a new name added to her registry of assbutts and pee-boys.
     
  20. BacknForth

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    I have him on ignore but I got nosy :joy:
     
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