What is this girl trying to do?

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589189

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I rarely comment on things like this. Regarding 'fucking-the-ex', all i can say is RUN....RUN AWAY in the opposite direction and keep running. Do not fall into 'fucking-the-ex', its a massive -Mind-Hell, but as has been mentioned by other seasones veterans, we often have to learn from experience. I do recall being told, "this tends to not work....", but of course i had to learn from experience.....OUCH. I have learned.

Theres a few stand out points. If my girlfriend leaves willingly as part of a mutual breakup and remains separate, then expresses that she has changed her mind and now values me more than before, is this someone who can make a good decision, be able to consider other people, and be responsible and own the results of their actions. Why would i consider them to be honest, trustworthy, considerate, reasonable, practical etc etc.

I guess I would also need to look at how this behavior elicits such confusion in me, if i dont particularly like them, dont respect them regarding their conduct and lack of consideration, and i have a doubt about thier fidelity. How is it possible that this persons behavior is having this impact on me. Is it possible that the question that is of at least equal importance is "What am I trying to do to me?"

Theres just no substitute for experience.

One way or another something will be learned as a result of doing it.
 

badger2395

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STOP! She is probably not aware of this, and in all likelihood would deny it vehemently if confronted, but she is USING YOU. Using you? How? Simple. You're her emotional safety net.

When she needs to feel good about herself, and she needs to know that someone will be good to her, she reaches out for YOU... the one guy she can count on to return her calls, answer her on FB, etc.

She may very well have feelings for you, but if she's not willing to DO anything about it, how does that help you (or the situation)? Her feelings and four bucks will get you a small latte at Starbucks...

Be polite, but firm the next time she wants to use you like this, tell her that you are not a doormat, you should be treated with respect and since she doesn't treat you with respect, you'd prefer to not have her in your life.
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I know, its easy for ME to say, I don't have feelings for her. But, hard as it might be, you need to (gently) cut the strings.

This. It is *possible* she is conflicted in her feelings and is hoping you will fall for her and make some sort of spontaneous declaration, but the chances of that are small. She is - for whatever reason - using you for an emotional reassurance without really doing anything for you (aside from sending amazingly mixed signals and thus driving you crazy).