What is wrong with girls?! feedback needed.

[Tattooed Goddess]

For those not being successful (whether it's because you are being an asshole or "too nice") should read this article from Dr. Nerdlove. This guy knows what he's talking about.

www.doctornerdlove.com: F*ck Like A Gentleman (Pt. 1)
www.doctornerdlove.com: F*ck Like A Gentleman (Pt. 2)

 

[sangheili90]

Unless you're auditioning for a photo shoot, you will be judged on the whole package hun. If we're going down the scoring route (which I'm not a fan of - but it's for explanation purposes lol) ... If you aren't particularly charming or can't at least put people at ease, then even someone heavily into looks may consider you a 7 because of this. Someone who doesn't give a shit about looks, only personality may consider you a 2 - do you see what I'm saying? If you make a beeline for the Perfect 10, you need to be able to take rejection on the chin because the hot and funny guy probably asked her out too. Just out of interest, would you only consider approaching a woman you felt was your physical equal?

Regarding your personality... If everyone is treating you different, it's something you're putting out. If I had to guess, I'd say you are now uber self-conscious in any type of social situation and people are picking up on your discomfort, which is making them uncomfortable... which makes you more uncomfortable until it all ends in a really weird vibe. Everyone has been dropped into an awkward social situation where they had literally nothing to say and felt the uncomfortable vibe grow - you get the feeling you could have nipped it in the bud at the start but you left it too late and it grew into a monster and both parties can't wait to escape lol. You seem to be doing this with everyone you don't know though. I posted in the other thread - I think you'll find your feet socially in the workplace.

What I was trying to say is how I've got the physical package going for me but lack the charismatic/personality aspect of it, I realize its not all about looks. I mean, if a guy said that he was having a hard time meeting women but you noticed he dressed poorly, was obese etc. you would tell him to work on those things as it could greatly help his chances of meeting the right one for him.

 

[sangheili90]

I've seen this happen in a crowed room before and can I just offer you this; The people who witnessed it had more sympathy and respect for the poor bastard being humiliated and the fact he still acted like a gent, than for the female doing the humiliating.
She left the venue alone after being curtly rebuffed by several men she tried to hit on because they had seen what she had done earlier.

Well, this was when I was attending community college and it didn't quite play out like right then and there humiliation Its a really long story that would take several posts for me to explain lol.

 

[efrmtexas87]

Well damn gone for a day and this much happend? I was literally eating and enjoying everything in this thread applauds to all.

 

[deleted924715]

What I was trying to say is how I've got the physical package going for me but lack the charismatic/personality aspect of it, I realize its not all about looks. I mean, if a guy said that he was having a hard time meeting women but you noticed he dressed poorly, was obese etc. you would tell him to work on those things as it could greatly help his chances of meeting the right one for him.

Cool. I'll just say one more thing, then leave it because you seem to know how you want to move forward. You appear to have an interesting/unusual combination of high and low confidence and I'm just guessing because you didn't answer about the type of girl you go for, but as someone who seems particularly sensitive to rejection... maybe don't start out hitting on a potential supermodel right off the bat? She'll be inundated by guys who've had time to refine their technique, or she may have already come into contact with them socially and I wouldn't want you to set yourself up to fail.

 

[sangheili90]

Cool. I'll just say one more thing, then leave it because you seem to know how you want to move forward. You appear to have an interesting/unusual combination of high and low confidence and I'm just guessing because you didn't answer about the type of girl you go for, but as someone who seems particularly sensitive to rejection... maybe don't start out hitting on a potential supermodel right off the bat? She'll be inundated by guys who've had time to refine their technique, or she may have already come into contact with them socially and I wouldn't want you to set yourself up to fail.

Type of girl?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Type of girl?

Ok, now I'm convinced you are new to this planet.

 

[sangheili90]

Ok, now I'm convinced you are new to this planet.

I wasn't sure if she was referring to a physical type, blondes etc., or if she meant type of personality (shy, nerdy etc.).

 

[deleted924715]

Type of girl?

Yeah, I'm just wondering what attracts you to a girl to the point you would ask her out, since you post a lot about how you don't chit-chat and don't get introduced. I'm guessing it's looks since you don't seem to have another frame of reference that I can tell. It's not really important, I was just wondering

 

[sangheili90]

Yeah, I'm just wondering what attracts you to a girl to the point you would ask her out, since you post a lot about how you don't chit-chat and don't get introduced. I'm guessing it's looks since you don't seem to have another frame of reference that I can tell. It's not really important, I was just wondering

I'm not into girls that look high maintenance, I can spot it but don't ask me to explain it lol. It really varies for me though, I like fit/athletic girls, because that is generally what I see on a somewhat regular basis, but I don't think I have a specific type.

 

[deleted924715]

I'm not into girls that look high maintenance, I can spot it but don't ask me to explain it lol. It really varies for me though, I like fit/athletic girls, because that is generally what I see on a somewhat regular basis, but I don't think I have a specific type.

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity

 

[sangheili90]

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity

Sorry I cant give you a specific example, it really does vary a lot for me.

 

[Masterpumper]

Don't expect a woman to approach you, its pretty much up to you if you want it to go anywhere.

But since she knows I'm shy by now after 8 months if her staring...why can't she break the ice?

 

[Masterpumper]

It's funny that the only people who liked your post are men that, from their posts, have difficulty connecting with women. For reasons completely beyond their control, of course.

Am I supposed to be surprised that you had better results with women when you stopped being needy and broadened your sexual repertoire?

I don't know anyone that says they want a needy partner! Nice guys are not needy. Needy guys are needy.

Just as being needy, spineless and grovelling doesn't make someone 'nice', being confident, assertive and straightforward in their intent doesn't make someone an asshole. Men who only want sex from a woman and are clear about that whilst being personable do get laid no problem (the guys who don't, lack the essential 'personable' element - there is a classic example who frequents these boards). This does not make them an asshole, but other guys jump to the conclusion that women like assholes because they can't get laid.

It's so much easier for people to massacre the definitions of words than to face and accept facts that challenge, sometimes uncomfortably, a person's view of themselves.

Just because a guy is 'nice' doesn't mean he can't fuck until his partner is a quivering, satisfied wreck. Nice guys are perfectly capable of dirty sex - they aren't required to sign a Nice Guy Code of Conduct!

These guys that are claiming to be too 'nice' and blaming all their woes for for this... I don't think you're as nice as you think you are. The definition of nice is "giving pleasure or satisfaction; pleasant or attractive"... which is why nice people tend to have friends. I'm not saying they don't have their own challenges - the odd person may try and take advantage of their pleasant nature, for example, they may shy away from conflict... but the very fact that they are nice means that they are perfectly able to connect with others both platonically and romantically. Saying you can't because you are too nice... Nah.

I agree with your definitions but when girls say "oh, he a 'nice' guy but..." in a dating context they usually mean it in a negative sense....

 

[Masterpumper]

Physically I would be considered a 10, I pretty much have everything going for me, but my personality is very different from other people and I would say it really is the issue at hand. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but people treat me differently for some reason.....don't ask me to explain why this is because I don't have a clue lol. I do think my biggest "issue" is that I am so introverted and detached from needing attachments that it puts people off and they aren't really sure what to make of it.

I'm introverted as well...

 

[Masterpumper]

Since you all are so awesome I want to ask your tips on how to approach the hottie since it is a unique situation as I've never had a hottie stare for that long... as we are both aware of months of staring...

I pass the store she works at daily so that's how we started locking eyes for even 10 seconds sometimes...last time I saw her she was locking up and I was passing....she was 1 foot from me she looked into my eyes and like the last 4 times I LOOKED AWAY FIRST. Cause something has shaken my confidence. And she is super hot. She can date George Clooney or Brad Pitt...

Any opening lines? Tips?

 

[Doranq]

Just go after who you find physically attractive and then go

Since you all are so awesome I want to ask your tips on how to approach the hottie since it is a unique situation as I've never had a hottie stare for that long... as we are both aware of months of staring...

I pass the store she works at daily so that's how we started locking eyes for even 10 seconds sometimes...last time I saw her she was locking up and I was passing....she was 1 foot from me she looked into my eyes and like the last 4 times I LOOKED AWAY FIRST. Cause something has shaken my confidence. And she is super hot. She can date George Clooney or Brad Pitt...

Any opening lines? Tips?

There is really no difference. In fact sometimes its much easier to hit on the more attractive women than it is average. The reason being is many men either are too scared to talk to them or assume they must already be taken. You also have to remember she's just a person. She happens to look better than the average person but at the end of the day she is just a person. There isn't any reason to be nervous to approach her as there wouldn't be any reason to be nervous to approach some elderly lady in the store. Even if she does have lots of guys hit on her that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a shot. So talk to her like you would any other woman, hell treat her like a person and rather than either some meat/goddess and I'll imagine she'll find that refreshing.


Lastly back to the whole she's just a person. She's just that, a person. She's not a goddess, amazing, supernatural. She's not your better. She is your equal and you should treat her as such. Putting women on a pedestal is no better than treating them as something beneath you. It won't get you anywhere. If you think you don't look good or whatever, you have to remember that she is interested in you, so obviously you are good lookin'.

So go out there, approach her, ask her how she is. Get to know her, let her get to know you. If things go well, move forward, if they don't then you move on. Really simple. It's fine to be a little bit nervous. You'll get over it/forget about it once you actually start talking to her.

 

[deleted924715]

But since she knows I'm shy by now after 8 months if her staring...why can't she break the ice?

*facepalm*

You know whilst your angsting and wringing your hands some other guy will just go for it, right?

We're back to square one - in this exact situation, what are you realistically bringing to the table? Not the thoughts in your head, not your intentions if you were a bit less shy (none of which anyone else is aware of) - what are you actually offering her? You are projecting your interest onto her and expecting her to be the one to act! You are guessing she likes you, but you know you like her - you act! Putting myself in her place, if someone kept staring at me but didn't speak, I'd be creeped out. You like her - you ask her out. Be master of your own destiny. Or keep complaining that the world is unfair while the girls you like go out with other guys who unabashedly let their interest be known *shrug*

I agree with your definitions but when girls say "oh, he a 'nice' guy but..." in a dating context they usually mean it in a negative sense....

Yeah... he's a nice guy BUT he's too timid. He's a nice guy BUT he's too needy. He's a nice guy BUT he used to date my friend. He's a nice guy BUT he's trying to play it too cool. It's the 'but' you need to pay attention to - being nice is not the issue. Too nice = polite way of saying someone is clingy/needy or a doormat which is not attractive. 'Too nice' is not 'nice', just moreso.

Since you all are so awesome I want to ask your tips on how to approach the hottie since it is a unique situation as I've never had a hottie stare for that long... as we are both aware of months of staring...

I pass the store she works at daily so that's how we started locking eyes for even 10 seconds sometimes...last time I saw her she was locking up and I was passing....she was 1 foot from me she looked into my eyes and like the last 4 times I LOOKED AWAY FIRST. Cause something has shaken my confidence. And she is super hot. She can date George Clooney or Brad Pitt...

Any opening lines? Tips?

There are a couple of things that give me pause about this...you really can't be sure what she's aware of (so don't take it forgranted you know what she is thinking) and this is a girl at her place of work again. Also, if she's as hot as you say she probably gets guys hitting on her all day. Odds are some of them will have the looks and the banter. I'm not saying don't go for it - absolutely do, you need to start putting yourself out there... just manage your expectations and don't be crushed if you don't get the answer you want.

A guy (sorry I can't remember his screen name) has posted some good suggestions in the other thread about how to initiate conversations.

 

[deleted924715]

Just go after who you find physically attractive and then go

There is really no difference. In fact sometimes its much easier to hit on the more attractive women than it is average. The reason being is many men either are too scared to talk to them or assume they must already be taken. You also have to remember she's just a person. She happens to look better than the average person but at the end of the day she is just a person. There isn't any reason to be nervous to approach her as there wouldn't be any reason to be nervous to approach some elderly lady in the store. Even if she does have lots of guys hit on her that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a shot. So talk to her like you would any other woman, hell treat her like a person and rather than either some meat/goddess and I'll imagine she'll find that refreshing.


Lastly back to the whole she's just a person. She's just that, a person. She's not a goddess, amazing, supernatural. She's not your better. She is your equal and you should treat her as such. Putting women on a pedestal is no better than treating them as something beneath you. It won't get you anywhere. If you think you don't look good or whatever, you have to remember that she is interested in you, so obviously you are good lookin'.

So go out there, approach her, ask her how she is. Get to know her, let her get to know you. If things go well, move forward, if they don't then you move on. Really simple. It's fine to be a little bit nervous. You'll get over it/forget about it once you actually start talking to her.

Personally, and this is JMO, I'm getting the feeling from a few posters that socially awkward guys targeting THE hottest girl in the vicinity and becoming disproportionately emotionally invested in her response might be part of the problem. It's cool if they can shrug off rejection and on to the next, but if they can't...

I think people who live in mortal fear of rejection can reduce their odds of being rejected by engaging a smidgen of self-awareness. Personality and attitude can more than compensate for what someone lacks in the looks department but I'm not sure the reverse is true *koff* Farrah Abraham *koff*

 

[mmjr]

While locking eyes say quietly something that will make HER laugh. Humor is the best way to break down barriers, and regardless what her opinion was before the humor, any walls will come crumbling down. If she laughs you will both relax and be able to carry on from there.