What is wrong with this woman?!

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Okay. So I found this article on the website for our local paper. Apparently these monks were creating a sand mandala... had been working on it for two days... some little toddler comes along and absolutely destroys it, and the mother doesn't even report it! You have to read the article to know what I'm talking about, I guess. Luckily it was being created by monks. They just smiled and started over. I don't have that kind of patience. I would be hunting that woman down. lol.

www.kansascity.com | 05/23/2007 | Toddler's dance destroys monks' intricate sand painting

 

[Industrialsize]

Actually, that's just how i expected the monks to react.......the sand mandala is a pictorial representation of the univers. Creating on is part of a ritual which ends with the monks sweeping the mandala into a big heap. This action is supposed to represent the "Impermanence" of everything...It's pretty hard to rattle a Buddhist monk.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Actually, that's just how i expected the monks to react.......the sand mandala is a pictorial representation of the univers. Creating on is part of a ritual which ends with the monks sweeping the mandala into a big heap. This action is supposed to represent the "Impermanence" of everything...It's pretty hard to rattle a Buddhist monk.

That's how I expected them to react as well. But if I were the mother of that child, I sure wouldn't have just grabbed him and walked away. There's a video of it on there somewhere...

 

[rob_just_rob]

Parents seem to accept increasingly less responsibility for their children as time goes on.

 

[DC_DEEP]

<...>
some little toddler comes along and absolutely destroys it, and the mother doesn't even report it!

I see similar parental (non)behavior all the time. It really just drives me mad! My neighborhood has a tennis court and a "tot-lot" (playground) behind my house, in the common areas. I've been on my deck before, and heard one child or another screaming "help me, help me" at the top of his lungs - with mom standing there, not missing a beat gossiping with her friend. Sometimes, people will let their children play on the tennis court, and I've seen two of those moms stand there gossiping while their child(ren) ride and bounce on the net until it breaks. One mom walked over there (still not scolding the children), took a look, and said "I don't think we can fix that, we better leave before we get in trouble." The nets have been broken and fixed 3 times already this year.

Why are people like this allowed to breed?

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I see similar parental (non)behavior all the time. It really just drives me mad! My neighborhood has a tennis court and a "tot-lot" (playground) behind my house, in the common areas. I've been on my deck before, and heard one child or another screaming "help me, help me" at the top of his lungs - with mom standing there, not missing a beat gossiping with her friend. Sometimes, people will let their children play on the tennis court, and I've seen two of those moms stand there gossiping while their child(ren) ride and bounce on the net until it breaks. One mom walked over there (still not scolding the children), took a look, and said "I don't think we can fix that, we better leave before we get in trouble."

Why are people like this allowed to breed?

Good question. I think they should have some standardized tests you have to take before you can conceive children. When my son (age 5) and I are out in public, he stays within 3 feet of me at all times. 90% of the time he's holding my hand, unless I'm carrying things and cannot do that. He doesn't touch things when we go into a store, he just looks. He doesn't throw fits if I say he can't have something. He's very well behaved, and I know that I made him that way. Granted, every parent has had their "moment of weakness" when it comes to children. Generally when you're at home, and not paying complete attention to what they're doing and they do something horrible. It happens to all parents. But seriously? This woman was walking several feet in front of her child from the get-go. My son NEVER walks behind me. Always next to me or in front of me.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Why are people like this allowed to breed?

How can we stop them?

 

[txquis]

Anyone who works before the public, as i do can tell you...this behavior is now the norm. Daily at my job, children under 5 are left completely unattended while the parent is off in the clouds, or on a cell phone, not paying attention. When something goes wrong, 9 times out of 10, the adult grabs the child and runs, and accepts no responsibility. When i worked in an office I had no idea.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

How can we stop them?

we can't - not with out going to a bad bad place..

But check out the video of this - the MOST amazing part to me, as a mother, is that this woman leaves her child out of view for nearly a full minute - about 54-56 seconds. In a large open public place with multiple exits, she is not looking at her child or aware of where he is for a minute!! You can see her walk around the corner out of shot (maybe 100 yards away, 50 minimum) and back as the kid is doing his thing. Incredible - I could never take my eyes of my kids for that long in a public place - never mind move that far from them. I'm constantly checking they are beside me* if they are not actually holding my hands or in the buggy. Bloody hell!

*This is as much for the safey of any breakable items, small animals etc nearby as it is for their own safety

 

[dong20]

Good question. I think they should have some standardized tests you have to take before you can conceive children. <....> This woman was walking several feet in front of her child from the get-go. My son NEVER walks behind me. Always next to me or in front of me.

I guess she was either mortified, or indifferent. But sure, a grovelling apology would certainly have been in order, perhaps a donation.

On the test thing; it's curious how those who advocate such things (like a tougher driving test) are almost always speaking retrospectively - they already have children, or a license etc and so, are thus not affected. Would you submit to one as a condition for having another child - after all previous good practice is no guarantee of future excellence?

And, who is 'they' exactly?

Personally, I think it's nonsensical, at least on the parental thing, in part because it's a fundemental breach of human rights but few things about parenting are standard - so how can you pre-assess parental competence with a standardised test?

That's not aimed at you specifically, just punted into the ether.:smile:

 

[dong20]

Anyone who works before the public, as i do can tell you...this behavior is now the norm. Daily at my job, children under 5 are left completely unattended while the parent is off in the clouds, or on a cell phone, not paying attention. When something goes wrong, 9 times out of 10, the adult grabs the child and runs, and accepts no responsibility. When i worked in an office I had no idea.

The public....I agree, they're scary.

 

[rob_just_rob]

On the test thing; it's curious how those who advocate such things (like a tougher driving test) are almost always speaking retrospectively - they already have children, or a license etc and so, are thus not affected. Would you submit to one as a condition for having another child - after all previous good practice is no guarantee of future excellence?

And, who is 'they' exactly?

Personally, I think it's nonsensical, at least on the parental thing, in part because it's a fundemental breach of human rights but few things about parenting are standard - so how can you pre-assess parental competence with a standardised test?

That's not aimed at you specifically, just punted into the ether.:smile:

I think Harvey Danger had it right. I don't have time to dig for statistics, but isn't early parenthood practically synonymous with not going to college and a lower living standard?

FWIW, I don't have any kids and I probably will never have any kids. Lots of people have told me that I would make a good parent. I think that says something... perhaps that the people who would make the best parents know better than to become parents? :biggrin1:

 

[DC_DEEP]

How can we stop them?

Hahah, I do have a good answer to that, but I don't think it would be very popular.

Seriously, though, why is laissez-faire parenting not considered to be child abuse or neglect?

 

[fratpack]

Good question. I think they should have some standardized tests you have to take before you can conceive children. When my son (age 5) and I are out in public, he stays within 3 feet of me at all times. 90% of the time he's holding my hand, unless I'm carrying things and cannot do that. He doesn't touch things when we go into a store, he just looks. He doesn't throw fits if I say he can't have something. He's very well behaved, and I know that I made him that way. Granted, every parent has had their "moment of weakness" when it comes to children. Generally when you're at home, and not paying complete attention to what they're doing and they do something horrible. It happens to all parents. But seriously? This woman was walking several feet in front of her child from the get-go. My son NEVER walks behind me. Always next to me or in front of me.

If only there were more people like you in this world! Thank you for being such a good "Mama". :smile:

 

[DC_DEEP]

Anyone who works before the public, as i do can tell you...this behavior is now the norm. Daily at my job, children under 5 are left completely unattended while the parent is off in the clouds, or on a cell phone, not paying attention. When something goes wrong, 9 times out of 10, the adult grabs the child and runs, and accepts no responsibility. When i worked in an office I had no idea.

Maybe that's just a Texas thing. Usually, when I see an inattentive parent, and the child makes something go wrong, the parent usually blames everyone else in the vicinity.

If he knocks cans off the shelf in the market, the cans should not have been stacked so high.

 

[dong20]

I think Harvey Danger had it right. I don't have time to dig for statistics, but isn't early parenthood practically synonymous with not going to college and a lower living standard?

I'd expect that there's a correlation, though synonymous may be pushing it a little. However, even so is that a sure fire predictor of poor parenthood or is it as much cause and effect? Does being poor or ill educated make one a poor parent per se?

Inother words; what constitutes poor parenting? Is there a clear, quantifiable, predictable and reliable definition or, perhaps more relevant -predictor? Who gets to set those criteria and would any negative determination be enforced?

FWIW, I don't have any kids and I probably will never have any kids. Lots of people have told me that I would make a good parent. I think that says something... perhaps that the people who would make the best parents know better than to become parents? :biggrin1:

I suspect there is some truth in that.:biggrin1:

 

[snoozan]

I think I may be the only person here who doesn't feel righteous indignation at this incident. The truth is, toddlers are toddlers, and parents, even good parents, are going to have moments when they can't react fast enough, let alone act rationally when their child gets away from them and does something like this.

Even excellent parents can't always keep their children within their line of sight at all times. These things happen. The fact that she didn't tell anyone-- well, who was there to tell? This incident happened after hours, so I wonder if there was anyone that was around to tell this about. If it were me, I may have been so embarrassed in the heat of the moment that I would have just walked away. I may have regretted it later, but I may not have reacted well when it happened. All parents make mistakes. Or there could have been a handful of other reasons that I would have chosen not to try to find someone and explain what happened.

The fact that this story made the newspaper just shows me that it must have been a slow news day or that nothing happens in Kansas City if there's not a tornado. The monks reacted appropriately. Shit happens. They know that. Why don't the rest of us? It's ironic that we're up in arms about it and the creators understand and in some ways may have welcomed such a strong example of their faith.

For those of you criticising other parents and waxing on about "the good old days," the truth is that our parents said the exact same things about other parents and how much better things were when they were kids. Are there negligent parents out there? Yes. However, some of this behavior that you're talking about is well within the realm of what good parents do. Children are overwhelming. We can't always be the perfect parents in public, or even in private.

Let me give you a personal experience. My son was bitten by the family dog when he was 9 months old. I wasn't home, but my husband was. The baby was crawling on the floor about 3 feet from my husband and went close to the dog (who had never shown any sort of aggression towards my son) and she nipped him in the face faster than it took my husband to grab the baby away. He was watching the whole time and just didn't act fast enough. Since my son was so small and the dog large, he was seriously hurt. It was a tragic accident. We put the dog down before my son came home from the hospital.

I had news vans and the newspaper show up on my doorstep the days after this happened, all wanting to know how such a tragic thing could happen and musing over what kind of parents would let this happen etc. so on and so forth. Pretty much, the same bullshit that you all are spouting about this "terrible parent" who let her kid destroy a sacred sand sculpture. This kid didn't know it wasn't appropriate to play in sand (he/she probably has a sandbox) and mom (or dad) got distracted. This happens all the time, and I bet all of you parents and caregivers out there have had that happen to you. Toddlers are fast and they can destroy something faster than it takes to blink.

You're all being ridiculous because it's a non-story and a non-issue. Kids do destructive shit all the time. All the time. And they get away from us even when we're pactically staring at them. So go ahead and get outraged, go ahead and get indignant, and go ahead and wonder about me and my parenting skills because of what happened to my kid, and thank God that nothing bad has happened to your kid and pray that it doesn't ever happen to you.

My husband and I will be wracked with guilt for the rest of our lives for something that could not have been predicted and wasn't due to some gross negligence (or at least we try to tell ourselves). People playing Monday morning quarterback over how someone else parents their child-- me or the parents of the mandala destroyer or anyone else-- are reprehensible and hypocritical to me.

If the mandala had been staffed (which is should have been) or had proper barriers installed (more than those courtesy ropes that toddlers probably don't even see), this incident probably would not have happened or mom would have reported it to the person that was there. The bottom line is, we don't know, and the writers of the story probably have half of their facts wrong. In my case, the reporters didn't even report the very simple facts correctly-- like my son's age, the time the incident happened, or the police-reported severity of the injury when it first happened. But those things they reported made a better story than what really happened.

Go parent your own children and really take a look at how imperfectly you really are, or, if you don't have kids, babysit a two year old for a week and then comment on this.

 

[dong20]

I think I may be the only person here who doesn't feel righteous indignation at this incident. The truth is, toddlers are toddlers, and parents, even good parents, are going to have moments when they can't react fast enough, let alone act rationally when their child gets away from them and does something like this.

No, you're not alone.

For those of you criticising other parents and waxing on about "the good old days," the truth is that our parents said the exact same things about other parents and how much better things were when they were kids. Are there negligent parents out there? Yes. However, some of this behavior that you're talking about is well within the realm of what good parents do. Children are overwhelming. We can't always be the perfect parents in public, or even in private.

<...>

Toddlers are fast and they can destroy something faster than it takes to blink.

You're all being ridiculous because it's a non-story and a non-issue. Kids do destructive shit all the time. All the time. And they get away from us even when we're pactically staring at them. So go ahead and get outraged, go ahead and get indignant, and go ahead and wonder about me and my parenting skills because of what happened to my kid, and thank God that nothing bad has happened to your kid and pray that it doesn't ever happen to you.


Go parent your own children and really take a look at how imperfectly you really are, or, if you don't have kids, babysit a two year old for a week and then comment on this.

Sometimes the (should be) obvious does need to be stated.....thanks.:biggrin1:

 

[DC_DEEP]

Snoozan, I don't have children of my own, but have spent lots of time tending nephews and cousins... at times for several days at a time, usually for 6 hours or so.

The things that I call irresponsible parenting are not those happen-in-a-flash occurrences. If a parent is not capable of carrying on a cell phone conversation and watch their child at the same time, guess which one I'm going to suggest that they do?

Your dog lashing out unexpectedly is NOT the same as a parent who chronically refuses to watch OR DISCIPLINE their child. The parent who says nothing as their child continually kicks the seat in front of them on an airplane. The parent who lets their child run up and down the aisles in a restaurant.

Yes, accidents do happen.

 

[D_Tintagel_Demondong]

Why are people like this allowed to breed?

I think the answer to this people problem is worldwide fumigation with a giant smoke bomb. I can make a biodome out of some shopping bags and duct tape for us LPSG members.