What is your take on loving someone with Bi-Polar disorder?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_mylipswet, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    This is a terribly difficult situation for me and I'd truly appreciate any advice you can give.

    I've known my boyfriend for around 2 years, and we've been together off and on for nearly 1. We are in a long-distance relationship, which does put a damper on things. The "off" periods, however, have never been a decision of mine. Periodically, he will find a reason to break up, but usually not more than a month will pass before we discuss getting back together, assuming we are both single at the time.
    Of course, it hurts me every single
    time, because I am convinced he has changed and will be consistent with me this time. We've just recently decided to give it another try, and he has been mostly wonderful and has made me happier than I've been in a long time. However, he is going through a stressful period in his life and it seems like every few days he will either seem angry with me or not want to talk to me. My question is, should I give him his space when he gets like this, or try to help him? It seems like if I leave him alone, he assumes I don't care...but if I try too hard to keep in touch with him, he will sometimes ignore my calls...and I have no idea what to do. I do not want to lose him, and I really want to make it work...but it hurts me so much when he runs hot and cold like this.
     
    #1 B_mylipswet, Dec 31, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2008
  2. crossy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,349
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Arizona
    Bi polar disorder is serious business. Recommend Zyprexa 5 mg b.i.d.
     
  3. Notaguru2

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2008
    Messages:
    1,541
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    Bi-polar peeps are tricky. My son is bi-polar and its tough maintaining a relationship with him. In fact, he's in a psych hospital right now.

    It will take more than understanding on your part.

    You will have to realize (as you probably do) that it doesn't get better. It always slips back into something you don't prefer. Bi-polars are also predisposed to being promiscuous. Just know that the relationship will always contain its struggles and be willing to endure through that if you're up to the challenge.

    Bi-polars are also terrific people. By far, they tend to be very successful people professionally, but in relationships where they are under the microscope, they often tend to fail the people they love.
     
  4. Branleur49008

    Branleur49008 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2008
    Messages:
    157
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Midwest
    I've never been in a romantic relationship with someone who is bipolar, although I've had two friends in my life who have been bipolar.

    One friend was fine when he was on his meds, but as often happens with people who have bipolar disease, they start feeling so good that they decide they don't need their meds. He went off his and ended up shooting another good friend of ours (who had been his roommate, but couldn't handle living with him - he had gone to check in on him and was shot by our bipolar friend in one of his downward cycles). Very tragic, very sad.

    My other friend was very difficult to be friends with before he was diagnosed. He went through two marriages. Several jobs. Estranged relatives and friends. Once he was diagnosed and started treatment, he was determined to manage the disease and not let it manage him. He is religious about taking his meds and seeing his doctors on a regular basis. He sees his mental health providers on a regular basis as well. He still has ups and downs but they are gently rolling hills, not peaks and valleys. Has a lovely wife of 3 years who is very supportive of him and works with him to manage the disease. He has also finally has been successful in his career.
    Again, it's not a piece of cake for him...he really has to be on top of his game in terms of managing his disease, and he knows that. His wife, some other good friends and I are all there to support him when it gets tough, and he makes it through the rough spots okay.

    Two drastically different outcomes.

    I think if you love him, and he is proactive in managing his disease and not letting it manage him, and you can be supportive in a way that he needs you to be, then go for it.

    If he is not serious about managing his disease, if he is someone who thinks they don't need meds, or can go on medication holidays, I would have to say walk away as harsh as that sounds. That type of person with bipolar is destined for disaster and may very well take you down with them in the process.

    Good luck.
     
  5. ThePipe

    ThePipe Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2006
    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    good luck with it..been there, done that and its toooooooo much emotional baby-sitting. read up, be strong and don't let him manipulate you. bi polars are often very savvy with manipulation. the key is to set rules and guidelines and acknowledge to him what you will and will not accept. be firm and know what you're dealing with.

    I wish u the best
     
  6. D_76froy

    D_76froy New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2006
    Messages:
    370
    Likes Received:
    8
    Bi-Polar can be a difficult issue to deal with in the best of circumstances. Is he medicated? If he is, then he needs to find a new doctor. If he isn't then he definitely needs to find a new doctor. If medication doesn't work, I'd forget him and find someone new. A good friend of mine is a doctor that specialized in such disorders, as well as being an expert in phamacology - he says that bi-polor is very difficult to treat, and relationships typically NEVER last. I'm not a doctor myself, just experienced in life (I've dated a bi-polor woman), and I'd recommend just moving on.

    Take care,

    Ranger
     
  7. thicnjucy10

    thicnjucy10 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2008
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    on the moon/ky/ohio
    Hey Mylipswet!! I know first hand! I am bipolar~~! People can say what they want, but this is a internal battle. I've been married for 6 yrs, my wife is very understanding, but the major thing is that it's only mood swings. I haven't taken perscriptions for over 7 yrs now and am much better than being a zombie, who is numb to the world around me! If your guy loves you, then leave him alone for a couple of days, he'll call. If he don't leave the pieces of your broken heart and rebuild your life! Bi polar disorder has it's moments I know I can be the hardest person in the world! But you must be patient! The manic side is the fun part (always going, being spontanious ect) but when you get depressed, no matter what happy shit goes on around you nothing will relive you of your sadness. He must first learn to control the depression (when it comes, just think bout the good times and continue with everyday. Don't harp on being down!). I wish you the best dear! But if you love him let him go......he'll be back!! I saw your pics! (he will be back;) )
     
  8. ThePipe

    ThePipe Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2006
    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    is bi-polar a mental disorder or is it like alcoholism where they just kind of slap the term 'disease' on it?
     
  9. goodwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,804
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas
    mylipswet -
    i am sorry this has been such a difficult situation for you.
    bi-polar is such a difficult thing to understand for those that do not suffer for it.
    i was in a relationship for 2 years with a girl that had bi-polar and was medicated to high heaven. i could not understand her behavior and i tried and was patient and encouraging and all of that. but in the end, i wasn't able to handle it. my father is severely bi-polar and i grew up with that before medication was available (he is now taking meds. which has helped a lot) so i have an awareness of this condition. it is difficult enough when the person is medicated - not medicated, i can't deal.
    i suppose you have to decide for yourself if you can be all right without him regardless of his bi-polar. of course you love him and want to be with him. but a relationship is a two way street and bi-polar or not, he needs to begin to realize that the focus cannot be on him alone. i hope the best for you and a clear head to make the best decision for YOU.
     
  10. crossy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,349
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Arizona
    There is no humor in bi-polar disorder. Some of my wild outrageous posts are due to my manic phase. When I'm in the depressed state I masturbate over Mike Dukakis or Lady Bird Johnson.
     
  11. jonie_lee

    jonie_lee New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Before one more person answers to this thread please bear the following in mind:
    This man is NOT her boyfriend. They have NEVER had any kind of relationship. And he most certainly does not have bi-polar disorder.

    The simple fact that you are delusional enough to create these things and then pass it around like this is disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. I know he sends you nasty messages but its not because of a mental problem. His problem is the woman who DOES have a mental problem and won't leave him alone.
    You have been asked several times to leave him alone and yet you continue. This man is a good friend of mine and he shouldn't have to deal with that sort of thing.
    But I will give you credit for being nice enough to not use his real name.
    Stop. Accept the fact that he does not like you and never has. He's never even met you!

    To the others on this site who are in a relationship with someone who really does have bi-polar disorder my advice is if you really want to, stick with them. Its not easy, but any obstacle can be overcome if you guys work together. Its a serious problem that requires a lot of work. Best of luck to those of you in real relationships.
    Jonna
     
  12. jonie_lee

    jonie_lee New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Before one more person answers to this thread please bear the following in mind:
    This man is NOT her boyfriend. They have NEVER had any kind of relationship. And he most certainly does not have bi-polar disorder.

    The simple fact that you are delusional enough to create these things and then pass it around like this is disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. I know he sends you nasty messages but its not because of a mental problem. His problem is the woman who DOES have a mental problem and won't leave him alone.
    You have been asked several times to leave him alone and yet you continue. This man is a good friend of mine and he shouldn't have to deal with that sort of thing.
    But I will give you credit for being nice enough to not use his real name.
    Stop. Accept the fact that he does not like you and never has. He's never even met you!

    To the others on this site who are in a relationship with someone who really does have bi-polar disorder my advice is if you really want to, stick with them. Its not easy, but any obstacle can be overcome if you guys work together. Its a serious problem that requires a lot of work. Best of luck to those of you in real relationships.
    Jonna
     
  13. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    Thank you! So very much for your support! Those photos are there to remind him of what belongs to him....I'm not a down person and the good times definately are worth any bad. I elaborate on the good. Happy New Year.
     
  14. thicnjucy10

    thicnjucy10 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2008
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    on the moon/ky/ohio
    Happy New year to you dear!
     
  15. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    908
    Likes Received:
    0
    mylipswet,

    There are people here who I'm sure enjoy talking to you and you have had some great conversations with, but keeping up this charade - especially with the man in question's two best friends present on this website - is not wise.

    Why not be real? Talk about your real life experiences? Why don't you tell everybody exactly how you acquired all those pictures of him? Through deceit, lies, fake personas? Give yourself a reality check here and ask yourself why you've kept this up for two years.

    I'm sure you've noticed that "fakers" get called out all the time on this website. You are real, but the person you portray here is as fake as they get.

    Either give it up, or go somewhere where him and his friends are not and tell your stories there.
     
    #15 D_Hyacinth Harrytwat, Dec 31, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2008
  16. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    I have standards and a moral obligation to myself and others to be honest, unlike someone such as yourself who thinks they can speak on behalf of a man in an intimate relationship with a woman.
    Normally I wouldn't even dignify you with a comment, your behavior is childlike and in no uncertain terms a cheap shot.
    First of all I resent the fact that you continually inflict your poor opinions on others. Your a liar and have no place in my personal business.
    My man is a man not a child and he is a strong and powerful one at that, he can speak for himself. He doesn't need you poking into his affairs like a poor parent who thinks they can control a child.
    He can stand on his own two feet. What drives you to think you can control his life is beyond my thinking ability. Your making him out to be a powerless weakling and I do resent that fact.
    I invite anyone to take a look at me in my PUBLISHED photos and judge for themselves if I look like a woman who needs to invent a personal situation with a man. Unlike yourself who is too fearful to post one photo of yourself.
    I also request the moderators to kindly ask you to stop your continual harassment of anything I write. I write for the group not for a personal attack by you. Find another way to vent your frustrations.
    If your a medical doctor then and only then can you decide someones medical condition.
    Furthermore, if there is anyone who is disgusting it's your attempt at trying to control a man. Better off then giving advice...take a harder look at yourself.
     
  17. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    Before one more person answers to this thread please bear the following in mind:
    This man is NOT her boyfriend. They have NEVER had any kind of relationship. And he most certainly does not have bi-polar disorder.

    The simple fact that you are delusional enough to create these things and then pass it around like this is disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. I know he sends you nasty messages but its not because of a mental problem. His problem is the woman who DOES have a mental problem and won't leave him alone.
    You have been asked several times to leave him alone and yet you continue. This man is a good friend of mine and he shouldn't have to deal with that sort of thing.
    A bit of shock therapy for you would be some truth.
    Never no never and not one time did he ever ask me to leave him alone.
    But I am asking YOU to leave me alone!
    His messages to me are personal and I plan on keeping them that way so back-off! I will never let you know what they say but, I can assure you they are not to leave him alone. To be frank, I feel sorry for your with your distorted sense of reality, the last thing he needs is a friend like you.
     
  18. jonie_lee

    jonie_lee New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    What do photos have to do with anything? Want to know what I look like, so when you use your job to track down any kind of info on me like you did to him, you can come find me? I don't need to do anything except look out for the people I care about. But I can sleep tonight knowing he won't let you anywhere near him.
    You don't need a PhD to identify a stalker.
     
  19. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    908
    Likes Received:
    0
    But you have invented a personal situation with a man we both know. Having pictures on this website has no correlation with whether or not you have the ability to be in a real relationship or a fantasy relationship.
     
  20. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    Super_Crayon,

    I'm sorry you feel that way about me and even more sorry yet that you find it your choice to refer to me as a fake.
    It's equally not wise to challenge someone when you do not have all the facts.
    Take a reality check as well I have alot more then mere photos to back up my claim.
    I'm a woman and do not engage is deceit and lies, my problem is this my personal relationship and yes there are factors that I intend on keeping personal. Would you like to get your friend to tell everyone on how he has also aquired many photos of me? Is that deceitful and lying as well. Perhaps I can also send you a voice recording of his voice phone calling me to see if in fact this is the same person? I have copies of countless hours of conversation between the person who I refer to. I don't play games or lie about what I write on here and absolutely refuse to play this little game of catty, jealousy with two young girls old enough to be my children. Take stock in your own online reputation and people in glass houses should not throw stones.
    Apparently, you two young ladies are the only ones who seem to have a problem with me. If I am that much of a threat to you both may I add, I don't blame you. I am real so face it. Strange how I have no problem with the men on here nor the mods.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted