What kind of relationship do you want?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_quietguy, Dec 5, 2009.

?

What kind of relationship style do you want?

  1. None - no partners ever

    1 vote(s)
    2.3%
  2. Single - but dating one person at a time

    5 vote(s)
    11.6%
  3. Single - but dating more than one person

    5 vote(s)
    11.6%
  4. Lifelong monogamy

    19 vote(s)
    44.2%
  5. Serial monogamy

    8 vote(s)
    18.6%
  6. Open dyad

    4 vote(s)
    9.3%
  7. One primary partner and 1 or more secondary partners

    10 vote(s)
    23.3%
  8. Living with 2 or 3 partners as primary partners

    6 vote(s)
    14.0%
  9. Living with 2 or 3 partners, but open to dating others

    2 vote(s)
    4.7%
  10. Swinging

    4 vote(s)
    9.3%
  1. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    What kind of relationship do you want?

    What is your preferred style?

    What other relationships would you be comfortable with?
     
  2. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    The one I am in now is working out well. We're friends, lovers, and committed, but open to change as our needs and desires evolve. I/We need that kind of freedom.
     
  3. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    i chose lifelong monogymy. Why? because i a very open person and i want someone that can understand me, accept me and be open to me aswell. i dont think i could go through that process of getting that far repeatedly with different people. I thought u found the person that i might spend my life with, then we both realised we were 18, how fucking stupid. i have a habit of going in headfirst at times with people
     
  4. pitloverfl

    pitloverfl New Member

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    I'd prefer lifelong monogamy over all the other options, but until that happens or if it doesn't work out, my second and third choices are serial monogamy and single, but dating one person at the time. That doesn't mean I haven't or won't do something different if the spirit moves me, but that's my basic set of expectations.
     
  5. whatireallywant

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    I'm actually open to all of them except for the "None - no partners ever". It depends on the situation. My longest term relationship "style" was "One primary partner and 1 or more others"... (with primary partner's full knowledge of this - no sneaking around!)

    I'd like to find someone I could have lifetime monogamy with, but just haven't found him yet. Maybe he's not even out there (but I can have fun in the meantime!)
     
  6. lislndr

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    I think lifelong monogamy would be best for me... but I'd also like to date more
     
  7. Rowan Ravenseed

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    There isn't an option there for my Ideal relationship. I would be open to most of those except the top three as i definitely don't want to be single forever.

    For me the ideal relationship would be a deeply committed but very open relationship with a bisexual man where we are both free to have outside partners pending discussion and agreement by both parties.

    I would also like to try a Threeway relationship with myself a male partner and a female partner where the affection is equal on all sides.

    But i'm a pretty open person so with the right person i would be open for anything, however monogamy is a pretty hard pill for me to swallow as ive always believed monogamy is just a tool for the emotionally insecure and the lazy man not willing to put effort into the relationship
     
  8. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    I would never say "monogamy is just a tool for the emotionally insecure". I know many very secure, mature, well-adjusted monogamous people. They seem very happy with both their choice to be monogamous, and the choice of lifelong companion. I've also met some insecure polyamorous folks who were unsure of themselves and what they wanted in their partners.

    Monogamy works for some people, some of the time. It can even work for some people all the time. It does not work for all people, all the time. It's just not a one-size fits all. I tried it once, and it didn't work for me. I was happier when I could date several lovers at once, and I was happier in an open-dyad than I was trying to be monogamous.

    Right now, I'm in a triad with two bi women and I have had some of my happiest moments, as well as some very challenging moments in the current relationship. It works for us most of the time because we deeply care about one another and treat each other as not just lovers but also as very good friends. However, it is not a perfect solution for all 3 of us.
     
  9. Principessa

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    I'm confused could the OP please provide definitions for lifelong monogamy, serial monogamy, and open dyad.

    I want the fairytale. :smile: Married to a man that loves me as much if not more than I love him, children, a dog or two, a house in the burbs.
    I would prefer to fall in love, get married, and stay that way happily, until death do us part. I am not opposed to divorce if things don't work out; and would expect to marry again. Though probably not right away. Does that make me a serial monogamist or a lifelong monogamist?




    Single - but dating one person at a time - I only date/have sex with one man at a time. I would like to do this more frequently though so that I don't have so many huge dating droughts. :frown1:

    You do realize your answers are at odds with each other...right?:tongue:






     
  10. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    In a very different world, had someone I met at 14 been gay, we might be together. He's one of my best friends and still is to this day.
     
  11. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    but at the same time, no matter how good friends you are, a relationship at that age is a serious strain as you may want to experiance different things. if i had a chance to get back with her, i almost certainly would because from what ive seen of the single life so far, its incredibly lonely and boring. that said, it could of coincided with a better timing then when i go to uni.

    I generally believed that people could meet so young and stay together. my family had close friend who met at 18 and were together untill their late 40's. they are now getting divorced. i never thought they would. i dont know the exact reason, and i dont want to know, but id assume that they now want to experiance different things.
     
  12. SyddyKitty

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    Lifelong monogamy for various reasons. Some of which are very similar to littlelemon.

    I could possibly be happy with a sugar daddy thing, as long as he wasn't more than 15 years older than me and we had a decent handful of things in common. >_> I'd love to be lazy and spoiled like when I was a kid. xD
     
    #12 SyddyKitty, Dec 8, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2009
  13. Joll

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    I don't think it's stupid to think you've met the one, when ur 18. Feelings are incredibly strong at that age - maybe for a reason, and u get a strong attachment to your first proper partner. Sometimes that may last forever - but sometimes ppl need to look round a bit first. I've always been jealous of my mates who got hooked up young and had kids early - I always wanted to. I've settled to the idea tho, that im an incredibly late bloomer, so i'll be one of those old dads.

    Oh, I chose serial, followed by lifelong monogamy.

    PS: Heard Hot Chip's new 'One Life Stand'? quite apt. :tongue:
     
  14. karezza

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    my wonderful wife and I have been in the lifestyle for 12 years, its been amazing!
     
  15. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Sure. You got it. These are my definitions, you may choose your own and describe your definitions in a comment. I don't expect everyone to agree on all the aspects of any definition, but do expect a lot of overlap among the various definitions.

    Lifelong monogamy - You choose one partner and expect to stay with that partner for the rest of your life. Neither of you has sex or deep emotional intimacy outside the dyad. If the relationship has bumps or serious problems, you prefer to work them out rather than break up.

    Serial monogamy - You are/have a primary partner for a while, but have no expectation of "til death do you part". If you discover serious incompatibilities or problems, you prefer to break up. Each relationship may last for years. Neither dates nor has sex with others while in a dyad.

    Open dyad - You have 1 primary partner, but one or both of you have the option to have sex with or date others. The decision to be open is a conscious agreement between both of you. Other partners might be FWB's, secondaries, one-night stands, play partners, or some other arrangement.
     
  16. Joll

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    :D Lifestyle as in monogamy?
     
  17. Principessa

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    Thank you for the definitions! :smile:
     
  18. SnitchQitch

    SnitchQitch New Member

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    LIFELONG MONOGAMY THANKS! i always think fcking around is too much. changes relationship dynamics, like i always say..........
     
  19. Countryguy63

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    See, I used to believe in Lifelong Monogamy and also believed that there were no bumps or problems which couldn't be worked out. For me, divorce changed all that. It took 5 years of trying everything I could, including forgiving (or turning a blind eye) infidelity for me to realize that it's a myth.

    Yep, she claimed that's what she wanted too:rolleyes:

    For me now, I'll take a primary partner, but open to seeing others with guidelines and boundaries clearly set and adhered to.
     
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