What made you laugh today?

[SprinkleMe69]

The man was talking about making a barrel fire with old documents from my dept. He said he would roast some marshmallows (made a gesture) and eat some weenies (made a hand to mouth gesture)....well you know the rest. LOL. I love it when he turns red in the face!

 

[fluffychocolate]

Article about a woman stabbing her husband with a squirrel. I did not read the article. The title was more than enough coupled with her IDGAF mugshot.

 

[rbkwp]

Sufficent Grounds
A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get a divorce."

The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

 

[rbkwp]

Sorry ny
not referring to you ha ..


Signs You Have A Bad Lawyer
[FONT=Arial, serif]You met him in prison.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]A prison guard is shaving your head.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, serif]He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."[/FONT]

 

[rbkwp]

x2 gifs brought a smile
better than the cricket viewing tbh ..

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-...AAAAAAAWxE/iavoaWef7Q4/w506-h750/dogwater.gif


https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-3vDJ38cPVTE/UtckwIER_OI/
AAAAAAAAMDY/4kCyQQ_31qY/w506-h750/tumblr_lcxr98JNgb1qzt4vjo1_500.gif

 

[878680]

I laughed at alot of shit today, but this new trend on IG/Vine is hilarious imo. Anyone who watches alot of basketball would probably find this funny also. Best Lebroning Compilation 2014 (Funny) - YouTube

 

[rbkwp]

incl in this 5th grade expose, will be Obamas admission of guilt!

Actual Answers From Fifth Grade Science Tests

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead
sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

 

[HFOStimmer]

this is central Ohio

 

[rbkwp]

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became
his stepmother.
Women are just so much smarter than men.

 

[Brisler]

The Count (Censored) - YouTube

Oh, it's stupid, but can't help laughing.

 

[rbkwp]

btw
brought this little baby online yesterday haha
only 7 dollar delivery, would have cost me 20 return trip to go in and buy it duh!
cant wait for him to arrive .. Chinese economical in me
buy commercial item, leave any plastic surround on for protection/possible resale value ha


Work Hero 10L Commercial Vacuum | On Sale Now

 

[B_Shurewood]

"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."
-- Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz

 

[HFOStimmer]

yup

 

[rbkwp]

bit too early to laff at the moment


well the daily sort of joke thing aint arrived yet tbh
maybe thank G or whomever ..

 

[Popyuu]

ah good old Futurama. Makes me laugh from all the right orifices.

 

[rbkwp]

Getting Forgetful

Two men were holding up the line outside the turnstyle before a football game, while one of them hunted for his ticket. He looked in his coat pockets and his waistcoat pockets and his trouser pockets, all to no avail...

“Hang on a minute...,” said the guy at the gate, “...what's that in your mouth?”

“It's the missing ticket!”

As they moved inside his friend said...
“”You must be getting senile in your old age. Fancy having your ticket in your mouth and forgetting about it!”

“'I'm not that stupid...,” said his friend, “...I was chewing last week's date off it.”

 

[SprinkleMe69]

Wendy Williams this morning. She made a comment about Madonna. Maybe it was more the way she said it, "Sit your old ass down."

 

[ggsitc]

:biggrin1:

 

[SprinkleMe69]

^^^^ haha :rofl: good one!!!

 

[rbkwp]

"When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship."
-- Harry S. Truman
(1884-1972), 33rd US President

or
good ole Schnozz..


"Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?"
-- Jimmy Durante