I would like to thank each and every one of you for sharing your experiences!
I am an early 40’s married man with kids and am still trying to sort myself out. Like some of you, I grew up in the 90’s and here in the U.S. at that time to be gay was to be ostracized, belittled or even excommunicated from family. With that type of atmosphere, my mind wouldn’t even let me think about a guy.
The one time I did was actually beyond my control. I used to frequent the arcade a lot and played pinball against a boy a few years older than me often. I wasn’t into him or anything but one night I had a wet dream that I was giving him head. It did confuse me a bit but I honestly tried to forget about it. I should say that I had many wet dreams during that time but that was the only gay one.
The first time I truly realized there was something there was in college. I had a group of friends that I hung out with and there was one that I always felt cool with. We immediately hit it off and he was a really cool, really kind guy. He was also what most of us would call handsome and we couldn’t go anywhere without him getting female attention. So I actually thought I admired him a lot. I always sat near him when we were hanging out. I always made sure that I could ‘hang’ with the group if he was going to be there.
Then one night he slept on the floor of mine and my roommates dorm because we the group was to take a road trip early the next morning. He woke up earlier than my roommate and I(he thought) and decided to go shower. He came back wearing a robe and by now he knew I was awake. So I sat up and we talked. With robe still on he slipped on a pair of white briefs and then he removed the robe and kept right on talking.
Have you had or have any male friends who are just naturally well built? He was about 5”11 with broad shoulders, big forearms and meaty hands. He also had just naturally muscular and hairy legs as well. Never worked out a day in his life I suspect but just well built. That was this guy.
I had seen all that before because the group did workout and play basketball sometimes. But now I’m seeing him in a pair of briefs. What did I see?? Let’s just say he is one of these guys that bulges out the front AND packs out rear of his briefs better than most(me included).
The feeling that shot through me startled me. Not only was I admiring him but, in that moment I knew I was physically attracted to him and it made me nervous and feel terrible as hell because of the way I had been conditioned to think about being gay.
So, I forced myself to become more distant with him and that group. I did NOT want to be gay!
But the match was lit.
Since then I have not been able to deny my attraction to the male form. I have never acted on it and I have and still enjoy women. In fact, I love everything about them. The way they smell, the way they feel up against you and to be inside of them. Bringing a woman to a shaking orgasm or just pushing her past her limits still makes me feel as satisfied as I ever have.
But, it seems as I get older my mind wonders more about how it would feel to mess around with a dude. I have started watching both hetero and gay porn alternatively as well but I am still confused by my attraction to men.
Example: You know how on porn sites it’ll have that ‘recommended’ column based your past views? There are some days when they put gay content in there and it’s awesome to masturbate to. But sometimes those pop up and I am not in the mood for them, I crave hetero videos. Also in real life, 90% of men are just other guys to me. But when i do find a guy to be attractive it’s like my mind won’t let go of it. Just like in college, I find myself avoiding these people because I am married and love my family so I don’t even want to put myself in a position to be unfaithful.
Anyways, that’s my deal. I hope it’s ok that I posted such a long diatribe but I get so few opportunities to express this side of myself that it just came pouring out.
Thanks again to all of you that shared your stories above and made me comfortable enough to share mine.
