What make you feel the most insecure about your sexuality ?

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deleted5247941

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I feel extremely insecure with the guys who have/had sex with girls (non gold star).
 
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deleted1074483

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porquoi??

why would you feel insecure about a gay having had sex with a woman??

if thats you in the avatar you're hot, just own your own sexiness and let go of insecurities?
 

briacon429

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I second what Bobblworc said. I’ve had sex with girls and I wouldn’t want you to feel insecure about that!

I used to have the opposite issue: I felt nervous around more experienced gay guys. But over time, I got more comfortable in my own skin. I also came to realize everyone is different, so even an experienced guy will still have things left to learn (and I’m no exception myself).
 

winesthel945

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If someone else's past makes you feel insecure about yourself, then you should probably explore that with a therapist. Until you are confident in yourself, it's going to be difficult for you to be a good partner to anyone else. Work on yourself, then you'll be in good enough working order for someone else. Good luck!
 
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deleted5247941

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If someone else's past makes you feel insecure about yourself, then you should probably explore that with a therapist. Until you are confident in yourself, it's going to be difficult for you to be a good partner to anyone else. Work on yourself, then you'll be in good enough working order for someone else. Good luck!
Thx for your concern. I am actually having a therapy. >>>>And it appears, for now, that the best thing I can do to deal with all of this, is to avoid the guys who aren't gold star.
 

Brodie888

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Hung tops are in short supply so in regards to insecurities, I find it confronting to have to really market myself to get ahead of everyone else bombarding these guys with messages.

You not only need to be more attractive than guys your own age, you need to be able to offer more than those twinky jail bait with a 26 inch waist who like older. So I guess there is also the insecurity of aging.

Older friends tell me to shut up and wait until I am fifty. At that point you apparently become invisible.
 

SgtGirth

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Hung tops are in short supply so in regards to insecurities, I find it confronting to have to really market myself to get ahead of everyone else bombarding these guys with messages.

You not only need to be more attractive than guys your own age, you need to be able to offer more than those twinky jail bait with a 26 inch waist who like older. So I guess there is also the insecurity of aging.

Older friends tell me to shut up and wait until I am fifty. At that point you apparently become invisible.
I just turned fifty a few months ago. I can tell you that none of the other "big" birthdays (30, 40 etc.) ever made much of an impression on me. 50 was different. I'm constantly having to battle feelings of being old, over the hill. I battle the impression that I have wasted my life, achieved little or nothing of value, that it's too late to correct things.

It doesn't help that quite a few guys won't even look at you at 50. The younger ones I can understand. It can be difficult to relate across 25-30 years of experience. But the ones that really hurt are my peers, the men my own age, who utterly reject anyone and everyone around our age in favor of chasing after nothing but kids young enough to be their own kids, or grand kids.

It's also difficult to come to terms with how many of my peers are slowing down. More and more seem uninterested in sex much of the time. That's not happened to me, but I dread it, as sex has been such a big part of my adult life. I don't want to lose that.

On the plus side, I feel as if I have a good handle on what I like in a partner (and the biggest thing ain't looks or cock size, believe it or not). I feel like I have a good deal to offer as a partner myself in terms of experience, skill, and confidence. And I feel as if I would really enjoy a role as a mentor, if only anyone valued what I had to say. These are things that I'll hopefully continue to grow into. But it's not an easy or smooth process.
 

FukinSeksi

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I like this topic.....sometimes I feel a little insecure because I don’t think I’m as experienced as a lot and what I mean by that is, there’s many gays/bi’s that are sex driven and sometimes I feel like that’s how I need to be. I’ve had my fair share of sex and activities but I can never bring myself to just suck off, get head or fuck a stranger in the way some of our gays/bi’s do. When I hear stories, I’m sometimes like “damn....you needed it that bad?”.....I’ve had people lose interest because I wasn’t giving it up fast enough....
 

Brodie888

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If I was to pick another issue, it would be that temptation is everywhere for gay men. Sex comes so easily.

So in relationships, it's difficult to take people at their word. You can never take anything for granted no matter how long you have been together.

You basically just have to hope you are a good judge of character and always keep your eye out for things that don't add up. Even then, you can be outmanoeuvred.

I have never cheated on a partner but I think I am wired different to most.
 

tito21

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Hung tops are in short supply so in regards to insecurities, I find it confronting to have to really market myself to get ahead of everyone else bombarding these guys with messages.

You not only need to be more attractive than guys your own age, you need to be able to offer more than those twinky jail bait with a 26 inch waist who like older. So I guess there is also the insecurity of aging.

Older friends tell me to shut up and wait until I am fifty. At that point you apparently become invisible.

You don’t need to wait until you’re 50 to obtain invisibility.

Gaining weight and becoming fat can also grant you the power of invisibility in the gay world. Seriously, you could go into a gay club, commit murder and walk out and no one would see or notice you. And when the police interrogate the owner + customers of what happened at the scene on the night of the crime. They would all scratch their balls and hole and say “I don’t know, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. I could felt a slight earth quake coming and going, and the next thing I knew, Kenny was bleeding on the dance floor. Even Kenny didn’t know what happened. He said he felt a ghostly presence in front of him and that the floor around him trembled a little. Then he blacked out’.
 

Iamyesyouareno

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You don’t need to wait until you’re 50 to obtain invisibility.

Gaining weight and becoming fat can also grant you the power of invisibility in the gay world. Seriously, you could go into a gay club, commit murder and walk out and no one would see or notice you. And when the police interrogate the owner + customers of what happened at the scene on the night of the crime. They would all scratch their balls and hole and say “I don’t know, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. I could felt a slight earth quake coming and going, and the next thing I knew, Kenny was bleeding on the dance floor. Even Kenny didn’t know what happened. He said he felt a ghostly presence in front of him and that the floor around him trembled a little. Then he blacked out’.
You are absolutely right about that. I'll definitely say that everyone has a right to be attracted to the body types of their choice, but this trend of gay men thinking they are being inclusive by having this infatuation for "dad bods" is ridiculous. What gay men consider "dad bods" or "thicc" really just consists of muscular guys who carry some extra weight in the right proportions, in other words, guys who would easily have classically attractive athletic bodies if they just lost like 25 pounds.
 

stormydude

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I just turned fifty a few months ago. I can tell you that none of the other "big" birthdays (30, 40 etc.) ever made much of an impression on me. 50 was different. I'm constantly having to battle feelings of being old, over the hill. I battle the impression that I have wasted my life, achieved little or nothing of value, that it's too late to correct things.
Man this resonates. I'm turning 40 this year and I am constantly feeling that battle of feeling old. I still want to go out and do stuff, be active, but at the same time my body physically knows it's not 25 anymore....and hasn't been for a long time.
 

Cum_is_Great

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You don’t need to wait until you’re 50 to obtain invisibility.

Gaining weight and becoming fat can also grant you the power of invisibility in the gay world. Seriously, you could go into a gay club, commit murder and walk out and no one would see or notice you. And when the police interrogate the owner + customers of what happened at the scene on the night of the crime. They would all scratch their balls and hole and say “I don’t know, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. I could felt a slight earth quake coming and going, and the next thing I knew, Kenny was bleeding on the dance floor. Even Kenny didn’t know what happened. He said he felt a ghostly presence in front of him and that the floor around him trembled a little. Then he blacked out’.
Yup. Was going to say the same thing. You don't exist over a certain weight.
 

tsfan1

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You are absolutely right about that. I'll definitely say that everyone has a right to be attracted to the body types of their choice, but this trend of gay men thinking they are being inclusive by having this infatuation for "dad bods" is ridiculous. What gay men consider "dad bods" or "thicc" really just consists of muscular guys who carry some extra weight in the right proportions, in other words, guys who would easily have classically attractive athletic bodies if they just lost like 25 pounds.
Is this a gay thing or a male thing?

Straight men also want in shape girls. They dont look at fat girls.
 

tsfan1

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I mean, it could be a male thing generally too. What's your point?
I thought this thread is about specific things from being gay that makes u insecure. So stuff other people dont experience.

The thing about being masculine for example is really a gay thing. Straight men dont really experience that in my opinion.

Being old and fat and invisible i think is something that happens to other groups too. Unless it s even more the case in the gay community. But the way the person said it didnt seem like it s worse for gays, but maybe he meant that.
 
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deleted1074483

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i agree with what @SgtGirth said

But the ones that really hurt are my peers, the men my own age, who utterly reject anyone and everyone around our age

it does seem across gay (and straight to be fair) that men in general look for younger than themselves and don't want to look at guys their own age.

it may be for a number of reasons of course;

younger guys are more and more going after us older guys, which is flattering and who'd object? I have to declare my hypocrisy here as i'm dating a 26 yo, 30 yrs my junior but he did the chasing and i've been completely unable to find anyone my age. We've been together 3 years now and we have lots in common.

a lot of older guys do let themselves 'go' in that they stop making the effort or as @ sgtgirth goes on to say

It's also difficult to come to terms with how many of my peers are slowing down. More and more seem uninterested in sex much of the time
if as an older guy you're still physically, emotionally and sexually active being with someone who's not interested in any of that, who's gone to the 'pipe and slippers phase' that is difficult and a lot of older guys do go there - my straight girlfriends of my age say that about their partners too.

that also goes for putting on weight, stopping exercising, stopping making the effort to look good etc, that is a choice at the end of the day. If a guy is completely happy with himself doing this then absolutely fine. But it is clear from messages on this forum that guys aren't?

There's also something about gay men who are just into and wanting sex, wanting the greener grass the other side, who are so used to the chase that they don't know how to form long term stable relationships, its then difficult to start to change those habits now.

My final thought is that as we get older, experience disappointments, look back and think we've somehow not achieved what we want out of life etc, that those regrets become somewhat poisonous to us- we lose our confidence and belief in ourselves, and once that confidence goes, at any age, then we do become less attractive to others, they can see it in us, so why would they wish to date us?

It may be that we don't find someone but that isn't the end of life, at 50, or 57 as i am, we're not over, our lives aren't at an end and there is still a huge amount of time ahead of us, its then our decision to use it and take advantage of that time?

But this is definitely not a 'gay' thing at all, it affects many people gay , straight, male, female etc