What makes a bottom a bottom?
- Thread starter B_ILIW
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Lex, while I agree with most of what you say, I have to make it known that I in no way, shape, form, or fashion feel as if I'm missing out on anything by not being both a top and bottom. I very much enjoy the role I'm in, and wouldn't have it any other way. Being a total top isn't for everyone, being a total bottom isn't for everyone, and neither is being both...a person is and does what they feel gives them the most enjoyment out of sex.
Lex
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- Lex,
I hear you and I meant no slight. I understand that all roles and positions are not for everyone--and I have some friends who are exclusively bottoms or tops after doing exactly what you described--trying both and realizing that one position is the one that felt right for them.
Pity was far too strong and word, and I should have really said that I have many total top and bottom friends who routinely express how they wished their bodies were wired for more versatility. My views are colored by their comments, rather than by my own projections. My apologies for giving you the wrong impression--or for seemingly discrediting your personal preference.
I am all for people who know what they want and like sexually and who, therefore, go for it with gusto!
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What makes this bottom a bottom is simply that it's just my nature to be the aggressive regarding oral sex and the passive regarding anal sex.
- CUBE,
My friend always says, "Anyone can be a top, only a real man can be a bottom" I once thought this a submissive position. Now, I know that is not true. It can be a very powerful position and one in total control. I feel bad for straight guys that don't ge there ass worked...they are missing an amazing orgasm with the chance for there dick to feel twice as big as the root is being worked inside
I think a bottom is a bottom cause he likes cock up his ass!!! lol I am not effiminate at all, and are a bottom. It is a great feeling to shoot my cum about 3 to 4 feet, with no penile stimulation. That is why I am a bottom.
Count me in the "amen corner".
Every long term relationship (more than a 1-night stand) I've been in both of us enjoyed being topped and being a bottom. It was simply governed by our mood at the moment. We've always had agreements that neither of us will say yes to any form of sex unless we really want to. Doing it out of a feeling of obligation or not upsetting the partner is unacceptable. It is always easy to figure out when a partner is not into it at the time.
I've been disappointed when I've looked at the personal ads on most of the gay sites that cater to big muscle and big hairy muscle guys. Frequently the most
"manly" or "studly" guys say they prefer being a bottom. They totally defy the stereotypes of the type of man who would want to bottom.
The gay world is not free of this phobia either. I've often heard guys who are bottoms denigrate "bottoms" when speaking to others.
Every long term relationship (more than a 1-night stand) I've been in both of us enjoyed being topped and being a bottom. It was simply governed by our mood at the moment. We've always had agreements that neither of us will say yes to any form of sex unless we really want to. Doing it out of a feeling of obligation or not upsetting the partner is unacceptable. It is always easy to figure out when a partner is not into it at the time.
I've been disappointed when I've looked at the personal ads on most of the gay sites that cater to big muscle and big hairy muscle guys. Frequently the most
"manly" or "studly" guys say they prefer being a bottom. They totally defy the stereotypes of the type of man who would want to bottom.
The gay world is not free of this phobia either. I've often heard guys who are bottoms denigrate "bottoms" when speaking to others.
A real bottom pretty much came into his sexuality with an enjoyment of anal stimulation there already, or discovered it in his early sexual contacts. His macho or femme personality is irrelevant. All of my wonderful bottoms have been masculine, sensuous, with gentle natures (though I know there are fierce, extremely macho natural bottoms out there too). Conversely, there are lots of very femme gays out there who are asspounding tops and have little or no interest in being bottoms. That gender stuff (bottom=woman) is just a notion based on the heteros sex lives and I think most of us gay men learn the difference early in our experiences. (although, the queens often bitch eachother, and other gay men out about being bottoms, but these days, only other bitchy queens listen to that shit!:wink
As for tops, I know I was ass-obsessed from my earliest days of puberty, and couldn't have been more thrilled when I learned about what I could do with them with a willing partner!!:tongue::biggrin1:. And of course, there are versatiles who enjoy doing it all (probably the luckiest ones...an increase in available partners...:smile
As for tops, I know I was ass-obsessed from my earliest days of puberty, and couldn't have been more thrilled when I learned about what I could do with them with a willing partner!!:tongue::biggrin1:. And of course, there are versatiles who enjoy doing it all (probably the luckiest ones...an increase in available partners...:smile
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I would think there are a ton of myths with the bottom thing:
1. bottoms are nellie -- some are, most aren't.
2. bottoms have smaller cocks -- this seems to be the opposite actually
3. bottoms are lazy -- for some this is true, but a good bottom is as if not more active than his partner.
4. bottoms are passive -- this is a big european misconception. Most bottoms I know are downright aggressive in finding ways to use their bodies to pleasure their tops.
I don't know that anyone is a 100% bottom or top. I think if you completely eliminate the potential for a certain thing that you and your partner are likely missing out. However many of us do seem more wired for one position than the other.
It's very natural for me to want to bottom. In fact, it's only certain guys that I am VERY attracted to both physically and emotionally that I feel the desire to top. Now as for oral, I don't know about all bottoms, but for me, I am about as aggressive as you can get. I see my partner's entire body as a canvas for sexual exploration and get so much sexual charge from those seconds of unexpected exhileration he gets when I suddenly hit one of those spots.
I have been with a bottom who was like a big flesh blob in the bed and that sucked. But for me, if you're a top and you want to be the total dom, I'm gonna really love picking up on your every subtle cue to make sure my body does what you need it to. And also, if you're a top and you just want to lay there and be pleasured, this bottom will take you for a 4-D disney quality experience that you'd gladly pay money to have again!
And finally, even though I love big dicked bodybuilders in thought, in reality, it's almost 100% emotional. If I am attracted to your personality and I feel that emotional and sexual electricity between us, I don't care what you look like, how big your cock is, or any of the goofy stuff we focus on here. If the spark is there, we're gonna have FUN!
1. bottoms are nellie -- some are, most aren't.
2. bottoms have smaller cocks -- this seems to be the opposite actually
3. bottoms are lazy -- for some this is true, but a good bottom is as if not more active than his partner.
4. bottoms are passive -- this is a big european misconception. Most bottoms I know are downright aggressive in finding ways to use their bodies to pleasure their tops.
I don't know that anyone is a 100% bottom or top. I think if you completely eliminate the potential for a certain thing that you and your partner are likely missing out. However many of us do seem more wired for one position than the other.
It's very natural for me to want to bottom. In fact, it's only certain guys that I am VERY attracted to both physically and emotionally that I feel the desire to top. Now as for oral, I don't know about all bottoms, but for me, I am about as aggressive as you can get. I see my partner's entire body as a canvas for sexual exploration and get so much sexual charge from those seconds of unexpected exhileration he gets when I suddenly hit one of those spots.
I have been with a bottom who was like a big flesh blob in the bed and that sucked. But for me, if you're a top and you want to be the total dom, I'm gonna really love picking up on your every subtle cue to make sure my body does what you need it to. And also, if you're a top and you just want to lay there and be pleasured, this bottom will take you for a 4-D disney quality experience that you'd gladly pay money to have again!
And finally, even though I love big dicked bodybuilders in thought, in reality, it's almost 100% emotional. If I am attracted to your personality and I feel that emotional and sexual electricity between us, I don't care what you look like, how big your cock is, or any of the goofy stuff we focus on here. If the spark is there, we're gonna have FUN!
Where do I sign up for the 4-D disney quality experience? :biggrin1:
BTW, once the pleasure gets going, I usually can't control giveing it back! :wink:
Bbucko
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I love bottoms: without them I'd have no sex at all.
There were a lot of myths in the OP which have all been effectively been refuted. I won't dwell on those.
I'll briefly deal with an undercurrent of misunderstanding about non-versatile tops: I'm one, and I know several others: many are good personal friends of mine, others I know mainly from Manhunt where we have an informal referral/critique network going on.
Aside from some bluster-balls here and on other message boards, I've never met a non-versatile top who wouldn't rather be at least somewhat versatile: we understand that we're missing something, if for no other reason than the look of ecstasy on a bottom's face in the middle of an intense, full-on fuck.
It's just not possible for us to bottom. For some, it's physical, for others it's mental/emotional; for most it's a combination of the two. I, myself, cannot be penetrated without feeling raped. That's not hyperbole: it's the plain and simple truth. I'm sure that sexual abuse I suffered as a kid had something to do with it, and I'm certain that it was compounded by my disastrous first-choice in lovers, who was brutal. When I had surgery to repair an anal fissure a few years ago, both the surgeon and one of the nurses asked me what had caused such extensive scarring on my anus: and that was 30 years later.
Telling a non-versatile top that all he needs is finding the right man is like saying the same thing to a lesbian: it's exactly the same thing.
Now, as to what makes a bottom a bottom: hmmmmmmmmmm...there are several types of bottoms, and I'm sure that within these variations an individual's mood and whatever chemistry (or lack thereof) figures in to how these types are calibrated.
There are extremely passive bottoms who like nothing more than to lay on their bellies and get pounded. These types and I rarely get along so well. A subset of this type is the bondage bottom, who is not just passive by nature but rendered literally immovable by ropes and/or other restraints. I find these guys even less appealing and avoid playing with them.
There are bottoms who are completely wrapped up in their feelings and sensations that they make you feel like a human dildo, which you basically are. Much like the first group, I tend to not play with these kinda guys either; I made an error last summer in hooking up with an old pal from a few years previously who brought along a buddy. Completely unlike our previous encounters, I was treated as some kind of stud bull, not as a person. They were very much into themselves as well, treating me as a completely replaceable commodity for the night's pleasure. Ugh!
The bottoms I prefer are equally engaged and submissive but not passive. We discuss limits ahead of time and he trusts that I will give him the best fuck possible but at my pace and following my agenda and menu (I do not play by a script, I play by a menu). There's a lovely give-and-take to this sort of encounter that works out best, not just for me but for him as well, especially if he's looking for a take-charge kinda guy. And I am something of a control freak.
Powerbottoms come in two flavors. Some are just supercharged and ultra-animated: loud, flexxy/bendy bundles of hypersexuality. I really like playing with this type and welcome his input and creativity in the whole process. These are most likely to become regulars.
The other type of powerbottom is a take-charge kinda guy who tends to push my control/authority buttons; they can be oodles of fun or pushy, greedy bores depending on my mood and our chemistry. They are most likely to get the biggest response out of me in terms of push-back, which I think is their ultimate goal all along. Provided we keep things on as sane a plane as possible, we can have lots and lots of fun exploring and pushing each other's limits and tolerances. But pushing me too far or in the wrong way will probably not result in the intended results, and I may just get up and put my pants back on.
My Manhunt profile states that I am specifically looking for powerbottoms, so I'm really familiar with the type and are the ones I'm most likely to not just hook up with, but return for seconds, thirds, fourths, etc.
There were a lot of myths in the OP which have all been effectively been refuted. I won't dwell on those.
I'll briefly deal with an undercurrent of misunderstanding about non-versatile tops: I'm one, and I know several others: many are good personal friends of mine, others I know mainly from Manhunt where we have an informal referral/critique network going on.
Aside from some bluster-balls here and on other message boards, I've never met a non-versatile top who wouldn't rather be at least somewhat versatile: we understand that we're missing something, if for no other reason than the look of ecstasy on a bottom's face in the middle of an intense, full-on fuck.
It's just not possible for us to bottom. For some, it's physical, for others it's mental/emotional; for most it's a combination of the two. I, myself, cannot be penetrated without feeling raped. That's not hyperbole: it's the plain and simple truth. I'm sure that sexual abuse I suffered as a kid had something to do with it, and I'm certain that it was compounded by my disastrous first-choice in lovers, who was brutal. When I had surgery to repair an anal fissure a few years ago, both the surgeon and one of the nurses asked me what had caused such extensive scarring on my anus: and that was 30 years later.
Telling a non-versatile top that all he needs is finding the right man is like saying the same thing to a lesbian: it's exactly the same thing.
Now, as to what makes a bottom a bottom: hmmmmmmmmmm...there are several types of bottoms, and I'm sure that within these variations an individual's mood and whatever chemistry (or lack thereof) figures in to how these types are calibrated.
There are extremely passive bottoms who like nothing more than to lay on their bellies and get pounded. These types and I rarely get along so well. A subset of this type is the bondage bottom, who is not just passive by nature but rendered literally immovable by ropes and/or other restraints. I find these guys even less appealing and avoid playing with them.
There are bottoms who are completely wrapped up in their feelings and sensations that they make you feel like a human dildo, which you basically are. Much like the first group, I tend to not play with these kinda guys either; I made an error last summer in hooking up with an old pal from a few years previously who brought along a buddy. Completely unlike our previous encounters, I was treated as some kind of stud bull, not as a person. They were very much into themselves as well, treating me as a completely replaceable commodity for the night's pleasure. Ugh!
The bottoms I prefer are equally engaged and submissive but not passive. We discuss limits ahead of time and he trusts that I will give him the best fuck possible but at my pace and following my agenda and menu (I do not play by a script, I play by a menu). There's a lovely give-and-take to this sort of encounter that works out best, not just for me but for him as well, especially if he's looking for a take-charge kinda guy. And I am something of a control freak.
Powerbottoms come in two flavors. Some are just supercharged and ultra-animated: loud, flexxy/bendy bundles of hypersexuality. I really like playing with this type and welcome his input and creativity in the whole process. These are most likely to become regulars.
The other type of powerbottom is a take-charge kinda guy who tends to push my control/authority buttons; they can be oodles of fun or pushy, greedy bores depending on my mood and our chemistry. They are most likely to get the biggest response out of me in terms of push-back, which I think is their ultimate goal all along. Provided we keep things on as sane a plane as possible, we can have lots and lots of fun exploring and pushing each other's limits and tolerances. But pushing me too far or in the wrong way will probably not result in the intended results, and I may just get up and put my pants back on.
My Manhunt profile states that I am specifically looking for powerbottoms, so I'm really familiar with the type and are the ones I'm most likely to not just hook up with, but return for seconds, thirds, fourths, etc.
This is the perfect answer....
simply bottom enjoys the feeling of his ass fucked with a nice dick
more than anything else.... so he's pleasing himself by his way...
for me ,, i topped for some times ,, and i occasionally had sex with girls..
after all that i defined my self as a total (100%) bottom.. i feel the best sexual pleasure when i have a big cock in my ass,,, reaching to max. when i orgasm without touching my cock,,,
B_thickjohnny
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Ditto. But it's a bit strange for me in that in the working environment I'm fairly dominant, demanding and strong but in a relationship I'm a submissive bottom!
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