What Men Learn From Watching Porn

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Pitbull, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. Pitbull

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    What Men Learn From Watching Porn

    1. Women wear high heels to bed.

    2. Men are never impotent.

    3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

    4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
    scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

    5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

    6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

    7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

    8. Women always orgasm when men do.

    9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

    10. All women are noisy fucks.

    11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo
    in the background.

    12. Those tits are real.

    13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
    half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

    14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

    15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl
    isn't disgusted!)

    16. Double penetration makes women smile.

    17. Asian men don't exist.

    18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
    bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
    your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

    19. There's a plot.

    20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by
    giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

    21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

    22. Men always pull out.

    23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
    she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

    24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

    25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
    remind her to "suck it".

    26. Assholes are clean.

    27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
    parties concerned.

    28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
    trousers and find a cock there.

    29. Men don't have to beg.

    30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
    firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
    hip.
     
  2. D_Perranzabuloe Sexbone

    D_Perranzabuloe Sexbone Account Disabled

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    Hahhahaha! It's all so true!
     
  3. D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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    What Gay Men Learn From Watching Porn


    Pizza boys get a lot of action.


    Men in military barracks put aside "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" when the sun goes down -- and, high-ranking officers unzip their trousers quite a bit in front of enlisted men.


    If you ever stand at a trough-style urinal in a bus station, and you and another guy eye each other and then decide to have sex -- it's perfectly ok to do so because nobody will ever interrupt the sexcapades... unless somebody appears, rubbing his crotch, wanting to join in.


    A rugged, beefy man who takes his jeep into the hot desert in a Falcon video will ALWAYS meet up with other rugged, beefy men who are willing to engage in sex. Nobody ever says "no".


    The guy who spots you as you're lying on the bench at the gym and pressing 200 pounds is always horny and wants his dick sucked. You are the only two people in the gym of course (unless, again, someone is furtively watching from a doorway, rubbing his package, licking his lips, and wishing to join in).
     
    #3 D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse, Dec 2, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2009
  4. D_Biggo Mortensen

    D_Biggo Mortensen New Member

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    Hahaha this is hilarious. In high school you could always tell when guys were lying about having sex because their stories all sounded like a porn video. Get head, momentarily eat the girl out, have sex in 10 different positions, pull out and cum on her face. Of course, she smiles and licks it.
     
  5. hockeyguy741

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    lol......:smile:
     
  6. D_Fiona_Farvel

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    What Men Learn From Watching Porn

    1. Women wear high heels to bed.
    [heels or boots... sometimes I need the leverage. :wink:]

    6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
    ['Tis true]

    7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
    [We both moan uncontrollably when I give a BJ. :cool:]

    10. All women are noisy fucks.
    [After I finish, my neighbors have a cigarette. ]

    12. Those tits are real.
    [they most certainly are! :boobies2:]

    13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
    half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
    20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle [
    hard, please] slap on the butt.

    24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
    [ never stops me...]

    25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
    remind her to "suck it".
    [said correctly, "keep sucking, I dreamed your lips would feel like this, baby" - yes! ]

    26. Assholes are clean.
    [mine definitely is]

    27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
    parties concerned.
    [In me? Hell yeah!]

    28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
    [Only the BIG ones :biggrin1:]


    30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
    [Nothing wrong with a guided, rough BJ every once in awhile.]
     
  7. Pitbull

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    What about the other 18 items?
     
  8. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I don't know, but I have a nurse's uniform and some free time - care to experiment?
     
    #8 D_Fiona_Farvel, Dec 2, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2009
  9. Pitbull

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    :eek: Oh my!
     
  10. Pitbull

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  11. tasteslikejellyjam

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    unless its German... XD
     
  12. D_Fiona_Farvel

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  13. Pitbull

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    Lights!
    Camera!
    Action!

    I'm ready for my close-up
     
  14. lustful10

    lustful10 New Member

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    1. Women wear high heels to bed. (I NEVER wear high heels at all anyway, but that's just me)

    7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob. (I sometimes do, I get really turned on)

    8. Women always orgasm when men do. (I wish... wish it was easier for me)

    10. All women are noisy fucks. (I'm not at all)

    13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
    half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. (I wouldn't mind it gently slapped somewhere on me maybe)

    24. Women never have headaches... or periods. (doesn't stop me)

    25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
    remind her to "suck it". (I love my man to ask me to suck him)

    28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
    trousers and find a cock there. (I wouldn't be 'surprised', as such, but just very happy, maybe joke 'what's this i've found!)


    30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
    firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
    hip. (I don't mind hand gently on head or shoulders sometimes, or running stroking my hair)
     
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