what my father told me

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by doug2003, Mar 13, 2005.

  1. doug2003

    doug2003 New Member

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    It seems all families are different when it come to talking with there children about puberty and sex. Some parents are an open book and straight forward while others act as though the whole process doesn't exist.

    When i first ejaculated i had no clue what was going on and thought I had broken something. My father made no mention of puberty or of masturbation, and sex. I guess you could say I grew up in a conservative household. Everything I learned was either at the bus stop or through sex ed books. I went through puberty in the late 80's and am suprised at how conservative they both were even in that time period. I know I will give an imformative talk with my son. I can't under why so many fathers are still hung up on masturbation. You would think they would talk about that with there son's as a healthy form of abstinence. I would much rather having my kid doing that than getting some girl pregnant. Personally I think a father owes it to his son to explain ejaculation and what to expect. i hear to many stories similar to mine where the kid freaks out because he has no clue what going on. Being open about these kinds of topic allows a child to expore his/her sexuality without the feeling of guilt and be afraid of getting caught that goes along with many teen.

    What did your parents say regarding sex,masturbation, and puberty growing up?

    I think it would be intresting to see if the time period is a factor because I know in my case it wasn't. i felt like I was raised in the 50's instead of the 80's based on how uptight my father was.
     
  2. Dr Rock

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    I would much rather we had comprehensive, applicable sex education programs so that your kid could do whatever he wanted without getting some girl pregnant.
     
  3. Imported

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    hung_big: I think what my parents did was perfect!

    "If you ever need to talk to us about something because you are nervous or unsure of it, please do". That's what they gave me and I'm greatful. They didn't impose themselves on me, yet it was good to know that I was not by myself. I never did have to ask them.

    Needless to say, I was (and am) an informed teen, and because of today's nature, I can get my answer from almost anywhere or from anyone. Of course, I know which sorces are reliable and which aren't but, in general it seems alot more open.
     
  4. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    My parents (or parent, mother really) only made jokes about masturbation and sex AFTER I had first masturbated and she found a magazine. I even had my grandad (joking I hope) saying 'can I borrow a book off ya' (book = porno mag) and mum just saying 'always wear a raincoat/protection'. Hardly anything in depth or helpful. But now I guess I know enough and am fairly clued up on sex and everything, the male and female ;) anatomy.

    I look at it like this - I'm 19, have a girlfriend and she's not pregnant, have no STD and am pretty healthy. Now the rest of my life begins lol (dun dun dun!). Coincidentally, two of my friends only a year older than me are dads with girlfriends (the mother of their kids) 16 and 17. I dont think they had any 'talks' with their parents either, I don't think many people do.

    My sister is on the pill though (an having sex with her boyfriend) so I guess that's smart, she uses condoms too. I think maybe girls will talk with girls about the 'girl stuff' and fathers will talk with their sons. Also, myself and the two friends who have children don't have fathers around or werent around to have 'the talk' or even any kind of talk now lol. It's actually pretty common where I live, I see the cycle repeating in my friends...

    Damn another long post lol.
     
  5. jonb

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    My dad was fairly comprehensive. He didn't even assume we were all straight, the way most parents do.

    I don't think I ever talked to my mom about sex, though. Traditional modesty around female relatives.
     
  6. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    Well, I've had the talk, the lessons and the book. Personally, I hate the detached and clinical view on all things, I'm a "slow" emotional developer, mainly because I want to do things when I feel I need to.

    I take it to my credit that I did some reading on the subject and found loads of useful books for teens that had lots of information that you can't ask about.

    I'd also say, that having a "intact sacred cherry" that LPSG has proved to be really useful as well. I joined when I was 18.

    So yeah, some of you guys have helped (and still are helping) my education!
     
  7. D_Barbi_Queue

    D_Barbi_Queue Account Disabled

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    My mom was the only one around for me when I was growing up. She never really had "the talk" with me. I heard her once tell someone that I could just learn everything from the tv. pretty sad, really.

    Funny thing is that she isn't shy about talking about sex...never has been. We have all kinds of open talks now.

    Most of what I learned DID unfortunately come from movies, but the most important stuff I learned came from classes at school and my older sister.
     
  8. hung

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    I developed as a young male on a farm. All of us watched the mating practices of the farm animals. Therefore our parents informed us with age appropriate discussions of what was going on. No one appeared ashamed of the reproductive routine required for a man and a woman to have a baby.

    We were also advised to be loving children and to respect the sacrament of marriage. Sex outside of marriage was not the thing to do and only a man and a woman should engage in sexual activity after they were married.

    Our parents displayed this role model in their discussions and frankly discussed the ramifications of sex before marriage and I am glad I was raised in an open home during the 50s and 60s.

    Once I became a father, I informed my sons of the facts of life when I held them in my arms when they were babies. My wife told me they would not understand. My reply was, if I start practicing my speech now, then I would not be ashamed to tell them the truth as they matured. It worked for me and my sons.

    Open and honest communication between parents and children is far superior to the other alternatives.

    I am glad I was raised the way I was.
     
  9. Mr._dB

    Mr._dB New Member

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    I never heard a word about it from my parents, I was left to learn about sex and puberty on the streets, so to speak. About the only official guidance I can remember was that, on the last day of school in the 6th grade (1968), they took all the boys into the cafeteria and showed us a film "From Boys To Men" about what was soon to happen to our bodies.

    The girls were shown their "From Girls To Women" film before xmas break in the 5th grade.
     
  10. KinkGuy

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    As I have mentioned before, I credit my Dad with my mental, physical and spiritual well being as an adult. He was warm, involved in mine and my brothers lives, discussed sex, my development and changes in my body growing up. He was certainly never shy, came to the kitchen nude every morning for coffee, we showered together when I was young, taught me to shave standing nude together in the shower, explained cleanliness, jockstraps, locker room etiquette and what I thought at the time, (especially Jr. High) were my freakishly big balls.

    He walked in on my brother and me one afternoon while we were doing a little "experimenting" and he said nothing at that time, just turned and left the room. Later, he sat us both down and openly, honestly and a very straight forward manner explained that lots of boys explored sexually at our ages, that it was normal, nothing to be ashamed of while discussing in general terms "some boys like boys, some girls like girls, some like just their opposite sex" etc. He never provided more information that we could absorb, but never backed away from any topic or question we presented.

    We were all (the guys) often nude together camping, water skiing, swimming, at the gym etc. It was certainly never sexual...he just taught us skills and an appreciation and comfortableness in being men. I miss him and honor him.
     
  11. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    My father gave me 'The Talk', but was clearly awkward. It is the only occasion in which I have witnessed my father blushing. He explained all the basics, then approached the size and safety issues. He talked about how sexual urges can make us yield to irresponsible behaviour, but that can lead to results that can haunt us. He spoke about condoms, but he thought in terms of birth control. At that time, he didn't yet know that pregnancy wouldn't be a concern for me. He barely mentioned prophylaxis, but as AIDS was a big issue, I already knew about safe sex. He said that if I ever had any problem determining what size to use, I could talk to him about it. While he was saying that, I could almost hear the voice in his head saying, "I sure hope he doesn't come to me with this!" I respect my father's attempt to discuss a topic that he knew was important, but it wasn't the most inspiring or comfortable Birds & the Bees talk that I could imagine.
     
  12. jonb

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    Yeah, well, only suburban parents really try to maintain the illusion that sex doesn't exist. Out in the country, parents know kids have seen the animals fuck, and kids have seen nudity before too. Meanwhile, in the city, parents would have to be blind to think their kids haven't seen marketing of sex, along with other stuff which can have bad consequences if you're not careful.

    My dad mentioned all the bases, of course. And not just "the bases" either.
     
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