What Porn Movies Want You To Believe

[D_Coyne Toss]

Free translation from magnaromagna.it

Cocks are always at least 8 inches long
Men are never impotent.
Women have little to no pubic hair.
Women have never the period or a headache.
Women enjoy being fucked by middle aged men.

Those boobs are real.
It is always summer and hot.
Vaselne is useless.
Condoms are yet to be invented.
Women are always surprised, when they undid a man's trousers, to find a penis inside.
Asian men don't exist.

Women enjoy having their face slapped with a semi hard cock.
Women smile full of gratitude if you cum on their faces
10 seconds of cunninlingus are fully satisfactory.
Double penetration makes a woman smile.
Women can't help moaning loudly when they suck a cock.

Presents, flowers and jewels are useless, you'll get a bj 10 minutes after meeting a woman.
Women always carry a gigantic dildo in their purse.
Maids love climbing ladders with no underwear.
Secretaries are secretaries because they are good at giving head.
Bosses are bosses because they enjoy being sucked.

When you fuck a woman from behind, she comes more if you slap your buttocks and shout "oinzen!"
When you get sucked, you should always remember a woman to suck it.
When a man cums during doggie, he always reproduces a Mirò painting on the woman's back with his sperm.
Men never cum inside a woman.
Men love slapping a woman buttocks
with their semi hard penis.
Men always shout "Oh yeah!" when cumming.

 

[cockoloco]

ROTFL!!

hahaha, yes, yes quite true...


oh! and both man and woman orgasm at right the same moment! Isn't that wonderful?!!!

 

[liquid3]

Ha ha, nice!

-Women always say "Oh my God!" when they see a big black cock.
-While a man is fucking a woman, the woman must say "Oh yeah fuck me!" or else the man doesn't know what to do.
-Female orgasm doesn't exist; who needs it anyway.

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

Two women that have just sucked a cock, enjoy frenchkissing.
Asses are always clean.
Plumbers fuck the whole day.
Women don't need to worry about speed limits:they can always avoid a fine with a blow job.
If two men fucked they same woman, they give themselves a five, and the woman is cool with it.
If no man is available, a woman can have fun with a horse or a dog.

If a dinner is boring, a woman can spice it up sticking something unusual up her uterus.
Cutlery always fall, and one need 10 minutes to pick it up.
During an orgy you don't need to worry if you need to pee: piss on somebody and everybody will admir you.
Voyeurs and maniacs are philosopher.
A woman has always a nimphomaniac and bisexual friend.
If you catch a woman masturbating, she will insist to be fucked.

If your woman finds you in bed with her best friend, she will be happy to join.
If you catch a couple fucking and stick your dick in the woman,s mouth, the man won't break your neck
Men never need to ask.
Women love having their nipples pulled like crazy.
Women go to bed with high heels

If two persons re fucking, for sure a woman is observing, greedy for their juices.
There is a plot.
One needs 15 minutes of bj to get hard.
Tables are meant for fucking.

 

[Gillette]

These are too funny. Thanks, Proudly Italian!


-Foreplay is time wasted. All women are dripping wet the moment a man enters the room.
-Many women are unsure of how to give a BJ and need you to grab their head and push them down on your cock.
-Yes. Your teacher really would have given you better grades if you'd bent her over that desk.
-If you have a van any woman on the street will join you and your camera crew to be taped fucking you.
-You have too much furniture. Living rooms only need one sofa to complete the decor.