what should i do after..

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by quintin, Sep 22, 2008.

  1. quintin

    quintin New Member

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    i have basically confessed my love to a guy. we've been best friends for a while, and he knows that i like him very much. when i first met him, i wasn't attracted to him at all, infact, almost the opposite, but over the years as our friendship became closer, the way i looked at him began to change. i'd say that only about 1/4 of what i like about him is physical, and the remaining 3/4 is his character. anyway he's bi, and im gay, however, hes not entirely out like i am, therefore, im the only one he has when he wants to talk about guys even the occasioanl girl, and things of that nature. after i told him how i felt, he told me doesn't feel the same way about me, but that i was his very closest friend, and that he was sorry. initially i was upset, but i guess theres nothing really i can do. i then let him know that just because i told him how i felt, doesnt mean he cant still come to me to discuss those things. so my question isnt "what should i do to make him fall in love with me", rather "should i continue being his friend even though its very difficult to be only that?"

    any sort of feedback would be appreciated! thanks.
     
  2. CALAMBO

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    try not to smother him...too much and he will bolt...be his friend...the rest is up to him...if it is the right thing he will come around...but continue to keep your options open...
     
  3. Smartalk

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    Hi Quintin,

    Sorry to hear that your friend doesn't feel the same attraction towards you, as you have for him. If you terminated your friendship on the grounds that you still have feeling for him more that just an obviously very special friendship. I ask you to stop and think of the message you could appear to be sending out to your loyal friend. A friend who has been comfortable with and respected you enough to share his thoughts on, as you state, "guys and the occasional girl" and more, He would feel let down, maybe unable to trust anyone again and possibly see you as someone who appeared to be his friend because you fancied him and nothing more. He being able to open up to you in the way that he has, says so so much of what he sees and thinks of you, that of a loyal and trusted friend.

    Give it some serious thought, friends like him are both special and rare

    Good luck

    Smartalk
     
  4. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    I'm sorry your friend doesn't feel the same way. Just don't pressure him or or smother him (like CALAMBO said). Maybe he will come around. I hope so.
     
  5. MarkLondon

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    As long as you can come to terms with it and not pine after him, yes. And if the physical attraction is only 1/4, that should make it easier to settle for his company as a friend. And if you're happy with that, I think he'll pick up on it and be ok with it.
     
  6. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    This is going to sound hard, but think about this option. He's your friend, you care about him. Go back to that. Take a few days to yourself, remember all the good times and go back to what you used to have. Don't bring up the fact that he may not like you like that. Just be the same friend you've always been.
     
  7. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    It's better to have him as a firend then not have him in your life at all.
     
  8. quintin

    quintin New Member

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    thank you all you guys for the advice!!! but you guys tell me just to remain the same friends I've always been, but its just hard hearing him talk about other guys. i told him he can always come to me, but...
     
  9. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    I understand comepletely. Your hurting and aching for him. I think it's beautiful.
     
  10. killerb

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    I understand how you feel & I'm sorry you're hurting...because you have strong feelings for this guy, you don't want to hear about his feelings for anyone else...that's perfectly understandable...

    I suppose it's possible for you to remain friends, but you might benefit from putting a little distance between you for a while...at least until your broken heart begins to heal...

    I also think it will be easier on you once you find someone else you can be with romantically...
     
  11. lokican

    lokican Member

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    You know I've seen this situation happen before and has happened to me (with women, but love is love) and I got to differ from some of the opinons expressed here. As much as a frienship can mean a lot to you, and believe me I cherish my friends a lot, when you start to develop feelings for someone which will never be returned, it can be very painful for you. On some level you will always desire them, and it can start to be a negative in your life.

    Try to maintain the friendship, but you may have to consider the reality that it may be to hard to have this person in your life. I've had to do that a few times and it was hard but i think in the end it was for the best.
     
  12. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Be happy with such a friend, he loves you too, but he isn't in love with you. Just be each others friends, you can't force him to be in love with you. Cherish that friendship. I told some friends of mine that I love them too, but I'm not in love with them. There is nothing wrong with that. And who knows, maybe in the future things could develop.
     
  13. quintin

    quintin New Member

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    thanks to everyone who responded! we just hung out, and it was like old times. thank you again!
     
  14. Stephenmass

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    I had to add a footnote. Be glad he was at least honest with you and you two are still good friends. It could have turned out badly if he didn't at least like you as a friend. Sometimes a really close, good friend is tougher to find than someone you are in a relationship with. And the good thing you already know about him? Honesty.
     
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