What should I do?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever, Oct 12, 2009.

  1. B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever

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    This isn't my first time posting in this section; I've posted before about relationships and I received helpful feedback so I figured I could use it again.

    I've been dating someone for a few months now; a frequent shopper where I work (I stock shelves at a grocery store). I asked her out after being more and more attracted to her every time she came in; I'd strike up conversations, help her out with whatever she needed and even flirt with her (of course!) Her name is Kerry and thus far, our relationship has been pretty enjoyable. Good times, good talks, great sex, fun experiences. She's 35 and I turned 21 in July...I've had experiences with older women before but those were purely sexual and cuckold-situations; this is the first relationship I've had with an older woman where it's monogamous and there's actual emotions involved.

    However, Kerry wants to sort of move things forward with me. Besides her son (a 17-year-old; she's divorced), none of our friends or families really know about our relationship (except for one or two of her friends). She wants it to be open and has even mentioned me moving in with her. I guess I'm mostly cool with being open about it but not too sure about moving in...

    I'm sure my friends would think it'd be cool if I was dating an older woman but I'm not sure how my family, especially my parents, would react; I currently live with my mother and father (I made our finished basement into my own quasi-apartment years ago) and I think they'd be pretty weirded out about it.

    Not only that but her son, Eric, seems to resent me and quite possibly despise me. We were kinda decent with each other at first but I recently overheard him with his friend on the phone one night saying how he thinks Kerry and I's relationship isn't right. I guess he eavesdropped on some of his mother's phone conversations, listening to her swoonfully talk about me, how I'm a sweet guy, a "hot fuck" and how big my dick is, especially compared to her ex-husband (that part seemed to make him the most sick, I guess...her ex was a semi-abusive alcoholic/gambling addict).

    So...I don't know what to do, really. There's some stress mounting on our relationship; should we come out, should I consider shacking up? I am pretty young, of course. We have good times; we go clubbing, go to the bar, we do have fun...I do like her, she's great. Funny, sexy as hell, great to be around...what should I do?

    I'd show off some pics of her because I'm a photocentric kind of guy and...well, because I like gloating, but that seemed to rub people the wrong way another time so I guess I won't unless the general consesus feels otherwise.


     
  2. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    You always seem to get involved in these triangles. I wish that I had your problems.

    If you and her enjoy it, then what's wrong with it? Age doesn't matter. I think that she should get a divorce before you take it further... unless you want to just be a fuckbud. As for her son, have you tried talking to him? The more it festers, the more he'll resent you. Nip that one in the bud asap.

    For some reason, I thought you were a mason.
     
  3. D_Portelay Porquesword

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    Gloating angers people because it cheapens what you are doing with her.

    IF this not a fantasy story, like so many of them are (no offense) then take into consideration that her son is still living at home and is 17, for me personally moving in with her is too much. It shows a blatant lack of respect for his feelings.

    If your relationship is that strong, you both can wait awhile. Since her son is expressing disdain for the whole thing. You may wind up winning him over if you were to back away a bit and not be so in his face with this relationship.
     
  4. Ethyl

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    Moving from your parents' basement (yes, I know it's a finished apt but it's still your parents' house) into a new home with a girlfriend is a huge step. I'm not surprised you're hesitant.

    Why? And even if they were "weirded out" at first, wouldn't they get used to it if they saw you two were serious?

    This comes as no surprise. You're only a few years older than he is and viewed as a threat by him. If he's still living with her then you have to be prepared to take things slowly and not expect him to change his mind overnight. Like the parent/relative situation he'll get used it after a while. It'll take longer for him to actually accept you. You'll have to decide if you want to take that chance.

    (might want to suggest that she keep her voice low when talking about your to her friends on the phone) :tongue:


    What do you want to do? If you enjoy her as much as you say you do then the rest will eventually work itself out if you wish to pursue this course. Dating anyone with children is always an adjustment for both parties. And if the age difference doesn't bother you others will see that and follow suit. Eventually. :smile:

     
  5. B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever

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    I was...that was a job I did with my uncle. Still do it now & then when he needs the help but yeah, I'm at a grocery store now.
     
  6. Viking_UK

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    When I was 21, I moved in with a 33-year-old woman and lived with her for two years. She met my parents and grandfather and I met her family. The only comment about our relationship was when my mother said, "She's a bit older than you, isn't she?" I said yes and we left it at that. However, some parents don't take it quite as well. You'll never know until the day comes when you tell them.

    As for moving in with her, I wouldn't jump at that right now, especially as she has a son who isn't comfortable with your relationship. He's probably feeling a little weird, and probably not very happy to know that his mother is enjoying sex with anyone, far less a guy who's around his age. It's worth getting to know him better and trying to at least get to the level where, if you're not friends, you can at least have a civil conversation. Give him some time and respect and with any luck, he'll come round.

    Good luck.
     
  7. cdog204

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    Just make sure that she really likes you for you and she isn't doing some sort of a weird "cougar" thing because it is trendy. The kid will either eventually start to like you because you're close to his age and you have similar interests or he'll just deal in some way.
     
  8. Swordie

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    Keep it sexual. Anything more right now will REALLY complicate things - and why fuck up a good lay? Don't move in yet (if at all).

    Her son is going to be an issue until he's out of the house, u should at least hold off on moving in until he moves out. Its the respectful thing to do.
     
  9. hung

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    I would suspect that no 17 year old male would want to have her stud at age 21 shacking with his "Mom."

    Like others have recommended, either drop this relationship or wait until the "Son" is totally out of the picture, which could take a bit of time, i. e. a few years. Is he College material? That can be a long wait.

    The boy's mom is not helping by being overheard on the phone talking about your love muscle and how you are much better than the ex, and also the young 17 year old boy's Dad.

    No matter what is said and understood, the Son should appreciate the male who Fathered him. You moving in on the scene would most likely be a major problem.

    Now, regarding your own parents, Yes, you have an apartment, but it is still their house.

    Unless you manage the grocery store, you are most likely going to have to live with them overhead.

    Before you hook up in a serious relationship just remember that you must be able to provide for your own lifestyle and not depend on a lover/shack up/spouse; otherwise you have a potential for a long road of financial strife. Life beyond the sexual experiences can be difficult and also challenging.
     
  10. drac

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    I think everyone is missing the situation here. Point Blank she is 35, you are 21, 14 years difference. She will get extremely attached if not already, since she seems to let her son take second place. Also, it may seem great for a while but seriously, after a couple of years if you could make it that long you will be wondering and it sounds like you might just crush this womens feelings. YOU ARE going to want to find younger women. You will have a hard time with this forever, unless you are one in a trillion. I suggest you have fun with it for now, since you are 40% gay, mix it up a little and hook up with the son see what his take is, maybe he would like you more then get out of this. It will most likely end bad either way. Think about it, when you are her age, she will be almost 50, ewh.
     
  11. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I think you're putting the son in an impossible position here.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with going with older women, my cousin's wife is 10 years his senior and they really do love one another (and indeed have a baby on the way), but a son who is that old is a real problem, especially as it seems fairly common with these single-mom/old-son situations, there's probably an undercurrent of sexuality between him and his mother. Freud wasn't entirely wrong you know? Bottom line is you're stealing his thunder (in his head, without him consciously realising it), you're taking mom's attention, and that is probably troubling him at a very basic level.

    I don't think in this situation you can be the son's friend, and if you want to take your relationship with his mom further, you'll need to wait until he's out of the house, and he's probably going to resent you for it until he's quite a bit older, and no longer has quasi-sexual feelings for his mother.
     
  12. hung

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    I reply again. I thought this one over. The older woman in this situation just may be using you to re-enact her high school years. She enjoyed sex then with some stud who was well endowed. Or maybe he was not endowed/hung. You are now the substitute "stud."

    Regarding the 17 year old son, he just want to model his life after you. Would that be good?

    His mother is certainly not setting a great role model here for him. Admittedly, we do not know much about his "Dad," but as I stated yesterday the young lad does have feelings, either good or bad about him.

    Your attractiveness at this time just may be that you are "The Stud" the mature woman did or did not have in her own tender youth.

    What happens when time ages you and this older woman may realize what she is doing.

    Solution, Change partners and realize that your future with this female just may not be in your own best interest.

    After all, "What would your Grandmother, or even your Grandfather say about your current situation?"
     
  13. helgaleena

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    Moving in would make you partly the new dad of a 17 year old. What the hell kind of mom wishes that on her son? Think about that. She is being selfish for the sex by tossing the two of you together before you are ready to be friends, muchless pseudo-family.

    No matter what your relationship develops into it is way too soon to move in. That she even is urging it now is a red flag. Is she having some kind of money crunch? Is she simply comletely selfcentered? What kind of a person is the son and does he have the ability to live on his own yet?

    Bring all this up to her gently and see what you find out.
     
  14. hung

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    Hung has been thinking about this topic again.

    How would you feel if this seventeen year old once he reaches 21 emulates you?

    Would you appreciate him having sex with your own Mother?
     
  15. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Take Baby Steps. Never wise to rush into anything. First thing I would do is come out about your relationship with her. Don't hide the fact that the two of you are dating or seeing one another. Seems to be trendy right now. Older woman with younger man. Look at Ashton Kutcher and Demie Moore. I think she is like 20 something years older than him. Demie Moore is around 50 and I don't think most guys think she is bad looking. There is always going to be good looking older women that will be able to get the young guys. Look at all the movie stars and you will see this. These are usually the women that get married quite a few times (like Elizabeth Taylor)

    Only time will tell if the two of you will work out in the long run. So, take your time and don't rush into things. Don't move in with her unless it is your decision. What you want to do. And that would be if you find yourself wanting to be with her every waking minute of the day. And you want to commit yourself to just being with her.

    About the 17 year old son. You probably do need to be respectful of his feelings. He only has one more year before he is an adult and then he can go be independent from his mom. A child can't dictate who his mom can and can not date. Parents just have to be respectful of their children's feelings as long as they want to maintain a decent friendly loving relationship with their children. Remember your children pick your nursing home when you are old.

    Don't know what the circumstances are with the 17 year old dad's father, but he is the one that is responsible for being the male role model. Could the son choose to go live with his dad if he doesn't like the fact of who his mom is dating? She isn't doing anything illegal you are of age.

    Men for centuries have dated women that were 20 years younger than them and it has always been acceptable. Dad's dating their daughter's friends after their divorce's. Just seems to be a trend these days that more older women are dating younger men. I don't see a problem with it as long as people have things in common and can get along. What does age matter if people are happy?
     
  16. Enid

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    There's 14 years between them

    I do go along with what HHG said about taking it slow. You don't haveta move in just yet, just start openly dating and see how that goes.
     
  17. molotovmuffin

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    bite your tongue little man :irked:
     
  18. B_Rivas_Boricua4Ever

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    Thanks for the thoughts and comments, everyone. I think I'm just gonna leave it as it is at the moment and enjoy it.
     
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