What should I do?

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by 1828bst, Jun 29, 2005.

  1. 1828bst

    1828bst New Member

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    Hi guys. I'm pretty new here, and quite enjoy all your comments. But, I need some feedback...

    I go to the gym pretty regularly in the mornings before work. Of course, I need to shower and change at the gym. However, there's this creepy guy who is basically stalking me while in the gym.
    It first started pretty innocently. He would always try to make eye contact with me and smile. Fine enough. I have not problem with that. But now, whenever he spots me, he'll come by the machine I'm using and make sure I notice him, and then do some exercise where he can eye me the entire time. That doesn't even bother me that much. The thing that does bother me, is whenever he would see me head to the showers, he would basically jump off the exercise machine he's on, and come into the change room and watch me undress, and follow me into the showers.
    This has been happening for the past 5 months, and has been occuring more and more. What should I do?

    Any advice?
     
  2. Dr Rock

    Gold Member

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    make faces at him.
     
  3. mindseye

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    Q: What's the difference between a stalker and an admirer?

    A: Admirers are hot.


    Looks are free, kiddo. Find another gym if it bothers you that much.
     
  4. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    I have had similiar encounters of the creepy kind at the gym. The first time I was direct and told the guy that his attentions were unappreciated. Man, did he sputter, "Wadda you mean?. . .I don't know what you are talking about!" yada, yada. After a week or so of glares, we never hit the change room or showers at the same time. It may have been bruising to him; for me it accomplished my goal.

    Now I go to the gym with a couple of friends to avoid attracting interest. You might consider getting someone from work to exercise with.

    jay
     
  5. Steve26

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    I respectfully disagree with mindseye; this kind of gym behavior is totally inappropriate, and the person with issues here is the guy obsessively eyeballing you, 1828bst.

    There's a guy exactly like this at my gym -- he seems to structure his entire gym visit around making sure he's showering at the same time as me, even if it means spending half an hour "showering" in the hopes that I'll show up. (Joining another gym is not feasible; it's the campus facility that I hit in my very limited time during the day at work ... and I'm sure not gonna go shower-less before heading back to the office). I wear a swimsuit to shower if/when I see him hanging around. I'm not there to be someone's peep show.

    Another option, if at all possible, is to vary your gym routine so he can't count on finding you there at the same time every day. Good luck finding a way to avoid this creep.

    Steve :)
     
  6. eastbaydude

    eastbaydude New Member

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    Find another gym???

    Wear a bathing suit in the shower???

    Vary your schedule???

    Bring friends???

    Why the f*ck should you have to do anything special?

    Let the guy follow you into the locker room and tell him what you think. You can be polite and tell him that it seems more than coincidental that he ends up in the shower at the same time as you or you can be confrontational and tell him that he's a freaking stalker and unwelcome. You can be quiet so that only he hers it or you can say it loud enough that everyone hears. It's your call.

    Either way, let him know that it is unwelcome and that if it continues, you will let the management know about him. The last thing a non-gay gym wants is guys cruising in the locker room.

    By the way, yes, looks are free. You can stop someone from taking a peek. Stalking for five months is illegal and very CREEPY. The guy should have got the hint that you weren't interested by this point.
     
  7. RICKY_27

    RICKY_27 Well-Known Member

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    HEY 'EBD'!

    I gotta agree with you about ZERO tolerance for anybody who is so stupid to behave in that manner. Five months of that kinda nonsense is more than enough. The next time it happens go to the management and have the bastard removed from the gym. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for that kind of behaviour and it should NEVER be tolerated under any circumstances!

    Good luck on getting rid of the SOB!!

    RICKY_27
     
  8. cityboy

    cityboy Member

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    How about saying "While it is nice to be admired, I am really not interested and your continued attention is making me feel very uncomfortable. I would appreciate it if you leave me alone. Thank you.". Most people who aren't total idiots will get the message.
     
  9. scottsimms

    scottsimms New Member

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    Next time he sidles up to you or you catch him looking, say in a voice louder than usual so that others may hear, " May I help you?" When he feigns ignorance or starts spluttering, just calmly reply, "You keep on looking at me like you know me. What do you want?" Guaranteed that he will skulk away with his tail between his legs.

    Or...


    When he's not looking, slip an unsigned note into his locker that says, "Stop cruising the locker rooms or you will be reported to management." You will not be bothered by him again, trust me.

    I have done both in two separate circumstances and it worked.
     
  10. Pye

    Pye
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    It's easy for some people to be so blunt with other people but I'm sure he would have done many of these things by now if he had it in him...so far I think that the anonymous note in the locker serves his personality best...but that would mean that the gym assigns lockers or he would have to 'stalk' this guy to find out which locker is his

    It's just a very awkward situation which may stop if he were to just move to another machine when the guy moves to his-- keeping distance-- eventually the guy will get the hint and move on to someone else-- and avoiding eye contact would also be a hint
     
  11. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Me personally I really don't like to call strangers out but I would just change the time I go which like the other person said - you shouldn't have to do that...But if it was as bad as you said I probably would go up to him and tell him that he makes you uncomfortable...I actually did that for one of my best friends when they older creepy guy kept staring at him and trying to get close to him when we were at a bar...The guy even was bold enough to try to touch him...My best friend kept telling him I am not gay or interested in you plus my best friend was there w/his girl friend at the time...I even told him that you are making my friend uncomfortable so could he please just back off...
     
  12. DC_DEEP

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    I'm probably way off base with this one, but here goes...

    Choose one day when you are prepared to deal with the situation, rather than get a good workout. When this guy starts his "routine", move immediately to a different machine. If he follows you, move again, even if you have only done 1 rep. If he follows you again, head to the shower room. If he follows you again, go back out to a machine. If he follows you again, go to the office/front desk/check-in, whatever, and see if he follows you to the area wherever management is located. Perhaps he will get the hint, if not, just let someone know he is following you around, and it is creepy.

    Simple, non-confrontational, and it gives you both an easy, no-embarrassment way to deal with the situation.
     
  13. Alley Blue

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    It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it is for some people, particularly at the gym, to realize that your not interested in the "come-ons". If they are overtly showing there attraction to you in an obvious manner, and after the 2nd try they see your not taking the bait, you would think they would say to themselves " hey he must not want any dick, let me move on to the next guy" but no, they trail you all over the gym in hopes that you'll hit the showers so that they'll have a chance to strut around you buck naked so as to "entice you with there goods ".

    I find its pretty difficult at my gym to be friendly, and yet not end up in a situation like you described........which seems to ultimately happen regardless.......


    Sometimes the direct approach is the only way to handle that sort of problem.....
     
  14. nrax

    nrax New Member

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    This has happened to me more than once. Here's what I do to avoid confrontation, retribution or revenge.

    Report this situation to the managment. They are required to address these types of situations to protect their members. They usually will have one of their employees discreetly observe the situation and address it accordingly.

    This way, the guy in question will be confronted by management, not by you. If he is treating you this way, chances are he is doing this to other guys as well. If the management confronts him, the guy won't know it was YOU that called him out and won't seek revenge in your general direction.

    Good luck!
     
  15. madame_zora

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    There's no end to what some desperate people will do for attention, but you should NOT have to change gyms because of someone else's lack of decorum! I've had unwanted stares from men and even some of the following around you described. Usually, I just catch them staring, stop what I'm doing, stare back and ask "Can I help you?" loud enough for others to hear. These people prey on the hope that you will not confront them, but doing so is usually a sure-fire way to get them to stop. If he makes excuses, then tell him you've noticed him following you around, even in the shower and you want him to leave you alone, you are NOT interested.

    Looks are free, stalking is grotesque and illegal.
     
  16. VinceNYC

    VinceNYC New Member

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    Well, first, I agree with everyone who is saying that this is inappropriate, and I do think you should say something to him. I just want to interject a little pity into the mix here, because for this guy to get no response from you, and still spend so much time pursuing you, he must have zero self esteem.

    I hope you’ll just pull him aside and say “listen, dude, I appreciate the attention, but I’m not interested and it’s getting a little uncomfortable for me, so please chill out.” And then maybe you can even say hi to him here and there just to show you have no hard feelings.

    Then again, maybe not. I’m not sure why I feel bad for him, but I’ve had stalkers like that and they usually seem to be pretty unhappy people.
     
  17. 1828bst

    1828bst New Member

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    Thanks everyone for your input. I guess I have felt a little weird dealing with this situation because the first few times he was kind of in my face, I was polite and smiled a little. After a few times, I had enough, and I have just been ignoring him since. I didn't care much when he was watching me working out, but it just is really bothering me when he is following me into the locker room and into the shower. I have been just ignoring him, and not justify him with even a look. My work out schedule has changed a little, so I haven't seen him in over a week, so we'll see what happens next time I encounter him.

    And, as a matter of fact, I am waiting for a new branch of my gym to open. It's quite a bit closer to work, so I'll probably be switching gyms anyways. So, we'll see what happens.

    I'll let you all know what happens!
     
  18. nrax

    nrax New Member

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    After your workout, does he leave the gym at the same time? Do you notice him watching you get in your car or watching you as you walk away? Not to make you paranoid, but you never know just how far some people will go.
     
  19. BuffMusicIdol

    BuffMusicIdol New Member

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    There are some good suggestions here. The thing that comes to mind to me is that none us really wants to have a "confrontation." Actually, for this guy to actually realize how creepy he is in public may be the clincher for him. My thought is to actually be nice at first. No confrontation. I have said before, you are porbably a nice guy, but your following me makes me feel like you're a stalker. What should I do?

    The other suggestions are great also. Sometimes people need confrontation and need it hard because they've left a wake of victims in their trail. Just go with what you think will be best for your and your circumstances. The ONE thing I would absolutely do is give him fair warning that if he follows you again, he is being reported to management. I think that is actually crucial. Who else is he victimizing?

    Let us know how it turns out.
     
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