What to do? Bottom Who's ALWAYS Mistaken for TOP

[Storage]

Sup guys--I have this dilemma.

I've recently ended a long term relationship with a woman, and I'm seriously interested again in getting involved with guys. Something casual, probably, until I get back into the swing of things, I guess.

But there's this thing. I'm a bottom in my sexual relations with dudes. I like the role, I have no problem doing it. It's what I like. But I'm finding it hard to meet "tops". What I mean is, virtually EVERY guy I meet immediately assumes I'm a "top".

I'm a 6'2/225 thick solid athletic guy, masculine. I'm a regular guy--I love sports and talk about them all the time; I'm not shy about letting people know that I'm BI; but when I meet other guys, here's what happens: gay guys tell me I seem str8 and end up hoping to fulfill some "landing a str8 guy" fantasy; and str8 guys who wanna fool around tell me I'm they kind of guy they can envision being "submissive" to--sucking MY dick or getting fucked by ME.

I'm all for "versatility"--though as i once heard someone say, "versatility" is really another way of saying "bottom" because so many guys are shy to admit to being bottoms. I don't know, just what I heard. I'm not necessarily proud of this but I'm not as well-versed in "gay" life as I am in "straight" life.

Is there some way I can learn to better express to a guy what I'm interested in? Do you just come out and say, "I'm looking to get fucked and suck you dry?" Is there some signal "bottom" guys send out for "tops" to get the message? Is it my build and demeanor? Are there "top" guys out there who aren't intimidated by a tall solid dude who wants to bottom?

This may sound ridiculous to some of you out here. But this is a real concern, Something I never have to deal with, obviously, when i'm with a woman. We're usually looking for what we end up doing. :redface:

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

 

[Steinweg9]

"so many guys are shy to admit to being bottoms."

BOTTOM HERE!
I never hang with gay men, nor do I go where gay men go. I hang around in straight circles. I am out, I'm gay, everyone knows it. I am a bottom, and if I wanna suck some cock and get fucked, why would I go and hang around with a bunch of other fairies just like me?
Increase your chances of finding a "man," and go where men are found. Athletic Clubs, hardware stores (!!!) on weekends...bike shops, sport shops, certain bars. Go to all the local team games in your area, go to gun shows, take classes in math, physics, chemistry, electronics (not too many women there!)
Be out, though. No one will get you, just be all the way out, there is nothing to fear. Be true to yourself; don't ever bring it up, just wait for the lead-in -- conversation with a man will usually turn at some point to something sexual somehow, disclose yourself matter-of-factly then. You will be accepted, and, surprise invitations and workouts for mutual benefit will begin. Men understand gay stuff, many straight men have good use for you.
Let women get to know you from hello as bi.
Part of the problem here is you. As long as you are so secretive baout everything, you won't get what you want. And you are much more likely to meet a man (gay tops are actually rare). Good things will begin coming your way when your own honesty prevails. I know.
And stay out of my town. You're my competition.

 

[Storage]

Storage,

While talking to my friends we discovered we have all faced this problem at least once --even the flamboyant ones. However for two of us this is more the norm than the exception. I am a bottom and LOVE BEING A BOTTOM. I'm not tall or hung. I'm masculine and solid for my size (5ft8, 180lbs). I work out on and off, have a "normal" demeanor, etc and like to wear man's clothes: derriere revealing jeans --not too tight-- shirts, t-shirts; I also love my cowboy outfit from time to time (now, THAT would be too gay hehe)... anyway. I used to have the problem that I wanted to get all the attention from the taller more solid guys -- I have a thing for big solid men too-- until I came to realize MOST OF THEM ARE BOTTOMS LIKE ME. Then I started to take the men as they came and I noticed that as my body grew up from working out all the bottom guys would always try to approach me with such memorable pick up lines as "Now you are a real man" or "I bet I can take all of you"...

Go by the statistics. If, as they say, 9 out of 10 of us are bottoms then there's a nice 10% that will be looking for BUTCH MASCULINE BOTTOMS like you and me. And there are, believe me.

I can't be fem, I grew up with two older brothers and three male cousins... there was no way for me to be a sissy. I definitely love cock and I'm open about it. So when I go out I cross fingers so that I will bump into the so-much-wanted one-man-in-ten that night.

I completely understand, man. Same here: "sissy" behaviour isn't something I really know how to do. Even if I try to be funny with gay friends of mine, they tell me, "Nah, it doesn't work on you, just be yourself." And I don't have anything against guys who present that way, other than when the ones who ARE bottoms pester me to top them--even after I tell them, girl, we're looking for the same thing!!

But you're right, I guess if I'm gonna give myself over to more gay-life interaction, I'm gonna have to be patient and wait for the right masculine top who's NOT intimidated my own masculinity, who's man enough to step up. He's gotta be out there. Maybe, like another dude said up-thread, I'm in the wrong geographical area? Hmmm, I should think about that...?

Sounds ridiculous, but are widely-traveled guys out there who've been to "top-heavy" cities/countries? Share, share! :redface:

I know I've met more tops in Europe (England/Amsterdam/Germany) than anywhere else I've spent significant time...

 

[EdWoody]

Frankly, in my experience, everybody's a bottom. Or at least 9 out of 10.

Welcome to the exact same problem all the rest of us have.

 

[Storage]

Frankly, in my experience, everybody's a bottom. Or at least 9 out of 10.

Welcome to the exact same problem all the rest of us have.

Uh oh...so it isn't just my imagination, then? It's that dire out there, man?

Oh well, I'd go find a nice woman to chill with if I wasn't, um, craving dick so much lately! :wink:

 

[novice_btm]

I think part of the problem, is your size. When people see 6'2" of a solid guy, they're most likely going to think "top".

I know it's no consolation, but you're not the only one with the problem. It happens to a lot of guys with above average endowments too. The hung bottom unzips, and suddenly the "top" guy grabs his own ankles, instead of mounting his intended bottom.

Also, I posted a thread a long time ago about how, even though I very clearly am practically screaming "bottom", and it's right there in my name, I still have guys approach me that tell me they want me to top them, and I'm not even hung.

Then, of course, you could just live in one of those areas that's known to be saturated with bottoms, like I do, here in L.A. :frown1:

 

[QuiteOne]

Storage, I think you're just experiencing what many of us more masculine men have to deal with as bottoms. Luckily I'm in a relationship now but when I was single I had a hard time finding men that wanted to top me. I'm 6'2", nice build, shaved head... just your basic masculine looking guy. Men had a hard time accepting the fact that I was a bottom, especially when my pants came off. All men with big dicks are expected to be tops.
Just keep searching and don't give up. I'm probably guilty of feeding into yet another stereotype but in my experience I found black guys were more likely to want to top.
Good luck!

 

[F_Man]

Sup guys--I have this dilemma.

But there's this thing. I'm a bottom in my sexual relations with dudes. I like the role, I have no problem doing it. It's what I like. But I'm finding it hard to meet "tops". What I mean is, virtually EVERY guy I meet immediately assumes I'm a "top".
- - -

Size equals power. Tops are supposed to be in control.
Role playing and power sex-games are fun, and part of the bottom and top roles. Personally, I'm not interested in fucking girlish or fragile shaped guys. Give me a (big) solid man, either way! (I'm 6'4 and 200lbs).

For quick results, the 1970's & 80's American gay culture's codes of colored handkerchiefs must have been effective (and funny!). Have yourself a pin made (a small pin for a more subtle effect) or a t-shirt for a big message that states your aim in the LPSG % style... for instance:

90% bttm.

Just kidding. - Good luck!

FinnMan

 

[Gchurchi]

You are exactly what I'm looking for

 

[Storage]

Then, of course, you could just live in one of those areas that's known to be saturated with bottoms, like I do, here in L.A. :frown1:

Actually man, I'm in the northeast. Is that the same case for here, do you know?

You are exactly what I'm looking for

So, Gchurchi, where are YOU located? From what your pics show, you're exactly what I'M looking for, too...:wink:

 

[2322]

When in doubt, revert to etiquette. Try the old-fashioned hanky code. Not everyone may know the minutiae of the various colors, but they should know what side means what or, at least, someone will tell them. That should help you find your top to some degree.

A basic blue hanky in your right pocket is all you need. Don't go for the fancy stuff unless you're in a leather scene.

 

[Storage]

Part of the problem here is you. As long as you are so secretive baout everything, you won't get what you want. And you are much more likely to meet a man (gay tops are actually rare). Good things will begin coming your way when your own honesty prevails. I know.

Thanks for answering guys, I appreciate it.

But I gotta say Steinweg, did you read my original post? I would be willing to consider that the problem might in fact be ME--my size, as I've heard, might intimidate guys, my expression or "masculinity" perhaps--but I certainly didnt say anything about keeping my sexuality a secret--I don't. I'm a pretty honest dude. In fact I pride myself on that, and on being out and open about my m4m desire.

The good things that you say will come my way by being "honest" aren't, I hope, just the chance to get fucked in the ass by a closeted str8 guy who's probably NOT being honest with his wife or GF...I spend most of my time around str8 guys, and I've had sex with "str8" guys before--and probably will again--but I don't think of that as the be-all and end-all of sex with another guy, no matter how submissive I want to be. I have to believe that there are real, masculine, top guys out there who don't necessarily identify as "str8". Or maybe I'm just a cockeyed optimist! :wink:

But thanks for your advice--I think?

 

[Stephenmass]

The only comment I don't agree with is your versatile comment. Some dudes, like me, are into being both a top and a bottom with the right guy and hope he is versatile too. One way sex is BORING to me and when I go into a bedroom I don't like to know what to expect. Spontaneity is what turns me on!

 

[Storage]

The only comment I don't agree with is your versatile comment. Some dudes, like me, are into being both a top and a bottom with the right guy and hope he is versatile too. One way sex is BORING to me and when I go into a bedroom I don't like to know what to expect. Spontaneity is what turns me on!

I was really quoting a buddy of mine regarding "versatility" but you make a good point, Stephenmass...I've just found that when I am with a guy, I really like it on the bottom--servicing him, sucking, getting fucked--and I REALLY like guys who want to be on TOP. Just turns me on! Which differs when I was with women or with my ex-gf--I felt completely "dominant" with her and she was into that.

I don't know, maybe I'm just a freak or something.:smile:

 

[matt121matt121]

The only comment I don't agree with is your versatile comment. Some dudes, like me, are into being both a top and a bottom with the right guy and hope he is versatile too. One way sex is BORING to me and when I go into a bedroom I don't like to know what to expect. Spontaneity is what turns me on!

I like to think of myself as truly versatile, when I"m in a relationship with a guy I definatly want to be able to do both, though I probably prefer to bttm more, I definaty have to have the choice to top when I want to.

I was once in a relationship where I only topped like twice over the course of like 8 months and those two times the guy complained about it and didn't take it like a man should, and this made me feel very feminine over time that I was like his bitch or something. Now when we are both versitile and I at least have the option to top when I"m up to it and he takes it without compaining is much betterr for me mentaly as then I feel as though we have a more equal sexual relationship and no one is the woman.

I was really quoting a buddy of mine regarding "versatility" but you make a good point, Stephenmass...I've just found that when I am with a guy, I really like it on the bottom--servicing him, sucking, getting fucked--and I REALLY like guys who want to be on TOP. Just turns me on! Which differs when I was with women or with my ex-gf--I felt completely "dominant" with her and she was into that.

I don't know, maybe I'm just a freak or something.:smile:

I agree sometimes when I'm with a guy depending on there actions and how I like them sometimes I just want to be more submissive to a guy who just loves to top and wants to do anything and everything to me and doesn't expect me to be anymore than a hole for there every desire.

Your definatly not a freak, its totally natural to want to be more submissive when your with a guy since you play a dominant role when your with a woman.

 

[SirNeal8]

Storage,

I'm a very versatile guy stuck in a situation where I'm only bottoming. (I'm too large for my partner to consider taking.) I love bottoming, but really, really, really miss being a top. This is a very serious thing and may actually end this relationship, as he won't bottom for me and won't let me go outside of the relationship to top someone else. So I'm stuck in a different way. In a perfect world, you and I could solve both our problems at once...

 

[Storage]

Storage,

In a perfect world, you and I could solve both our problems at once...

Certainly seems that way...and from your pics, you got something that would solve ALL my problems, bro! :wink:

 

[SyddyKitty]

It was a problem for me with the first guy I met. Ever since, I just consider myself versatile. It's just... less of a hassle.

 

[iluvmm2]

Storage,

While talking to my friends we discovered we have all faced this problem at least once --even the flamboyant ones. However for two of us this is more the norm than the exception. I am a bottom and LOVE BEING A BOTTOM. I'm not tall or hung. I'm masculine and solid for my size (5ft8, 180lbs). I work out on and off, have a "normal" demeanor, etc and like to wear man's clothes: derriere revealing jeans --not too tight-- shirts, t-shirts; I also love my cowboy outfit from time to time (now, THAT would be too gay hehe)... anyway. I used to have the problem that I wanted to get all the attention from the taller more solid guys -- I have a thing for big solid men too-- until I came to realize MOST OF THEM ARE BOTTOMS LIKE ME. Then I started to take the men as they came and I noticed that as my body grew up from working out all the bottom guys would always try to approach me with such memorable pick up lines as "Now you are a real man" or "I bet I can take all of you"...

Go by the statistics. If, as they say, 9 out of 10 of us are bottoms then there's a nice 10% that will be looking for BUTCH MASCULINE BOTTOMS like you and me. And there are, believe me.

I can't be fem, I grew up with two older brothers and three male cousins... there was no way for me to be a sissy. I definitely love cock and I'm open about it. So when I go out I cross fingers so that I will bump into the so-much-wanted one-man-in-ten that night.

 

[rocketred]

I have the same problem. Even if things have indicated that I will get fucked, as soon as my pants come down or they get a good grope of my bulge - they want me to be the fucker.

Annoys the shit out of me.