What to do? Bottom Who's ALWAYS Mistaken for TOP

[matt121matt121]

Storage,

I'm a very versatile guy stuck in a situation where I'm only bottoming. (I'm too large for my partner to consider taking.) I love bottoming, but really, really, really miss being a top. This is a very serious thing and may actually end this relationship, as he won't bottom for me and won't let me go outside of the relationship to top someone else. So I'm stuck in a different way. In a perfect world, you and I could solve both our problems at once...

I hate when I hear guys use the its too big argument, I'm always willing to try something, and it just takes more patience, though I haven't ever had anything that I would consider huge by any means.

I'm not big, but I've even had guys complain about me, since they say i'm thick.

I understand your delimia, only I am going to have your delima in reverse, I want to be versitile, but there is a guy that I really like who is 100% bottom only and doesn't have any desire or wanting ness to top, but yet I wouldn't be able to consider us being in a real relationship if i had to go outside of it to completely fulfill my needs.

 

[Storage]

Storage,

While talking to my friends we discovered we have all faced this problem at least once --even the flamboyant ones. However for two of us this is more the norm than the exception. I am a bottom and LOVE BEING A BOTTOM. I'm not tall or hung. I'm masculine and solid for my size (5ft8, 180lbs). I work out on and off, have a "normal" demeanor, etc and like to wear man's clothes: derriere revealing jeans --not too tight-- shirts, t-shirts; I also love my cowboy outfit from time to time (now, THAT would be too gay hehe)... anyway. I used to have the problem that I wanted to get all the attention from the taller more solid guys -- I have a thing for big solid men too-- until I came to realize MOST OF THEM ARE BOTTOMS LIKE ME. Then I started to take the men as they came and I noticed that as my body grew up from working out all the bottom guys would always try to approach me with such memorable pick up lines as "Now you are a real man" or "I bet I can take all of you"...

Go by the statistics. If, as they say, 9 out of 10 of us are bottoms then there's a nice 10% that will be looking for BUTCH MASCULINE BOTTOMS like you and me. And there are, believe me.

I can't be fem, I grew up with two older brothers and three male cousins... there was no way for me to be a sissy. I definitely love cock and I'm open about it. So when I go out I cross fingers so that I will bump into the so-much-wanted one-man-in-ten that night.

I completely understand, man. Same here: "sissy" behaviour isn't something I really know how to do. Even if I try to be funny with gay friends of mine, they tell me, "Nah, it doesn't work on you, just be yourself." And I don't have anything against guys who present that way, other than when the ones who ARE bottoms pester me to top them--even after I tell them, girl, we're looking for the same thing!!

But you're right, I guess if I'm gonna give myself over to more gay-life interaction, I'm gonna have to be patient and wait for the right masculine top who's NOT intimidated my own masculinity, who's man enough to step up. He's gotta be out there. Maybe, like another dude said up-thread, I'm in the wrong geographical area? Hmmm, I should think about that...?

Sounds ridiculous, but are widely-traveled guys out there who've been to "top-heavy" cities/countries? Share, share! :redface:

I know I've met more tops in Europe (England/Amsterdam/Germany) than anywhere else I've spent significant time...

 

[SirNeal8]

I hate when I hear guys use the its too big argument, I'm always willing to try something, and it just takes more patience, though I haven't ever had anything that I would consider huge by any means.

I'm not big, but I've even had guys complain about me, since they say i'm thick.

I understand your delimia, only I am going to have your delima in reverse, I want to be versitile, but there is a guy that I really like who is 100% bottom only and doesn't have any desire or wanting ness to top, but yet I wouldn't be able to consider us being in a real relationship if i had to go outside of it to completely fulfill my needs.

Yeah, that's tough. It's a very complicated issue and one that, quite frankly, is wearing me out. Heterosexual couples have it made: typically, there's one "inserter" and one "insertee" and all people are happy with that. This is just one more complication of living a gay life. (Sigh)

 

[SirNeal8]

I completely understand, man. Same here: "sissy" behaviour isn't something I really know how to do. Even if I try to be funny with gay friends of mine, they tell me, "Nah, it doesn't work on you, just be yourself." And I don't have anything against guys who present that way, other than when the ones who ARE bottoms pester me to top them--even after I tell them, girl, we're looking for the same thing!!

But you're right, I guess if I'm gonna give myself over to more gay-life interaction, I'm gonna have to be patient and wait for the right masculine top who's NOT intimidated my own masculinity, who's man enough to step up. He's gotta be out there. Maybe, like another dude said up-thread, I'm in the wrong geographical area? Hmmm, I should think about that...?

Um...you need to post some pics, man, because you're getting me all horned up and I have no body to add to the fantasies... :wink:

 

[Bbucko]

I'm a non-versatile anal top, and have been since my late teens. My body just doesn't work in a way that I afford any pleasure from being penetrated.

Butch bottoms are powerfully alluring to me sexually, and have made a pretty exhaustive survey of the type: large and small, lean guys and muscleheads. It's really all about attitude for me.

But I find really big, tall guys and I rarely gel sexually: they are too much effort to bend and push around. And because I'm short (5'6), special tricks are required (slings work well, for instance) or else there's a strange sense of unease when I fuck one sometimes. That's one of the reasons why I prefer shorter guys.

I've also found a certain lack of sexually creative energy among many self-professed "straight-acting-&-appearing" guys; so many have this "do me" attitude that I find extremely unappealing. And many times the same self-consciousness that creates an artificial masculinity (a horror of "coming off" queer) bleeds over into the bedroom, where rigid role play precludes any real spontaneity with the results of sex as flavorful as unbuttered wheat toast. But I'm really jaded about such things.

As to this notion of isolation because of an interest that is not shared by many (sports is the most frequent example, and it's been used here): get over it. I'm used to my interests (everything from architecture/urban planning to clangy post-punk/alternative music to exotic, unusual cuisine to foreign films where everyone sits around a talks in their native language) to be routinely dismissed as "obnoxious" to "boring" to "irrelevant" to "fucked up". If you think getting your average gay man to sit down and enjoy a football game is tough, imagine trying to get them to sit through a six-hour Eisenstein film or fuck with Les Georges Leningrad playing . My advice is to find friends who share different passions and not expect your lover to endure all of your eccentricities. If you have a sexual chemistry and can find some common areas of interest, be satisfied with that.

 

[SirNeal8]

Bbucko, I can't hide it: I'm experiencing incredible lust for you right now.

 

[Bbucko]

Bbucko, I can't hide it: I'm experiencing incredible lust for you right now.

Thanks, baby. It's too bad you didn't post an ass pic in your gallery, because I'd love to see what the "before" look would be. The "after" look would be a runny, gooey, twitching/winking open, needy mangash: but that takes hours and hours (not that I'm in any rush).

 

[Kimahri]

I've been a top for a long time. Within the last year or so, I've started exploring being a bottom and find that I'm liking it quite a bit. But, there are always going to be those guys that I'm going to want to top.

 

[Ryder239]

Hmmm...although since college my bi nature has trended almost exclusively to women, prior to that I fucked guys and remain an admirer of a fine male ass. If I saw your inviting cheeks spread out on my bed like in your pics, Novice Btm, I'd be instantly hard and inside in a flash. I'm 5'11, a solid 215 and def fit the straight profile, but know other guys like me who when horny would just as soon sink it into a great looking ass like yours given the opportunity.

 

[SirNeal8]

Thanks, baby. It's too bad you didn't post an ass pic in your gallery, because I'd love to see what the "before" look would be. The "after" look would be a runny, gooey, twitching/winking open, needy mangash: but that takes hours and hours (not that I'm in any rush).

Sorry to take so long in responding.......after reading your oh-my-god-that-is-so-hot reply, I needed quite a bit of private time to myself. :redface:

I think you're my new crush. :wink:

 

[MickeyLee]

Sorry to take so long in responding.......after reading your oh-my-god-that-is-so-hot reply, I needed quite a bit of private time to myself. :redface:

I think you're my new crush. :wink:

*ahem* do you see the line? the one going out the door, around the building, across the street.... the one snarling traffic for eight city blocks?? we all have a crush on Mr. Bbucko. ya so don't get to jump in line.

ml
so kidding and so telling the truth.
:redface::biggrin1:

 

[SirNeal8]

*ahem* do you see the line? the one going out the door, around the building, across the street.... the one snarling traffic for eight city blocks?? we all have a crush on Mr. Bbucko. ya so don't get to jump in line.

ml
so kidding and so telling the truth.
:redface::biggrin1:

Yeah, no kidding. I know exactly what you mean! But I tell you what...if you sneak me up in front of the line with you, we can just all three of us have part-ay!

 

[Himura]

Does top and bottom problems only arise with hookups?

Does this kind of stuff affect a relationship? I mean if it did... I would just be the opposite of my partner... I don't understand lol

 

[ThePipe]

You are exactly what I'm looking for

ME TOO! Nothing sexier than a big strong masculine bottom.....come to me, run to me, just come n' get done by me!

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Yeah, ya gotta hate it when you get in bed with a guy and it begins to look like synchronized swimming.

 

[matt121matt121]

Yeah, ya gotta hate it when you get in bed with a guy and it begins to look like synchronized swimming.

It can definatly be annoying when it feels like a fight to the finish to see who gets to be the bottom. I've heard that in some cases couples opt for wrestling, or paper rock scissors or something and the winner has to top, since if it was the looser then both would intentionally try to loose you you'd never get anywhere.

I say a good bit of randomness is good, and if this doesn't work then trading back and forth, but I love being able to do both in the same night so thers really no point in arguing who does who first.

 

[Bbucko]

*ahem* do you see the line? the one going out the door, around the building, across the street.... the one snarling traffic for eight city blocks?? we all have a crush on Mr. Bbucko. ya so don't get to jump in line.

ml
so kidding and so telling the truth.
:redface::biggrin1:

Yeah, no kidding. I know exactly what you mean! But I tell you what...if you sneak me up in front of the line with you, we can just all three of us have part-ay!

They don't call me Papi Rico 'cause I've got a big wallet, ya know :tongue:

Does top and bottom problems only arise with hookups?

Does this kind of stuff affect a relationship? I mean if it did... I would just be the opposite of my partner... I don't understand lol

I was in a four-year relationship with another top in my early 20s. We opened up the relationship pretty early in the process, which did nothing for the intimacy we were trying to develop; in fact, in that instance, it was pretty corrosive to its long-term stability. The whole thing was over in four years, despite retaining deep emotional feelings for each other.

The lesson I learned was not to conflate security with stability, nor to expect deep emotional bonding to suffice when the sex-life in a relationship was so unsatisfactory. I also learned that, rather than being a sign of emotional maturity, attempting to form a deep, lasting commitment without addressing the sexual appetites and energies of the parties involved is an exercise in wishful-thinking fantasy and not a sign of any realistic assessment of our actual needs as individuals, no matter how well-reasoned we felt we were being. There is no maturity without both a pragmatic, reality-based foundation and vision for how actual needs are to be addressed: it's just denial and a stubborn insistence on keeping the rose-colored glasses in place.

In the end, we made much better friends than lovers anyways, and ended up being almost like brothers once the disappointment and momentary bitterness ebbed away. No one knows you better than your ex.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

ME TOO! Nothing sexier than a big strong masculine bottom.....come to me, run to me, just come n' get done by me!

damn I might go back to NY for that

 

[Storage]

Yo guys

Thanks for the good advice, come-ons, and funny stories...it's been a good welcome to the board.

I don't know if it has anything with revealing my feelings about this stuff here on the board--just letting it all out--but something good did happen recently. I met a guy at a party, didn't know he was into guys at all, got to talking and made a date to chill over a few beers to watch the Mets. We ended up talking about relationships and women and sex. He starts to tell me about his few experiences with guys, how he's learned to appreciate anal sex more -- and be better at it, he said -- with women after experimenting with dudes.

I told him about my dilemma, never being able to meet tops because they all think I'M a top, and, well, you can imagine where we ended up!:smile: I was a little rusty from not getting screwed in a LONG time, but he was right--he knew what he was doing, and made it a great time.

I don't think he's "full-time" BF potential--he's SERIOUSLY all about women in a way I don't feel of late, and I'm not into a full time thing with a dude who's actively searching out pussy (he's also a bit younger than me)--but I think we'll get together again and have some fun.

Just thought I'd share...(full disclosure: it was pretty hot to hear a masculine guy who's shorter than me say that he loved having my long legs over his shoulders while he pounded...:tongue

 

[novice_btm]

ME TOO! Nothing sexier than a big strong masculine bottom.....come to me, run to me, just come n' get done by me!

How'd I miss this??? And when did YOU come back. Seems I haven't run into you for ages. And reading the above, I guess I'm gonna have to look into some growth hormones. :sad: