What to do when the person you love, no longer loves you?

Thirdlegproduction

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Thread number 6 I believe on the same issue?

At some point you're going to have to actually listen to what people tell you to do here as at some point we've all been there.

The people on here have given you the best advice in the world, but you end up coming back every week or two to complain about the same thing.
 
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NottsBound

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Many thanks everyone, it's been so helpful.

Thread number 6 I believe on the same issue?

At some point you're going to have to actually listen to what people tell you to do here as at some point we've all been there.

The people on here have given you the best advice in the world, but you end up coming back every week or two to complain about the same thing.

I do apologise for the number or threads, this will be the last one. When I wrote this thread I had the idea she didn't love me. We bumped into each other and I asked "Do you still love me or find me attractive as a BF?" - She said no. Even though she says I was the best she's ever had and I'm a great looking person she said she doesn't have it in her anymore.

When she said she doesn't love me for the first time, it really sank in. It's over for good. The bit of hope I had of getting back together is gone.

But I'm not as devastated, the advice and experiences I'm seeing on here are helping me a great deal. Now I'm looking forward to the next amazing woman that changes my life.
 

D_Tam_Ponds

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It took me a long time - a REALLY long time to get over a man once. All my friends were sick to death of hearing about it, I know. I was really wondering what in the world was wrong with me for taking so long to get over it.

In the end, the one regret I have is missing out on a lot of good years and opportunities because I was stuck in the whole mess. I hope you make it out long before I was able to. Live, you'll regret it later if you don't.
 

Uh Huh!

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Love is a very powerful thing! Rejection is heart breaking and for me will take a long time to get over and deal with.
It's easy for people to say "get over it" and "move on" but in reality it's a different story. I hurt every day, I think about the good times and what we've shared together. For me, life has been flipped upside down and my heart is in turmoil :-(
 

scottymyth

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I'm going through the same thing! Was going to marry this girl and have a family and she broke it off 2 weeks ago. It does get easier with time. Cry! You need to grieve your loss but do what the others say. Distract yourself and keep going!!
 

Thirdlegproduction

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Many thanks everyone, it's been so helpful.



I do apologise for the number or threads, this will be the last one. When I wrote this thread I had the idea she didn't love me. We bumped into each other and I asked "Do you still love me or find me attractive as a BF?" - She said no. Even though she says I was the best she's ever had and I'm a great looking person she said she doesn't have it in her anymore.

When she said she doesn't love me for the first time, it really sank in. It's over for good. The bit of hope I had of getting back together is gone.

But I'm not as devastated, the advice and experiences I'm seeing on here are helping me a great deal. Now I'm looking forward to the next amazing woman that changes my life.

I'm not really sure you realise what your problem is with her as you kept making the same mistake over and over again.
And I'll tell you what the problem was as nobody seems to have said it directly and this is going to be very harsh on you and if you want you can report me for being a bully but I think you need to hear it.

To put it in lamens terms, you were a whiny lil %#@ that was sucking all the love out of her and kept craving for special attention while you had nothing to offer her, no status no money no pleasure no support, nothing but the constant whining and making your life totally dependant on her.

Her study, or your alcoholic incident had nothing to do with why she stopped loving you, it's just that you made yourself so undesirable that there was nothing left to love but memories of the past.

Be a man, be your own person first and always.
Doesn't mean you don't have feelings or desires it just means that you have to take responsibility for your actions and not let others control if you are happy or sad.
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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The pain of loss and memories never fade.

Tosh!

Of course they do. If they didn't, every single person I know would be some sort of emotional cripple, interminably bemoaning the demise of previous relationships. And of course, they'd only be 'buffered' by the love of their lives, met after said former relationships had gone belly up?!?!

Good grief! Human nature is to forget, particularly bad memories. It allows us to cope & also to make the same mistakes over & over & over again - in relationships, until we find one that works.
 
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B_Hung Jon

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It took me 4 long years to get over my last broken heart to the point where I didn't feel broken anymore.

It's the price you pay for loving deeply, passionately and completely.

I think The Dragon puts it very well. I would add that the experiences that you've had including the love, the passion, the joy, the hurt, the confusion and the tears are a big part of being a mature human being. The fact that you've allowed yourself to feel these emotions means that you are connected with your inner life which will enhance who you are and what you will become in the future. As they say, it's all grist for the mill. Take good care of yourself. :smile:
 

helgaleena

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Every person loves differently, and every person will take a different time to get over it when it's done. Do not rush yourself, but also stay firmly pointed in the directions 'away' and 'onward'.

Do things that make you feel good, not bad. If a memory makes you overly sad, refuse to dwell there. Find a happier thought than that and concentrate on it instead. If crying it out in private helps and you truly feel better afterward, do that. But if you feel worse afterward, try another method, such as activity.

It's a big ocean. Just keep swimming.
 

businessmang

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ive gone through this situation and it sucks. i also tried hard to get that love/lust back from when my ex originally loved me back when we first met but it just couldnt work. I just had to accept that these things happen and to get over it. not much you can do about it just try and not dwell on it
 

NottsBound

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To put it in lamens terms, you were a whiny lil %#@ that was sucking all the love out of her and kept craving for special attention while you had nothing to offer her, no status no money no pleasure no support, nothing but the constant whining and making your life totally dependant on her.

Her study, or your alcoholic incident had nothing to do with why she stopped loving you, it's just that you made yourself so undesirable that there was nothing left to love but memories of the past.

Be a man, be your own person first and always.
Doesn't mean you don't have feelings or desires it just means that you have to take responsibility for your actions and not let others control if you are happy or sad.

This is a fact that I accepted shortly before you posted this and I accepted it. I understand why she would lose attraction for me because I was going though a very tough time in terms of my career but now I am in the process of fixing these issues and making myself a better person as a whole.

I disagree with you saying I was a whiny b%$ch and craved her attention because that's not how the end of the relationship went.

I failed to satisfy her, I didn't see her much because I thought if I came to see her I would have been a negative distraction. This was my mistake. I stopped doing the things that she loved me for and I took it for granted.

I see the mistakes I made and I wish I knew I was making them earlier so I could avoid making them but for right now I feel like I'm in hell. I'm trying my best to take your advice to man up and stay NC but it's hard for me to stay strong. I am keeping NC but whenever I see mutual friends on facebook upload pictures of her, I start crying.

I really want to learn to be stronger. I'm working hard to improve the person I am but my emotions and memories of us together always bring me down.

I really appreciate your bluntness WhiteMonst3r, it helps a lot. If you have any tips on how to stay strong, it would help because right now, I hate being a "whiny b%^tch". I never used to be so emotionally weak.
 

sexplease

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Tosh!

Of course they do. If they didn't, every single person I know would be some sort of emotional cripple, interminably bemoaning the demise of previous relationships. And of course, they'd only be 'buffered' by the love of their lives, met after said former relationships had gone belly up?!?!

Good grief! Human nature is to forget, particularly bad memories. It allows us to cope & also to make the same mistakes over & over & over again - in relationships, until we find one that works.

Perhaps I did not make that statement clear enough.

All your memories are still there. Always will be. All the pain and sorrow, the joy and laughter. The shared moments in life. You loose a loved one, from no matter what, you clearly remember that loss.
And yes people often make the same choices with regards to relationship partners, though some people do guard their emotional discomforts by offering flippant diatribes, malevolent projections and passive/aggressive manipulations.
A subconscious attempt to challenge themselves into a more personally acceptable comfort zone to free themselves of their painful emotional history.

Ain't love grand
 

D_Bubba_Butter

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Perhaps I did not make that statement clear enough.

All your memories are still there. Always will be. All the pain and sorrow, the joy and laughter. The shared moments in life. You loose a loved one, from no matter what, you clearly remember that loss.
And yes people often make the same choices with regards to relationship partners, though some people do guard their emotional discomforts by offering flippant diatribes, malevolent projections and passive/aggressive manipulations.
A subconscious attempt to challenge themselves into a more personally acceptable comfort zone to free themselves of their painful emotional history.

Ain't love grand


Curiouser and curiouser...

As Alice might have said.
 

1Cody

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Psychic connections?? This morning I woke up and thought that I would really move on. I felt the resolve where one feels such things. Once the resolve was felt the damn phone rang and the voice was so filled with love and whatever else endearment. Anyway, I know it's not over and I am back to where I have been 3 times before in the last 7 yrs. Anyhow, what I know now is that I am strong enough to pursue another relationship. I guess on our part neither one of us wants it to be over. Funny, we don't hide much from others even if we think we do. A friend of a friend asked in a joking manner about us!