What to do with this girl?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Sven_Svetty, Jan 1, 2011.

  1. D_Sven_Svetty

    D_Sven_Svetty Account Disabled

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    This girl and I have been close for the past 3.5 years. We started hanging out and talking when I was a senior in high school and she was a freshman. We have talked about everything and have done a lot together (sexually). She has basically begged me to be her boyfriend on several occasions and I decided against it because I was not looking to settle down. I am now a junior in college and she is a senior in high school. We are closer than ever, but not "officially" dating. However, over these 3.5 years it has seemed we have been dating. We have had fights, ups and downs, etc. I realize I have a girl that cares a lot about me, which is a rare find. I have not found a girl in college worth holding onto. The girls at the bars, clubs, and house parties just don't attract me.

    She has a lot going for her. She is gorgeous, fun, comes from a good family, blah, blah, blah. Of course with that, she gets a lot of attention from guys. She has the reputation of being an easy girl. Many of my friends have gotten with her. As the years went on, she has matured in that sense and respects herself now. She has not given into any temptation since August. She claims I am the only guy she talks to and hooks up with. She loves male attention, but claims if we dated she would never do anything with anyone.

    I feel with me being 21 and her being 18, I have a lot more life experience than her. Being 21 opens a whole new world, but so does going to college next fall for her. That means we both will experience new people and situations. It will be a challenge for both of us. I am not exactly a fan of long distance relationships. Most of it has to do with the lack of trust, but that can be built up over the summer where I can see her daily. I feel she might be too young to know what she wants. She hasn't experienced being on her own and away from her parents. She has been sheltered all her life. She might change completely in college. I have seen many people change in college whether that be for the better or the worse.

    I have never had a girl care about me so much. I care for her too. We have so much in common, it's crazy. Do I take the plunge and date her? Do I wait to see how she reacts to the college environment?

    There is more to the story, but I hope you get the jist of it. I'm just looking for some insight from a third party. I appreciate your opinion!
     
    #1 D_Sven_Svetty, Jan 1, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2011
  2. Riven650

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    What exactly are you asking?
     
  3. D_Sven_Svetty

    D_Sven_Svetty Account Disabled

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    Do I date this girl and have a serious relationship with her?

    Thanks for pointing that out. I just edited the original post. I knew what I was asking in my head haha just couldn't get it out.
     
  4. Riven650

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    If you and she were right (and ready) for each other I don't think you'd be asking. My feeling is that she just doesn't fancy you enough, and the fact that since you and she have been friends, she's already slept with other guys and not you. Hmmm. That's what I'm talking about. I think you should be strong and move on. You're young and you have everything going for you. If you can just push her out of your head you might make room for someone else.

    (BTW old chap, this isn't really a women's issue. I'd say it's more your issue really.)
     
    #4 Riven650, Jan 1, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2011
  5. ArtofDesire

    ArtofDesire New Member

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    When I was young I always dated guys that were a few years older than me. Like your friend I came from a good family, was blessed with a very privileged lifestyle and truthfully was quite spoiled. I had just been accepted into a good university when my boyfriend asked me to marry him and I said yes. I ended up getting married when I was 18 about to turn 19 years old - and it was a huge mistake. Don't get me wrong, we were happy but when I look back on what I missed by being tied down at such a young age I really wish I could go back and make different decisions.

    Do you and your friend a huge favor and just let it go, continue to be friends but you are both so young you really should experience life a lot more before you try to become serious. You should both focus on your educations and enjoy your new found freedom and have fun! I am a firm believer that if it's meant to be you will come back together later.

    Also, I would highly recommend waiting until you're at least 30 years old before you decide to settle down with anyone. You need time to explore the possibilities and live an unencumbered life. Please do this for yourself.
     
  6. IIIAMIN

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    I'd also like to point out to you that I dated a girl for 6 years and got engaged to her. We dated from middle school through high school and into college. When she got to college she left me for someone at school and pawned my ring. I had already been in college for a couple of years at this point.

    Therefore, I agree with ArtofDesire. If you play around, you can continue. But I would tell her that you want her to have her freshman year at school and live it up. This way if she wants to be with you after, she can never say you robbed her of her freshman year.
     
  7. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Sounds like she would be perfect if you loved her as more then just a friend
     
  8. Zayne

    Zayne New Member

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    \
     
    #8 Zayne, Jan 2, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2011
  9. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Moved to the relationships section. :3 Will probably get more responses!
     
  10. SpeedoMike

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    if you are at different campuses which aren't very close, expect your relationship to suffer and maybe even fall apart.
     
  11. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    fuck her
     
  12. D_Tallie_Wacker

    D_Tallie_Wacker Account Disabled

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    I don't get the big deal, really. You like her, she likes you, go ahead and date.

    Worst case scenario, you find out you can't trust her or things don't work out and you break up and move on. That's not the end of the world.
     
  13. helgaleena

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    Call me an old fogey, but what is the difference between being friends, having sex, and 'dating' in this example? I for one do not have sex with a person whom I have been hanging out with and not call it a date.

    You two have a wonderful friendship which even includes some wonderful sex. It is already a relationship! It is simply not a formally recognized or monogamous relationship. I assume you have been seeing others as well, not just her.

    If she is going on to school, it would indeed be best for her to experience what you have in college before you decide to take the expedient of being monogamous. Do what you would do in the case of any 'best friend'-- let her grow up and establish her life path. Your career and hers must also be important considerations, and those factors may take you far from each other at strategic moments.
     
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