What to do?

[HiddenLacey]

I agree that she shouldn't meet him. BUT everyone has to have their own closure to each situation. I'm not saying the the OP should go, I'm just saying that it is perfectly ok for him to want to go. He doesn't need to fight with anyone. Restraining orders are a silly joke.

Personally I would avoid the nut case at all costs. Even if I had to pack up all my crap and move out of town.

 

[dolfette]

I agree that she shouldn't meet him. BUT everyone has to have their own closure to each situation. I'm not saying the the OP should go, I'm just saying that it is perfectly ok for him to want to go. He doesn't need to fight with anyone. Restraining orders are a silly joke.

Personally I would avoid the nut case at all costs. Even if I had to pack up all my crap and move out of town.

that's a dumb thing to say.
they can be wonderful things.
just the order alone is enough to put many off, and if he is knocking on her door or following her in the street he can be arrested before he actually harms her.

 

[HiddenLacey]

that's a dumb thing to say.
they can be wonderful things.
just the order alone is enough to put many off, and if he is knocking on her door or following her in the street he can be arrested before he actually harms her.

Well speaking from the experience of someone who has filed one before and it didn't stop him, pretty much just really pissed him off, I do not consider it dumb. I consider it my experience.

I'm not saying they are not good at all. Maybe it would be a deterrent for this guy. I don't know. I'm not in the situation. I think it's a piece of useless paper. That is all it was for me, once again MY experience.

 

[dolfette]

Well speaking from the experience of someone who has filed one before and it didn't stop him, pretty much just really pissed him off, I do not consider it dumb. I consider it my experience.

I'm not saying they are not good at all. Maybe it would be a deterrent for this guy. I don't know. I'm not in the situation. I think it's a piece of useless paper. That is all it was for me, once again MY experience.

you said, quite clearly, 'Restraining orders are a silly joke.'
not, 'in my case it was pointless'.

so, yes, a dumb thing to say.

 

[B_subgirrl]

that's a dumb thing to say.
they can be wonderful things.
just the order alone is enough to put many off, and if he is knocking on her door or following her in the street he can be arrested before he actually harms her.

Actually I agree with submissivegirl. From what I've seen (although admittedly from a distance) restraining orders are largely ignored. I recommended a restraining order myself in this case, but I don't really think he'll obey it.

 

[dolfette]

Actually I agree with submissivegirl. From what I've seen (although admittedly from a distance) restraining orders are largely ignored. I recommended a restraining order myself in this case, but I don't really think he'll obey it.

and, if it's properly enforced, he'll be arrested.
and if he makes a habit of it he could end up jailed.

 

[B_subgirrl]

and, if it's properly enforced, he'll be arrested.
and if he makes a habit of it he could end up jailed.

This would be a good thing. In the case I witnessed the cops didn't seem to give a shit. Of course there were probably loads of factors involved that I didn't know about, but it really didn't seem too effective. If it was me I'd still be going for the restraining order but I can see why people wouldn't bother.

 

[hsarge]

True story. I heard a scream from the house across the street, ran out into the street, heard another scream and approached the open front door. A guy came running out the front door with a gun; I was armed with shorts and a tee shirt. Guy looked right at me; but fortunately turned and ran down the alley. He was a stalker; he had an order against him; and he was jailed. But had he used the gun, the order would have been useless.

 

[B_New End]

I seriously doubt she is actually ignoring him. Now that she is goign to meet him to tell him no.... bullshit.

Sorry, people don't usually just walk away from 6 year relationships. There is still baggage.

Proceed with extreme caution.

She agreed to meet him in a public place so that she can tell him that she has moved on.

C'mon dude. How did she get the message he wanted to meet. She is telling you she is over him, she is telling you she is ignoring his calls and texts, but she isn't.

 

[helgaleena]

New End, let us see what happens. I had a nut job, not a dangerous one, who kept writing me letters for fifteen years! I never answered. But he didn't stop until we actually met, in a public place. Every situation is different.

The OP knows there's baggage. His girl has been very open with him. Don't insult his intelligence or rain on his parade just to be 'right'.

 

[B_New End]

New End, let us see what happens. I had a nut job, not a dangerous one, who kept writing me letters for fifteen years! I never answered. But he didn't stop until we actually met, in a public place. Every situation is different.

The OP knows there's baggage. His girl has been very open with him. Don't insult his intelligence or rain on his parade just to be 'right'.

!? Leave me alone.

 

[Gifford]

If she's going to meet him, take something heavy and blunt. Just in case.

 

[Frodo46888]

That relationship is hers to deal with, so unless she requests some specific help that doesn't endanger either of you, I'd stay out of it. If she can prove her ex is threatening her well-being she can get a restraining order against him. If she doesn't want to do that, maybe the situation isn't quite what you've been led to believe.

 

[alwaysguessing]

I'm not deluded enough to believe that a piece of paper is going to protect you from physical harm. Nor do I have any faith in the police. I think restraining orders are useful as a legal defense, after you have been forced to defend yourself. I'm just using logic here, which often does not apply to the legal system. But I would imagine that if a person is ordered by the court to stay away from your house, he comes to your house, and you are forced to injure or kill him, he will have little or no legal recourse against you.

Whereas, if you just meet him at a cafe and bash his head in, you could be the one to end up in prison.

 

[Spectacle]

Keep in mind that assault is not justified in the eyes of the court. Coming from a family that has worked in the Criminal Justice System for many years, I know that you going to crack his skull is in no way going to help this situation. I don't want to be extreme on this, but in the case that he gets agitated, and you come in, and YOU assault him, he can press charges. Now you're in trouble, and he's just pissed off.

I would not let her go. Sure, you can't make her decisions for her, but this is one of those times when you need to be very frank with her. Tell her that it's not a good idea at all. A restraining order can be extremely helpful.

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

*UPDATE*

So my gf just got back from meeting her ex and a lot of drama went down.They were talking for almost 3 hours and she was telling him she has moved on and wants him to do the same, when suddenly he starts crying,pulls out an engagemnet ring and proposes to her.

She wanted no part of the ring or him, but he wouldn't take it back.He then tells her he can never love any other woman in the world and without her he can't go on..blah blah blah.

So she left the cafe and now she is in tears and I'm trying to do damage control.It's all messed up and he has made it all the more difficult.

All this from a guy that would routinely throw beer in her face and pull her around by her hair when he was drunk which was pretty regularly.

 

[B_New End]

nothin says i will always love you like a beer in the face.

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

Exactly dude....very sad....

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

...just another quick update: Upon leaving my girl on Friday evening at the cafe,her ex tells her this will be their last ever contact.

The dude then spends all day yesterday,(Saturday), texting and phoning her incessantly! Of course she didn't respond.

This guy simply doesn't seem to get the hint or has no self-respect at all. I don't know what it'll take for this guy to take a hike?

 

[dolfette]

...just another quick update: Upon leaving my girl on Friday evening at the cafe,her ex tells her this will be their last ever contact.

The dude then spends all day yesterday,(Saturday), texting and phoning her incessantly! Of course she didn't respond.

told you so.

he sees her agreeing to meet face to face as proof that he matters to her. stalkers always do. you can't give them any attention because it's just fuel.