what was her point?

twoton

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Today I was at a conference and met an out-of-town woman there with whom I really hit it off. She seemed really interested in my work, and I was interested in her. Hers. Her work, of course. The conversation was energized and effortless.

It was such that, had I not been married, it would have been totally natural to say, "When this is over, let's get some dinner." And if we spent the rest of the evening talking about work and life and everything and parted colleagues, that would have been great. And if the evening turned into a hook up, that would have been great, too.

When I got home I looked her up on Facebook--oh, come on! You know you do it, too! :wink:--and right on her main page she describes herself as gay and her profile pic is of her with her partner.

So here's the thing I don't get: Why all the positive vibes? I'll admit I'm somewhat thickheaded when it comes to picking up on stuff like this, but I was feeling a definite opportunity to step outside the "shop talk" with her.
 

amazinggrace

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Maybe it's much the same kind of thing when I have been around lesbians and they are attracted to me even though I'm straight? I guess attraction is just that.

On another note, how you ask someone to go out for some dinner... I would have felt so anxious. lol
I guess I am that shy. But it's nice the way you thought of her.
 

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Maybe she was just nice? It's possible to enjoy a conversation with someone without it being about attraction.
 

twoton

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Maybe she was just nice? It's possible to enjoy a conversation with someone without it being about attraction.

That makes complete sense. Except that's not the vibe I was picking up. Rather, in my experience a situation like this moves in the direction of something more.

Whatever it was, she made an impression on me. But bygones are bygones. Water under the bridge. Moving on with the rest of my life.
 
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MickeyLee

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urm, no. she's probably a lesbian, since she identifies as a lesbian. :cool:

men have a very bad habit of mistaking human decency and social niceties for a come on. no. nope. she wasn't hoping for more than a pleasant exchange with another human being with similar interests/career paths.

for true.. i'm mostly lesbian. 98% of the time men don't even register as sexual opportunities/sexually available. if this woman had a penis, would you think a man was hoping for dinner and possibly more with you? no, ya would have thought "i met this really great dude at the conference"

womangs.. don't encourage menfolk to think all positive interactions with the opposite gender could/should/might end up with nekkid bits getting squelchy.

in her place, ya offer for a meal would have been accepted. i would have gone dutch.
an invitation to more would have ruined the evening.
 

juanXX

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Maybe it's much the same kind of thing when I have been around lesbians and they are attracted to me even though I'm straight? I guess attraction is just that.

I mostly agree.
People like to like. There is nothing more exciting than the others desire. Even if this other is not your kind of object o desire.

Maybe she was delighted with your interest, and even excited, but not desiring you.
I guess her she-mate has enjoyed today a specially intense act.

Be happy. You are increasing the joy of desire, not be selfish
 

B_slimjimpencil

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urm, no. she's probably a lesbian, since she identifies as a lesbian. :cool:

men have a very bad habit of mistaking human decency and social niceties for a come on. no. nope. she wasn't hoping for more than a pleasant exchange with another human being with similar interests/career paths.

for true.. i'm mostly lesbian. 98% of the time men don't even register as sexual opportunities/sexually available. if this woman had a penis, would you think a man was hoping for dinner and possibly more with you? no, ya would have thought "i met this really great dude at the conference"

womangs.. don't encourage menfolk to think all positive interactions with the opposite gender could/should/might end up with nekkid bits getting squelchy.

in her place, ya offer for a meal would have been accepted. i would have gone dutch.
an invitation to more would have ruined the evening.

Maybe she was just nice? It's possible to enjoy a conversation with someone without it being about attraction.

Some times people really get along well, it doesn't always mean sexual attraction.

^ these

(what does it matter anyway, aren't you married?)
 

BJprincess

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I don't know... if you felt a "vibe" she might have too. I'm 99% straight and married. I have some gay friends both men and women. I LOVE to hear their same sex stories, and even flirt with their friends... So who knows what would or could have been. Maybe follow up with a professional "nice to meet you" email and see what happens.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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That's crap.

I've known two "lesbians" who left their live-in girlfriends for men.

Yeah, I gotta admit I agree. Just because someone identifies a certain way, doesn't mean they don't/won't step outside that orientation from time to time.

There are plenty of 'straight' men who have sex with men. Nothing wrong with it. Just sayin, it's possible for a woman who identifies as lesbian to still have sex with a man from time to time, or even just enjoy flirting with men.

Like I said earlier in the thread, I'm not the woman the OP is asking about. So I have no idea what her motive for conversing with him was, but it's possible she was flirting.. it's possible she was just enjoying a casual conversation. We didn't see her body language, or participate in their conversation. I'm pretty sure we have no way of knowing what her intentions were.
 
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nicenycdick

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I have spent so much of my life misinterpreting the intentions of women that I sometimes wonder how I ever got laid in the first place!

I finally realized as I got older that you can't really know what's going on inside a woman's head. The only thing you can do is know how you yourself feel. I've gotten better and less fearful at expressing that...and it has led to some absolutely priceless and stunning moments in my life.

Next time you find yourself in that situation, I suggest you playfully, respectfully and with no expectations explore the possibility of something more than just a friendly exchange. You don't have to be over-the-top or obnoxious. Make it easy for her to make her intentions clear.

As it is, you will (as I always did) always wonder what could have been...
 

Jillang

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Like you said, you sometimes have a hard time picking up on things. You will never know unless you actually ask her but I'm just guessing that you found each other to be interesting and easy to talk to and you misinterpreted that as sexual attraction. Plus, maybe she just liked the attention and was flirting a little, we all do it sometimes.
 

omgurbig

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my guess is, she sees you as an "equal". She's relaxed and happy to chat (as straight women do with their girl friends) and doesn't feel the need to have to hide any hidden agenda (thinking how shes going to get into your pants).

Your probably a nice guy and enjoyed your company...end of story.