What Was She Thinking

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MoneyForNothing, Dec 25, 2010.

  1. MoneyForNothing

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    This is about a case that happened years ago that I was never sure about. I sometimes feel the urge to know how things work. This one keeps popping up in my head. I'll tell a short story, then anyone that wants can take a hack at it.

    I was searching books in the computer at a college library. I went to the staff counter to ask a question. A fairly attractive girl answers and I go on. After that, this particular girl gives me a warm greeting every time she sees me. For example, I'm sitting on a couch reading and she says, "Hello", as she goes by shelving books. One day I pretend to be looking at books in the isle she is in and strike up a conversation by asking what course she is doing. After we exchange a few words on that she says that she is going to another isle and pushes off. This greeting thing goes on and I make another move; I turn around and ask her to lunch one day after we pass outside. At that point she says, "I have a boyfriend, if that changes anything." I just chuckle slightly and say nothing. She says, "Like what? Just to eat?" I stay silent. She turns to face me and looks like she is trying to think as she says something about when she might be available. She ends up just saying that she has to get to class and she'll see me around. Next time I pass her she is walking with some friends and the instant she sees me she smiles and waves. Some time later I stopped going to the college. The End.

    The question is, what was happening here? There have been various hypotheses. I don't know what to conclude.
     
  2. B_prettyswinggirl

    B_prettyswinggirl New Member

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    That my friend was her way of flirting. I was that girl in college that would smile and I would say hello, but I was to shy to take it any further even when I really wanted to. She was leaving it up to you to be the persuer. I hated taking the lead role and I now know I missed out on getting to know a couple of really great guys I wish I had had the nerve to take it further on my own. Btw...the "I have a bf" is a standard line with many girls. Even if she didn't, it was to feel out how interested in her you actually were...
     
  3. helgaleena

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    I think she was evaluating whether to endanger her ongoing relationship to try you out , and then decided not to. It is her right to choose whether to have lunch with you or not, and she decided that it was some sort of threat to her boyfriend of the moment to have lunch with a male other than him.

    I infer from this that she was part of a larger social network where having lunch with a male was considered a form of 'cheating' on an existing male friend. That's sad, but frequently the way it is. You did the right thing in leaving the final choice completely up to her.

    When I was in college I did not think in those terms about any inherent difference between male and female friendships, but then I was part of an 'artsy' milieu where unusual behavior was tolerated.
     
  4. Enid

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    It sounds like she was being a little flirty (warmth/friendliness, contemplation of your lunch suggestion), but not willing to take it much further (mention of bf, dismissal of suggestion). To what degree her flirtatiousness was personally associated with you and to what degree it came from her personality, I do not know. Maybe she would have accepted your lunch offer if she hadn't had a boyfriend, but she did make it a point to mention she had one so she was clearly trying to set some boundaries -- or feel you out.*** That's really all I can conclude from the info provided.

    ***The language she chose to use intrigues me. "...if that changes anything" is an interesting qualifier to employ. Maybe she was feeling you out instead of setting up clear "I am unavailable" signals.
     
    #4 Enid, Dec 25, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2010
  5. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    As everyone else has said she was flirting with you. And mentioning the boyfriend was her way of testing if you liked her enough to ignore the fact that she was taken.


    You done the right thing by not perusing her.
     
  6. MoneyForNothing

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    She didn't dismiss it. She tried to think of when she was available and then seemed to get too impatient about getting to class at that moment. AFAIK the idea was still open.

    Btw, I did her see walking with her arm around someone. She wasn't lying about that, I guess.
     
    #6 MoneyForNothing, Dec 25, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2010
  7. nolbaby

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    1 of two things just happened. She either 1) actually does have a boyfriend or 2) lied to you because she wasn't interested. If it is 1, what can ya do? and if it is 2) she is probably just a friendly person who smiles at people. I mean, she was at work, right? People kinda have to be nice to people when they are at work.
    You already asked her out and she said no. If she wants to ask YOU out at some point, she still can.
    i really don't think she was flirting. and, if she WAS flirting, then she's flirting with guys when her boyfriend isn't around. That fact alone would make me not want anything to do with her.
     
    #7 nolbaby, Dec 31, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2010
  8. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Sounds like she liked you and was probably attracted to you. But I am just guessing because I am not that girl.

    I will say that when I was in college (twenty something years ago) I worked in the library and I was friendly and outgoing and I struck up friendships with library patrons. It was a great place to meet friendly faces. It was also a great place to see other fellow students from classes and it was easy to strike up conversations and set up study sessions. I don't know that I was "flirty". I just enjoyed meeting new people. I do remember that it was easy to get asked out when you are working in the "public" like that. And it would depend on whether you were just dating or serious about who ever you were going out with at the time. I remember that I was dating someone that didn't attend the college that I went too. But, he would come to the school to visit me and hang out. He would always get more attention (hit on) than I did, by guys and girls, in the library while I was working.
     
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