What Was Your Father Like? Good or Bad?

D_erhstgn

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My father was a good man. He showed and taught us the value of hard work. My mother passed away when I was 5, I was the youngest of 6 kids....that's right six !! 5 boys and 1 girl. He always made sure we kept in touch with my mother's family. He would drive us to California for the Summer vacations, and drop us off (for about 6 weeks at our Grandparents house)..from my mother's side. So we could re-connect and keep in touch with that side of the family.

He never remarried, but I am sure he had his fair share with women. He taught all of the boys about treating a women as an equal and loving her, because one day when you take things for granted it can all be taken away in a flash. He really taught us to live life everyday.

He passed away last year, not a week goes by where a situation comes up and I laugh on thinking how my dad would have handled it...

He had it hard, I am sure he did. He had a daughter who he tried to be the mother, and sometimes with the help of his mom (grandma). Would help when a womens opinion was needed. My sister and all of us turned out to be fine.

He supported all his kids in our decisions....

On his death bed, he cried and said he was "thankful" to the lord for granting him his only wish....We all cried and asked him what it was? He said he just wanted to be alive, and healthy until ALL his kids were all adults and living on their own..so nobody would be taken away from Social Services... So the family would not be separated....

He passed away that night...he was 76 years old, and single. But he always said he had so much love from my mother to last him a lifetime...

Dad...we love you and miss you....

Richard
 

prepstudinsc

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I never knew my father, as he died very suddenly when I was about 9 months old. My mother says that I am like him in many ways, including a lot of my mannerisms. Everyone who knew him speaks very highly of him.

I wonder how I would be now if he had been alive when I was young.

My mother did a fantastic job of being both mother and father for me.
 

therunningman

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My father is probably one of the best men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. We had some rocky times over the years especially when I came out as gay at 21. However, even when things were most difficult and we didn't see eye to eye on issues like I knew he was struggling with me being gay, he made it clear that he still loved me and would always be there for me. He honestly never fails to amaze me in that respect...especially after the shit I've pulled.

He's a deeply religious person and I knew that it was hard for him. While deeply religious, he isn't one of those nasty fire 'n brimstone type of people but someone who really truly believes that we are called to love everyone and care for folks and all the good stuff that religion says. I always just describe him as "Catholic but all the best parts of being Catholic." He just leaves the hateful, judgmental stuff out.

He taught me to appreciate other people and cultures, love the outdoors and nature, and find delight in simple things like spending time with friends and family. He has his faults but the older I get the less they matter to me because you see so many other parents who are not as mature and loving but still have all the other faults too.

If I had to pick a fault it'd be he can be very overly cautious. Like it can be really hard to get advice from him on something - he'll just say well, you'll have to work that out between the two of you - when sometimes what you really want is to have a clean cut answer. It can be really maddening. Or he'll double check a map over and over and ask you if you know where you're going. Bleh...you just want to bitch slap him up the side o' his head when he does that.
 

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*SNIP* I think when you've been an adult for a little while and you get to be about 30 you can look back and honestly evaluate your father. So grab a box of tissues and tell me:

How was your father, good or bad?
He's great! He's the first man I ever loved and my own personal Superman. Able to fix any problem, hurt feelings, or broken heart.

I remember in December 1997 I had just been treated with what we later found out was an overdose of radiation for Grave's Disease. It was right before Christmas and I had a radiation burn on my chest, I was losing my hair, I had no appetite, and I had a fever of 103. My dad said, "I don't know what to do baby girl." Then he got out of his recliner, came over to the sofa and cradled me in his arms like a baby. We watched the Giants lose to the Vikings. :12: As I sighed I realized that as long as I had my daddy I was going to be okay. And I was. :cool:

What do you wish was different about him?
I used to be bothered by the fact he brings up things you did wrong 10 years ago when he argues with you. I used to want to change that. :rolleyes:


The only thing I would change now is to take away his Parkinson's Disease. I want my Superman back. :frown1: Sometimes I feel that I don't know this hunched over man who walks with a cane, is always tired, and trembles when he sits or stands. He sounds like my dad and the outer wrapping is similar; but his body is failing.

If bad, have you changed yourself to not repeat his mistakes?/QUOTE]
When I argue I stay on topic, I don't dig up the past.
Have you ever seen someone get choked up trying to talk about their father?
Yes. The first time I ever saw my dad cry was in the 8th grade when he delivered the eulogy for his grandfather. They were close.
 

psidom

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my dad and mom seperated when i was 7.
he was very harsh and critical of my discipline.

if i did something badly,i would know i did badly and then some.
for example one time that stands out to me was washing dishes.
i was rinsing off a fork and put it in the rack to dry and there was some
soap suds on it...i was like 10 years old,

HE FLIPPED...he grabbed it up blasted the water and said "this is how you fucking do it" and then threw the fork across the room.
making me clean it again...but properly.

let me tell you how much i hate doing dishes since that day. ;)
everyone just thinks it is laziness,but it stems from something very
nauseating to me,good ol dad.

there has yet to be a girlfriend that i have had that he doesn't
talk about fucking either, he loves fantasizing about how much bigger
his cock is than his kid and how much more pleasure he can give her
and he loves telling me so do my uncles,
i can't tell if they think they are just "taking the piss out of me"
or are just kinda redneck.

i never really got to love my dad...he was nice to me when i
was 1-7 though.
 

CALAMBO

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My father was a hard working overly religious type...his way or the highway..me being middle child of 3 boys...well i was left out of his life...he knew it and the last few years of his life he did his best to make-up for that fact...but it was too late..i had my own life and he could just look and never appreciate me..a few months before his death he and i became friends..father son thing never happened, but i know he loved me and became very proud of the middle child...We were never open about much of our lives and dreams..i never remember him saying he loved me, so i raised my 2 kids differnt...they know i love them.....i say it often....i do not want them to feel the way i felt about my dad...I visit the cemetary often just to talk to him...seems to help......
 

Primal_Savage

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I realize that some fathers are never there for their sons or capable of teaching them to be men. In my case, I never knew or saw my father. I don't have pictures of him in his Air Force uniform, nor his medals. Aside from knowing that he was killed in his early 20's when I was 2, that's all I know. I grew up knowing that it was taboo to even mention his name to my mother or grandparents; my adopted name is different than my birth name. All my H.S., age-group and college swim medals, ribbons and trophies, while nice, would have been much more appreciated, had they come with a hug and a simple "I'm proud of you son." So, the outward appearance of the golden boy "jock" on the swim team, who's life seems perfect in every way, is nothing but a facade. And once again, things aren't necessarily what they seem to be. No shared experiences, memories, or anything else....just a void. The one thing that has plagued me throughout life is not knowing if I'm anything like him.
 

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my dad was pretty good when i was young and all. but as i got older it seemed like he got more critical of me and everything i did. he was raised in the air force and from what i heard, his dad was a very strict disciplinarian; he died before i was born so i was never able to be with him in person. things got worse there for a couple of years after my dad cheated on my mother with another woman. this situation only put more animosity between me and him. but, as i grew older and wiser, ive come to see him in a different light and he has come to see me in a different light as well.

now that im 23, we have a much better relationship, which i am grateful for! i guess it just took some time for us to connect on a different level and now that he lives out of state, i do miss him quite a bit sometimes! but all in all, he was a good dad who at times i wish had spent some more time with me and taught me more of the typical "man" stuff. but, late is better than never in my opinion.
 

Corius

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My father was a very wise man. I was spared many of the dos and donts my peers had from their parents. Our community was religiously conservative but even in matters of religion I recall that his concluding line always seemed to be: "But, that is something you have to know (or decide) for yourself." That's liberating when the parents of your peers seemed always to be micromanaging their kids lives. For instance, I never heard any of the rot about the dangers of masturbation, and I assumed that was because my father had also discovered the joys of self-pleasure and did not want his son's enjoyment of the same to be dimmed by laying some guilt trip on him.
 

pornographicpoet

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I just wish my father would have spent more time with me when I was young. He never seemed to take an interest in me. Truth is, I kind of resent him for that. He would rather go out and talk to his friends instead of spend time with me and my sister.

I know that when I (hopefully) have kids, I won't be like that. I try to not judge him by American standards. He's from the old world....rural southern Italy....very traditional. Men were expected to be the breadwinners and the women had all the household responsibilities. That's all he knows. Still, I wish I had a strong male role model growing up...all the people who cared for me were women....I guess, to be honest, I have a hard time getting close to men as friends compared to with women because of that....

I've never seen anyone choked up when talking about their father..
 

invisibleman

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Thinking about one's father can bring up some strong emotions. I knew three guys, all over 40, that had to hold back tears when I asked them about their father. (a good way to get an emotional response from a guy.) One guy was successful, the other two barely making it in life. The common feeling was that they wished their father had taught them so much more before they grew up. They wasted a lot of time figuring things out for themselves. They felt like they could have been better men if they had known things that would have been so easy for their father to teach them.

My father never really bonded with his kids when we were young, so he never had a good relationship with us as teenagers. That makes it harder to communicate. He never really talked about his life, growing up, what he would have don't differently, what his goals were, disappointments he had, etc. He never really discussed things about growing up (sex for one!). He kept a job, put a roof over our heads and food on the table, but that was about it.

I think when you've been an adult for a little while and you get to be about 30 you can look back and honestly evaluate your father. So grab a box of tissues and tell me:

How was your father, good or bad? My father, like my mother, wasn't perfect. I am glad that I had good one compared to most others. I guess you say I had a great father...aside from his horrible gift wrapping.


What do you wish was different about him?
My dad makes horrible business decisions. And he is like..."OH WELL. He gets taken advantage of. And I HATE THAT SHIT. I am like thinking "OH FUCK!!!! WHY DID YOU GO AND DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR?" And I get on him about it. I am like "DAD...go and get your motherfucking munny for Christ-sake!!!!" I really remember my mom getting on him about the exact same stuff.
I wished that he bought people nice gifts for their birthdays and Christmases. At least, wrap the gifts nice.
If bad, have you changed yourself to not repeat his mistakes?
Oh, hell--yeah!!!!

Have you ever seen someone get choked up trying to talk about their father?

Sometimes. I do know some who are REALLY angry about their father's inaction in their lives or adverse actions in their kids' and overall family's lives.
 

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I realize that some fathers are never there for their sons or capable of teaching them to be men. In my case, I never knew or saw my father. I don't have pictures of him in his Air Force uniform, nor his medals. Aside from knowing that he was killed in his early 20's when I was 2, that's all I know. I grew up knowing that it was taboo to even mention his name to my mother or grandparents; my adopted name is different than my birth name. All my H.S., age-group and college swim medals, ribbons and trophies, while nice, would have been much more appreciated, had they come with a hug and a simple "I'm proud of you son." So, the outward appearance of the golden boy "jock" on the swim team, who's life seems perfect in every way, is nothing but a facade. And once again, things aren't necessarily what they seem to be. No shared experiences, memories, or anything else....just a void. The one thing that has plagued me throughout life is not knowing if I'm anything like him.

Time to break some taboos and ask. Force it out of them if you have to. You have a right to know.
 

jason_els

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How was your father, good or bad?

He was good in that he fulfilled most of his material obligations. He was bad in that he was physically and emotionally abusive, distant, disinterested, and lied a lot.

What do you wish was different about him?

I wish I had a sense that he loved me. I never had that feeling as a kid either. I also wish that he was friendlier with people, more active, more social, happier, open, and better looking (don't laugh. I think I'd take more pride in my appearance).

If bad, have you changed yourself to not repeat his mistakes?

Yes, I'm working on that as I posted in my latest non-fiction book found in this thread. :tongue:

Have you ever seen someone get choked up trying to talk about their father?

Yeah I have. I've always found myself jealous after the novelty of the idea has passed.
 

killerb

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How was your father, good or bad?
What do you wish was different about him?
If bad, have you changed yourself to not repeat his mistakes?
Have you ever seen someone get choked up trying to talk about their father?

my father was good in the sense of being a provider...I know he cared about his kids...

he was bad for not really being there for me...I would never have gone to him to talk about anything...in fact, I always had the feeling that he didn't really like me...he also drank WAY too much & could be extremely mean...the only time he ever said he loved me was during one of his drunken speeches...

it's useless to wish anything was different about him...funny thing is, most people outside of our house who knew him thought he was the greatest...after he died I heard all sorts of stories from all the people he had helped...

When I was a kid, I vowed to myself that I would never be like him...

I don't know anyone who gets choked up when talking about their fathers...
 

B_Nick4444

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...funny thing is, most people outside of our house who knew him thought he was the greatest...after he died I heard all sorts of stories from all the people he had helped...


I was genuinely astonished at my dad's funeral by the large number of persons who attended, and the large number who came up to me, shook my hand, and told me how great he was
 

killerb

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I was genuinely astonished at my dad's funeral by the large number of persons who attended, and the large number who came up to me, shook my hand, and told me how great he was

same here...and even afterwards I would hear it from people whenever I went to the supermarket or the mall or wherever...once I took my car to get serviced and when the owner saw my credit card he noticed my last name & asked if I was my father's son (the name is pretty uncommon)...when I said yes, he spent the next 5 minutes telling me how great my father was & ended up not charging me at all.
 

jason_els

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funny thing is, most people outside of our house who knew him thought he was the greatest...after he died I heard all sorts of stories from all the people he had helped...

Exactly! My Aunt Carol (on my mother's side no less) just last week was telling me, "Your father is a SAINT! A SAINT!!"

My eyes just glazed over, once again, like the Blue Rajah auditioning Ballerinaman.
 

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...funny thing is, most people outside of our house who knew him thought he was the greatest...after he died I heard all sorts of stories from all the people he had helped...
Yeah, it's like the family life is hidden from the public. That's why I like to see how people are not just at their job in public, but also at home. I don't want to be a success in my career and a failure at home. Sometimes men take out all the stress from work on the wife and kids at home.
 

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my F&$#er abused me when i was a kid, hated everything about me. i had two brothers and a sister, they were treated like royalty, they would get tons of presents for christmas, i hardly got anything. i had to stay at home and work around the house when brothers got to go with friends and go places, i had to buy my first bicycle myself only to have it smashed 3 months later. i wasnt allowed to have friends or go anywhere till i was 15. i tried everything to please him, only to have him screem and hit me. as i got older he just ignored me, acted like i wasnt there. 6 years ago he got sick with cancer and no one would help him so i got stuck doing it, i hated being near him but i figured he took care of me somewhat so i should do the same. as he was dieing he told me why he hated me all those years, he wasnt my father, my mom had screwed his brother and he was my real father. my real father died 2 years before this happened. he was a drunk and a drug addict so i dont know where i would have been better off, he once told me i was the reason he was like he was and i never understood why he wouls say something like that, he said sooner or later you will find out.. theres more to this story but i cant bring myself to tell it.