What Was Your Father Like? Good or Bad?

SyddyKitty

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My dad was rather abusive. My most vivid memories being him kicking my cat down the stairs, slamming my against a wall since I tried to defend my little brother from his beating, and his overly christian lifestyle of church 3-5 times a week.
 

ActionBuddy

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Yikes!... gees... I don't know if what I felt as a kid was abuse or "tough love" now.

"It was the best of times, and the worst of times... "

Perhaps I'll elaborate on this, later.
 
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Hoss

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He was a good man, not a saint but a very good man. He provided for us all and kept a nice roof over our head, food on our table and clothing. He worked hard and kept looking after us 3 sons even after our mother had died. When he found a good and better job and would have to move us east he asked us all first if we were okay with this and made it known if even 1 was not then we would stay in Idaho.

As we grew older he encouraged us to get some employment which taught us responsibility and he had us learn that even more by requesting 10 percent of our paycheck as a form of room and board....it was a lesson in economics and responsibility. Upon our 30th year birthday the 10 percent was returned to us in a check as he had invested our payments in an account which grew with interest.

There were many things which he could not do, some because of time constraints some because he just didn't know how to do them but he always made sure someone took care of our needs if he was unable to.

My daughters cherished time with him and if I have a regret it is that my son never got to meet him as my son only recently entered my life and Dad had been gone a few years already. some of my ex-wives and a few of the men I had been with in long term relationships, came to his funeral services and stood by me and the rest of the family at the gravesite as he was lowered in, which tells me how good and how loved he was.
 

Nkw17

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I wasn't raised with either of my parents they broke up before I was born it was a messing around thing so I think I was an accident & my mom was on drugs & i'm her only child... but anyway I was the 1st born to my dad my brother & I were born in the same year (my dad had like 3 women at once). As a kid about 8-9 y/o my dad would pick me up every other holiday & I would stay with him for a couple days; It happened for about 2yrs then he went to prison until I was 14 the day he got out he spent time with me but was back on the streets. My family would tell him he needs to spend more time with me instead of always his 2 other sons (he really wanted to be with their mother) but he told them that I was well taken care of by my GreatAunt who adopted me at 2yrs & that I lived too far in the suburbs they need to give him gas. I didn't see too much of him or hear from him until I was 16 he took me down to Wisconsin to see my sister & little brother by a diff woman & after that I would see him only every once in a while my 17th year until I graduated HS in 05. I felt like by not seeing him as much that I didn't really know him enough to have that kind of relationship & when he started trying to tell me what to do; it kind of threw me off... from the yrs 05-08 I would see him on & off but never really spent time. He ended up moving to Wisconsin with his new girlfriend & died in a car accident down there in 09. I think that to this day I feel it was some of my mom's fault because she would say things like I didn't "love him" & that he "can't tell me what to do" when I never said & that was part of why he felt pushed away. When he died I didn't get sad until a few days after the funeral it hit me. I wish I could've been closer with him I was 22 when he died I also don't know his side of the family too well just certain ones.
 

mas2304

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I have to ask what makes a man your father? I would have loved to have know my real father, but he and my mother broke up just before I was born due to the tragic death of my older sibling. what followed for my mother was years of dating, seeing the wrong type if man, I had that many uncles that I can even remember most of them. I do remember one stepdad, with whom my mother had another son with, and been very jealous and angry at the relationship they had, the whole 3 of them, I often felt like an outsider looking in, even to the point where I managed to track down my real father, but after 17 years of been told by my Mother to stay away and to not have contact, he was not interested. Has this had an effect? Sure has, I find it hard to relate to other men, unless it involves sex, I am very independent and find it hard to believe people will follow through on their commitments and promises, I have a preference, liking for older, mature, daddy types. What is a real shame, is that now I am in my 40's I have come to accept what as happened and to get on with my life, and would like to get to know my father, but have just found out he died that year, alone separated a sad old man. Would it have been different if he had know me! I don't know and that makes me sad, that I will never have the chance to make my dad proud of me.
 

dolfette

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I have to ask what makes a man your father?
good point.
my stepdad has only been in my life since i was 19, but has done far more for me than my father ever has.
my teen's stepdad.... we've all pretty much forgotten the 'step' part. he's just her dad, for better or worse.
 

Infernal

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My parents divorced when I was 4. I have a few memories from the years my parents were married, but it is all loud fighting and boring therapy sessions.

My father has two interests in life. Booze and women. He's been a life long drunk, serial cheater, and now on his 4th wife.

My mother died suddenly 10 years ago. My paternal grandmother, who hated my mother, called him and ripped him a new one. She said he was a bad son, a bad husband, and a bad father. He sat in front of his new wife, and cried like a baby over a woman he hadn't seen or spoken to in over 20 years. He called me and said he was sorry, and that he apologized for not being a better father. I reminded him that at one point in his life he had to make a choice. He chose vodka over his son, and that while it was nice to hear his apology about not being a better father, it was in fact, 32 years too late.

I saw him later that year and told him I was done having a one way relationship with him. If he wanted to hear from me again, he needed to pick up the phone, he needed to write the letter, or send the email. This was his chance to man up and if he couldn't be a father, at least be a friend. Otherwise I would just continue living my life without him, as I had always done, and that I wouldn't miss what I never had. 10 years later, and I have yet to hear from him. My uncle tells me that he's so embarrassed that he can't bring himself to get in touch with me. His 89 year old mother bitched at him every time he calls her.

As for myself, I continue on with the happy life that I've built. I have a career, friends that love me, a partner that loves me, and his 3 kids that I adore. I presume that when he dies someone will tell me. I'm not sure I'll care.

In short - my father sucked and I did just fine without him.
 

D_SharronTaint

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My father was pretty abusive to my mother growing up, they never divorced but they spent the last 6 or so years living separately. He was also wildly unfaithful, and an alcoholic. He was a Marine but was discharged sometime during early grade school for me, right about when my younger brother was born. He was in his early 30s by the time the first of us was born.

Like most men from that era, our relationship was strained. He spoiled us rotten but at the expense of how he treated Mom, and we certainly paid for it in advance dealing with his alcoholism and string of random women.

I guess I got my love of sports and discipline from him, my ability to work on cars was learned from him, his libido, his endowment, and his insanely filthy mouth. He died during my first year of college and on the whole we were relieved.