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What Ways Can A Partner Express Her Respect For You?

Discussion in 'Ask a Straight Man' started by Scarletbegonia, May 25, 2019.

  1. Scarletbegonia

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    I realized my “ethnic” habit of interrupting exasperates my sweetie, who isn’t a member of the tribe.
    I’m working on that.
    But research on techniques led me to a bunch of religious videos, mainly churchy, about how men need respect (several suggested more than love). And they mainly spoke about in marriage (and thereby cohabitation) and prayer was understandably big on their list. Complete with announcing you were/ had prayed for them.

    I don’t live with my partner. I don’t attend church. I’m not Xtian.
    I demonstrate respect for and curiosity about his spiritual life. Even as I practice a different faith.

    So, I need ideas, examples, philosophical meanderings, etc., about how you feel respected in a relationship.
    What’s good? What’s bad (but you think is meant well)?
     
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  2. Scarletbegonia

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  3. 554279

    554279 Guest

    I don't think males or females ever start out intentionally disrespecting either when it comes to their significant other.

    But I think if you can master what they (we) may perceive as disrespect, respect will in most cases be assumed.

    It's difficult to quantify or in some cases qualify because our brains fire so differently at times. But males while not the most critical thinkers at times can be complicated.

    Things which women assume are meaningless actually unintentionally may strike a raw nerve, much like us when we say something that drives our souses over the edge.

    If you remember that all men are created equal, we also hate being compared to each other in a negative sense.

    The absolute worse thing is to have our shortfalls compared to Mister X or my ____(fill in the perfect male name or his previous duty position held here).

    Ethnic or cultural differences are challenge but always try to put yourself in the other persons shoes.

    That's probably about as much sage or lack of sage wisdom I can offer at this time.
     
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  4. Scarletbegonia

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    Your sage, or not, is appreciated.

    Lame internet advice runs along these lines:
    Ask him questions/ask advice (making him the expert)
    Let him open doors (I actually do this and it isn’t natural for me)
    Don’t disagree in public (my natural inclination. I’m a “wtf was that?” In the car/once home sort)
    And somehow, full make up and a shaved crotch fall there. I’m assuming translation difficulties. Lol.
     
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  5. Leobakker

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    Act normal, be herself and let me be myself.
    I let her go her way, she let me go my way.
    If she wants to go drink with her friends, go...
    If i want, let me go...
    Do fun stuff together...
    We all only live once...
     
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  6. twoton

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    Ask me for my advice and take my opinion seriously. That’s all I want. Don’t second guess every decision I make, or ask me to justify every decision I make, and then get upset when I stop making decisions. Don’t cut me out of the loop and then act like it was my fault for not being in the loop.

    Being a strong, independent woman is good. But to continuously work to prove that you don’t need anyone else in your life is a turn-off.

    Show a little vulnerability once in a while and be willing to accept the comfort and support of your SO.
     
    #6 twoton, May 28, 2019
    Last edited: May 28, 2019
  7. 1139089

    1139089 Guest

    I couldn't have said better.
     
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  8. Herodotus

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    People want their significant others to make them feel good about themselves. Women want men to make them feel special, wanted, pretty, etc... Twoton does a good job describing some of the things men want/need to make them feel special.

    A man wants a woman to make him feel like a man. That means help him maintain his confidence. You do that by expressing confidence in his capability. Some of the “lame internet advice” you listed does that, and isn’t lame. It doesn’t mean stop being an individual with your own personality. It doesn’t mean not having your own opinion or never disagreeing with him.

    You know the type of shrewish woman that hen-pecks her man. It’s a caricature/stereotype for a reason. They destroy their men/relationships through a thousand tiny cuts.
     
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  9. ronin001

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    Respect is a two way street. Two people can talk; but communication between people is on another level of understanding. I compliment you , you compliment me. Respect can be as simple as a guy, not checking out every hott woman that passes by, when he is with his significant other. ( you can think about it - but never do it ). I will not give you a reason to suspect me of cheating when I am away from home / You will not give me a reason to suspect you, when you are away from home. Even if you know me, occasionally ask my opinion, even when you know what I am going to say.

    Work with me, build with me , tolerate me even when I am being an idiot, or I forget your Birthday
     
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  10. bigbucky

    bigbucky Legendary Member

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    loyalty and truth go a long way.
     
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  11. palakaorion

    palakaorion Legendary Member

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    Be interested in and enamored of me, but not dependent upon or obsessed with me.

    Encourage me to be my best, but don't treat me like I'm broken and need you to fix me.

    Call me out on my bullshit when needed, but have my back when it counts.

    Understand that in the long run, relationship wins out over career, but that career must win some battles.
     
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  12. Scarletbegonia

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    May I ask for clarification?
    What’s a line between genuine encouragement and “fixing?”
    We do discuss our concerns of the day, and I ask a lot of questions.
    I’m known to say, “I wish I could say the right thing to make it better.”
    I’ve asked him if he’s letting off steam or if he wants to know what’s come to mind. And I try to empathize and I might illustrate that.
    We both spend a lot of time drumming up work, dealing with flakes with some influence in how and if we can do what we do.
    And I certainly ask his take, often.
     
  13. ItsAll4Kim

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    Hear me out. I am perfectly fine if you disagree. In fact, when you do disagree, I want to hear about it. But please don't walk out of the room, or start another conversation, or stop listening.

    Acknowledge our relationship when we're with others. An "I" or "my", used where "we" or "ours" is appropriate, is rather demeaning.
     
  14. twoton

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    This would have gone on my list if I'd have thought of it.
     
  15. Herodotus

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    The difference is who identifies the "problem", or what's "broke".

    Example: He thinks he needs to eat better, for heart health/longevity/whatever. He starts working on it. Encourage him overtly and subtly. "I really like that you're taking care of yourself". "Wow babes, you really had a lot of energy last night"

    If you think he needs to eat better, suggest it. If he agrees and starts working on it, encourage him. If he dismisses it, let it go. If you keep bringing it up (which is nagging, in men's minds), you're "fixing".

    That's just one example. There are countless. Don't like his hair style? Mention it once. Repeatedly saying "I wish you would do something about your hair" is fixing. Protip - the better you get at suggesting, the more likely he is to do it. "Dude, you would look so fucking sexy with your hair like this..." is a great way to suggest. The more it relates to your attraction to him (emotionally or sexually), the more likely he is to do it for you. If it works, and he does it; rock his world *wink*, and let him know you did it because his sexy new hair cut turns you on.
     
  16. palakaorion

    palakaorion Legendary Member

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    ^^^ this
     
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