What would you do if.......

LaFemme

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When a person is in a relationship and chooses fantasy over skin on skin contact on a consistent basis - it is a sign that there is an issue present that needs outside help. It's unlikely that the neglected partner can act/dress provocatively enough to draw their partner's attention. It is not the neglected partner's fault and therefore, they cannot fix the problem.

The OP flirts with the idea of cheating. Cheating could become a reality if things do not change. Her husband needs help. Something has caused him to retreat from a real physical relationship with the woman he loves; he needs help to make that connection again. The OP may need to join him in therapy to learn how to support him and so that they can make their relationship stronger.

Just my two cents, but I feel marriages, particularly when children are involved, deserve every effort to try and make them work.
 

Pitbull

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There is a problem.
Obvious.
What is it?
He is not telling you.

Hate to mention it, but maybe there is another woman.

You as a couple need some serious counseling and he needs to cooperate and not just sit there and nod his head yes.

Good Luck.
 

Kotchanski

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A good friend went through the exact same thing with her man... He was fine when it came to cuddles or kisses, but sex was never on the cards. She tried pretty much everything to get him interested, and that was basically the problem.

He knew he could get it any time he wanted, there was no build in desire because it was there waiting for him at all times, and every time he went near her, he felt she was trying to direct things towards sex.

It became far less problematic to just go look at porn and have a wank.

Now there's no way for us to know why your man is doing it, we're not in the relationship and we don't have the benefit of being able to ask both of you for your version of events, but you've made it pretty clear you want sex, and your comments are more to the effect that you feel inconvenienced by the lack of sex than concerned about why and my guess would be that if you've managed to convey that her in such a small space of time, that he's probably feeling it even more.

He obviously wants to connect with you on some level, maybe he just feels that you expect to be getting sex regardless of if he wants it or not (whether that happens to be true or not) and as such feels too much pressure and turning to porn to get what he wants, when he wants it, without getting himself into a situation where he feels he can't give you any affection without it leading to sex.

I happen to think it's a pretty dumb way of looking at things, but from what I've seen/heard with others, it isn't exactly uncommon.
 

Pitbull

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I think PitBull is on to something! I think he's right... again...

I would actually prefer to be wrong on this one.
Adding a cheating husband to the list of problems changes the dynamics dramatically.
For the worse.

But the possibility should be considered.
Too suspicious.
Guy looks at porn all the time (thankfully as far as we know it is restricted to the opposite sex)
Has sexy wife (so we have been told)
And all he desires in his hand and porn?
 
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lafever

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I've had this problem myself, and the problem was easily identified but the solution was and still Is not a walk through the daisies.
Simply put my wife and I had and still do on occassion get disconnected, basicaly what It comes down to Is restoring those feelings of being connected.
The same undenying force that brings two people together, the one that In the beginning, wild horses couldn't drag away.
When everyone else seems to not matter execpt the two of you and even long time friends and family just become back ground noise for the fireworks and sparks going on.
Yes, keeping the passion alive.
I've learned three main things throughout this process.
One, that you can't give away something you don't have.
Two, you have to give without any reservation the same love and respect that you once recieved from your significant other, sometimes this Is the only way to remind someone of the sparks that once flew thus fanning the flames of desire.
And three, your motives must be pure and unselfish. :smile:
 

helgaleena

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I've had this problem myself, and the problem was easily identified but the solution was and still Is not a walk through the daisies.
Simply put my wife and I had and still do on occassion get disconnected, basicaly what It comes down to Is restoring those feelings of being connected.
The same undenying force that brings two people together, the one that In the beginning, wild horses couldn't drag away.
When everyone else seems to not matter execpt the two of you and even long time friends and family just become back ground noise for the fireworks and sparks going on.
Yes, keeping the passion alive.
I've learned three main things throughout this process.
One, that you can't give away something you don't have.
Two, you have to give without any reservation the same love and respect that you once recieved from your significant other, sometimes this Is the only way to remind someone of the sparks that once flew thus fanning the flames of desire.
And three, your motives must be pure and unselfish. :smile:

Just beautiful.
 

AlteredEgo

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Methinks he's been hurt a few times too many...
Maybe that's why he treats the woman in his life like property he owns. Or, maybe he's just an asshole.

With regards to the OP, I have to say it sounds like her husband thinks she's too wholesome for sex. Is he controlling? Was there ever lots of sex, or was there only ever sex when you were planning to have more children?
 

blondbabygirl

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Ok, let me clear some things up. No he has never cheated on me nor I on him. We never have in 17yrs and never will. It was not porn just pics of nudes, Big difference there. And apparently it's our 11yr old son who's been looking at the pics not the hubby. I've since put on Parental Controls so he wont be led onto porn sites which is where some of them could have led him had he clicked on some of the wesites for a few of the pics. He's way too young for porn and if he wants to look at pics of nudes, dad can handle it. I handled our 3 girls, he can at least handle our only son. He still needs to talk to the boy about it and he will as soon as things settle down and we're not on the go as much.
The sex thing, it's his testosterone levels which are low. Being disabled sucks enough without this added to it and when we go back to the docs, we'll get it worked out.
Thanks Everyone! I've really appreciated all the input.