Maybe dont tell her directly but dro a few hints and let her work it out for herself. It isnt fair for him to be subjecting her to the risk of catching whatever he might get through sleeping around so he can have his own fun
What would YOU do?
- Thread starter killerb
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yeah I tried that & she didn't catch the hint...
I think she might have some doubts, but she doesn't have the full picture.
you are right...it's not fair to her at all...
What I would do is tell him that he has put you in an impossible position vis a vis both friendships, that he is being a shit both to you and to her and that if he doesn't come clean with her then you will do what's right and inform her.
If you value both friendships then at least you have given him a heads up about what you are going to do and he may get over it and still be your friend after you tell her.
As Lee_M said, she doesn't deserve the risk of catching a STD from this guy.
If you value both friendships then at least you have given him a heads up about what you are going to do and he may get over it and still be your friend after you tell her.
As Lee_M said, she doesn't deserve the risk of catching a STD from this guy.
An ex left me with some good advice regarding saying anything. Three simple steps:
1 - Is it true?
2 - Does it have to be said?
3 - Does it have to be said now?
By the sounds of your situation if you know its going on, and you know letting it go on any further is only going to make this whole mess even worse then I'd say tell both of them.
Even when confronted with it they then have to react and hey, she might be cool with it... he might not care... chances are they are both gonna be pissed, and at least only one of them will be pissed off at you. But he really has no right to be mad at you as it was his actions that got him where he is now.
I think this would be good karma for you.
1 - Is it true?
2 - Does it have to be said?
3 - Does it have to be said now?
By the sounds of your situation if you know its going on, and you know letting it go on any further is only going to make this whole mess even worse then I'd say tell both of them.
Even when confronted with it they then have to react and hey, she might be cool with it... he might not care... chances are they are both gonna be pissed, and at least only one of them will be pissed off at you. But he really has no right to be mad at you as it was his actions that got him where he is now.
I think this would be good karma for you.
And if you DON'T tell her and she finds out you knew? You'll lose her as a friend. By not "doing anything" your doing something. Your bud that is cheating? Does he know you know? If so, he is putting you in a shitty position and consequently disrespecting you. Doesn't sound like much of a friend. Guess you are goingot have to decide how you define "friend" and whose "friendship" your value more. Just my .02 worth.
yes he knows I know - he's the one who told me.
and you're right - he is being very disrespectful of both of us.
sadly I don't see this resolving in a good way.
Dude, if you want to remain friends with both of them, stay out of it. It is none of your business. My advice, distance youself from both of them until it's over. If you tell her, you lose him as a friend. If you don't, you lose her as a friend. Do you really want that shit in your life? That is between them!
stay out of it. most women I know stay away from bisexual guys because of aids fear. can't say I blame them, but I'm just a dumb, straight, "breeder".
you're right...
and I have stayed out of it, but I'm feeling guilty by letting a close friend get more & more involved with this guy who's cheating on her.
My opinion is you don't say anything to the female friend. It isn't your job to tell her that her boyfriend is cheating. Your male friend told you something in confidence.....and you don't break confidences unless it is like or death. (Hopefully this male friend is practicing safe sex.)
Now when your male friend starts unloading on you and confiding in you.....that is the time for you to have a heart to heart talk with him....and for you to tell him that you don't want to know his deep dark secrets and what he is doing behind your other (female) friends back. He should understand the spot he is putting you in. Me personally I would tell the person that cheating and doing stuff behind a significant other's back isn't cool and I would tell him that I don't want to be involved or maybe even be friends with the cheating person until they fix the situation. The cheater needs to tell his girlfriend or break up with her.
Ultimately it is their relationship. Who knows....his girlfriend might be open minded and not mind sharing him with a guy.....but another female is a different matter. Anyways this is how I have always handled these situations, if whatever was happening was bothering me. I have always felt like life was too short to have to worry about what everyone else is doing. I have enough on my plate worrying about myself.
Just my 2 cents.
Now when your male friend starts unloading on you and confiding in you.....that is the time for you to have a heart to heart talk with him....and for you to tell him that you don't want to know his deep dark secrets and what he is doing behind your other (female) friends back. He should understand the spot he is putting you in. Me personally I would tell the person that cheating and doing stuff behind a significant other's back isn't cool and I would tell him that I don't want to be involved or maybe even be friends with the cheating person until they fix the situation. The cheater needs to tell his girlfriend or break up with her.
Ultimately it is their relationship. Who knows....his girlfriend might be open minded and not mind sharing him with a guy.....but another female is a different matter. Anyways this is how I have always handled these situations, if whatever was happening was bothering me. I have always felt like life was too short to have to worry about what everyone else is doing. I have enough on my plate worrying about myself.
Just my 2 cents.
yes he is...he tells everyone that I'm his best friend.
the best possible outcome here would be for him to man up & tell her that he's just not ready to be in a relationship...but I know he'll never do it because now he doesn't have to worry about the questions & speculation from his church & family members...
I honestly feel bad for both of them. He's trapped in the closet & she's a victim because he's trying to hide from himself & everyone else...
this sucks all around!
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I'm sorry, but IMO, how they handle their relationship is their business.....yes, you know she's gonna get hurt, and that's going to be hard to watch, but she has to handle her relationship by herself...there are too many ways for you to get hurt also...and what good is that gonna do? Be a friend to her afterwards, when she needs you, because you know she will. Keep the information he told you to yourself, and don't let him tell you about any more of his indiscressions.
uh, if that was the case I probably wouldn't even CONSIDER telling anybody anything, now would I?
where'd u get that idea?
nice theory, but no - I'm just a guy who has 2 close friends who are in a bad situation that I would like to see them both get out of OK...
D_Lachtmadder Longhorne
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Men who practice same sex copulation are more prone to hpv virus and in a woman that can make her barren and not be able to have children. If your male friend is not having safe sex with his ex or if his ex is also out and about like he is, there's no telling what she can contract from this relationship in terms of bugs. I would be morally obligated to inform the both of them at the same time in the same room, that he putting her at risk and she needs to wise up. Just my opinion of course but caring is sharing after all.
Dude, the argument that you "stay out of it" is really a specious one as your "friend" has already told you of his cheating and consequently you ARE already involved. Let me put it this way. If you were seeing someone, who was cheating on you, and your good friend knew it and did not tell you? How would you feel toward them? If nothing else, when she finds out you knew and you didn't tell her she will think she can't trust you and perhaps worse think that you picked a liar and cheater over her friendship. Then, all you will be stuck with is a "pal" that cheats and one that put you in this position. Sounds like this "friend" that is cheating already made up your mind for you. Maybe you could go to him and tell him you don't appreciate him putting you in this position and see how he reacts to you. If he is a TRUE friend he will take your perspective to heart and think about you and your concerns instead of his dick's. If not, again, what kinda friend is he? If he gets mad? Is it your job to lie so your friend can betray your friends? Is it your job to risk your own friendships so he can bust a nut? Could YOU trust him? Do you really want a friend that puts you in this kind of postition?
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