What would YOU do?

[220483]

ONCE again... don't meddle with any thing.. it's better to be the suportive friend afterwards, than the one that TOLD everything and ended a friendship.
and NOT telling doesn't mean your less of his|her friend... JUST that you like them both equaly!

 

[killerb]

ONCE again... don't meddle with any thing.. it's better to be the suportive friend afterwards, than the one that TOLD everything and ended a friendship.
and NOT telling doesn't mean your less of his|her friend... JUST that you like them both equaly!

thanks...this is exactly why I've been struggling with the whole deal...
by telling, I would be choosing one over the other & I don't want to do that...

I also believe that eventually he will either get caught or decide that he can't keep up the charade...I just hope it's not after they get married or have a kid or something.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

If you don't want to get involved, tell the bastard to stop telling you about it.

 

[killerb]

UPDATE:

so apparently they've already been talking about getting married...
he told me that they wil be getting married soon...
I don't know HOW soon, but I really feel that she needs to know everything now...

he asked me if I'd be his best man or at least be IN the wedding, but I told him I'll have nothing to do with it and I won't be there...

I am planning to tell her everything I know...and I'm not going to warn him, either...at this point, he should have already come clean with her.

I am totally prepared for whatever happens next...it's gonna be ugly, but it won't last forever...

 

[maestro071]

Don't interfere, just pretend you don't know what's happening & stay out of it... Tell him you don't appreciate his behaving and you don't want to be involved in the story any more, and do so. Otherwise you will loose both of your friends.

 

[killerb]

Don't interfere, just pretend you don't know what's happening & stay out of it... Tell him you don't appreciate his behaving and you don't want to be involved in the story any more, and do so. Otherwise you will loose both of your friends.

normally I'd agree, but I think she should know what she's in for...
dating is one thing, but marriage is a serious thing...

 

[alex8.5]

I would say tell the lady in question. Why would you want a friend who treats women like this anyway.

 

[killerb]

ok here's the bottom line & my final word on this issue...
I'm not going to say anything...for several reasons:

1. I don't want to be the one either of them blames for ruining their relationship (even though I'm not the one who lied or cheated)
2. I'm inclined to believe that knowing the truth won't make a difference for her. Even though she SAID she'd leave anyone who cheated on her, I think reality may be different from speculation
3. I am washing my hands of the whole situation - I've already told the guy that I will not be a part of anything to do with the two of them
4. I don't want to be the one to out him to the entire family & everyone else - if I tell what he's been up to, word will spread around town like those fires in CA

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

Talk to him, not to her. Explain him he can't go on cheating on her, if he loves her. If he doesn't he'd better break up with her, before hurting her more than he has already done.

Who does this guy want to stay with? Him or her?

 

[killerb]

Talk to him, not to her. Explain him he can't go on cheating on her, if he loves her. If he doesn't he'd better break up with her, before hurting her more than he has already done.

Who does this guy want to stay with? Him or her?

I've already told him what he needs to do & so far he hasn't done it. I refuse to discuss it with him any further...

also, I honestly have no idea who he'd rather be with - I suspect that he'd rather be with the guy, but I think he'd rather die than come out of the closet & have to deal with the fact that everyone knows who he really is...he is extremely worried about his family finding out the truth...

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

So that poor girl is just a coverture...

No, you can't take the responsability to tell her everything, unless she asks: then you couldn't lie, could you?

 

[killerb]

If & ONLY if she asked, I would have to be honest & I'd tell her what I know.

 

[widenine]

Why lose your friends. Yes, they aren't perfect and it seems that one is being a victim... But are you sure this is the case? Should we assume that she is squeaky clean. And having said this, my advice is to tell your male friend to keep his secrets to himself. That way you know nothing more to tell his friend. The same goes for her.

Odds are.. the whole thing will be over in 90 days

 

[Stephenmass]

killerb,

It's hard because both of them are good friends. Personally, with STD's and AIDS, etc., and knowing he is fooling around with his male ex (and who knows where his male is going while he is not around kinda thing) I am SURE I would tell her.

You have already been more than clear with him and he won't budge or "be a man".

It's time you are.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I still say......Stay away from crazy people. Don't let yourself get dragged into somebody else's shit. Or it will become your shit. Somehow everything will become your fault.....because you broke them up. I wouldn't say anything to the girl unless you are planning on moving away and not telling anyone where you are going.

I am 42 years old and I have seen this situation happen over and over and over again.

But it is just my perspective and my gut instinct.

 

[HyperHulk]

If & ONLY if she asked, I would have to be honest & I'd tell her what I know.

Tell her!!!!!! As Dan Savage would say, she should DMTA--dump the motherfucker already. He's a selfish lying prick who doesn't deserve her. And she's your friend too. He will continue what he's doing and escalate it.

Also, if it was you in the situation, would you want a friend to have the balls and integrity to tell you? I would want that.

Tell her and let the chips fall where they may.