What would you make of it?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by FLbjbud, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. FLbjbud

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2006
    Messages:
    149
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Close to Charlotte, NC
    Verified:
    Photo
    I have six people that I chat with from LPSG on a regular basis.
    One guy that I have been chatting with is an awesome guy. He is unmarried and not in a relationship. We live relatively close. He is about 2 hours away. We have been chatting for about two years I guess.

    The chat is great, we talk about all kinds of stuff, sometimes we talk about sex (even that is great), family/friend issues, and that sort of thing.

    I have expressed interest in meeting him, even for no other reason than to be shown around his town, no sex necessary. I offered to rent a hotel near him if he did not feel comfortable meeting at his house. All I get is silence or he suddenly has to go offline. He has not taken any pics since I started talking to him, he says he has not had a chance to get a new cam yet.

    Am I dealing with a fake, someone who just wants to spare my feelings and he is just being nice by chatting with me? (But then why would we always end up in sex conversation.)
    Am I wasting my time?

    g
     
    #1 FLbjbud, Dec 5, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2008
  2. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    I'd consider him a lost cause...
    but I don't give ppl many chances...
     
  3. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Maybe he is afraid of disappointing you.
     
  4. LongandBigSub

    LongandBigSub New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    If you *feel* like your wasting your time, shouldn't that be enough of a hint?

    You don't need other people to confirm what you are feeling. Follow your gut and stop doubting it. The guy you want to date would not make you feel like you're wasting your time. He would make you feel like you want to be with him.
     
  5. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    I agree, maybe he feels the pressure of going from cyberspace to realspace. Maybe try not to pressure him, and if you want to meet just to talk in public somewhere, that would be an easier first step.
     
  6. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    8,104
    Likes Received:
    33
    Sometimes they need some time and also you need some time... It is a huge step to go from internetlife too real life, a very huge step, especially when you shared personal stuff with each other. It is maybe the easy way to keep a friendship going on the internet, but their is a lot of pressure when you want to meet in real life. For both actually. I know the feeling man. But don't push too much, the time will come, I also have to learn that, just don't push the person. Try to see it from their point of view.
    Good luck man.
     
  7. Stephenmass

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,886
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    76
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston
    There are many reasons why he may do this. One of them is mentioned above in answers by other posters.

    1. He may NOT be single.
    2. He may not be interested in pursuing it beyond cyberspace.
    3. He may be a fake.
    4. No new pictures and no cam (has he ever had one since you have spoken to him?) lead me to believe it's #3.
     
  8. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Or maybe he has some really bad life situations and doesn't want to disappoint him by meeting in real life. The internet does free a person's spirit but never real life situations. Internet is somewhat smoke and mirrors...you do not fully see a person's true nature and situation. People are too judgmental these days. I wouldn't blame a person for not being too forthcoming.

    I think that it is a person's personal right to decide whether or not to put one's picture up. Personally, I have put pictures up and only a few commented on them. I notice on some other member's galleries that members comment more on theirs...and these aren't like full out big dick revelations either. If people want more pictures and videos, they should comment more on them and be supportive...and not criticize or be mean. (Qualifier: No one has been mean or critical of my pics. I was explaining a scenario in which a person may not want pictures and videos up on this site.) But on the other hand, it is America--you can criticize and be mean...but you should know that being critical and abusive to people doesn't inspire affinity and intimacy.
     
  9. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    I would be scared he was a fake too, as not being able to take new pictures or chat on webcam.. is something nessicary in the world I live in online.
     
  10. Viking_UK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,245
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Scotland
    I've come across quite a few people on the Internet who have turned out to be fakes.

    Another option is that he may be a different person in real life, so while not being a fake, his Internet persona lets him say and do things he never could in real life because it's "safe". Certainly when I started out in chat rooms etc, my personality was nothing like it was in real life. I was much more outgoing and confident and could actually come out with witty retorts rather than having a response come to me four hours later. That filtered back into my personal life eventually, to the degree where I got the nerve to do porn and then set up my own business. Anyway, to summarise, he may be quite shy in real life and doesn't want to disappoint you.

    A third option is that he just wants an Internet friendship. It's simple, uncomplicated and satisfying. Why change it? Some people get on well on line but don't in real life. He could be afraid of that happening. I used to chat with a couple of people regularly on Gaydar and we got along well. We eventually met up for a drink and that actually was the end of our relationship. We just didn't get on in the real world and as a result, we stopped getting along on line.

    A fourth is that while he may not be a fake, he could have exaggerated some details and doesn't want to disappoint you.

    If you've been chatting happily for two years, why change things?
     
  11. Phil Ayesho

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    5,597
    Likes Received:
    886
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Diego
    I am not sure what folks mean by a "fake"...
    given the way of things in this society... the odds are that he is actually a married man who has homoerotic impulses, but would never in a million years want to sacrifice his "normal" life for a gay life.

    Online he may present himself as far handsomer, younger, more sexually experienced, more confident, than he actually is... not necessarily a fake... but his fantasy self... the person he is in his mind's eye when he fantasizes sexually.

    How many of us fantasize of ourselves as middle aged and overweight?

    Or, he may be living alone, because he simply is unappealing to the people he finds appealing... in which case meeting you would seem a threat to the relationship you now have.


    Either way... try and have some compassion for the fears and situations of others' lives.

    The thing about the internet is that, online, you are just the person you project internally... just your mind, your thoughts and feelings.... no chemistry, no Anatomy...no particular age...
    Just the disembodied mind of potential.

    Attraction becomes so much more narrowed and rare once you add in the way we look, smell, dress, walk, and eat... Where we live....


    MOST americans are not gonna win any beauty contests. Yet they, too, yearn.

    Probably far more intensely that those with the hot and youthful bods.
     
    #11 Phil Ayesho, Dec 11, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2008
Draft saved Draft deleted