What would your penis say?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Joseph, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. Joseph

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    There was once a movie about a guy who talked with his dick. Didn't watch it exactly, but nevermind that. I thought I'd make a funny thread like this.

    If your cock could have it's own will and talk with you...
    What would he/she/it say? (did I type she?)

    Well I'll start with a few things my would say...
    "<sigh> What the heck are you doing? You masturbate me all the time! I want a pussy dammit! Or an Ass... ANYTHIN! Come on, at least jerk off with a guy or something! You visit penis websites as if you had any real use of me! Come on! I want some real action!"

    So yeah, mine would complain he finds it boring....
    How about yours?
     
  2. 50%more

    50%more New Member

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    I think mine would say "I could have been a contender!", in a very deep voice of course.
     
  3. nakedwally

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    i think mine would say take your hands off me give me a break i am tired
     
  4. roosevelt

    roosevelt New Member

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    "What makes you think you're so special anyways? do you grow to more than twice your size for a fight? do you pool resources from everywhere else in the system? do you even know everything that I do?"

    My response:
    "Shut up, or you won't be getting anything for a while"
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Not today. I've got a headache.
     
  6. Mr. Snakey

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    My penis would be a stand up comic and tell dick jokes and make the headlines and perform to a standing room only crowd:wink: He would also stand up for the common man and makes sure nobody gets the shaft:smile:
     
  7. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    the pain behind your eyes
    Probably on dates, he'd say something like, "Aw, no, not again. You're stuffing a very form fitting rubber bag over me, and stickin' me in someplace very hot & sweaty & making me do pushups 'til I puke!"

    And for masturbation, he'd more than likely say, "Yeah, that's right; stroke me all you want. it's gonna be real hard getting my attention."
     
  8. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Do these balls make me look fat?
     
  9. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Kiss me, lick me, suck me ..and if you can fuck me :tongue:
     
  10. Lordpendragon

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    Finish with the tongue already you bastard.
     
  11. fortiesfun

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    Hi. Just thought I'd stick my head out and have a look around.
     
  12. Lordpendragon

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    Get the condom off, I'm drowning.
     
  13. Matthew

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    Please stop beating me, master!
     
  14. Lordpendragon

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    Why are your friends such cunts?
     
  15. chicagosam

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    What's a cunt more or less?

    I wish I wasn't hanging around so much.

    I need to be more of a stand-up guy.

    I need to get my head out of my ass.

    Rub me the wrong way and my head will explode.
     
  16. Love-it

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    :smile: In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out! In! Out!
     
  17. crescendo69

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    I told you to keep up the yoga!
     
  18. chicagosam

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    I'm tired of doing figure eights onstage.
     
  19. weecallum

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    i'm sorry to have to break this to you, but i've found somewhere better to be, so i guess it's all over between us.

    i'm going to go there now, and i expect to be busy for a few hours at least. please don't try to call me. you know it's better this way.
     
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