What's a BI guy to do?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by funguy44, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. funguy44

    funguy44 New Member

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    This may be lame BUT I am having trouble finding friends I can be completely honest with. Most of my friends do not know I am BI and based upon their various comments I want to keep it that way. Are there any places for a guy to go to meet other BI guys? In person or online I really don't care. Just need someone to talk to once in a while. DAMN I must be a looser!:confused:
     
  2. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    Your not a loser bro but it sounds like your "friends" aren't very good friends. Try a gay bar, Ive met alot very cool and nice men and women in gay bars, just be honest with yourself. Maybe tell your friends your bi, if they are true friends they always will be. Good Luck!
     
  3. Himura

    Himura Member

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    A lot of people who aren't bi (me included) think that if you're bi then why wouldn't you just act on your straight tendencies.... i don't know... just a question that roused me...


    But anywho... you're not a loser... and my comment above was in no way shape or form to bash you in any way or make you feel bad... just was a comment... might want to get an answer too... I don't know...

    But you're not a loser... and your friends are most likely misinformed.... if they really were their friends... they should learn to accept it... It takes time... sometimes... but hey... it's new and it may or may not come as a surprise...

    good luck :)
     
  4. TopDudeFtl

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    I have to give props to my friend Monster. :biggrin1: Very good words of advice.

    I too would start with your friends. If they are true friends, they will stick by you. Otherwise, your profile doesn't give us much to go on. Are you in small town America or a larger town? There are plenty of online resources for you to look into. Starting here was a good idea, as there are so many guys who are bi as well. (I am as well, just don't tell my boyfriend!) :wink:
     
  5. actioncfc

    actioncfc Active Member

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    I give props to Topdude for giving props to Monster! See that's how firends that care act. Drop your friends if they can not support you and respect you for who you are. Being yourself and being true to yourself is what matters.




     
  6. funguy44

    funguy44 New Member

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    Thanks for the advice! My fear is that they are not really true friends I guess. I live in a small town that is VERY conservative. Closest major city is about an hour away. Maybe I just don't need to tell them and keep it to myself. Really when I think about it, what good would it do anyway. I REALLY hate drama and I think this may just cause lots of it!
     
  7. russray77

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    I don't think its about "doing any good" or "causing drama" personally, its about having support, and a buddy there who has your back. There's nothing better than knowing that when the proverbial hits the fan, there's someone there to help fight your corner.
    I think that until you are honest with your friends (and ultimately yourself, with regard to your friends) about this, you won't be 100% satisfied.
    Like topfl and the others have said- if these guys are your friends- they will accept you for who YOU are, not what they'd like you to be.
    I wish you all the best- and hope that your friends see the real value of friendship.:biggrin1:
     
  8. Randyvoorburg

    Randyvoorburg Member

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    I know how you feel. I've been lucky lately though. I met 3 bi guys who organise orgies, enjoyed insane versa sex with them and talked about guy stuff afterwards. I won't be attending the other sex group I go to where I have to hide the fact that I'm bi with all the gay guys there. It's an immensely liberating experience to find people "in between" as more and more people come out of the closet and jump to one side. Being in the bi group confirmed my notion that bi's relate to each other in a different way gays do. Straight friends can't completely share your perspective and neither can gay friends, and this pushes bi's further into the closet. My only hope is that you find your group of like-minded guys to have fun with and establish friendships. Should you tell people you're bi? That's up to you. While people choose being in the closet as yet more grounds to judge you, you owe them nothing at the end of the day. What is a bi guy to do is such a good question to ask, the answers will come loooong after gays are completely accepted in society.
     
  9. Steve26

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    I agree that true friends will stick by you no matter what. But I'm torn on whether it really matters if your friends know you are bisexual. As you yourself said, there is much potential for drama, and there's no clear benefit to you in sharing the information.

    To take a bit of a contrarian view, I don't think friends need to know all the gory details of each other's sexual orientation and history. A lot of people err on the side of TMI. I've never felt that someone's sexual orientation matters all that much until and unless one is considering having sex with them.

    On the other hand: If you live in a conservative, rural area, your friends' homophobia or bi-phobia probably reflects a lack of familiarity and comfort with gays and bisexuals. If these sheltered people had any idea how many of their (closeted) friends and family were gay or bisexual, it might make a world of difference in their worldview.

    Reading between the lines here, I think the broader issue/concern is your lack of close friends or confidants, and your specific inability to articulate your bisexuality is just a symptom of this larger problem.

    I guess if the friends are not close to begin with, my inclination would be not to divulge personal information that might push them away. But if any of them are good friends, you could try opening up, in the hopes that you might be doing your part to spread tolerance in your town.

    Good luck!

    Steve
     
  10. lokican

    lokican Member

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    Ah your not a loser, and your not alone. I suspect this is a very common situation gay and bi's go through. I had trouble telling my lifelong friends I was bi because I was afraid of them treating me differently, but my they were all cool with it and had suspected for a long time anyways.

    Now most people know that I'm bi, it usually goes through the grape vine. I'm also glad my friends can tease me about it, because if they can tease me that means they are comfortable with it.

    As for finding other "bi" guys, see bisexual is such a vague term. It can mean many different things to different people. While other bisexuals may understand some of the complications and unique situations you find yourself in, it's not like you will share this special bound because your both bi. Human relations for the most part are the same, and most gay, straight relationships have the same ups and downs.
     
  11. SpeedoMike

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    is there a GLB center in that town an hours away? I found a mens support group which turned out to be very friendly and have several friendable guys.
     
  12. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    as monster said, you're not a loser, but finding true bi guys is almost like a needle in a haystack. you'll probably need to go the gay route to find someone to talk to that can understand that part of you. some gays are open minded about bi guys
    and some turn and walk the other way (as with heteros) just be prepared for that.
     
  13. funguy44

    funguy44 New Member

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    Thanks so much guys for all the input!!! I think russray77 really hit the nail on the head. I really do need/want someone that has my bad no matter what and I just don;t feel I have that. I am not a needy person, in fact I am usually the strong one that other come to. BUT sometimes even I need a shoulder to cry on. I know it will come some day but I just get so frustrated some times!

    Thanks again for you support it REALLY means a lot to me!

    Jon
     
  14. funguy44

    funguy44 New Member

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    OMG no! LOL. The old farts in this town ever ran a youth center out because they didn't want "those kids" in their neighborhood. Like I said I am an hour away from a bigger city and I may look the for a group or something.

    Thanks!
    Jon
     
  15. Mr Ed in Mass

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  16. russray77

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    Good luck Funguy, give the support/networking group a go- you may find some life long friends there fella.
    I wish you all the best, and if you need someone to talk to who is neutral to you personally, drop me a line.

    Russ
     
  17. fullpak

    fullpak Active Member

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    Funguy 44....know just what you are talking about....from central ny here...so understand the small town mind set...and yes...it's very difficult to find others that are bi... I agree with what russ said....and, hey, if you need someone to chat with....drop me private message.... you never know where that friend will come from....
     
  18. russray77

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    Nice one Fullpak
     
  19. dikkiedik

    dikkiedik Member

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    Funguy I know exactly what you mean. Although I live in another country with maybe a more open mind to sexuality I am in the same position. I don’t want to tell others that I’m bi after I have lived a straight life for many, many years. On the internet I have found several friends, but only one is so close to where I work and live that we share our thoughts and problems. We don’t have a sexual relationship. We are both married and have a social position in the community where we live. We have a daily contact by e-mail and if necessary we see each other in a bar or what ever. RandyVoorburg wrote about bi’s being between gay and straight men. I agree with him. It’s a difficult position and you are best understood by some one who is bi-sexual too. My friend and I share our ‘adventures’ and we support each other as much as possible.
    Funguy, don’t feel yourself a loser. There are many guys like you and me. I hope you will find some one close to you who you can trust and who will support you. ​
     
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