what's going on here??

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by eoghanlad, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. eoghanlad

    eoghanlad Active Member

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    Hey LPSG

    Been here a while but never had the balls to post/put up pics but am being driven crazy enough to do the former which will hopefully make me brave enough to do the latter!!
    First apologies for whinging about my personal life I'm just looking for advice so don't read any further if that bores you :)

    I met a guy about 4 years ago through my girlfriend. We hit it off from the beginning and were really good 'social friends' we would always team up when we were at the same parties and have a ball
    Over the last year or so we have become really close, even best friends
    We share the same interests, tastes, world views even general life outlook. We are so close all our other friends zone out when we talk to eachother because we finish eachothers sentences and nothing we say makes sense to them. Some of them have even said more than once that we would make a great couple if one of us was female!
    For most of the time I've known him he has been single apart from the occasional one night stand. I on the other hand was in a long term relationship with a girl he developed a crush on.
    During this time he kissed me 5 times at least two as a dare and 3 when we were alone and drunk. I never reciprocated as I'm pretty monogamous and also wasn't sure if I felt like it to be honest.
    He was always trying to get us to expose ourselves to eachother too trying to dare me into it sometimes in public sometimes in private.
    We shared a bed one night because of lack of space and he hugged me I had to prise him off me.
    We always play fight with eachother very physically
    If I'm on a couch he makes a point of sitting next to me and making body contact we also share blankets when we are on the couch but nothing ever happens under them.
    He has been going out with a girl for a while now and this kinda thing had slowed down alot until recently. I broke up with my girlfriend and now it has all started again in earnest
    He has even told me his girlfriend isn't stating forever and we are going to be seeing alot more of eachother after summer when he gets out of college
    Thing is I know I am bi. I have always been attracted to girls and guys just alot less guys than girls. I have only ever had one experience with a guy which I was forced into and very drunk doing which I really regret as I think it has tainted my view of the guy side of things.
    But I think I like this guy and would like to go further with him even if it was just experimenting and not a full blown relationship because I don't know if I could handle another one of those right now!
    How do I find out if he wants the same without ruining our friendship if he doesn't?
     
  2. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    sounds like he does
     
  3. Dr. Algonquin

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    Seems like he's interested too so I think the best bet would be to just see what happens. The next time he kisses you or makes a point of making body contact while you're sitting close do the same and see if he takes it to the next step. If not then all you've done is repeat what he already did so it's not like you'll have freaked him out or pushed anything on him. Basically just follow his lead, make it clear you're willing to go further if he is.
     
  4. D_EdgarAllenPooh

    D_EdgarAllenPooh New Member

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    next time he dares you to whip it out tell him it is realy small & he will have to get on his knees real close to you to get a look at it .... if he does... just whip it out & see what happens
     
  5. eoghanlad

    eoghanlad Active Member

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    He is making sure we are always in company these days we are never alone anymore like he is afraid of me... Or himself I don't know. All I'm sure of is the more I think about him the more I like him!!!
     
  6. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Just my take on it, but if you start "seeing" him as in intimately, then things could change drastically. I would suggest that you actually talk with him and express your feelings. I think most people would appreciate the truth more then complicated games. Hope things work out for you.
     
  7. eoghanlad

    eoghanlad Active Member

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    I know what you mean but there is two problems with the honesty approach - 1. I am completely risking everything ie our friendship and telling him I'm bi and I like him without knowing his reaction which could be that he'll never
    speak to me again (only two of my friends know I'm bi)
    2. If he is interested it might ruin the whole thing if I just come out and say it wouldn't it be more romantic/sexy/fun to do it some other way?
    I guess I'm just scared this is the first time I've had string feelings for a guy and I'm not really sure what to do at all - and he has a girlfriend whobis a really nice girl!!!
     
  8. OCMuscleJock

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    I'd say be less obvious but more receptive to his moves. Be a bud yet more affectionate...if he hugs you...hug back in the way you feel you want to hug him. If he sits close to you and is touchy...allow it..hell even touch back. Do the DVD couch approach. If you watch a movie...get comfy. Lay down...put your legs in his lap. Excuse yourself to the restroom...come back and this time lay your head on his legs instead and just start watching the movie. See how he reacts. *or if your head mysteriously rises higher.* hahaha If he puts his arms over you and across your chest..grab his hand and hold it. :) This should be enough to get him to make the next move if it's gonna happen. IF not...you got closer and more comfy with the situation and have set things up for the next time to be less awkward. :)

    *can you tell I've done this before... :) IT WORKS!!!
     
  9. MarkLondon

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    Why bother announcing sexuality labels? Just get it on.
     
  10. arthur

    arthur New Member

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    Listen to this advice, I second it!! Excellent coaching. OC is a pro, I can see!!
     
  11. OCMuscleJock

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    hahah :) thanks...

    I know how to get what I want ... one way or another.....hahahah
     
  12. dreamer20

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    you state " I seem to have mislaid my trousers" as you are completely nude. "See how he reacts... ":biggrin1:


    No. You are too timid and innocent for me to even think you would. :newangel:


    :lmao:
     
  13. Enid

    Gold Member

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    But...this guy has a girlfriend right? Speaking from experience, it doesn't feel good when someone (no matter the gender; in my case it was another woman) makes a move on your significant other (if the relationship is a monogamous one that is, and mine was). Even if he's stated he isn't going to stay with her forever, go ahead and wait til he is out of that relationship -- out of consideration for all involved. Just my two pennies.

    He does sound interested.
     
  14. JonnyEdin

    JonnyEdin New Member

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    Wow what a sweet story, it's nice when something organically happens like that, albeit a bit confusing too. Part of the problem is that you say you're really close to this guy but he doesn't know you're bi... Anyway prob best not to reveal that at the mo. I agree with hot OC guy above, and maybe try not to get too into thinking about your friend, just let it happen.
     
  15. eoghanlad

    eoghanlad Active Member

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    thanks all for ur input and I guess the theory of start playing up to his "come ons" to see what happens is the best one to do.
    I do agree with some of you too though that its all a bit cute, I dont think this is just an exploratory thing for me or just sex I think I like him!
    Thing is I was talking to a very close female friend of his last week while we were all out an while we were alone together she started talking about me and him wit no prompting and said that he loves me and never stops talking about me and every time my name is metioned he gets a big grin on his face and can never wait to see me! This girl doesnt know im bi tho and he would have definitely not said anything to her if he is - I think!
    Im so scared of doing something tho incase i mess our friendship up!!!
    Thing is why does he keep avoiding being alone with me lately?
     
  16. Beachboy19

    Beachboy19 New Member

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    Thats so cute! Dont waste your time and do something!
     
  17. D_Walt_Whipman

    D_Walt_Whipman New Member

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    Could it be your frustration/anticipation building that causes you to feel he is avoiding alone time with you? Or has anyone else noticed this too? Really curious though, as close as you two are, exactly why was he never taken into your confidence and told that you are bi? Seems like there maybe some valuable insight in this aspect for you... possibly relevant to your current situation/dilemma...
     
  18. Florida Boy

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    If she doesn't know that you are bisexual, then she is not a "very close female friend." He is probably avoiding being alone with you lately as he is wanting you to make the next move.
     
  19. craig_uk

    craig_uk Member

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    From what you have told us about him avoiding being alone with you it started very recently.

    Could it be something you said or did that has revealed your intentions and caused him to back off for fear of you doing something you both might regret. From what you have told us this seems unlikely.

    Another possible reason for not wanting to be alone is that he may be concerned about pushing you too far and ruining what you have already.

    Given your relationship I think it unlikely that he is going to avoid alone time with you for very long. Is he still as close to you in public as always?

    Good luck with this, be as honest with him as you can be and please let us know what happens as it progresses.
     
  20. horneyoldguy

    horneyoldguy New Member

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    Get together - put in some kind of porn DVD straight or gay - and let matters take its course.
     
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